Redemption

By Greg Deuschle

What a fascinating look at the life of one of the most popular male adult film stars in history. Truly a tale of heartbreak, stardom, perseverance, and faith. An example of courage, love, and the power of prayer and redemption!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 22, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885058766

Book preview

Contents

Foreword

Greetings

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Boot Camp

Russia, Russia, Russia

The City of Brotherly Love

The Maker

City of Angels

Rat Race

My First Day

The Reckoning

A Badge, a Gun, and a Heart

The Prodigal Son

Foreword

In 2016, I attended a conference that was designed to examine the impact of pornography on the culture and specifically people who were developing patterns of what was being called ‘pornography addiction’. It was at this conference that I, as an invited speaker, gave a short talk about the brain science of pornography addiction. Many in attendance would be religious individuals—pastors, lay counselors and mental health clinicians. There would be well-meaning people from the community who would gather there to try and find a way to combat what they saw as the insidious influence of pornography, on the culture, their congregations, and the people that they knew and loved.

In my research as a neuroscientist I had been trying to frame a way of talking about pornography that would be informed by brain science. The advent of at-home broadband internet access had proven to have had the unanticipated consequence of providing a gateway to millions of adults (and adolescents going through puberty) to internet pornography. This resulted in an increase in problematic pornography consumption in some, and gave rise to a generation of young people navigating the sexual waters of puberty and early adulthood by using streaming pornography as sexual educations and/or a masturbatory aid. I had written on the topic and had attempted a first pass at framing this from the perspective of a neuroscientist. I began encountering pastors, counselors, medical doctors, and clinical psychologists who were eager to understand what might be going on in the brains of those with compulsive pornography problems. They were hoping for a brain hack, or some sort of therapeutic ‘silver bullet’ that could rapidly correct the distress that their clients were struggling with and set them on a path to recovery.

In the build-up to this presentation, I had been striving to move away from exclusively considering what the brain science might be saying about pornography consumers, and examining what it might say about those involved in its production. There were a few research articles that looked at adult entertainment performers, but significantly amount more about those engaged in prostitution. And even in this literature there was no real interest in the neurological dimensions of it. Most of this research was on psychological impact alone, or was sociological in nature. I had developed a psychological survey from this literature to be given to women in the pornography industry, but had no luck in finding funding to execute it. It seemed to be a dead end and while pornography had been increasingly more culturally acceptable, its decline in stigma had not opened up doors for those interested in researching those involved in its production. The continued focus on consumers of pornography and in what sort of psychopathological/mental health dimensions took up all of the oxygen in the room. There was no appetite in the scholarly community to hear from those inside the business.

During my presentation I presented my neurological framework and problematic pornography consumption; it was received positively. When I shifted to encourage research on the impact pornography might have on those involved in its production something unusual happened. When I shared the difficulties I was facing in studying women in the industry, there were sympathetic expressions, nodding heads, and a sense that this was a good idea and the right thing for us to do. There were women whose lives were being chewed up by this industry and we were honor bound to care for them. I followed this up with a call to think about the men involved in the industry, the expressions changed from sympathetic to bemused. I sensed that many of them thought that a man involved in sex work wasn’t really a concern. The idea that it could be harmful to a man was foreign to them. It seemed that not one of them had even considered the idea that being a pornography performer might have a negative impact on a man. As I wrapped up my short presentation, there was an odd sense that I had somehow crossed into a negative space that no one else thought was important and I felt an unusual sense of defeat.

I did not know that there was someone in that audience who took notice of what I had said.

Later that afternoon, I was wandering the exhibits and looking at the different types of resources being made available. Pornography addiction recovery programs, Sexaholics Anonymous groups, and educational resources designed for companies to deal with sexual harassment and assault that was connected to pornography. The vast majority were related to care for those who were consumers of pornography, or organizations that were designed to care for women who were attempting to leave the sex industry. As an academic wandering the exhibit hall, I felt strangely detached from everything. I had intermittent encounters with individuals who politely thanked me for my talk, but they had been hoping for that brain hack or silver bullet. And then there were others who seemed more interested in chastising me for and academic naivete—what one called a ‘Pollyanna’ approach to the issue. Just as I had given up hope and began looking for an early flight home I was approached by two men. One of the men identified himself as a clergy member and wanted to introduce me to his friend.

It was at this time that I began a relationship that would become one of the most peculiar friendships that I have had in my life.

The pastor’s friend, was a man named Greg Deuschle. Greg identified himself as someone who previously worked in the adult film industry. He thanked me for what I said and we agreed to move to the bar and grill located in the hotel where the conference was being held. We set up at a small table just outside the restaurant in one of those gated seating areas designed for overflow. As we began chatting with one another—him asking questions about what was going on in his brain, and me asking for context about his life and the decisions he had made—we were blissfully unaware of how exposed we were to the conference attendees. The pornography brain professor and the porn star happily chatting and carrying on while the conference attendees gawked at the sight. We conversed for nearly two hours about brains, attachment theory, vulnerability factors, and sensory processing of sexualized stimuli. We also talked about some of the stories that you will read in this book. In the years since we have continued this conversation. We have shared stories about our families, our faith, our friends, sports memories of our childhood in Illinois, and how the culture has changed over the last few decades. In short, Greg and I now dear friends.

When Greg shared his desire to tell his story I invited him to Wheaton College where I teach. We arranged for him to speak at an evening session for students. In one of the student areas (and in conjunction with our Student Development office) one of the world’s most famous male porn stars visited to have a conversation about human sexuality and the pornography industry. It was genuinely a remarkable experience. Greg’s story had a significant impact on both the female and the male students who attended. It humanized the impact that pornography had on him, and it also shared a beautiful story of God’s transforming and healing power. Looking back, it was one of the most profound, sacred moments of my professional career. I am thankful that my employer provided me the space for this kind of a conversation to occur.

Afterwards Greg began to talk more about writing up his story. I offered to review chapters, shared my experiences of being a book author, and I helped him find his voice as a writer. We talked about context, the dangers of some of the details of his experiences and how they could be misunderstood, and how readers might not be willing to listen to him. In 2020, the COVID pandemic forced our conversations to FaceTime, and this briefly interrupted some of his writing progress. I can remember one conversation about a chapter that he had been reticent to write, and my challenge to him to write what he was being compelled to. So when he recently shared with me that he had found a publisher I was delighted for him. When he asked me to write this forward, I accepted without hesitation.

Before you dive into the details of Greg’s story, I must let you know that it has many elements that may feel familiar. Elements that are developmental, familial, emotional, financial, and spiritual. There will be other elements that will seem outlandish, impossible, or incredible. In a moving chapter he unpacks the situation leading up to the decision to go to his first shoot. In later chapters, he painfully recounts poor decisions he made and the consequences that followed. He has done many things that will shock and offend, or will seem outright scandalous. It is only because he and I have taken the time to get to know each other these past few years that my instinct to reflexively judge or withdraw have been replaced by compassion and understanding. I will not