A Mender of Souls: A Tear in My Soul, #4

By Robert Tomas

Bob Tokarz needs to suffer through burying a child. Trying to reconnect with Gabriella, he is willing to sacrifice the hurt she caused. When Gabriella and Valeria are thought to be abducted, Bob springs to action to find his love. His children are coveted and protected from the outside world. As Gabriella and Bob work together to keep their children safe while still hunting those who abduct/harm children, they suffer the consequences of interfering with the Roman Guard.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert Tomas
• Release date: Nov 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215693438

Robert Tomas

Born during the post WWII baby boom in New Haven, CT to parents of Polish descent, Robert followed the traditional lifestyle associated with the baby boomer. After finishing high school in Hamden, CT, he went on to earn a BA from UCONN. Since he married and starting having children while at UCONN, he dashed his dream of going to law school and instead embraced technology that was at that time limited to large companies. The PC had not yet been invented.... While working, he earned an MBA, and completed all of his work on a DBA (Doctor of Business Administration). He has to date worked for a number of technology companies and last worked to protect cyber security for major financial institutions worldwide. Robert is retired, since 2017.On his father's side, he is a second generation American and a third generation American on his mother's side. For his father's eightieth birthday he took him to visit relatives in a small town south of Krakow. What he encountered there was the inspiration for his first novel, My FatherLand. He has completed his second book, Ante-Babel and his third, A Tear in my Soul. He is working on his fourth novel expected to be released in 2021.

Book preview

A Mender of Souls

Book 4 of the

A Tear in my Soul

Series

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to the retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

A Mender of Souls is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, institutions, companies and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, institutions, companies or locales is entirely coincidental. 

Copyright 2022 Robert Tomas

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, or transmit this book, in any part thereof, in any form or by any means whatsoever, whether now existing or devised at a future time, without permission in writing from the author, except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles and reviews.

For more information about the author, please view:

www.tomascik.com

––––––––

Certain events in this book, are real and did occur. The injection of Bob Tokarz into the event is fictional.

This book is dedicated to Janet. She has been my inspiration, my muse, my partner and my love through the best and worst times of our lives.

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1: The Mourning

Chapter 2: Life after Death

Chapter 3: The Healing Begins

Chapter 4: Gabby and Valeria

Chapter 5: Homecoming

Chapter 6: Omega Protocol

Chapter 7: Moving Forward

Chapter 8: The Hook

Chapter 9: Home to Panama

Chapter 10: The Children Leave the Nest

Chapter 11: Our New Home

Chapter 12: Mission 1

Chapter 13: Agent Alpha

Chapter 14: Agent Beta

Chapter 15: The Big Wind Down

A Request for Feedback

About the Author

Interview with Robert Tomas

Book #1 – My FatherLand

Book #2 – Ante-Babel

Book #3 - A Tear in My Soul

Book #4 – The Soulless Assassin

Book #5 – An Instrument of His Will

Prologue

Though I had been working for the CIA as a contractor for more than seventeen years, my recent losses had given me pause in ever wanting to work for them again. I was living in Orlando, Florida with my son and daughter, Ben and Melinda, and my Father, Joe. My primary job with the Agency was a sharpshooter, or some might say, a sniper, or worse yet, a killer for hire.

My youth was unremarkable except for the sexual abuse I suffered from age three to age thirteen at the hand of a family member. While in College, I married and had my first child and then awaited my second child before receiving my bachelor’s degree. Having two children and a wife to support, my future education was completely diverted to part time attainment of an MBA, followed five years later by a DBA. When I discovered that my wife was carrying on an affair with her relative from the time she was six until current day, I started the divorce process. Because of some issues with her parents and their involvement with the NAZI Party, I was able to get full custody of my children and not suffer the effects of a divorce, financially or emotionally.

My work with the Agency was always what interested me far more than anything I could become involved at my full-time job. There were a couple times when I questioned my sanity and if I was enjoying the sniper work a bit too much. Certain incidents had led me to the point of needing the services of a psychiatrist. Once I received an ‘all clear’ from my psychiatrist, I resumed my work with the Agency, perhaps with a bit more enthusiasm than a ‘normal’ person might.

My relationship with Gabriella and her daughter Valeria was the highlight of my personal life, outside of my children. My children, and Valeria, were my everything. Gabriella had disappointed me in ways that I thought I could never forgive. Yet here I was with her in my life again. Sometimes, tragedy has a way of mending tears in relationships. Whether I could forgive and forget remained questionable, in fact doubtful. But for now, Gabriella and I were together, trying to see if we could be together as a family, at least long enough to get through this current tragedy.

When I returned from Europe with my daughter’s body, I used some of my contacts in the Agency to find the mother of my children. It was almost a year since the children, and I, had heard from her or even knew if she was still alive. She chose her mother and father over her family: her husband and her children. I called the phone number we found for her and after several attempts, reached Lydia.

Hello.

Lydia, this is Bob. Don’t hang up. I have some terrible news.

She immediately started to cry. Don’t tell me something happened to my Daddy in jail. I’ll kill you if they did something to...

I interrupted her rant. "Nothing happened to your daddy. It’s Zofia. We’ve lost our daughter." I started to cry.

Who?

Zofia. Our daughter.

Oh, ok. You scared me. I thought you were calling about daddy.

I was very angry. "You never have cared about your own children. You are the worst mother ever. If, no, when, your daddy dies in prison we’ll all be celebrating. What an idiot. I won’t even bother telling you about Zofia."

Ok. Thanks for the call.

When she hung up, I vowed to never call her again.

Chapter 1: The Mourning

When I awoke, I did not at first know where I was. I laid in bed, motionless, for several minutes trying to remember where I was and what was happening. It was still dark. I felt movement in my bed and gently moved my hand to feel for what had moved. When I touched Gabriella, everything rushed back to me. The weight of what had happened to our families crashed upon me like a tsunami. The tears began to roll down my cheeks and I tried hard to not sob. I had to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’, ‘man-up’, push my emotions down. My generation had been taught to not show remorse, but instead to stare remorse and sadness in the face and not react at all. As I lay there in the darkness, I began to shake. I didn’t want to wake Gabriella. I didn’t even have a clue as to what time it was. Holding back my tears and quelling my sobbing, I laid perfectly still to see if I could hear anyone else stirring in the house. It seemed like hours before I heard a noise come from the kitchen, just outside my bedroom door. It might have been any of the kids, or my Dad. I decided to get up rather than try to stay in bed.

I crept to the bathroom and closed the door quietly behind me. I needed a shower and decided to shower quickly and put on some relaxing clothing. I remembered, while in the shower, what today would be. After turning off the lighting and slowly opening the door to the bathroom, I could see the sun was starting to rise. I could also see that I was successfully quiet, and Gabriella continued to sleep. I wanted her to sleep. As I slipped out of the bedroom, I saw my Dad sitting on the patio with a cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. He had his elbows on the table and his face covered by his palms. His shoulders were shaking slightly. I knew he was crying. I poured a cup of coffee for myself and walked out onto the patio. When my Dad heard me, he quickly wiped his eyes and looked up at me. The whites of his eyes were red from having cried. Though he tried to turn the corner of his mouth upright, his frown shone through.

Dad, are you ok?

No, Bob. I’m not. I can’t seem to stop crying. I don’t remember ever being this sad. My Mother, my Father, even your Mom’s death didn’t affect me like this. How will I ever be ok again?

"I don’t have an answer Dad. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ok again either. None of us will ever be the same again. Everything will be different. But we have to move forward. Ben is relying on us. Melinda is relying on us."

As I looked into the house, I saw Gabby come out of the bedroom. She too appeared somehow older and sadder than I’d ever seen her. Her hair was unkempt, she had bags under her eyes, her eyes were red, she was dressed in an old bathrobe I had at the back of my closet. I watched as she poured a coffee and walked toward us on the back patio.

Good morning Joe. She walked over to my Dad and hugged him. He didn’t stand. He simply sat there and patted her arm that she placed around his shoulders as a hug.

I stood and hugged her before she could say anything. I felt her shudder, as though to stifle an outburst of crying. I held her until she calmed. She sat next to me at the table and took her first sip of coffee.

What time do we need to leave here Bob?

Umm, I think we can leave at 8:30 and get there early. We should be there early. Both my Dad and Gabby nodded yes. In silence, we drank our coffee. It was only 7am, so we had a good bit of time before we had to leave.

When Melinda and Valeria came out of the bedroom area and walked toward us on the patio, Gabby stood and walked into the house. I watched as she kissed both girls on the check and hugged both girls at the same time. I could see Melinda’s face. She was crying. I could see her shoulders heave and shake as she sobbed. Gabby just kept petting her hair and whispering something in her ear. After some time, both Val and Melinda calmed, and Gabby helped them gather what they needed to have breakfast on the patio.

When the three walked out onto the patio, Melinda hugged me and whispered to me, ‘It’s gonna be ok Dad. It’s gonna be ok.’ My Dad stood and hugged Melinda and Val at the same time.

Morning Girls. We need to leave by 8:30. Make sure you eat something. I felt as though I had no energy. I didn’t think I could stand. Finally, I saw Ben come out of the bedroom area. Even his eyes were swollen from having cried so much. He waved to us on the patio, grabbed some pop tarts and walked back to his bedroom. The five of us sat at the table and pretended that the world was still right. That everything was ok. The girls eating their cereal, my Dad, Gabby and I drinking our coffee. Yet no one spoke. The only sounds were the morning doves and a crow in the distance. It was peaceful. I resented the peace. I resented everything about the morning being like any other morning. This was not like any other morning.

At 7:45am Gabby told the girls, You both should go get your dresses on. Let me know if you need any help. Once you’re dressed, please brush your hair and come out so I can see how you look. Bob, Joe, I need to get ready too. I’ll be back in a few. Bob, do you need anything?

Thanks Gabby. No, I’m going to get ready soon as well.

When Gabby left the patio and closed the bedroom door, my Dad began to cry again. I walked behind him and hugged him while he sat in his chair, his shoulders shuddering, his head hung low. Dad, why don’t you get yourself ready and take one of those pills Dr. Don gave you.

Do you think I should?

Dad, you need to calm down. I worry with you being so upset. Take a pill and a shower. You’ll feel better.

Son, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel better again. This is just too much.

Would you rather not come with us?

Bob, I have to come with you all. Let me shower and I will take one of those pills. I’ll be ok.

Alright Dad. I just don’t want you to get sick over this. I need you.

"I won’t get sick. I... no, we will never get over this. Don’t expect us to get over it. I’ll be back after I get dressed."

I was alone at the table. So many memories. So many events I needed to put to the back of my mind. Even though I felt as though I had no more tears left in me, the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I kept dabbing and wiping my eyes and the tears just kept coming down. I didn’t notice Gabby had come out of the room and come out onto the patio. When I saw her approach me, I quickly wiped my eyes and stood to hug her. As we hugged, she just kept repeating, ‘It will be ok. It will be ok.’ We finally broke our hug, and she brushed my hair out of my eyes.

Why don’t you go get ready sweetheart. It’s already 8:15. We need to leave in 15 minutes.

Ok. Can you go remind Ben that we need to leave in 15 minutes?

I will. I laid your clothes out on the bed.

Thanks Gabby.

At 8:30 we all piled into the car and drove to Holy Family Church. Our priest, Father Burbank, met us at the entrance to the Church. He hugged each of us, one by one, as we entered the Church. He escorted Gabby to the front pew. I followed. The coffin was in the middle of the aisle, just to my left. I sat in the pew and could only look at the coffin. At precisely 9am, Father Bob started the mass. I heard every word he said but did not internalize or comprehend even one word.

Bob, would you like to say a few words?

I stood and walked to the podium on the raised alter. I stood behind the podium and adjusted the microphone. For the first time, I looked up and could see that the church was filled to capacity. All I could think was that my Zofia would be proud. She was shy in large crowds but would warm up as she mingled and met the individuals. Only today, there would be no mingling. Today, there would be no laughter and hugs.

My daughter, Zofia or Zoie as she wanted to be called, loved life, people, and everyone she ever met. I never heard her say anything bad about anyone. I remember patting her diaper to help her fall asleep as an infant. Her smile was disarming. And to see the crowd that has gathered here today to say goodbye to her, she would be smiling broadly. She was the kind of person that didn’t have to try to make friends. She was the kind of person that would pick the unpopular kid and sit with him or her at lunch. Her intelligence was, at times, scary. She just seemed to understand how things worked. She was a blend of her older bother and her older sister. She was my ray of sunshine. Her life was ended by a sick and troubled group of people. To the children here, I ask you to be ever vigilant and careful around those you don’t know. To the parents here, I ask that you watch your children carefully and always suspect the worst so that you keep your children close to you. To my children and my loved ones, I ask that you never forget Zoie, but do heal from our loss. She wouldn’t want you to grieve your life away. Think of her laughing and running and playing. She wants all of you to live your lives with joy. For me, this is but the first day of my new life helping find children who are lost or taken and who cannot fend for themselves. We will all heal in time but will never stop missing our beautiful Zofia. Sleep well Zoie. I will see you again, soon.

Father Bob asked if there was anyone else who would like to speak. More than ten people, some classmates, some teachers, some friends, came forward to eulogize my sweet Zoie. After more than an hour, Father Bob took control of the funeral and continued the service. Both Gabby and I had to help my Dad out to the limo. When we all got into the car, my Dad was sobbing that he was sorry.

Why are you sorry Dad? You didn’t do anything wrong.

I should have watched her closer. I thought she was just walking to her friend’s house like she did every day. I should have gone with her. None of this would have happened if I had gone with her. Her death is on me.

No. No it isn’t. If you had gone with her, they would have killed you to get at her. You did nothing wrong. She loved you Dad. And you loved her in return. Not one of us is responsible for what happened to Zoie. The men who are responsible are all dead. I saw to that. Gabby, Val, Ben, Mel, Dad, do you all hear me. I will not tolerate any one of you blaming yourself for something you did, or didn’t do, causing this horrible tragedy. This was caused by pure evil and there is not one person in this car with evil in their heart. Do you understand?

Everyone nodded their head yes. Everyone had tears in their eyes. Ben continued to look down, never once raising his eyes.

Ben are you ok?, I asked.

No, I’m not ok. You said you took care of all the men responsible for this. I say that’s not enough. I say I’ll find more like them and end them as well. They all need to suffer. I’ll make them sorry they were ever born.

Son, get rid of that hate in your heart. It will bring you down. Remember how loving your sister was. She wouldn’t want you to spend your life that way. Please Ben, excel in life and make your sister proud of you. I have the lifelong job of helping children. That is my new vocation. Let me take that burden from you. Do not waste your young life. Can you please do that for me Ben?

He shook his head yes, but I doubted he was being sincere.

The limo came to a gentle stop at the cemetery. When the driver opened the back door for us, Ben, Mel, and Val all exited. My Dad moved toward the door and the driver reached inside to help him out. Gabby exited next. I sat there, contemplating getting out. If I exited the limo, I would be saying goodbye to Zoie forever. If I just sat there and froze time, she would still be with me, forever. The driver finally poked his head into the limo.

Bob, please let me help you. You need to come out.

I reluctantly took his hand and let him pull me out of the vehicle. Ben, Mel and Val were all holding hands as they walked toward the casket. Gabby was holding my Dad by his bent elbow to steady him as he walked. I straightened up and slowly followed. I sat in a seat at the front of the group of chairs, under the tarp protecting us from the sun, next to Gabby. Father Bob said his part