Railroad Thinking

By Fred Kuester

Railroad Thinking is very different from Kuester's first book, Adam and Eve for Atheists. Also, it has nothing to do with railroads. Rather it is a whimsical reference to the train of thoughts wrecking off and onto the tracks in the author's mind. Sometimes it is that the only survivor of this devastation is the lonesome caboose parked in the leftover of what passes for his brain. It turns out that his brain has a few toots left. Whatever you are looking for, it is here. Here is a blend of wisdom and whimsical, laughable and pathetic, humorous and ugly, smart and unsmart, always friendly. Here is priceless information regarding the fine and fancy women from the great state of Idaho. Women and girls, ladies and unladies. The writing is in the style of good friends visiting and discussing the great and the small issues that people talk about when good friends meet. A reader will feel that he/she is visiting with a person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 21, 2018
• ISBN: 9781642582987

Book preview

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Railroad Thinking

Fred R. Kuester

Copyright © 2018 Fred R. Kuester

All rights reserved

First Edition

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc

Meadville, PA

First originally published by Christian Faith Publishing, Inc 2018

ISBN 978-1-64258-297-0 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64258-299-4 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-64258-298-7 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

Dedication to the twin concepts typical in Christian life that in addition to Chris tian responsibilities and gratitude to our Lord we know the joys of human life. We can laugh with the word.

Introduction

Sometimes, my trains of thought jump their tracks and collide into brain seizure wrecks. With luck and diligence, I can develop a workable caboose of thought from the remnants of the tangled neurons. My friend and my closest relative describes these cabooses as either poop or wisdom, depending upon her moods of the moment. My closest relative, wife Lena, is also the friend. You can be assured she is not biased as she evaluates my intellect. Thus I present my wisdom regarding poop for your evaluation pleasure. I welcome the best of your thoughts. After all, you are getting the best of mine. What is fair is fair.

All I ask is be nice. There is considerable overlap sometimes between poop and wisdom. Do not discard the meat and preserve the gas. There are kernels of wisdom among the rankest of poop, and conversely, there are gobs of poop among the most brilliant of essays. I begin this series of essays with pooping technique that is so wisely intertwined with practical advice that you will thank me profusely for information that you’ll wish you had acquired as a small child. I offer it nearly free of charge—the small price of this book. Such a deal.

This is clean information suitable for the youngest of minds through the generations to the most elderly. It could be a legitimate topic in a pastor’s sermon, a school classroom, a convent, or a fraternity beer party. Wherever wisdom is politely expressed. How is that for intertwining? My wife and friend will perhaps agree with some of you that I too am an expression of the youngest of minds. But she isn’t always being nice.

With the utmost humility I present this poopy wisdom from the caboose of my mind. Occasionally, you will meet a naysayer who will assert that this deathless prose doesn’t even rise to the level of poop. But they are joyless people. Do not be put off by those with little understanding. Enjoy your new view.

The Third Law of Motion

Yes, indeed. This observation from a famous man, Sir Isaac Newton. Mr. Newton invented falling gravity. As you know, all gravity falls. Simply stated, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Thus when a falling object hits the water, gravity is neutralized, and falling becomes rising. We call this splash. This is day-to-day useful information for even the most experienced, most expert poopers.

And who is not an expert? But as with most simple things, a little training can go a long way to enhance the swirl. Consider this: if something accelerates toward water, it hits with a splash. The water has gone antigravity, and it negatively accelerates upward. You know this is true even if you are not a famous physicist. So okay, we are on the same track.

So what does this mean to all of us peasants? If we are using a flush toilet, and I heartily recommend them, be prepared for a splash. But who is ever prepared? We are always surprised by this sudden major aggravation. The sequence goes like this: For a given gravitational distance, you will experience and have experienced small poop–small splash, large poop–large splash. Even beginning poopers should have been able to figure that out, but how many have?

Large or small, the splash will reach the point of origin, which in polite society is usually referred to as the lower abdominal zone. The standard cascade of reaction in this order is splash, jump, curse, mop. Grab a large wad of tissue paper and dry your zone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Isaac Newton to the rescue. This aggravational event of gravity can be averted by applying some of Mr. Newton’s other calculus.

I can’t explain these other forces in the poop parade, but any newly graduated engineer probably can. Unless he or she wants it to be his or her secret. For shame. So