A Very Present Help

By Shelley Warner

When Shelley Warner entered an ICU room, where her brother lay in a coma after a drowning accident, she wondered what to say to him. The only encouragement that came to mind was a verse: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Over a period of years, she had been writing stories about God's help-not just in times of trouble-but in good times too. This book contains stories of liberation from a works-oriented Christianity, stories of God's provision, stories of blessing, and stories of struggle. It is her deep hope that the insights shared in these narratives will illuminate the path for fellow travelers on their spiritual journeys.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9781643004600

Book preview

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A Very Present Help

Shelley Warner

ISBN 978-1-64300-459-4 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64300-460-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2018 Shelley Warner

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Preface

A friend of ours was going through an intensely tough time at work. I prayed my own kind of prayer, she told us. I simply yelled (silently): Help! Help!

I love that prayer. There are times when all we can do is call out to God, Help! God does indeed help:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear (Psalm 46:1–2, NRSV).

This is the verse that God gave to me to repeat to my brother as he lay in a coma after a drowning accident. It is a verse that reminds me that God is present in life’s trials, but more than that he is present with us in our joys. He is present with us in nature. He is present with us in our relationships—our family, our friends, our pets. He is present with us in ministry and in transitions.

This book is a collection of stories of God’s presence. It chronicles my journey of faith that brought me from a compulsive need to please to a growing sense of liberation. It speaks to the needs of parents who are experiencing pain. It talks about God’s presence in need, in sickness, in grief. It shares lessons learned from children and pets. It is my story.

Acknowledgments

First of all, I’d like to thank my son. He gives me permission to share difficult stories about him, with the request that I do not include his name. So his name is not included in this book. I’d like to thank him too for making me a mom.

I’d like to thank my daughter, Corina, for making me a mom too and for encouraging me many times. She and her husband Ethan have encouraged me in the writing of this book.

I’d like to thank Pastor Darrell Beddoe, who listened to me when I was confused about who God is in my life.

I’d like to thank my husband, Tom Warner, who helped me out of my religious oppression.

I’d like to thank Ernie Marshall, who counselled our son and who helped me as a hurting parent.

I’d like to thank my two grandchildren, Faith and Zach, for filling my life with grandparenting.

Chapter 1

Discovering Freedom

Photo of my grandson at Ann Morrison Park, Boise, Idaho

This chapter is dedicated to all wives of ministers and to all people suffering from religious compulsive behaviors.

Accepted in the Beloved

How can I spend time making zucchini relish when people are perishing without God? The sharp aroma of vinegar greeted my nostrils as I poured the syrupy green-and-red mixture into sterilized jars. I wiped some off the mason mouth and tasted it. Sweet and tangy, a nice mixture. A feeling of satisfaction permeated my heart; but anxiety and guilt hurt my brain.

It was 1976, and we’d been attending Whitney Baptist Church in Boise, Idaho. It was an oasis in a desert of ultraconservatism, a desert that we’d recently exited. Pastor Darrell Beddoe had befriended Tom, seeing in him a real potential for ministry, and now was recommending that the church appoint him to the position of assistant pastor. Joy shone all around us. Tom, now you can quit your job at that trailer factory and do what you’ve been longing to do, I told him. With a buoyant spirit, Tom stood before the congregation and accepted the position.

It wasn’t long though before self-condemnation wrapped its old tentacles around me. I’d grown up in churches that preached sin and self-examination, insecurity and self-effort. In an effort to feel more pleasing to God, I felt an on-going compulsion to spend most of my time in outreach and church activities. Guilt jabbed at me when I took time out for any of my own pursuits, like growing and harvesting a garden. It seemed that I had no personal freedom. I feared God’s displeasure and increased my religious activity, but the confusion and depression only increased.

One day, I stood in our bedroom looking out our window, watching the points of light from the stars that decorated the sky. I just can’t follow God anymore, I told Tom. He’s a hard taskmaster.

Tom put his arms around me and said, It’s the God you’ve learned about that you can’t follow. But the real God is different.

The next time Tom shopped for books at thrift stores (one of his favorite pastimes), he came home with two books for me: Free For The Taking by Joseph R. Cooke; and Freedom From Guilt by Bruce Narramore. As I read these books, a realization of God’s liberating love broke into my consciousness. I am not required to anxiously strive to please him. He accepts me in Christ.

Scripture assures me that there is:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1, NASB)

We are accepted in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1:6, NKJV)

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons (and daughters) by which we cry out, Abba! Father! (Romans 8:15, NASB)

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1, NKJV)

If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. (John 8:36, NASB)

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. (Psalm 103:13, NASB)

These verses began a healing process in my life that helped me learn to trust God’s character. I was able to enjoy my role as a pastor’s wife. I was able to be myself.

Continuing in Grace

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

—Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Change is hard. I stood outside our cottage that we rented from an elderly couple, painting the arched-picket gate to our backyard and thought about our future. Tom and I would soon leave our first ministry in Boise, Idaho, and move to Portland, Oregon, where he would attend Multnomah School of the Bible. Would I be okay in a new and different role? Would I slip back into my former compulsions to win God’s approval? It hadn’t been long since I’d begun to learn about God’s grace, and my liberation was still fragile.

The time came in the autumn of 1978, when we said goodbye to Boise and to Tom’s family and our church family and headed for the Pacific Northwest where my family lived. We arrived a day later in Battle Ground, Washington, where my parents lived in a sprawling home set amidst douglas firs, a big red barn, and a fruit orchard that grew under the care of my father. One afternoon, I floated in my parents’ pool and watched my father planting apple trees. He finished his planting project and offered to take the family out to dinner. I reflected on the changes I was seeing in him. During our other visits, we had rarely seen him; he worked often into the evenings helping clients find the homes of their dreams and just didn’t have time.

At dinner, he teasingly offered me a taste of his liver and onions. No thanks, I smiled. I didn’t desire an explosion of gritty texture in my mouth. It was nice to spend time together with my