The Why of Life: In Death We Find Life

By Hilbre Johnson

'In Death, We Find Life'

What does it mean to lose someone you love? How does it shape the person you are to become in the years that follow a deep loss, and how do you navigate the suffering, challenges and internal conflicts that arise du

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nielsen
• Release date: Jan 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9781739243623

Book preview

PROLOGUE

This book is about loss, denial, anger, acceptance and ultimately peace.

Death is something that we as human beings seem unable to fully accept, as it is the great unknown of our existence. We seem to resist death at all costs, something that has never before been so highlighted as during the COVID-19 pandemic. The reality is that the day we are born is the start of our journey to death. I often get the sense that people will do anything to avoid death, instead of seeing it as part of the life cycle and making the most of our precious time on earth. As the lyrics remind us, ‘the soul afraid of dying never learns to live’.

Death really is the only guarantee in life – we just don’t know when it will happen.

For this reason, we either turn to religion to help make sense of it all or we spend our lives trying to solve the riddle and grasp the meaning of life. The ultimate question: what does it all mean? At the end of the day, nobody knows because the simple fact is that no one has died and come back to tell the rest of us what happened.

Is it really as simple as the Bible says – ‘ashes to ashes, dust to dust’? Surely not. A number of religions believe in reincarnation and that our spirit lives many lives that are all part of a journey to spiritual catharsis. What this ultimate place or feeling is, is anyone’s guess. Buddha claimed to have reached this state of enlightenment, but even then, what did he really feel, and when he died, what really happened to his spirit? It all comes down to what you believe in.

Life is filled with questions, some of which I have tried to answer or, at the very least, make some sense of. For the rest, they are nothing more than open-ended questions, and I guess they will always remain so.

Hopefully, by reading my story, you will be able to find your own meaning and come to some sort of understanding as to your purpose here. If you have experienced the death of someone close you will know exactly what I mean.

Until the end, we must continue our journey, focusing on all the positive aspects and taking from each experience all the knowledge and learning that it gives us. This means the next experience will be even more powerful. The mistake too many of us make is we don’t notice the lesson, or maybe we do, but consciously choose to ignore it for fear of it not fitting into our perceived picture of the world. This leaves us feeling stuck because, although the experience may look different, the lesson is the same, and until we learn, we will find ourselves repeating patterns over and over again.

The one thing I have come to believe (even if this is only my perception) is that life is a very powerful flowing river with a beginning and an end, and she knows exactly where she is going. She was flowing in this direction long before we were ever created, and she will continue to keep flowing long after we have passed.

We can try and influence her or even control her, but ultimately, she will win as she is stronger than us, and you will be taken to where you are meant to go. Challenging and trying to control her only delays your journey. I sometimes wonder if this means we lose out on certain experiences because the fact is we only have a limited time on Earth, and if you slow your journey by trying to swim against the current or hold back and try to cling to the sides, I believe you will be fast-tracked and will possibly miss out on some of the magical experiences you might have had if you had tuned into the river’s energy and natural rhythms.

I have written this book in memory of my mother, who loved me in a way that only a mother can – unconditionally and selflessly. I did not get to experience being a mother of a human child, but I know what nurturing and loving another human being and animals feels like. I believe we all have our own unique path to walk, and mothering, nurturing and loving can take on many forms.

Tragically, I lost my mother when I was just becoming mature enough to really enjoy friendship with a parent on an adult level – something I was robbed of and something that I have taken 26 years to make peace with. Some people will say I must be grateful for the good relationship I had with my mother, and I am, but that will never heal the wound of all the good times I had so looked forward to and ones I will never have.

I am often again with my mother in dreams, but she is always slightly out of arm’s reach, so that even in my dreams I am denied those moments of closeness and happiness that I so yearn for.

When someone is your best friend and parent, it is a rare thing. We always ask – why are the good ones taken? Who knows? Maybe God is selfish and wants to surround himself with the good ones, or maybe the good ones are just too good for this earthly world. I fundamentally think life is hard and very few people live with a feeling of true happiness and peace. Many have turned to religion as an aid, and I have no view on what is best. I do know, though, that many of the answers lie within us, and as individuals we have a journey to make, and it is up to us how we do this.

For those who have experienced death, I hope you will find this book both comforting and helpful in getting to that next stage, and for those who haven’t, maybe these questions will add a bit more to helping you resolve your own riddle of life.

Here’s to your journey, asking your own questions and one day hopefully finding your own answers…

1

MOETI AND ME

‘Your mother’s going to die today.’

Nothing can prepare you for those words… I felt as if I’d been stabbed. Those six words filled every part of my body. The pain was unbearable. Yet, in another way, I didn’t take them in at all.

I sat with her and held her hand – she was mainly sleeping and didn’t say much. The room was quiet, and all I could hear were birds outside and her very faint breathing. Dad quickly came back, as he had been on his way to the office. The outside world was butting up against the peace of her room. Things didn’t feel quite real somehow.

The day before, we’d been to the movies. Had I done the wrong thing? Was it too much for her? ‘No,’ said the doctor. ‘It was absolutely the right thing to have had that day together.’

I remember the film was a comedy – Three Men and a Little Lady. It had been so lovely hearing my mum laugh, although she mostly slept. The cancer was in her bones, so even though she was only 47, she needed a walking stick and a neck brace as she didn’t have the strength to hold the weight of her head and huge amounts of morphine to dull the pain. I am so grateful I was able to have one last day with her even