The Heartache And The Healing

By Jen Miller

The Heartache and the Healing is a story of how God led me through the "valley of the shadow of death." You will read about how He spoke to me through brokenness, healing, redemption, and freedom in the midst of my husband's extramarital affair. You will walk through the darkest moments of my life, see the trauma that occurred to our entire family, hear the forgiveness, and climb to the glorious mountaintop God carried us to. You'll see how prayer and faith can change not only you, but your spouse; how to let go and let God take control; how to submit to Christ; how to set healthy boundaries and not walls that can't be torn down. This book details how to recognize the problems in your life when it seems like the obvious problem is just the other person. You'll learn how to be your spouse's cheerleader. In addition to giving practical Biblical advice for the betrayed spouse, you'll find helpful tips for the betrayer, extended family, friends, counselors, and even your children. It displays the influence one can have from recognizing the power of Christ within oneself. Christ instilled in me that spirit of power, love and a sound mind! Trust me, if He can do it in this stubborn, little woman, He can do it in anybody. I pray this book will build your faith so you will see that miracles still happen!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 11, 2017
• ISBN: 9781635759938

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The Heartache

And The Healing

Jen Miller

ISBN 978-1-63575-992-1 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63575-993-8 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Jen Miller

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

This is my story of how my Abba Daddy brought my husband and me through the valley to rock bottom and then enabled us to tread on the heights.

For privacy’s sake, I have changed names in this book so as not to offend or hurt anyone.

First of all, I am first and foremost the grateful daughter of my Abba Father, then the earthly daughter of my wonderful Christian parents and proud wife of my hubby, the delighted mom of our son and daughter, a sister, aunt, Physician Assistant, and so much more. I grew up in rural Pennsylvania, and then went to Grace College in Winona Lake, IN, where I received my Bachelor of Science in Biology (premed). It wasn’t until nine years later that I returned to academia to obtain my Masters in Medical Science as a Physician Assistant while our children were only two and four years old.

I wrote this story initially as a personal journal to experience catharsis of my emotional pain of 2011, but then the Holy Spirit led me to help others. I pray this book will allow many people to see how God really can move mountains in their life if they just believe! May my story be used for His glory!

Foreword

I thought I would never get to the point in my life where I could bring myself to write about the year 2011. The Heartache and the Healing just seems appropriate since it is broad enough to encompass the affair, my struggles to overcome the trauma, the healing, and Praise God, the victories.

Before I delve in, I need to draw a picture of how I used to be. Excuse my foul language, but the old me was a bitch around our house to Mark (name changed for privacy), my husband. In 2011, I wouldn’t have called myself that. Other people outside the home did not see this side of me, though. To the outside world, we were the perfect American family with a nice house, two beautiful children and successful careers, went to church, and had a wonderful family. My drive home from work every weekday was spent planning my next day and what time I needed to get up to get a workout in before leaving the house by 6:30

am

. I didn’t even think of how I would spend the next few hours at home with my husband and two beautiful kids. I used to come in the door with all my work gear in tow most days. I usually didn’t step foot in the house until I also collected the mail. I plopped everything down on the desk as soon as I entered and immediately went into my rampage of twenty questions. Unfortunately, Mark was used to this behavior for years, so he felt like he was walking on eggshells. I would ask, Did the kids eat yet? or Did they do their homework, practice their music, or get baths? Or Did you pay that bill that was on the desk? I need to borrow your vehicle next Tuesday, because I scheduled mine for an oil change that day. I said all these things before ever looking him in the eyes and asking, Hey, babe, how was your day? I missed you.

Talking to friends and sharing my story little by little has really helped build my confidence. The healing process is not completed by one defining moment. I needed to see continued acts by Mark to prove he was committed and faithful to our marriage. That being said, the last time I’m aware of that he had contact with the other woman was in September 2011. In June 2012, we were transferred to Cornelius, NC, because Mark was promoted as a career counselor in the Army. The move proved to be a vital healing component. Not only did we need geographical distance from his girlfriend, we needed a fresh, new start. It was scary to move away from everyone who helped us through the process of healing, but if you want to walk on water, you’ve got to get out of the boat. I didn’t quite feel comfortable, but I trusted God for guidance. My biggest fear was finding supportive friend(s) to help me if I still needed someone to confide in. God blessed me tremendously! It took time and patience, but within sixteen months, I was surrounded by mentors and lots of friends. Despite my insecurities, God is now bringing women into my life for me to mentor who are struggling with similar marital issues! He answered my prayers. I had a burning desire after our ordeal to use our story to help even just one woman. Lord, I thank you for giving me an abundance of ways to use my story. I’m humming Third Day’s song, You are so good to me as I write. God is showing me it doesn’t matter if women are older than me; I can still be an encouragement to them and give Godly wisdom. First Timothy 4:12 says, Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in your speech, conduct, love, faithfulness, and purity.

Satan’s Initial Assault

(January–February 2011)

I can picture it clearly. I was still in scrubs, with curly hat hair smashed from a long day in the OR. On Monday, January 10, 2011, at 9:00

pm

, my entire world came to an abrupt and shocking halt. As we were putting our two young kids to bed, my husband Mark, whom I had been married to for fifteen and a half years said, I need to talk to you. After the lights went out in the kids’ rooms, we went two flights down to our basement family room, sat down on our cozy, cuddling couch, and he halfheartedly took both my hands, and said, No matter what, I just want you to know I’ll always take care of you and the kids. Keep in mind: I thought everything was perfectly fine in our marriage. My thoughts immediately began to race, my forehead cringed, and my eyes rose up. Something immediately changed in his affect. I looked at him and asked, Are you telling me you’re having an affair? He didn’t have to answer because the look in his eyes confirmed a positive response. I collapsed from the couch onto the Berber carpet as the floodgates of emotion swung wide open. Screams from the pit of my heart echoed throughout the house as I lay in the fetal position on our basement floor. Our children, Chris and Brittany, then eleven and eight respectively, were supposed to be going to sleep, so I hoped my cries did not hinder that. I hit the floor with my fist crying out, Why? What am I going to do? This can’t be happening to me! After about five minutes or more of my emotional outburst, I crawled back onto the couch, touched Mark, and by the grace of God, uttered, Mark, I still believe in what we said on our wedding day, ‘What God has brought together, man cannot separate.’ We will get through this. We’ll get help, counseling, whatever it takes. I still love you.

All I can say as I reflect on this horrific moment is that I know the Holy Spirit had to have come upon me right then and there in order to say those words. That was truly an act no human being could perform without the Holy Spirit.

Being raised in the Christian faith, I always claimed I would not tolerate infidelity in my marriage and Mark knew that. I understand that many of you may put this book down and think I’m crazy right now, but please read on. I am undoubtedly God’s living proof He can and will perform miracles in our lives when we just surrender all to Him! If He can change me, He can change anyone!

Mark did not respond to my comments that evening regarding getting help. He remained stoic. My graceful reply was not what he expected or wanted. He thought I would say, You son of a b——, get out of this house and out of my life now! I went up to our room and tried to sleep with no luck. I assumed he just slept in the basement. On Tuesday the next morning I woke up with a horrible feeling of anxiety, depression, fear, and worry. I had to get Chris and Brittany up for school. I was also scheduled to work, but I knew that would not happen. I was a full-time orthopedic Physician Assistant in a very demanding practice working fifty-plus hours per week! I called my supervising Physician and told him I had a family emergency. I never told any boss anything until this day, instead I asked. He simply asked, Is everything okay? In order to avoid having