Under the Devil's Grip

By Tony Munden

Growing up a spoiled athletic kid in the Pacific Northwest, Tony thought he had everything he ever wanted. He lived the good life—until one day his life was turned upside down. Everything crumbled around him, including divorce and death. Traumatized and depressed, Tony went on a journey to try to find happiness to help ease the pain he was feeling. He would do whatever it took to numb himself and forget. Then his journey turned into self-medicating, starting with alcohol and marijuana, and eventually finding what he thought was the miracle drug, crystal methamphetamines. It turned out that miracle drug took everything from him. It dragged him into the pits of hell where he was introduced to the devil, where it turned him into someone that he did not even know. Tony will lead you on his journey and struggles battling addiction. From hitting rock bottom and losing everything including the ones that truly loved him, Tony will take you on his personal journey through his battle with the disease they call addiction, his fight to conquer the devil's drug they call meth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 7, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646284542

Book preview

cover.jpg

Under the Devil's Grip

Tony Munden

Copyright © 2019 Tony Munden

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64628-453-5 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-64628-454-2 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

My First Hit

My New Best Friend

Closing Down Shop

Fairview Oaks Posse

Who Is the Narc?

RIP, Rod

The Funeral

Ashley No. 1

Busted

Court Day

Hotel / Motel / Rock Bottom No. 1

Florida Bound

Walmart Godfather

The Roommate from Hell

Will You Marry Me?

1800 You’re F—ing Evil

Home Sweet Home

Tough Love = Homeless

Hell’s Angels

Jail Time or Death

Hooper Detox

Triggers Everywhere

Relapse

My New Best Friend and First True Love

Introduction

Introduction: The Early Years

The Early Years

The first time I used crystal meth, I thought it was the greatest drug ever invented. It made me feel like I was invisible. I used to tell everybody I thought it was a drug delivered from the angels. I mean, you can stay up for days without sleep. You don’t need to eat, so you definitely will not be obese. You can have sex for hours. It’s like Viagra. What human would not like these things? It starts out the funnest drug you will ever consume in your body, but the truth is, it will not end that way. The truth is, this drug was not sent from the angels. I feel this drug was sent directly from hell. I believe the devil invented this drug, and once it gets ahold of you, it will pull you in and not let go.

October 6, 1977, I was born into this world. But I did not come into this world easily. In fact, when I was born, they did not expect me to live. I was born two months early, supposed to be a Christmas baby but ended up being a Halloween baby. I was born a tiny 4.6 pounds. I was so small my mom told me I could fit in the palm of her hand. I was definitely not an unexpected child; my parents did not plan on having me. I’m sure if they knew what I was going to put them through, they would have definitely wished upon my death. When I was born, my mom said, What a treasure, and my dad responded with, Well then, let’s go bury him. What a great way to enter the world. I barely entered this world and my dad already wanted to bury me. But as much as the odds were not in my favor, there was a reason I came into this world, and I was not ready to die.

I was the youngest of three. I had two older brothers. Troy, the oldest, was seven years older than me, and then my middle brother, Todd, who was five years older. They say that every family has a black sheep, and I believe with no doubt that was me. Throughout my early years, I put my family and friends through hell. Both of my brothers did their share of partying. In fact, I did my share of partying with them, but they did not lie, cheat, and steal like me. They did not purposely hurt the ones they loved. The truth is, what kid doesn’t experiment and have fun. The difference is through my experimenting I am lucky to still be in this world. I should be either dead or in jail.

I spent the first month of my life living at the hospital fighting for my life on machines. Once I finally came home, another family member had to fight for their life. I lived the first month of my life with my neighbor Jane because sadly after I was born my mom was admitted in the hospital because they told her she had an aneurysm, which ended up being a blood clot. They gave her only a few months to live. Then the day before she went in for surgery, they did an x-ray, and it was miraculously gone. Believe in a Higher Power or not, someone was looking out for my family through those hard times. My mom is the most amazing woman in the world, and I am so happy she lived because this world would not be the same without her.

I was very spoiled as a child, and a lot of family to this day would say that was because my older brothers wore my family down and they were tired by the time I was born. That may be true, because I took complete advantage of it. I could get anything I wanted. I don’t feel bad because what kid wouldn’t take advantage. I was also told that was one of the causes of my mom and dad’s fights. My dad would get upset and tell my mom I would not amount to anything because she spoiled me so much. Little did they know that kind of came true.

At the young age of five, I started playing soccer and baseball. It was some of the best times of my life. The family spent most of their time at the baseball or soccer field. I was an athlete. I was even a gymnast. Man I was in the best shape of my life back then. My nickname while in gymnastics was Flex because I had no problem doing the splits. I had the six-pack and very healthy. I ended up quitting gymnastics because they wanted me to be specially trained and quit every other sport. I could not do that because baseball and soccer were my life.

I played till the age of thirteen. I loved soccer, but I loved baseball more. I ended up quitting baseball my sophomore year in high school because I hated the coach. After that my life completely changed. I had way too much downtime, and that usually does not turn out well. I was good at baseball. I was a Little League all-star from the age of ten to twelve. We never made to the Little League World Series, but I will never forget bunting in the winning run. My dad was my coach, and there was a runner on third and two outs. My dad gave the bunt sign but then took it away. I missed that sign but still laid down an amazing bunt down the third baseline. The run scored, and I was safe. My dad was so proud of me, and I must say I was proud of myself. He treated me to as many Burgerville double cheeseburgers as I wanted after that game. He knew how much I loved Burgerville.

My dad was my coach in soccer and baseball every year growing up. We were very close. He was my best friend as a child. Playing sports year-round, I spent more time with him than anybody else. We also had one of the top teams every season because my dad taught us as a team to have fun. He was not a hard-ass coach, like some coaches. Everybody loved playing on our team. I found out later in life why he was a laid-back, easygoing coach. He would always drink a six-pack and smoke a joint before every game and practice. Even me as a blackout drunk, I was always told by my friends I was a happy drunk. Through all my many blackout stages, I never was told I was an asshole. I was told I made a jackass of myself every time. My friends would always point out the girl I tried to sleep with, but the problem was, I never scored. That is another reason I got so hooked on meth. Getting laid was so much easier, and I would always remember who I was having sex with.

I was a shy boy growing up, at least when I was in school. I was popular on the ball field because I was damn good, but school was not my strong suit. I pretty much kept to myself. I had my core of friends, but most of them were my sports friends. The one thing as a kid that kept me popular was my grandpa and grandma’s house. My grandpa owned his own sheet metal business, Losli Incorporated, and they were very well-off. They owned a huge three-story house. In the backyard was a ten-foot swimming pool, with a diving board, slide, and a hot tub. They also had a big basketball court in the backyard. If my brothers and I had a choice as kids, we would have probably chosen to move in with them. We spent the whole summer at their house, and all our friends would join. I can say they were a big part of our popularity as kids.

My grandpa died in 1986 when I was only nine years old of prostate cancer at the very young age of sixty-nine. I never really knew my grandpa very much because his addiction was work, money, and supporting his family. He was always building or working on something. I also did not get to see him before he died. The cancer got so bad that he was down to almost eighty pounds. My parents thought it was best that the kids did not see him like that. My grandma did not stay in the house much longer after he passed because it was just too big for her. She then moved into a retirement center and had to sell the big house. Nobody in our big happy family, my mom, her brother, or two sisters, kept the house. I still miss that house to this day. That house had everything a kid could possibly wish for.

My grandma lived another five years after Grandpa passed, and amazingly also passed away at the age of sixty-nine in 1991. She pretty much gave up after Grandpa died. She had diabetes really bad and did not take care of it. It caused her to have two open heart surgeries and finally took her life. She had all this money that Grandpa left her with, and spoiled herself and everyone around her. They had a condo on the big island of Hawaii that she decided to give to her maid just because she was so nice. Just like the big house, I would have loved if she would have handed it over to me. She also loved to eat out and took the whole family with her to enjoy an amazing hamburger and chocolate shake. When she passed, we found chocolate hidden all over her place. I loved my grandma so much. She was the greatest grandma a kid could ask for. She spoiled me way more than my parents. Every time we saw her, which was all the time, she would give us kids $20 dollars after my mom would tell her not to. She would then tell us not to tell her, but of course we always narced on her.

My childhood was truly amazing. I had everything a kid could ask for. Most kids growing up never went on a vacation. We would go to Disneyland every summer. One summer before my grandma passed, she took the whole family to Hawaii. That was another trip I will never forget. I just watched Jaws for the first time and then went swimming way out in the ocean. I threw on my floaters, because I was only ten years old, and followed my aunt and Mom into the deep water. My Aunt Carol, who is the best aunt in the world, decided to play a little trick on me. When we got out to about twenty or thirty feet deep in the ocean, she decided to scream at the top of her lungs Shark! I swam so fast out of that ocean that I bet I could have beat Michael Phelps in a race. My grandma was so mad at her for doing that. To this day, I love the ocean, and I am very good swimmer, but I keep my swimming to only a pool.

The worst part about Grandma’s death was how we found her. It was a day that will traumatize me for the rest of my life. I remember getting pulled out of school, not knowing why, my mom seeming very emotional, but I could tell she was trying to hold in the tears. On the way to Grandma’s, she broke the news she had passed away. Then she did not have to hold in the tears anymore, and neither did I.

As we pulled into her retirement community, I remember seeing an ambulance parked by the entrance. When we got to her place, I saw my aunt and cousin crying sitting on the couch. I then looked into my grandma’s room to see feet hanging from the edge of her bed. I then decided to walk a little closer and noticed my grandma’s dead body still lying on the bed. The EMTs still had not removed her from the house. I was thirteen years old and looking at my first dead body, and not just any dead body but the body of my grandma.

The same year my grandma died in 1991, I found out my happy family was not as happy as I thought it was. I am pretty sure my brothers knew something was up, but I was still young and dumb. My grandparents being religious did not believe in divorce. In fact, before my grandpa passed, he told my mom she better stay married. But once they passed, my big, happy family crumbled. My cousin divorced her husband. My mom’s brother Doug divorced his wife, and the worst of all, my parents broke the news to us kids that they were calling it quits after twenty long years of marriage.

I remember my parents always leaving and going in ten minute rides in the car all the time. I always thought maybe it was just because they needed a break from us kids, but I was wrong. It turned out they just did not want us to see them fight. My dad was a drinker, and now that I am older I found out they both liked to smoke weed. Now that I am older, I know it was not a cigarette they were sharing. It was a roach clip. My mom was not happy with my dad’s drinking, and she was not putting up with it anymore. One day my parents called all three of us kids into the front room. They then broke the news that they were getting a divorce. None of us could believe what we were hearing. I was in complete shock. My dad then put the dagger in all our hearts when he told us we had to live with mom because he could not take care of us. I love my mom and did not care much that I had to live with her. The problem was my once best friend was now leaving, and who knew when I would see him next. This news was a complete shock to me. I also thought the divorce was all my fault.

We then moved out of the house I was born and raised in. We moved out of the Parkrose area about fifteen miles away to Fairview, Oregon. That was when I started to rebel. I stopped hanging out with all my childhood friends and started hanging out with my new Fairview Oaks posse. I started skipping school every day because I would rather get drunk or stoned. Then once I turned sixteen, my school counselor told my mom and I that school was not my thing. She told us it’s best if I dropped out of school.

Then one day I got introduced to methamphetamines. I always told myself I would never touch that shit, but one day I was so fucked up that I did. All it took was the one time, and I was hooked. At that time, it gave me everything I wanted. It kept me up for days. It could get rid of any blackout stage I was ever in. I was getting laid on a regular basis, and the sex was unbelievable. My self-esteem seemed to be much better—well, at least that was what I thought. Then all of a sudden, my world came crumbling down. I hit rock bottom way too many times. Meth made me do things that I never could imagine. It made me somebody that I wasn’t. I stole from people I loved and hurt the people that meant the most to me.

I am writing my story to let people know how bad it gets.

There was a quote from the movie The Basketball Diaries. Idol time is the devil’s playground. I think that said so much about my addiction. When my grandma died, my parents divorced, and I quit baseball, I had too much free time in my life. I gave up on everything I cared for. I spent many years blaming the people I loved for my addiction. But the truth was, it was me that drank until I could not remember, it was me that smoked until it was gone, and it was me that put that shit up my nose. I had a lot of nicknames when I was using. One was Skeletor because I was pale as a ghost and never ate. The other nickname I had was the Garbage Disposal because it did not matter what was in front of my face—if it was there, I was doing it.

Chapter 1

My First Hit

I will never forget my first hit off the glass dick. That one quick moment changed my life forever. Me and my roommate Matt were giving our other roommate Josh’s dad, Pat, a ride to Rainier to his friend’s house. Pat was OG and one of the coolest dads I knew. We called him OGP, which stood for Original Gangster Pat. He partied with us like a kid, but when he needed to be a dad, he definitely was. He also always had our back. He would not let anybody mess with us, and if they did, they would answer to him. The only problem with OGP was he loved methamphetamines, and it drove Josh, who we called Dough, crazy. I used to despise that shit and was pretty adamant that I would never touch it, but it’s amazing how fast that shit can change.

Matt was the one that drove us to Rainer, and that was a damn good thing because I was fucked up and very close to blackout stage. I drank a half rack of Busch to myself, and then right before we left, I munched down an eighth of mushrooms. Yeah, it was best I sat my drunk, soon-to-be hallucinating ass in the back seat. About half an hour into the ride, my trip started to kick in. I was now not only drunk and probably about to piss myself, but also I was tripping balls. Hell, I did not know where I was, and I really did not give a damn. My eyes were zoned out the window. The pretty colors were amazing. I felt like I was flying on a rainbow, with not a damn care in the world.

I was a nineteen-year-old dropout. I dropped out of school at the end of my junior year at Reynolds High school. I did not drop out because I was stupid. Hell, the teachers loved me. That was why I made it all the way to the start of my senior year. The teachers were fighting to get me through. Well, the teachers at Parkrose. When I went to Reynolds’s, they did not give a fuck about me. After my parents’ divorce, we moved to Fairview, Oregon, and I switched schools, and that was a huge mistake. My mom was a teacher at Parkrose, so I got away with murder. I