I Am Redeemed: Christ in Me: Finding Victory Over Sexual Addiction

By Eric Saterdalen

This is an incredible true story of a man who overcame sexual addiction, turned his marriage around, and has since gone on to help many others create similar victories in their own lives. After his arrest in 2017, Eric Saterdalen was faced with the devastating truth of his sexual addiction. This event launched him on a journey of recovery that would bring him closer to God and his faith. He now shares his story with the world in hopes that others won't have to go through the extremes that he did before getting help. Eric presents his story as a testament to faith-based recovery and provides readers with actionable steps and resources to support their own journey of redemption. This book is meant to inspire people-to show them that they can do it, too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098026158

Book preview

1

I Can’t Deny My Story Any Longer

Do I Really Want to Get Better?

Friday, May 12, was a normal day. I had just ended a four-night stay in New Jersey, working for a company in the medical industry. As a consultant, I traveled all the time to install a medical software program at different hospitals and clinics around the country. I’d fly out on Sunday and fly back on Thursday, and I did that for thirteen years. Working on the road was stressful but undeniably lucrative. The first days back home were always nice. It felt good to be back with my family.

That particular Friday morning in 2017, I woke up feeling a little bit jet lagged. My wife, Kris, was already at work. Our kids were grown and out of the house, but we enjoyed the frequent company of our grandson. It was our pleasure to be able to have him come to our home after school while his mother—our daughter, Katrina—finished her work shift. Kris especially enjoyed this time. My wife was a fantastic grandma, always helping when she could, sharing meals, reading books, and snuggling up while watching a movie. I loved these things about her.

That evening, we were planning to have our grandson with us and enjoy dinner as a family. We had plenty of money in the bank. Even though my schedule was taxing, physically, I felt pretty good. Considering I was nearing sixty, I was holding up pretty well. Life was good. After lunch, I had just sat down at my computer to do some work when I heard a knock at the front door. As I approached the front door, my thoughts were blank—I had no idea who could be on the other side. I had no physical, intellectual, or emotional preparation for who was to greet me and the devastating events that would follow. I looked through the peephole and saw a single police officer in uniform standing there. The police had never come to my home before. A few possibilities flashed across my mind. Maybe there was a theft in the neighborhood? Was somebody injured? Did somebody I know die? I tried to stay calm as my hand gripped and turned the doorknob to open the door.

Are you Eric Saterdalen? the officer asked.

Yes, I am, was my reply.

Three simple words, that’s all it took to confirm my identity and seal my fate. Though I had only seen one officer initially, several officers now appeared, pushing their way past me and invading my home. I stood there numb with shock. I can’t remember what I was thinking at the time because it didn’t seem real. For the next thirty minutes, I was kept outside while police officers confiscated my laptops, cell phones, and miscellaneous USB drives. What was all this about? I wondered. As I watched the scene unfold, I suddenly realized that this was, in fact, about me. Fortunately, I had the clarity of mind to call Kris and let her know she needed to get home. Someone needed to be there when my grandson got home after school. Then, they arrested me.

My ride to the jail was the scariest ride I’d ever taken. Once in the police car, I felt paralyzed by fear, yet some part of me couldn’t accept what was happening. It must be a mistake, I thought. At the jail, they booked me, finger printed me, stripped me, and placed me in a cell—it was degrading, demeaning, and humiliating. I was so numb. I was in total denial. I kept thinking, This isn’t happening to me. It’s happening to someone else. It wasn’t until I was lying in the top bunk in my cell that it finally hit home. There were two of us in the room. The luxury of privacy as I had known, it was gone. The lights were kept on 24/7 for security, so in an effort to sleep, I pulled my T-shirt up over my eyes. Lying there, I told myself, You’re an idiot. This is really happening to you. I broke down and started praying. I had forgotten about God, but there he was, with me. I asked for forgiveness. I realized that my life had to change; there wasn’t going to be any more just getting by.

A story from the Bible came to mind. A man came to Jesus for healing. After thirty-eight years, his problems had become a way of life. No one had ever helped him. He had no hope of ever being healed. His situation looked hopeless. One who was there had been in this condition for a long time, He [Christ] asked him, ‘Do you want to get well’ (John 5:5)? Do I want to get well? I knew it was possible. Having been raised in a home with religious instruction, I heard about and read many accounts of persons with both physically and spiritually detrimental conditions. I knew that God could minister to and even bring healing to any situation. No matter how trapped we feel, God can minster to our deepest needs. The message was clear—I couldn’t let a hardship allow me to lose hope. God may have some special work for me to do despite my condition or even because of it. God had a plan for me, and He wasn’t done with me yet.

Yes, I really wanted to get better.

The next day, in the jail commons, I kept my head down. I didn’t say anything to anyone. I wasn’t prepared for any of this. The guards, who were just doing their jobs, acted like I was a nobody. There was very little direct eye contact which made me feel less than human. It was really shocking. I had seen things like this on TV, but I’d never even known anyone who had been to jail. As these never-before-felt emotions swept over me, I began to realize what a sheltered life I had lived. The first contact I had from the outside world was my attorney. Kris, my wife, had found a law firm, and they agreed to take my case. They called me and said my wife was working to get me out of jail. They told me I had a hearing coming up on Monday afternoon. I had been incarcerated on Friday, it was now Saturday.

I was at the mercy of outside forces. All these emotions came at once, and my mind was filled with questions: Am I still going to be married after this? What are my kids going to think? Who am I? Where can I go from here? The hearing was a disaster. My lawyer had other responsibilities, so his second was there, and it didn’t go well. She didn’t do a good job pleading my case, and instead of getting what we wanted—bail set at ten thousand dollars—it was set at one hundred thousand dollars. The court thought I was a flight risk. If it hadn’t been for my family stepping in to support me, I would have been out of luck. (Kris admitted later she considered just letting me sit in jail. She’s a tremendously courageous woman, though, and she posted bail.) Jail was no place for healing, and luckily, I was released Monday afternoon from jail.

Who Am I?

As soon as I got out, we found a better lawyer to take my case. We strongly felt this new lawyer was the one God had intended for us from the start. His name was Jim, and he was, by far and away, the man we needed for the job. He was