The Little Engine That Did It

By Dr. Richard John Tscherne

This book is about a journey. Every one of us is on a journey that leads us into a labyrinth. The roads we travel on are not always straight; they have curves, bumps, and cracks, and travel is not easy. Even so, we continue on that road, trusting that it will lead us to someplace that answers the questions we hold. Once we get there, we understand why the path was not straight. The detours that we took were our greatest learning lessons.
My journey is one of self-love. Once I started to appreciate who I was, my life began to change. I stopped pushing against my brick wall, which was, in my case, being born with cerebral palsy and fighting it for as long as I can remember. Accepting that I have cerebral palsy has enabled my life to evolve; I became humble and empowered and began to understand love.
What is your journey? Has it been a straight road or a meandering one? Reflect on that for a moment. See your truth as you read through the pages of this book, and find your aha moment to lead you to your own empowerment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Oct 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781452584058

Dr. Richard John Tscherne

Dr Richard John Tscherne, also known as, Dr Spokes at the Shriners Hospital, where he finds so much joy bringing smiles to children with disabilities

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 Dr. Richard John Tscherne.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8404-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8406-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8405-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013918189

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/25/2013

Table of Contents

Foreward

Acknowledgements

Introduction

I Just Couldn’t Wait…

Where Am I Now? Is This The Place?

Transitions

Look Mom, No Hands!

The First And Last Dance

Learning To Fly

Leaving My Cocoon

My Brain Is Just A Little Slanted

My Home Away From Home And Other Adventures

Becoming A Master?

Working For A State Of Confusion

Gonna Be A Phed

Women Are Good Teachers And Other Lessons Learned

Miss Tina

Will I Ever Get Off Of This Treadmill?

Woo-Hoo, I Think?

A Feeling Of Emptiness, Not A Magic Bullet

Is The Circle Complete And New Destinations To Explore?

Paint Drying On The Walls

About The Author

For my parents, Herta and Rudy, who did everything and

beyond for me to achieve what I desired in my life, words cannot express the love I have for them.

Also to Cathy, Steve, Steven, and Daniel.

The breath of God is within me. No ordinary breath. When I breathe out, I breathe life, joy, love, healing, inspiration, motivation. I’m extraordinary. Take a deep breath and take it in for yourself! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

-Unknown

FOREWARD

I HAVE NOT MET RICHARD TSCHERNE in person, but, I have spent hours editing his book over the last year and feel that I have seen his life through his words, felt his heartache with a gut wrenching feeling, and most importantly, have had the privilege of being part of his courageous act of laying open the pages of his life story for us. Why did he pick me to write his foreward? There are so many that have touched his life in profound ways. When I asked Richard that question over a Skype video call on a sunny May afternoon from my office in Portland, Oregon; he choked back his tears and said that my last email to him had a sentence that summed up everything he wanted a reader to understand from this story. These were my words to him:

We, as people, are all lonely, Richard, searching and hoping for that elusive feeling of validation and understanding. Your book is about the human condition, and I have been blessed to be a part of your story. Go get em’ Richard and I will, with many others, be your cheerleader.

I am a medical writer, focusing mostly on writing about the pathology of cancer; I live on the west coast, Richard on the east; but through serendipity, our paths intersected. A fellow medical writer, Alex Howson, contacted me last year and asked if I had time to edit a book. All I knew when I agreed to talk with Richard on a conference call was that he had written a book and he had cerebral palsy. To prepare myself, I decided to read a number of peer-reviewed medical articles on cerebral palsy before our scheduled talk thinking that the book was about the medical condition through the eyes of a patient. When I got on the phone with Richard, I realized this was a narrative of a different kind, through the eyes of a man who has lived with the challenges of cerebral palsy and all that comes with such a diagnosis. This is a story of a man standing in the middle of the freeway of life, infectiously smiling from ear to ear, always believing in the goodness of people, and all he wants is for people to slow down and get back in touch with our own humanity. His medical condition has definitely put speed bumps for him on this life path, but he now views it almost as a gift; for he is extraordinary. That first conference call left me with an uncanny and intangible feeling that this stranger that I was talking to was somehow familiar. He then sent me his book and much to my dismay, I very quickly realized that the book had been transcribed from tapes and digital recordings, which resulted in large sections that were unformatted, sometimes jumbled and at times, completely incomprehensible. As I began, the daunting and tedious task of editing became overshadowed by the sheer honest rawness of Richard’s story. It didn’t take me long at all, to realize that there was something very special about Richard. The email interchanges were getting a bit overwhelming for Richard, so he suggested, we use Skype, as he could just tell me what he wanted to say instead of trying to type it. From the moment I saw Richard on Skype, his sparkling eyes and genuine smile were contagious.

Richard’s book is a story about survival; it’s an actual ‘reality-TV’ look into the life of someone struggling with a disability. For those with disabilities, and for their families and caregivers, it is a must read. Everyday struggles on both emotional and physical levels; the need for validation, the need for love, the need for understanding, the need for independence, the frustrations with a non-cooperating body, the anger at having the disability are all part of what has made Richard who he is today. His perseverance and tenacity towards achieving his PhD is a testament to the old saying, where there is a will, there is a way. Richard insisted that this story be written in a conversational tone, where you feel that you are sitting down with him having a conversation about his life. As his editor and friend, I have come to admire his positive attitude and his ability to smile and be empathetic even when he is in physical pain. I am so excited about this book, another long and difficult project requiring for him to find inner strength he didn’t think he even had. Like a Mama Bird, I am eager to watch him jump off his nest and fly; or in his words, be the little engine that could.

Anita Misra-Press

June 13, 2013

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

W ELL IT TOOK A CITY to help me achieve the goals that I needed to in my life. Gratitude goes to the following:

my co-writer, Kerri Burglund, who assisted me in getting rid of all the unnecessary material and making my manuscript flow; my editor, Dr. Anita Misra Press, for giving my words life and passion even though, at times, she would get frustrated but her belief in me kept her going; my publisher, Virginia Morrel, at Balboa Press for always encouraging me to carry on with this endeavor when I was frustrated and did not want to continue.

Then there is my medical team responsible for my ability to function as well as I do, and they include: Dr. Wesley Carrion M.D., Dr. Lisa Dailey M.D., Dr. James Liguori M.D., Dr. John Yuan M.D., and the staff at St. Francis Hospital; Dr. Peter Kechejian M.D. and his staff at North Shore Pain Management Associates; Dr. Lawrence Katz M.D., Dr. Lakisha George, M.D., and the staff at Livingston Foot Care.

I would also like to give special mention to Dr. Tina Thomas without whom I would not be a licensed clinical psychologist. Also, I would like to thank assemblyman, Joseph S Saladino for his assistance in obtaining my license. Gratitude also goes to: my Masonic brothers from Trinity #12 without whom I would not have had a fuller life; my Shriner Noble brothers from Kismet Shrine who have enhanced my life and given me more laughter and merriment as a clown: Joseph and Cedith Savaglio, Russell and Hana Magidson, Greg and Tracy Feldman, Michael Iannone, Sanford Gottesman, Christopher Fightmaster, Alphonse (Butch) Graziose, Leo Johnson, Michael and Judy Smith, Charles and Elaine Schueler, Robert DiCarlo, Franklin Donato, Brian Casasola, Dieter and Ursula Borbeck, Richard Craig, Larry Ditmar, George Heyen and his lady Nancy Joseph Ippolito, John and Grace Kelly, Kenneth Klein, Michael and Joyce Marmo, Theodore and Marge Morgo, Francisco Nunez-Fondeur (Cisco), Omar Roman, Raj and Selena Panday, George and Lorraine Wacob, Louis and Virgina Barazotti, Alan Baer, Richie Sheriff, and Charles and Rose De Paula; special mention to John Tyson Sr., Ron Trinkle for supplying me the best cigars from The Olde Colonial Havana Cigar Company, Christopher and Luann Dunne, Robert and Kathy Stein, David and Isabelle Gardner, Jeffrey and Susan Arist, Oscar and Bea Garcia, Paul and Cathy Withjack, Michael and Steve Marchese and their families, Bill and Karen Downing, Steven Schwartz, Edward Forman, Naomi Bailin Ph.D, Carol Stabile, Judy Bilski, Denise Syl La Pierre, Frank Shorn, and my brothers at Uhland Lodge 735 and their families. A special mention also to Jaimie Adams, my personal trainer.

Much gratitude also to my grandparents from both sides; my other relatives who have always been with me throughout my life as well and added to the richness in my life and include Jack and Pepi Crocker, Monica and Walter Gerepka, Tom and Lisa Gephardt, Tom and Emily Whelan, Bern and Nancy Primosh, and Inge and John Jellen; my friends who are the leaves on the tree my life: Jake and Marianne Saladino, Kurt and Lisa Meisner and their families. My Burning Man family who include Tanya Colee, Don Wood, Michael Hopman, Habibi Neil, Lisa Ann Capara, Tim Rice, and Kathy.

I would like to thank my doctoral committee who was responsible for assisting me in earning my doctorate in psychology: Dr. Joan Ormont, Dr. Linda Hopkins, Dr. Gilbert Seifer, Dr. Helen Hoffman, Dr. Bruce McMahan, Dr. Ned Farley, Dr. Dean McKay, and Dr. Fontaine Maury Balfour. A special thank you to Dr. Stephen Block who was my mentor at first, and then my therapist for 17 years. He was the first to initiate my journey of self-discovery. Jeffrey Frankel, who was my college counselor and the first adult with a disability who taught me that despite the limitations of your disability, you could be a fully functioning individual.

And, finally my sister from another mother, Jennine Theodores Incremona, her husband Bruce, and their three sons Eric, Brandon and Christopher who made me part of their family.

There are so many other people that I can acknowledge, however, the list would continue for pages. I am grateful to all those that have touched my life and for all you have done for me.

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My parents wedding; Sep 30, 1961

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May 1962; premature nursery; Brooklyn Jewish Hospital

INTRODUCTION

A S I SIT IN FRONT of my computer, I feel like the character Chevy Chase plays in the movie Funny Farm—he plays a sportswriter who moves out to the country to write his masterpiece and spends all his days looking at his typewriter waiting for words that never seem to be forthcoming. The more I talk about my life experiences, the more people tell me to write my story. So, here it goes.

I wish I could close my eyes, click my heels, and start saying there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. Hold on, let me try (closing my eyes). Nope, still here! Alas, I wish I could escape from this life journey, get off the swirling merry-go-round and stop spinning. The spinning, caused by my incessant thinking has made me afraid to even commit to this project because I am so self-critical. This, too, is one of the major sticking points in this journey of my life. I am very talkative and I have so many thoughts that I would like to share. But, sitting down to write them down is a challenge. I’m no Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra. I don’t know if what I say or speak about in this work will be good enough and interesting enough for people to want to read and be inspired by. But perhaps that is my biggest mistake, because here I go again comparing myself to others, and evaluating myself even before giving myself the opportunity to succeed. Can I write a memoir about my experiences that could be motivational, help with understanding the human condition, and benefit others with disabilities? I remember how much I have accomplished in my life already: all of the degrees, papers, studying. I did that for a reason. I am on a life path to find my purpose. I am reminded of the day I went with my friend, Jennine, to the Javits Center to attend a seminar by Caroline Myss who was lecturing and promoting her new book, Entering the Castle. During the question-and-answer period, Jennine prodded me to ask Caroline a question. I said to Caroline I am a man of letters and explained the difficulties I have had conveying my messages verbally due to my physical appearance. I described how despite my knowledge and life lessons, people appear hesitant to interact with me. They seem to wonder, What is wrong with him? Having a disability felt like my spiritual lesson and it has always caused me to go inside of myself. When I am out in public, people stare at me and it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Caroline stopped me and said, Richard, you should write about this, you need to write a book about your life. It would help you get in touch with your anger and will assist both people with disabilities and people without disabilities in understanding one another. You must tell your story.

After the seminar, dozens of people approached me and said they look forward to reading my book. However, there was one person in particular who stood out. He was a tall man about 6 feet, and he looked at me intently and said, "I have a young son with cerebral palsy and you, sir,