Frog One The War with God

By Clyde Washington

This is a story of love and evil. This is how evil will always try to control good. How a boy has to be a man and how cruel people can be in today’s time. This is the story of falling in love with someone and never being able to share that love. How that feeling led that boy to stay in the mental state that he felt robbed of everything he held dear. The war he had was directed at God. He had nothing to live for. If he could see this God, then he could have his revenge for making his life so strange. But he would live through many trials and tribulations and learn that God had another plan for him. It would be a mission impossible. To live by faith and not by sight.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662430893

Book preview

Chapter 1

The Trip

Today at four o’clock, I’d be on the bus headed for New York. Now as I walked from the store coming back to Grandma’s house, I’d see two girls just about one block before the house. It’s her, coming to rub it in one more time. The other girl pulled me to the side then said, Clyde, she really wants to know if you loved her. Thinking the pain at the party, the pain at her house acting like she didn’t hear me. I saw sadness in her eyes. Good, well, maybe she feels what I feel and should suffer as I suffer. Tell the damn wise guy hell no and she said her answer to Dee was yes. Before the girl could say another word, I walked off.

The ride was an adventure. I saw all the beautiful sights along the way. It could have been better, but this girl on my mind made things strange. Like, I’m never going to make it back. Who will she be with when I get back? Why do we both have to be so strong with our feeling? Damn, what am I thinking about? I’m supposed to forget her. As the bus entered the big city, I was amazed. It was kind of frightening. The tall buildings, all the people running around like little ants. Lights everywhere, man, this could scare a little boy to death. Danny, who, of course, was with me, knew that my thoughts were locked, having to confide in him as a big brother. He had thought this girl and I were perfect.

My mother was at the Port Authority waiting with open arms for us. When she came to give me my kiss, I turned my face, so she got me on the side. Something I would have not done to Grandma. Boy, this kid is something else. Come give Mommy a kiss. She knew something was lost between us. Maybe when I get home, he’ll loosen up. Before I knew it, we were on another bus and leaving the big city. I went to sleep and dreamed. Man, when I get back, I’m going to tell her. Yes, I’m going to let it all out, and what is she going to do. It must be killing her as much as me. Sending her brothers and friends to ask me if I love her. Seems like more and more people knew of us. This is going to be true love, I can feel it…feel it. Wake up, Clyde. My mother is shaking my arm. We are almost there. I looked out the window to see mountains and trees everywhere. It was night now, and as we came to a small town, the bus slowed down then stopped. This is it. Now I was a small kid, but I knew a small town when I saw one. Oh well, I don’t live here. Mother lived in a small two-bedroom apartment. It was a lot neater than the house at home, but that would make me want to stay. While she went to work, Danny and I went for walks in the woods behind the building. I liked the woods, the trees, the little animals and bugs, the fresh air, and now the most beautiful wonder of the woods. As we walked to a clearing looking as a large opening in the trees, you could smell the freshness of pines. It wouldn’t be long now before we would reach this wonderful pond.

Something splashed into the water. Danny said it was two large turtles. They slid off a large log that was in the middle of the other side. There was a large rock that looked like a little mountain. We both could fit on it with no problem. The place was a gold mine for anyone who loves to fish. It looked like no one was there in years. It was a week and fishing there was great. The animals had gotten used to us. They would come out in the open all around us, just like we were one of them. The trip was short, and my mother was very good to us. Bill, her boyfriend, was someone whom I didn’t get to know. I really didn’t get to know my mother. In a daze all, only the pond seemed to relax me without thought of going back home. But with view of it all, she really tried to get to know me. It must have been the wrong time. With that girl existing, there was little room for other thoughts. Yes, this was my daydream and night dream and nightmare. I thought of my mother as a little girl. She looked so young, just not the mother type.

Now past a long ride and having been home for at least two weeks, my young uncle Kenneth came home crying. The boy next door had beat him up. Kenneth was a bully. He was trying to fight the boy’s younger brother. They were the same age, and Kenneth would have taken him easily. So I could understand the boy keeping him off his brother. But to beat him up, the boy had someone to aid him. If he would have come to Danny, Danny would have done nothing but give him lecture, which is what I should have given him myself. Maybe that love I had made me not to let the boy get what he deserved. Anyway, this boy was two years my senior and four over Kenneth. Hell no, I knew when certain things demand an answer. Kenneth knew I was the one to get results. So still in school clothes, I went over to this guy. I was in the front yard demanding the boy to come out and pay for his crime. That was the way I looked at it. It never occurred to me that he could beat me. The boy was wrong, so he can’t win, which is the way my mind worked. Tell your brother to come out so I can beat him up. They laughed, telling me I didn’t have a chance. He came out telling his little brothers he’ll be right back. The boy walked over in full confidence, and before I knew it, he was on top of me. The boy must have hit me two times in the face before I started crying. Once crying, I rolled this kid over and went crazy on him. I must have hit him several times in the face because there was blood all over it. Meanwhile, my nose was bleeding when my aunt Ellen pulled me off him.

A few weeks later, I crossed some railroad tracks, chasing a grasshopper. Now I saw four kids throw rocks in my direction. No, they can’t be throwing them at me. The rocks got closer and closer. Then one of these fools hit me above the eye. Kill him, kill him, the first thought that entered my brain. Running dead at him, my thoughts were he’s dead. Grabbing him by the neck, I then had him on the ground to choke the life out of him. There wasn’t even the thought, I just did it. Seeing one of the others coming, I got up and stomped the fool under me, and kicked the other one low and ran across the field.

They hit me with a few rocks as I ran, which caused my head to bleed. I vowed I’d get them. They were cousins and my friends. Barry and Dee were told if they saw them first to handle it. They loved me and would fight for me as many of my friends would have. Now going through a path behind a church as a shortcut, I ran into one of them. It seemed he was trying to have sex with a nice-looking girl. Damn, boy, I said, this is not your lucky day. Kenneth was with me and knew this kid. He knew all the bad boys and had started stealing before I knew what it was. The boy cried for Kenneth to stop me as I beat him. Nothing could until the thirst for revenge had been fulfilled.

As I walked from the store, Barry called me from a side street. I had no desire to hurt the boy that lay in the muddy ditch. Barry was stumping him so hard that I could only hope he lives through it. Dee had the other one on a fence, struggling. Dee, you got him, I said. Are you sure. Yah, man, I’m sure. Then let him go. Just as he let the boy go, I gave the kid a shot to his belly that knocked the wind out of him. We took them home and threw them over their fence. They were the same boys that hit my cousin Timmy with a rock. When they did that, I tried to talk to their mother. Some women don’t mind if their kids are bullies was the thought I had as she told me to get the hell out of her yard. From the look on her face, seeing her kids in pain, I was sure she’d talk to them, or at least tell them to stay away from me.

I had not gone to my cousin’s for about three weeks for fear of what might be good for me. Those days were spent from school to play marbles, walks in the woods to look for snakes. Playing football was a lot of fun and a game called half rubber. It was like baseball except you use half of a rubber ball. The times that were spent in school were always fun. In my class, there was only one boy ahead of my grades. Celo was also highly active in class plays, except for the time of the Christmas play. He was the first angel, followed by five girls and me. It was a time neither one of us wanted to show. I made him promise he’d be there that night. Grandma, when she had time, would come see me. I was in a panic. Just before the play, he called the school talking about he lost his shoes. I called his house, called him an asshole and all the names I could say he wouldn’t like. I’m struck with these girls, but I went on out there. It wasn’t one of my more manly moments. So I rode Celo’s case for the next two weeks. But we were still friends, mainly because we both liked school.

Seletha was going to the White school. Danny was also. When Joe went, they put him back a year and then failed him, which I thought was funny. It was a matter of choice, the beginning of integration. All my friends were Black, his too. So for what reason would you want to go? Now my teasing Joe about trusting the White man would make him secretly dislike me. The only time I saw White kids was at the supermarkets. They would call us little nigger boys. As I recall one incident, Mommy, look at the little boy. Now, honey, you know that’s not nice, the White woman said to her son and asked my grandmother to please excuse him. That’s all right, ma’am. He didn’t hurt no one. He’s a fine little boy. By now I’m pissed. It was just the way she talked to these people. So how are you today, cracker? I’m not a cracker. I’m White, he said in a timid way, which also triggered me. I said, Punk—I pointed to a bag of rice—this is white. Grandma hit me on the hand. Clyde, you know that’s not nice. I guess that is part of the reason she seldom took me there.

Well, school was out, and most of the summer had gone by. It was August, and Seletha was going to have a birthday party. As I played in the backyard at my cousin’s house, she’d always be in the back of their yard watching me. Dave, a friend of mine, came by and informed me that he wasn’t invited. Even he as well as many kids knew of some strong force between us. I’ll handle that right now, dude, I said this with complete confidence. I called her to the fence then demanded she invite this guy to her party. She said no four times, and I knew she meant it. Maybe this power doesn’t exist, to not speak to her until I get ready and expect the best result. Later, Iris would tell me this friend of mine had tried to rape her while I was away. Damn, and she wouldn’t tell me ’cause we’re not that close.

Tex, a boy about my age and size, lived in the house in front of my cousins. Like me, he was strong for his size. Like everyone had an eye for Seletha. He was always a little crazy, but it just seemed to grow on its own. Nothing had to be said, but somebody better say something. Or something bad was going to happen. We could both feel it, but who was going to be that someone.

Sure enough, one day, this boy Tex pushed me too far. We were in front of his house when the fight started. It was for no reason at all. The kids all got around to see this. He put me down and was on top of me when I told him if he hit me in my face, I will hurt him bad. Somehow, he believed me and let me up. She ran to get a ringside seat, and I had lost my taste for the fight. He was happy with that, because he had showed her he had won. I went into his house and told him I don’t fight over girls. She was outside listening to me talk to this guy. The fact was I was ashamed. The next day as I walked to the store, he attacked me. I put him on his ass so quick that he just lay there in amazement as I told him for the last time not to make me mad. Then I saw her watching the whole thing behind her steam door. I acted like I did not see her, but I was glad she knew I was not a punk. Tex always showed me love and respect after that.

Kenneth was becoming a thief, and hung around all the real bad guys, ’cause they weren’t that though. He knew I loved him but feared me more than anyone in the family. For it was my love for him that would stop him from doing the things he liked to do. There was a new girl in the house. We called her Boo Boo. She was Kenneth and Diane’s first cousin. Grandma took her in like one of her very own. It seemed like we all picked on her, but Grandma saved her time and time again, by hitting us with a stick. Anyway, things happened that would change their way in thinking about me. While sitting around the table trying to eat hot soup, my aunt Alice, for some dumb reason, began to play. She pulled the chair that I was sitting in, and I warned her three times if the soup got on me behind her foolishness that I’d beat her up. Sure enough, the soup got all over my chest. She was standing right in front of the door, and it was good that moved her ’cause my hands went right through the door. I stopped right there, as the rest of them looked in total amazement. The next thing was when my cousin Joe kicked me in the mouth ’cause I was teasing him. Again, not thinking hit the boy once in the mouth, which caused his two front teeth to fall right after Danny helped him up. It really hurt to have hurt Joe that much, running outside then finding a place to be alone and to cry. Something inside wouldn’t let me.

I left again, not doing what was the most important thing that I set out to do. This time I regretted it more and more. Now I was back in New York with only the dreams of how I messed things up. Sixth grade brought at lot of changes. Winning art contests got me the job of art editor of the school newspaper. A very lovely Spanish girl named Carmen was my assistant. It was only for one hour after school, and never did I take the time to get to know her. After work, we went our separate ways, never stopping to think she liked me. It wouldn’t matter anyway. I was still in chorus and doing even better in my grades. Life was looking better at my moms, eating a lot of greens, which to me was better than meat.

Then at homeroom, a White boy that was sitting next to me gave me a piece of gum. The teacher, a White woman that looked like she was seventy, came in. She told the boy who was white to take the gum out of his mouth. She was mean, and I had always tried to stay out of her way. Watching her hit kids and slam them against the walls always had me wondering what was wrong with the school for letting her work there. I did not want to take any chances. It took the hell out of me. The slap wasn’t that painful. It’s the fact that she did this in front of the class, to me, for no reason at all. The pain inside was much worse. Why? I cried with my head on the desk. Why did she do that to me? I don’t believe it. I was still crying.

It seemed to be driving me insane. I couldn’t look at the class. Then she walked over, telling me, Because you’re a smart-ass, that’s why. Now take your behind into the study room. I went crazy in that room, throwing books and slamming chairs all over the place, saying over and over, I don’t believe this shit. Hell no, I don’t believe it. The door opened, and she came in and grabbed me by the arm. Let’s go, young man. Then she was slammed to the wall and found herself not being able to move. My hands were on her shoulders, and I told her to never ever in her life touch me again. This time I was crying ’cause I think I meant it. Maybe it was the look in my eyes or the tears on my face, but she walked behind me all the way to the principal’s office. The principal, a White woman that listened to this teacher, had surprised me when I told my side of what happened. She said that the woman was too old and didn’t want to retire. That she won’t be there much longer. Meanwhile, what happens to the kids like me that she’s destroying. One day, we would forget this and go on with our lives. Not me, I told her, I’ll never forget it, and you tell her to stay away from me.

At home, I tried to tell my mother how I felt and that I wanted her to go to the school and tell them to keep their hands off me. Well, Clyde, I really don’t see why. The little slap you got, you probably deserved it. Only I knew how I felt and knew that the woman and with one punch the wrong way and I could kill her. Thank god, she never did get into a problem with me again.

Tony, the boy that joked about my burn just below my eye, had become a good friend. He took me to meet his family and wanted me to sing this song Stand by Me for his mother. She loved the way I sang. Later, I’d sleep over anytime I wanted. He had three sisters, and it was plain to see they all liked me. One night while there, a girl that was no more than twelve came over. His older brother was having sex with her, and Tony told me when he finished the girl liked me. That she wanted me to come and go next. I looked in the room and saw the girl lying there, legs apart with no clothes on. She did look good, but damn, I thought how uncaring would she be.

Sam and Charles became two of my best friends. They now share the part of me that hurt from the South. Being around them brought a lot of comfort. In my grief walks in the woods and sitting on the big rock that was in front of the pond, that seemed to relax me more than anything. Even Seletha couldn’t touch me in these moments of peace. Sam was trying to tell me about some kid that wanted to fight me for no apparent reason. Most of the young brothers there were my friends. Since he never said anything to me, maybe he’ll realize that I’m a nice guy that has no wish to fight him.

Checkers is a game that we always enjoyed. And as we played over at my house, this kid Bobby, one that wanted to beat me up, made a stupid move as the other player was able to take three of his pieces. We all laughed, but only me did he want to get mad at. The boy told me, Shut the fuck up. Just what the hell do you think is so funny, Clyde? making it clear who he was talking to. Man, I can laugh at anything I wish. Then he jumped up into my face thinking his size would scare me or something, telling me one more time and he’s going to beat the hell out of me. Bobby, look, man, it’s nothing to fight about. Talking to him was a waste, so I asked him to leave the house. Put me out, he said, and began to try and throw me. He found himself being thrown around the room hard and landing on his back, which I knew by now was in pain. On top of knowing there was no need to hit him, my friends, his friends, told me to go ahead and beat him. He wanted you for a long time, Clyde. If he had the chance, he’d fuck you up. I know, but he don’t, and he won’t ’cause he can’t. See, Bobby, all know what you should get, but when I let you up, just get hell out of my house, okay. The boy got up telling me that he’d see me downtown, like he’s going to fight me again. I knew damn well that he just needed more time to think.

Aunt Alice and a distant cousin, Sarah, came up for the summer. Alice told me the good news that Seletha always asked about me. Mom had brought a new big red bike, something that would keep me from nagging about going home. I told her of my love for this girl was a waste of time. I thought of myself, just a little boy with over-infatuation. Now going to church was a new experience for me. The preacher was not like the ones in the South.

It seemed to be driving me insane, I couldn’t look at the class. Then she walked over telling me because you’re a smart ass that’s why. Now take your behind into study room. Going crazy in that room, throwing books and shamming chairs all over the place. Saying over and over I don’t believe this shit. Hell no, I don’t believe it. The door opened and she came in and grabbed me by the arm, lets go young man. Then she was slammed to the wall and finding herself not being able to move. My hands was on her shoulders and me telling her to never ever in her life touch me again. This time I was crying cause I think I meant it. Maybe the look in my eyes or the tears on my face, but she walked behind me all the way to the principal’s office. The principal, a White woman, that the women was to old and didn’t want to retire. That she won’t be there much longer. Meanwhile what happens to the kids like me that she’s destroying. One day we would forget this and go on with our lives. Not me I told her, I’ll never forget it and you tell her to stay away from me.

At home trying to tell my mother how I felt and that I wanted her to go to the school and tell them to keep their hands off me. Well Clyde, I really don’t see why, the little slap you got you probably deserved it. Only I knew how I felt and knew that the women would get herself hurt badly. It was not her, but me that I feared. She was an old women and with one punch the wrong way and I could kill her. Thank god she never did get into a problem with me again.

Today the boy that joked about my burn just below my eye, had become a good friend. He took me to meet his family and wanted me to sing this song, stand by me for his mother. She loved the way I sang. Later I’d sleep over anytime I wanted. He had three sisters and it was plain to see they all liked me. One night while there, a girl that was no more than twelve, came over. His older brother was having sex with her and Tony told me when he finished the girl liked me. That she wanted me to come and go next. Looking in the room seeing the girl lay there legs apart with no clothes on. She did look good, but dam, I thought how uncaring would she be.

Sam and Charles became two of my best friends. They now share the part of me that hurt from the south. Being around them though a lot of comfort. In my grief walks in the woods and sitting on the big rock that was in front of the pond. That seemed to relax me more than anything. Even Seletha couldn’t touch me in these moments of peace. Sam was trying to tell me about some kid that wanted to fight me for no apparent reason. Most of the young brothers there was my friends. Since he never said anything to me, maybe he’ll realize that I’m a nice guy that has no wish to fight him.

Checkers a game that we always enjoyed. And as we played over my house, this kid Bobby, one that wanted to beat me up. Had made a stupid move where as the other player was able to take three of his pieces. We all laughed, but only me did he want to get mad at. The boy told me to shut the fuck up. Just what the hell do you think is so funny, Clyde? Making it clear who he was talking to. Man I can laugh at anything I wish. Then he jumped up into my face thinking his size would scare me or something. Telling me one more time and he’s going to beat the hell out of me. Bobby look man it’s nothing to fight about. Talking to him was a waste, so I asked him to leave the house. Put me out, he said, and began to try and throw me. He found himself being thrown around the room hard and landing on his back which I knew by now was in pain. On top knowing there was no need to hit him. But my friends, his friends told me to go ahead and beat him. He wanted you for a long time Clyde. If he had the chance he’d fuck you up. I know, but he don’t and he won’t cause he can’t. See Bobby all know what you should get, but when let you up just get the hell out of my house OK. The boy got up telling me that he’d see me down town, like he’s going to fight me again. I knew dam well that he just needed more time to think.

Aunt Alice and a distant cousin Sarah came up for the summer. Alice told me the good news that Seletha always asked about me. Mom had brought a new big red bike. Something that would keep me from nagging about going home. Telling her of my loved for this girl was a waste of time. Thinking of me, just little boy with over infatuation. Now going to church was a new experienced for me. The preacher was not like the ones in the south. There was something different, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But he was driving an old car when I first got there. Then after two months, the man was in a new car. He’s just taking these people’s money, trying to tell my mother the reason not wanting to give him mine. It was funny that I never felt this way in the church back home. Seeing the ushers go to the bar right after church, man, this was also something else to shock me.

Now with three women in the house, I was coming home from a hard game of dodgeball. Very hungry, I parked the bike and dashed up the stairway into the house. Just as the door opened, Clyde, wash the dishes. What! You got to be kidding. There’s two girls in here. I haven’t even ate yet, and you tell me to wash the dishes. I do it all the time when they’re not here. Shouldn’t I get a break. No, you wash the dishes, or I’m going to whip your behind. Now the lady got me thinking she’s looking for a reason to beat me. Threatening me was the wrong move, first in an open debate about this, and I would have washed the dishes. No, I’m not going to do it. Boy, didn’t I tell you that I was going to beat you, she said and began hitting me.

Chapter 2

The Town

The more she hit me, the worse my attitude got. Never will I wash them now, now raging with tears. Bill, come beat this boy. I’m tired of him. He needs a man to whip his little behind good. Never did I have any problem with Bill. He seemed to think of me as a good kid but strange. Just as he got into the door, he was looking at the knife in my hands. Bill, you see this, I’m to put it back into the draw, ’cause I know you can take it from me. You’re not my father, man, and I like you. But what my mother is trying to beat me for is wrong. So if you hit me, you will see the knife again. Looking eye to eye, he saw the sincerity in what was being said. Turning back into the room, he said, Mary, I’m not going to touch the boy.

Never did I wash the dishes, so for the next two days, Mother and I didn’t speak. Soon it was time for Alice and Sarah to go back home. The only time I spent with them was at the house. Being around girls was not my idea of a pastime. But Alice was told to write back and inform me on all that was happening with Seletha.

While going to church, me and three brothers had become friends. They lived about a mile out of town, and I’d come over since it was hard for them to go anywhere. Then while walking back, I began looking at how the three of them got along. That was part of the reason I came. It must be nice to have brothers. They could always play together. They, too, listened to the tales of the South. The mother of these kids was a very quiet woman, never seeing her out, not even to church. Their father ruled with an iron fist. It was plain to see the man kept them in fear. I didn’t like it and one day told them how I felt about the man not showing love and being mean to their mother. He was coming through the door when I said these things, but I didn’t give a damn. If he hit me, it wasn’t my mother or Bill for him to worry about, just me. ’Cause to me the man was a villain. When the man looked at me, I could tell that he didn’t like the idea that his boys thought highly of me.

Also as I went to church, a beautiful woman kept looking at me. I learned that she and her husband never had a kid, and I would watch this woman look at me more and more. They had a very nice home, and they both had good jobs. In her eyes, it was plain to see the yearning of a child. God has told me of a bigger task. Yes, people, the Lord has called on me to work in a bigger house. My words must be carried to wider audiences, the preacher said. The people in the church usually would be saying like yes and amen by this time. But they seem confused as I began to laugh myself to death.

School rolled around again. This time it would be high school. My grades would be at B level, but they still kept me in a general class. I was really motivated this year for some reason. I would have loved to be in the top classes, just knowing I could have handled it. Maybe making the basketball team had a lot to do with it. Running up and down the courts keeps the mind open. Sam, the star player, would come over to my house most every day. Being the sixth man on the team made me very happy, ’cause the team was great. Then my art was coming along fine, having won an honorable mention in the fair. I gave my friend Ricky and his older brother more respect for me. They both talked to me more often now. His brother was the best artist in the school, and Ricky was an all-around artist. He played music as well as he drew. I was still chorus and becoming a singer, being pushed by all the night people, like Mr. Macderman the basketball coach. He pushed me in a way that I liked. Not really caring that much about basketball, he saw that. But he also saw that my game could improve. What got me is that he was White and took interest in all the kids that faced him. It wasn’t just a job to him. He showed he cared. That’s all a kid needs to work at a goal, someone who cared.

People that cared seemed to be all around me. Mary didn’t seem to care. Maybe because she wasn’t used to being the mother that I wanted. When she was in the mood, I wasn’t. Love was something I needed badly. Maybe with that girl in my mind, there wasn’t room for her. Bill always got along with me. Now his constant fights with my mother made me wonder. I never knew what they fought about. It must be something stupid. So never really caring, I’d go on like nothing happened, hoping they would work out their differences so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Then while playing in the room with my friend Charles, she came in with shades on. As she started to take them off, she was crying. What do you think of this! she said. Looking at the black eye she had, of course, I was hurt. Who did that me, I said it in a nonchalant way, remembering the time that teacher slapped me. Bill did this to you. Yes! she said, still crying. Well, what do you think of it? I don’t know, you must have somehow deserved it. Hearing that, the lady started to cry even more as she ran out of the room. Clyde, how could you say that to your mother! Charles said. Hey, man, that’s what she said when the teacher slapped me. I even told you that I’d never forget it. The woman could have been killed if it was left up to me, and it was. I was just lucky that the crazy lady didn’t mess with me anymore. Charles, say what you like, but your mother would have come and you know it. But, Clyde, that’s your mother no matter what. Charles, give me what you want, and I’ll give double. You understand that, man. You want me to care? Show me you care. Charles just shook his head, knowing that he would not be able to change my mind. I still wished there was something he could say. Being a friend that really cared, he was hurt, and I could see this.

After school, I’d always go to my room, start homework, paint, or write. Today was different. I was in the middle of a project when I realized it was about six o’clock. Weird that my mother hadn’t called me to dinner yet. She’d be losing it, so into my work I’d never stop to hear anything. Now I saw nobody in the kitchen and no food. Somebody had lost their mind, ’cause I was hungry as hell. Oh well, there must be a good reason for this. Bill rolled in around seven ten, and when I asked him did he see her he said no, but assured me there was nothing to worry about. The next morning, she wasn’t there, and so I went to school thinking she was kidnapped or something. Maybe dead. All that day and for the next sixteen, I’d be worried sick.

I was not able to function all around my friends or the teachers. I did not come to see them after school or allow them to see me. Not knowing where she was, was driving me up a brick wall. After getting on the A honor roll three times and really caring about school, it all seemed of no importance to me. No relatives within three hundred miles and she just left me with this man. Bill was talking about going to California and taking me along. The problem was he didn’t want to get stopped for kidnapping me. So he told me we’d wait another week. That night as we talked, a knock was at the door. It was two policemen that came in first, followed by my mother, two other women, and a man that I’d never seen before. The cops informed Bill that they were there to make sure that things didn’t get out of hand while the lady gets her furniture. Damn, I must be a piece of furniture, wondering as I looked at these new strange faces. Bill was standing at the door as I bid him farewell. I was not really thinking of him at the time, just what the hell is going on. Once in the van, I thought who were these people and why hadn’t my mother talked to me about this yet. When we reached another small town about six miles from the one we just left, I was told that I’d sleep on the couch in an apartment of this lady named Grace.

Three days had passed, and it was almost normal for me to get up and catch a ride to school with some of the men that worked in a hotel that was nearby. Luckily for me, school was in its last month. It seemed like I was losing emotional involvement with the point in going. Grace had two kids, a boy and girl, and they both were younger than me and were never really a problem. Grace and her team liked to play cards and other games until late hours in the night. Of course, drinking and profanity with a lot of yelling just seemed natural with these games. And I was trapped in the living room couch to listen to this all night. When Mother came over to bring me food and money, she told me this friend Grace was from home, that she went to the same church, Calvary, down South. Now more relaxed around these people, I began to analyze them. Bobby, the husband of Grace, was a man that worked hard as a chief, giving his money to Grace and keeping only a little for himself. That, he would spend drinking with his friend in town. What little it took to make this man happy.

But I liked him, not just because he was nice to me. The way he tried to keep his family happy. On the other hand, his wife and her games at night really got to me. She was the ringleader of all this noise. So how could I tell her to please keep it down, and never once did the lady ask me if I could sleep through all that. These women came every night. I did not want to complain to my mother, thinking things must be bad for her to leave me in here. One night one of the card players wanted me to walk her daughter home. The girl was two years my junior. She was pretty, and anyone in the house could see she had eyes on me every time she came. Her coming had gotten more regular after seeing me. It all seemed funny until I said I didn’t feel like walking the girl home. Then Mary walked in, and the women were all over her. What kind of son you got? Just who in hell do he think he is. Most of them I knew I didn’t have a chance. Clyde, I don’t see anything wrong in you walking the little girl home. Naw, he think he’s too damn cute, one of them muttered.

The boy walked through the town, which seemed like one street in a small city. He passed a pool hall that consisted of bums and winos. In the front was a large shoeshine stand with a music box beside it. The floor looked like it wasn’t cleaned in weeks. As one of the men called the boy inside, he was reluctant to enter, for it was clear that it was not a place of his liking. All the men watched the little distance that he came, seeing in their minds the fear of this kid. The truth was he did fear this place, for he could already see the wild evil that lurked within. Proceeding down the street, his mind wondered if he has gone further than what it was. Over and over, a blur entered his brain, as he tried to make clear the thoughts of how it used to be. Now not looking ahead, only seeing the past. Look, look, that’s him. Oh, isn’t he cute. The boy looked to see a group of girls in front of him. Run, run, the voice in the back of his mind said.

Dashing through an alley, the boy was followed by another, laughing as he caught up with this stranger that runs away from girls. Wait a minute, dude, he said, why didn’t you talk to the girls, still laughing. The fact was they weren’t that attractive and maybe not even that. Maybe because of the love he had enabled him to see other girls in his mind. Hold it. As the girl and I walked home, he thought, She must have told them about me. That night nothing happened. As we walked, I told her of my great love for Seletha. The fact that she didn’t want to listen would not stop the boy from telling her. He knew from the look in her eyes it was best to tell her or she would be just like him, dreaming for something she would never have.

Jerry was the name of his newfound friend. He was tall and about one shade darker and not a bad-looking young man. He always had a strong desire for sex. Now at the age of fourteen, he could put into action. Therefore, he could not put into thought the reason the boy told him he ran and did not take advantage of his good fortune. If this kid could get himself together, we could have a lot of laughs with these girls, since they seemed to be going crazy over him. My brother and I were the highlights of this place last year. They always went for the new guys since the town was so damn small, a new face was always welcome. Well, he