Find the Peace within You: How to Heal the Damage Caused by Childhood Trauma

By Veronica San Filippo

How do you live a peaceful adult life after suffering through the pain of a traumatic childhood?

Find the Peace within You contains straight-forward, easy-to-follow ways to heal the damage caused by a traumatic childhood so y

• Language: English
• Publisher: VSF Writes Publishing
• Release date: Nov 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9798218133870

Veronica San Filippo

Veronica San Filippo is a first generation American who grew up in a small town in the Midwest. Growing up in poverty and violence, she read books as a means to escape. Researching and writing Find the Peace within You, How to Heal the Damage Caused by Childhood Trauma was therapeutic. Veronica continues to live in the Midwest with her husband and children.

Book preview

Find the Peace within You

Find the Peace within You

Find the Peace within You

How to Heal the Damage Caused by Childhood Trauma

Veronica San Filippo

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VSF Writes Publishing

Contents

Preface

Introduction

One My Journey to Understanding

Two The Root Causes of Trauma

Three How Trauma Impacts You

Four Pain and Addiction

Five The Ego

Six Introduction to the Solution

Seven Change the Way You Think

Eight Let Go of Suffering and Find Peace

Nine A Higher Power and Your Inner-Observer

Ten Learning to Love without Expectations

Acknowledgements

I wrote this for you

First and foremost, this book is written for you, the reader. My greatest hope for writing Find the Peace within You is to bring to light the lasting effects of childhood traumas and share ways to begin the healing process.

Poverty, domestic violence, addiction, and abuse continue to plague the world. If you are a survivor of a traumatic childhood and the negative effects continue to haunt you, you have the power and opportunity to change the trajectory of your life. It’s not too late and you are worth it.

Copyright © 2022 by Veronica San Filippo

VSF Writes Publishing, LLC

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

First Printing, 2022

Find the Peace within You

How to Heal the Damage Caused by Childhood Trauma

ISBN 979-8-218-12069-6 

Cover design by Veronica San Filippo

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a published review.

The information presented herein represents the views of the author as of the date of publication. This book is presented for informational purposes only. Due to the rate at which conditions change, the author reserves the right to alter and update her opinions at any time. While every attempt has been made to verify the information in this book, the author does not assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, or omissions.

This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication.

All scripture quotes are taken from the New International Version, © Biblica, 2011.

To Alaina

You fill my days with light.

Preface

Homelessness, physical, sexual, emotional abuse, substance abuse, violence, poverty, instability, and negativity are just a few hardships no adult wants to experience or endure, let alone a child. Every day, babies are born into families and situations that are far from ideal. While no parent is perfect, many actions and choices leave lasting impressions on the young and developing brains and hearts of children. The impressions often become deeply engrained in the child, who then carries the effects into adulthood.

This is no fault of the traumatized child. Ongoing traumas—or even one extremely traumatic event—experienced during childhood can negatively affect and stunt critical brain development.

Affected adults experience negative and angry outbursts, insecurities, inability to trust in romantic relationships and friendships, self-sabotage, self-doubt, fear, anxiety and depression, and feelings of crippling unworthiness, to name just a few.

My hope is that Find the Peace within You provides insight and suggestions to improve your life. We will examine the causes of generational poverty, violence, and mental illness within the family unit, as well as how it affects the children in the home during their developmental years.

We will explore solutions and techniques you can use to quickly improve and transform any ongoing problems in your life today that were shaped by the traumatic events you experienced as a child.

Through understanding, you’ll begin to learn about who you are and who you can become.

Introduction

When children experience instability, homelessness, drug and alcohol addictions, neglect, and physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, it leaves lasting emotional scars. These traumas cut deep and can prevent development of some areas of the growing and fragile brain. Consequently, the ill-developed or damaged brain impacts the life, mind, actions, thoughts, and perceptions of the child, who takes these scars and baggage into adulthood.

Traumas and their effects touch every facet of an adult who experienced a traumatic childhood, often leaving them confused as to who they are and constantly questioning why they act and feel the way they do. Many survivors of a traumatic childhood struggle in relationships and with self-medicating and ongoing feelings of depression and anxiety.

I experienced several traumas during my childhood, all of which negatively affected my development. When I went off on my own as an adult, it became clear to me over time that I was experiencing ongoing issues with self-sabotage, self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, insecurities, and the inability to trust. There was a void in my heart that I tried to fill with the wrong things. Through a lot of hard work, research, and therapy, I was able to reach a level of understanding about what had happened and how to train and teach my brain to do some much-needed healing and learning. Understanding that nothing and no one is perfect, today I enjoy a life filled with joy and peace.

Because you were a child, you had no control while living in the turmoil. You did your best to survive. Now, as an adult, you can choose to live free of chaos and suffering. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It’s time for a change. The negatives of the past do not deserve a seat at your metaphorical table today. Let’s get started.

One

My Journey to Understanding

What is it about childhood that never lets you go, even when you’re so wrecked, it’s hard to believe you ever were a child? —Mitch Albom

I’d spent my childhood thinking bad things, bad things every day. It had made me sick, but it had made me determined. —Julian Cope, English musician and author

My childhood was very rarely peaceful. Chaos and uncertainty continually filled our house. My parents would argue often and demonstrate their suffering, insecurities, and stress by yelling and acting out violently. Dad, feeling judged and unaccepted by everyone, would chase Mom in anger or pull her out of bed when he came home from a night of drinking. My mother wanted to confront him immediately to understand why he did this yet again. Mom would throw things at him in defense. She would express her disappointment and fear by yelling. All her frustrations and disappointments were released from her proverbial mental cage into the room in which my siblings and I cowered, frightened, and isolated.

Alcoholism and mental illness were the root causes of this chaos. Dad was an alcoholic and suffered from anxiety and depression. He would often stay out all night binge drinking, spending the little money he managed to make during the day. Alcoholism ran rampant on his side of the family, as did mental illness. While many members of his family, including him, were charismatic, intelligent, and funny, most of them suffered from underlying pain and addiction.

Dad had a sixth-grade education. He had dropped out of school when his father was diagnosed with lung cancer and helped take care of him until he took his last breath. Dad would tell me graphic stories of watching the slow decline of a lung cancer patient in their final stage. Pulling thick phlegm from your throat and being unable to take a deep breath should be required disclaimers on every pack of cigarettes.

Pain Passed Down

My father’s relationship with his own father was rocky, to say the least. Dad told stories of being beat viciously with his dad’s belt. He would say his dad seemed to always be at work doing manual labor. I’m sure he felt neglected and unloved.

Dad also recounted stories of watching his mother date various men after his father had passed away. Once she settled on one and they moved in together, arguments and violence ensued between him and the new boyfriend.

My dad’s life wasn’t easy. Generational violence and addiction are real, and I know his childhood was not a happy one.

Every day, the ongoing alcohol abuse and the roller coaster of insecurity, depression, and negativity caused an incredible amount of strife and unease in our home. I tiptoed and avoided as best I could. I was acutely tuned in to the emotions and moods of my parents. It was important to me to be able to quickly read their disposition so I could predict what the day might be like. It was my way of obtaining some measure of control and safety. If Mom and Dad were arguing or Dad was hungover and depressed about not having any money left to the pay the rent, I knew to stay out of their way and hole up in my bedroom. If Dad was in a decent mood and talkative, I enjoyed sitting in the living room with him, chatting and laughing.

Because of Dad’s anxiety and depression, which was made worse by his addiction to alcohol, he struggled to hold a job. He thought he was too good and too smart to work at average, minimum-wage jobs, so he hustled and worked under the table. His insecurities ate at him. Any money he scrounged, he spent at the bar. He’d be gone for days and come home with empty pockets. Mom would be furious.

During much of our childhood, Mom stayed home with my siblings and me, so our livelihood and security fell on Dad’s shoulders. After his nights out, they often had no money to pay rent or the heat, electricity, or water bills. When the house was cold, mom would open the oven door and turn it on as high as it would go.

We were regularly evicted, with nowhere to go. It was tough to find people willing to rent to us based on my parents’ rental history. Most of the time, Dad was able to turn on his charm and lean on his excellent communication skills and smooth talk to manipulate his way into a new lease. A few months would