Taming My Wild Soul: 45 Simple Thoughts That Changed My Life

By Callahan Indovina

A wild soul from birth, Callahan Indovina ran away from home at age fourteen. He left the Sierra Foothills of Northern California for the streets of the San Francisco Bay Area.

Searching for the meaning of life, Callahan spent his time finding himself amongst the sinners and saints of the world. He lost himself in the halls of addiction shortly after. For nearly a decade, he struggled to find his light, fighting against the demons of addiction, anxiety, fear, codependency, and self-doubt. At twenty-six, he decided perhaps it was time to put the bottle down, yet this realization was only the beginning of an even longer journey.

Another decade later, after coming through to the other side, Callahan took account of the essential teachings along the way. The principles and tenets that carried him from darkness to the light—forty-five experiences or lessons that tamed his wild soul and changed his life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638853503

Book preview

Introduction

Hope and Faith Our walking stick and our lantern

As individual forces, faith and hope are mighty on their own. When combined, these individual forces are equal to a power greater than any that we know. Throughout the experiences you will read in this book, you will come to know, albeit vaguely, of the stories that tested my ability to maintain my faith as well as my ability to muster enough hope to continue walking the path I always knew I was supposed to walk—a clean and sober life.

Yet these stories are not only for those facing the demons of substance and behavioral addictions. I have hope that there is a bit of something for everyone on these pages. If I were to start at a beginning, I would begin with the facts. My father’s side of the family was Pentecostal. My great-grandfather, a preacher in the churches of holy rolling, lived for the word of his faith in California’s Central Valley. On my mother’s side, they are all Irish and Italian Catholics. Two somewhat different sides of the same coin.

In addition to this dynamic, I spent most of my late teens and early twenties living in a house that practiced Reform Judaism. Yet another side to the very same coin. These multiple expressions of faith, each of them with their uniqueness, helped shape my own throughout my life. Much later, I came to know and find peace in rooms that practice specific principles in all their affairs. In these rooms, people spoke about a manner of living that took things one step at a time, one day at a time. This way of life became a new facet of my hyperdiamond of faith—another perspective from which I was able to take what worked for me and leave the rest.

My relationship with the divine nature and existence of this reality is plainly personal. It does not require anyone to believe the same things that I believe, nor does it gain strength if I evangelize its existence. While I have lost my faith over time, I also learned that it was only within my power to restore it. To me, that is what faith is about. It is the belief, a simple thought that grants me the gift of peace as I try to navigate this crazy, mixed-up, beautiful, grand existence.

We have heard the phrase a leap of faith throughout time—the great plunge into the unknown; our faith makes that plunge not something done with fear but with courage. I do not have all the answers, nor do I need to have all the answers. I have faith. While my understanding of what I consider the divine workings of the universe will undoubtedly change over time, my faith in my place within the grand dynamic is unwavering. So long as I honor myself, my path, and the way my faith can manifest great good things, it will manifest serenity in the face of adversity and peace in the most troublesome of times. This fact is the power of faith, divine faith. A personal conviction not hinged on any other source than our individual belief that the universe holds space and unconditional love for each of us no matter our past, as long as we can be honest with ourselves. Perhaps the way we have lived our lives is not the way we wish to continue to live them.

When I lost my faith, I kept my hope. Hope is a tremendous game changer. It is the spark that lights the pyre of faith. To have hope is to hold space for faith. Hope keeps the lantern lit as we walk the shadowy valleys. Even when I could not conceptualize my faith in concrete terms that made sense to me, I could hold space to hope for better things. During my wildest of days, it was hope that reminded me that I did not need to continue to experience the darkness I allowed myself to become surrounded by. It was hope that reminded me that I was capable of something, that I could do great things as long as I have faith.

When we have hope, we become a beacon for more extraordinary things to take influence in our lives. It is the kiln of imagination that helps manifest a brighter path forward for us. We use hope, along with faith, as our walking stick and lantern as we walk the path. Those of you still searching for answers, which may be troubled by dark times or are mending wounds that will surely leave scars, I start you off with these words, Have faith and never lose hope.

As singular entities, these forces are monumental on their own. If one can manifest faith in their path forward while holding on to hope as a torchlight, the combination is a force greater than all those we have documented across space and time. If ever there is a wayward soul consumed with self-doubt, lean on your faith in your divine right to grow unfettered by fear. Let hope be your walking stick, and be blessed knowing that even when surrounded by darkness, you can still see the way.

Peace

When we know peace, we know ourselves from a view of love.

Reaching a point of contently experiencing life, a place of peace can seem like a fleeting moment in the chaotic world. It appears the world is primarily abundant in all things aside from serenity. So how can we understand something when we have so few examples to model ourselves after? We exist in an environment that would make us be afraid, agitated, paranoid, addicted, hateful, and neglectful, fueled by trauma and some sort of oppositional turmoil.

These energy centers are strong motivators. We instinctually gravitate toward these types of energies. No wonder we have created a world that exists on furthering the prominent display of these energies. What I mean by that, if caveman versions of ourselves simply lived in a state of perfect peace—not knowing fear, struggle, or basic impulses—we may not have survived to become the dominant species on the planet.

Peace and peaceful existence are treated as if they were some ancient enemies. There have been people who tried to forge the road toward collective peace. We have seen the repeated outcome of their attempts on this front. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, we are programmed to believe that deliberately seeking peace is wrong when considering those people who were trying to deliver a message of peace and love. For thyself and thy neighbor, what has become of them? In most cases, they met an untimely and unfortunately short life. It is no wonder why it seems the path of peace is indeed a road less traveled, less supported and less desired from a subconscious level. From a survival perspective, we have been programed that being a beacon of peace and love in this world is not good in the long run. We look at compassion and kindness with disdain, and we run from the arms of those who have our genuine best interest at heart because we fear that someone will take them from us.

How do we reconcile this within our experience? How can we have peace in a way that does not trigger a subconscious response of fight or flight? Let us try to loop ourselves back to the beginning, to a sense of calm. If we can view life from a moment-to-moment lineage of cause and effect, thought into action into emotion into thought into action into emotion, we can see that there are many opportunities for us to interject peaceful moments into our daily train of moments. For each of us, this method is going to be truly unique.

There is no one-size-fits-all Band-Aid for cocreating peace in our lives. No prescription can eliminate the struggle and replace it with existential ease. There is, however, a reasonable suggestion, which, when combined with regular practice, may help. Today, we ask ourselves, When was the last time that I felt truly at peace with myself? This question is a monumentally life-expanding question that we do not ask ourselves nearly enough. The reason being is that by the grace of the Divine (whichever or however you choose to hold a space for that word in your heart, there is no wrong way to save a space for faith), we have all, at one point in our lives, known a sense of peace with ourselves. We may not have known it at the time that was what we were experiencing or just how fleeting it may be in the world we live in, yet when we take a moment to ask ourselves when the last time was, we truly felt it; it will become clear. With this clarity, we can then observe ourselves in the last moment of peace. We can then ask ourselves, What can I do to recreate that moment for myself? The answers to these questions help us reflect on the chain of moments.

Thought into action into emotion into action, hoping that we can modulate the cause-and-effect sequence to perhaps occasionally resemble this: peace into thought into action into peace into emotion into peace into thought. This concept is an ideal state, but it is worth mentioning that this habit is something that you will need to develop over time. By creating moments of personal peace for yourself, you can retrain your subconscious mind to understand that peace is not the enemy. We also use the phrase personal peace, as this is a unique experience.

As individuals, we are ultimately accountable and responsible for our awareness of the divine path toward peace. We tread slippery terrain when we balance our stability on the premise that it relies on an outside force. Why? What happens when this force