A Dangerous Life: A Womans Journey

By Sandra Robinson

I want to share a story with everyone. A story about a young girl, with sparkles in her eyes so bright, like the stars in the sky at night.

A young girl with dreams so big they reached the sky.

A young girl who over came the odds of abuse, and never let it hold her back from becoming a thriving beautiful young woman.

Once a young girl now a grown woman beating the odds of addiction.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sandra Robinson
• Release date: Aug 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005610876

Book preview

Introduction

I want to share a story about a young girl with sparkles in her eyes so bright like the stars in the night

A young girl with dreams so big they reach to the sky

A young girl who over came the odds of childhood abuse and never let it hold her back from becoming a thriving beautiful young woman

A young girl now a grown woman beating the odds of addiction

That young girl was me

Table Of Contents

My Childhood

My Neighbors Scary Night

I Was A Rebellious Teen

My Rastafarian Boyfriend

The Night I Stole My Dad's Car

The Dude With The Belt

After I Moved On My Own

One Night In A Hotel Room

My Night In Downtown Toronto

How I Got My Face Sliced

I seen The Guy That Sliced My Face

My Parents Found Out I Was Drinking

My Job As Assistant Manager At KFC

When I Started dancing

When I Started Heavy Drugs

Life And Death Of My Sugar Daddy

When I Almost Got Shot

My Italian Boyfriends Motel Room

My Italian Boyfriend Becomes My Husband

How I Burnt My Apartment Down

Surviving Death

The Lady from heaven

Raising My Daughter With My Parents

After CAS Closed My File

My Crazy Italian Boyfriend

My Ecuadorian Boyfriend Broke His Feet

My Trap House

The Time I Met My Second sugardaddy

Life With Prince Charming

My Life Downtown

I Almost Got Shot For second Time

I Lost 2 Good Friends To Drugs

I Decided I had enough of drugs and alcohol

Going Public With My Recovery

My Childhood

As a child I grew up in a very loving and nurturing family. I was raised in a home with both parents. 2 brothers and a sister and a strong and courageous Jewish Jamaican grandmother. She was the one that basically raised us as kids. She made sure we all were fed, she did most of our families cooking in the home. She made sure we all got up in the mornings, and out the door for school and work. My mom and dad worked very hard to make sure we all had a roof over our heads. My grandmother and parents were known and loved by all the children in the neighborhood. Our house was the go to spot for everyone. My parents would have parties on the weekends. We would have bingo nights, card nights, dominos, we had people like our friends and family over every week. Monday night was a great night because my dad and I, along with my uncles and aunts would all gather around the tv, and watch Monday night hockey in Canada. There were nights when it was just my dad and I watching the hockey game, because everyone was doing something different like playing bingo in the kitchen or maybe playing dominos in the basement. There would even be a card game going on somewhere in the house. We always had a full house everyday, especially during the summer months. The winter months were mostly on the weekends and some weeknights. We all had school and work, so it wasn't practical on weekdays. With all that said there was a darkness in my home that my parents weren't aware of. My father grew up in his old country and he had a friend he considered to be his best friend. They grew up together and moved to Canada around the same time. This person turned out to be a predator and I was his prey. From the time I was 6 until 11 years old. He would seek me out and do things to me that a child should never have to experience. I would try to avoid him but he always found a way to get at me. Thinking back, I was probably really afraid of him. Telling my parents was not an option, as I'm sure he must have put that fear in me. When I turned 11 years old, I got brave and told my sister what was happening to me. She made my parents aware of what was happening to me, and who was doing it to me. Well you can imagine how my parents took this news, my dad freaked out, and when he saw him, he lunged at his supposedly best friend's throat trying to kill him. My mother grabs my dad holding him back from killing this man. My parents couldn't believe what they were hearing. I'm sure they went back and forth wondering if they should get the police involved. In the end, sadly the police were never called. There was a dark cloud in our home from that point on. My molester had 2 children ages 4, and 6. 2 weeks after my situation was out in the open, my family heard his 2 children had drowned in a creek near their home, on the way home from school. The boys were walking along the creek, the older boy slipped into the water and the younger boy jumped in to save him. Both their bodies were found along the edges of the creek. One boy's body was found with his shirt hitched onto a huge tree trunk. And the other boy's body was found washed up on a muddy bank. The current was just too strong for them that day. The story of the boys was all over the news, my parents and our whole family got word of what happened. I was heartbroken, because when I was 10 years old I would babysit the boys, on days when my molester and his wife were busy working, or whatever they were busy doing. They were such good little boys so well behaved. My parents ended up feeling sorry for my molester, his loss of 2 children so young, losing their lives in that manner. My parents were the only ones from the immediate family that attended the funeral. For a while it bothered me that they went, because I felt my molester had stolen my childhood. Why should they care about his children, all the things he did to me, the things he taught me, I thought maybe it was an eye for an eye. Why did they attend his childrens funeral? I knew it was the hurt in me talking. It took me a long time to come to terms, and understand how they were feeling. No one came out a winner in this situation, that's for sure. After a lot of soul searching and so on, I understood why they were able to put my situation aside and attend the 2 childrens funeral. 2 incient young lives were taken. Anyone with emotions would feel sorrow for them and their family. From that point on my father and my molester never stayed in contact. I went on to do things in life and try to put my molestation behind me. I have 2 brothers and one sister. My siblings and I ran in the junior olympics. I ran in the 400, 100 and 50 yard dash races. I also did hurdles and relay racing. I was good at gymnastics and acrobatics as well, my sister was too. One of my brothers was extremely good at racing. He also competed in the high and long jump events. My other brother was athletic as well. He loved basketball. That's where he shined. He would always have his ball with him everywhere he went. My sister was super on the balance beam, we just all loved sports. I would teach the little children in the neighborhood gymnastics at the local community centre. I was really good with the children. That's the time I got to be a child too. During my young years my parents would always have me go with my siblings everywhere. My siblings hated it but I loved it. I would go to these teenie bop basement parties starting at 8 years old. It was ok because I knew all the kids in the neighborhood. We were all able to go to these parties, even my friends that were my age went too, with their siblings. Back in those days there wasn't very much violence. We didn't really hear too much in the news. It was mostly around the world, not where I was living. I remember when I was in public school, all the children had to stay in the school one day, because there was a naked man running around the golf course that was joined to the school's playground and field. It was such big news in the area for a while, then it faded away and was never spoken about again. This was the time in my life,I should have been soaking up everything good that I can learn at home and in school but instead I ended learning about sex at such a tender age, That's not what children should be learning. I Acted out a lot as a youngster. And looking back I would say I don't blame my young self, that was a lot for a small child to carry. I was never relaxed, always hypered guarded, as a youngster I was so confrontational, always ready for a fight at the drop of a hat. I always asked myself as a child, why would my molester do these things to me. Is it because I'm bad? Did I do something to cause him to want to do these things to me? Am I acting grown up? I was so confused in my younger years. It definitely was not all easy peasy. My oldest brother and I share a birthday together. We were born on the same day but 6 yrs apart. Growing up in our younger years we celebrated our birthdays together. As we got older and had our own friends we celebrated separately. I loved it once I was able to have my own parties. I had lots of friends so it was a good time. A couple of close friends and I would set up the basement in my house with party decorations and food. Then we would wait for all my friends to arrive. I used to love receiving gifts and surprises. You would see my eyes light up whenever I was told I had a gift or a surprise coming. I was very sociable, always talking to someone, always talking about something. I would say I definitely had the gift for gab. I knew a lot of children from the neighborhood so there were a lot of kids at my parties. As a child in public school I liked performing for my fellow classmates whenever there was an assembly. My friends and I would perform something whether it be singing a song, dancing in a group, or reciting a poem. We would be doing something. That's the time I would forget the bad things that I was enduring at home and get through my days. It was an escape from my secret reality. Although things in my childhood weren't perfect, I love to laugh and play and hang with my friends. I loved climbing trees, riding bikes, skateboarding, and swimming. My friends and I love to build tree forts, and just hang in there all day. We would bring all our snacks, blankets and toys there. In the winter All the children in the neighborhood. We would get together and walk to the ice skating rink nearby, in the evenings a couple times a week, with our older siblings. Then in the summer on weekends we would all take the bus and go roller skating. My brothers and sister and I would all be together, while walking in our prospective group of friends. If I would go over to talk to one of my siblings in their group, they would shout at me, and tell me to go back to my group of friends. I always felt safe, when my siblings were around. I knew they had my back. As we were all getting older, my brothers would get in turf fights. No one was allowed to come on our block unless we knew them, or my brothers would fight them. It was the same when they would go on another block, guys would want to fight them. Whenever I had beef with any of the neighboring kids from other areas, they would hear the names of my brothers turn away and leave me alone. My 2 brothers had their little crew they walked with, when they were younger. You mess with 1 you mess with all they would say. My childhood had its ups and downs, but I had a great family beside me.

My Neighbors Scary Night

Speaking of childhood, we were neighbors to 4 children who lived 2 doors over. They were 3 boys and 1 girl, we all grew up together as kids in canada. Their parents and my parents met when they came to Canada. Our house sat at the end of a circled street. We sat smack in the middle of the circle, so it was easy to find our house. These 4 kids were a big part of my childhood. My brothers played with the oldest boy, my sister played with the girl and I played with the 2 youngest boys. There was a swimming pool right outside our homes. so we would swim a lot as children. As we got older I began to be closer with the girl. My sister started dating her now husband so she did not hang out with the girl as much. It was young love for her and her present husband. She would always hang out with him. I used to think they had a fairy tale love. And I would grow up and find the same kind of love. The girl that lived 2 doors over, she and I got along really well. I was getting older too, so we started having a lot of the same interests. She was really good with makeup and hair. We would do makeovers all the time. There was a story that the middle boy in the family, had been sleeping one night and awoke to a figure of a headless person wearing a trench coat and floating across the room. He had this recur several nights in a row. The final night his sister had gotten sick, she ended up sleep walking, and fell over a railing that was built above the staircase in her home. She went headfirst down a flight of stairs, slit open the skin under her eye and had minor head injuries. The next day the family had a priest come into their home, pray over the home and throw rice. They say that gets bad spirits out of the home. I was very young at the time but I do remember after that my mom didn't want my siblings and I to go over to their house anymore. As we all know the more you tell children not to do something the more they do it .The family was advised to have a priest come and bless the home. After the priest had blessed the home there were no more incidents. My siblings and I would sneak over all the time. The 2 boys were 2 of my closest friends so I wasn't going to let my parents stop me from going to their house. Whenever I played in their home after the ghost incident, I always felt a little uneasy being there. No one really talked or made a big deal about it. I think people didn't know how to feel about the whole situation so it was shoved under the carpet. There was always that eerie feeling when I entered the home, it seemed cold. That warmth it held before was now gone. My girlfriend got over her injuries, and was able to put the whole thing behind her. Her brother was able to put the incident behind him too.

I Was A Rebellious Teen

Outside of sports, when I was young. I would get into fights with other students, teachers,and principals. I had a short fuse if someone said the wrong thing to me or looked at me the wrong way, I would lash out at them, especially When I was In grade school, I remember a time my father was so upset with me and he hit me with a strap, I was no more than 8 or 9 years old, don't know exactly. I got so angry I went and told the school he had molested me. The school took the news very seriously and CAS was called, they investigated my family and took me out of our home until they completed their investigation. Another time around the same age,8 or 9 years old, a teacher tried to grab me, and I pushed her as hard as my tiny body would allow me, she fell back into one of those big plastic school garbage bins. There was a time when I was teen, I had a heated conversation with my junior high principal and I got so upset I tried to punch him right in the face but my punch didn't connect. At that point he suspended me from school and then transferred me to a vocational trade school. My parents along with the principal decided that would be the best option for me ,because my behavior was out of control. At this time I had just met a boy I really liked. He went to the school I was being transferred from. He was Canadian and had a twin brother that was a sci-fi nerd, he would always make fun of him. My boyfriend was more of a jock type of guy. I really had strong feelings for this guy, and now we're about to be separated in school. I won't see him everyday like I used to. We would always meet up in the halls between classes, just to hug and kiss each other. Being separated definitely hurts. I was just happy he lived in my area and I would still be able to see him after school. He would come to the trade school sometimes, when he didn't have football practices, classes or a game. Sometimes I would skip classes to go see him at a game, or practice. We would just hang out together, get high. My first drug of choice was marijuana and my first drink of choice was beer. My boyfriend and I would hook up and hang out after school at his place, we would smoke his parents mirijuana, hash and play cards. His parents always had a stash somewhere, and he would always find it. Later on his parents just let us smoke openly around them. Between hands in our card games, we made pizza. He turned me onto pizza with a pumpernickel bagel. We would put cheese and pepperoni on it, the taste was amazing especially when you get the munchies from smoking up. When the weather was nice we just hung out in the park. Sometimes a bunch of us teens would build a bonfire, Drink beer and smoke spliffs. My first love and I relationship started when I was 13 years old, and he was 15 years old. What had happened to me sexually as a child with being molested, never made me think my boyfriend, my first love, was not my first sexual encounter. I was able to put the past of my childhood behind me, tucked so far in the back of my mind, that I tried never to think about it again. Although my first love and I were very young, we learned alot about sex and our bodies together. I still consider him my first sexual encounter. Because that was real. We went together for about 2 years. Those years held many fond memories for me. I really loved him, during the time I was with him. Then I transferred to a new public high school from the trade school. That's when our love started to fade away, a year down the line. Once we met new people, We started going to parties without each other. It was different. When we did go out together, we would feel left out of eachothers groups of friends. Things were never the same, our relationship became strained and we broke up. I joined the basketball team at the new high school and I hung out with a new bunch of people. Then I started screwing around with a few different guys. I met an older guy who was in grade 12 while I was in grade 10. We messed around for a few months and I realized I wasn't as into him as I thought. Sadly, after a while of dating and no real connection we broke up. Surprisingly I Would wonder whatever became of him, what he was doing in his life now. I wondered if it was a different time would things have worked out. He was tall, dark and handsome. There was just something about him, that when he spoke to me I felt he was lecturing me, that didn't sit well with me. I wanted my opinion to be valued in our relationship, and I wasn't getting that. One Day when I just finished basketball practice, I sat on the toilet. I thought I was having my period but I was bleeding perfidiously through my viginal area, and having blood clots. I was so scared of what could be happening. My stomach got all cramped like I was having my period. I then had to let the school nurse know what was happening. They then called my parents. My dad and mom had to leave their work and come to my school to bring me to the hospital. When we got to the hospital, I was examined. The doctor told my parents I would need a D & C procedure, to remove tissues inside my uterus. This procedure is done with misscariges and abortions. The doctor says to my mom she is having a misscarriage. When my parents and I were driving home from the hospital, there was a lot of commotion bickering back and forth, between them and me while I was in pain. The ride home was very tense then it got quiet. I could see the hurt in my parents face. They had a look of wonder. I'm sure they were wondering about my future, and I'm sure they carried a lot of self blame, although they never said it. Soon after my misscarriage, I started smoking pot and drinking alcohol more, popping pills. My friends would always steal pills from their parents' medicine cabinets and share them with a group of us. We would all sit around each other places, high on pills and drinking while listening to rock n roll music, because that's what we were into. Those were the good old days I thought. Looking back, were they really? Now I'm starting to fall behind in my school work, in all my classes. I would show up late for basketball practice and games. Sometimes I didnt go at all. Things weren’t going very well in my life. My parents became strict with me. They grounded me for 2 weeks once, and I was not allowed to use the phone at all. I was only allowed to come out of my room to eat, shower and use the washroom. While I stayed in my room I would watch tv. Read books, magazines and do my school work. It was easier to do these things when you weren't allowed to do anything else. My mom was very sensitive so she would open my bedroom door several times throughout the day, to see if I was ok. My dad on other hand stayed tough until the end of my grounding. He would open my bedroom door and say good morning when he was leaving for work, and good evening when he returned home. I could tell my parents hated punishing me. They were such free spirited people they wanted me to experience the good things in life. My parents would accept any friends I brought home, most of the boy friends I would bring home to meet them. They welcomed them into our home. They see the good in people until you show them otherwise. I would have boyfriends that were afraid to meet my family, they didn't know what to expect. Once they entered my home they saw how lively and accepting my family is, then they would relax, and just hang out, play games, watch tv and play music. Yeah, that's what my family was about. My home growing up was so welcoming. Even after we moved from our childhood home we still as a family had game nights. We had bingo nights. We played dominos, my sister's favorite game. My brothers liked to play cards. I would have my friends or boyfriends join in when they were around. Everyone just lets loose, laughs and talks loud. There was always food if we were hungry. As a teen i didnt want for anything my parents would always make sure we all got what we needed age appropriately. My siblings and I were able to drive at 16. My 2 brothers had minor car accidents, under my dad's insurance, so when it came time for my dad to put my sister and I under his insurance, it wasn’t a walk in the park that's for sure.

My Rastafarian Boyfriend

When I was 16 years old I met an older man in his early 30’s who had long dreadlocks hair down his back. Now back in my parents days dreadlocks were not accepted as the norm, if you had dreadlocks you were considered a Rastafarian like Bob Marley. My parents thought the rastafarians that I knew were rebels and they were bad. They smoked weed freely even around their children, as a part of their religion. The children were used to it, and told not to use it until they were adults. Just like alcohol, the same rules apply. I didn't view it as a bad thing. If your children are educated on the pros and cons of mirijuana use. They can then make their own choices once they are of age. My parents would have never accepted me being in a relationship with a rasta man smoking marijuana, and an older one at that. After I met this rastafarian man, we became friends first. He was Trinidadian, very much into the rastafarian culture. He would teach me things about the culture, like the way they cook. We would cook fish outside, over an open fire. We liked hanging out at picnic grounds where we would barbecue fish, sometimes chicken, hang out, and play music. He would tell me stories of his culture. He showed me how to twist my hair into dreadlocks. Which pissed my parents off. When they