The Purest Promise

By Insha Haque

To the one I call my "epic" love, I closed my eyes while hearing you singing in your melodious voice! Every lyric of every song touched each string of my heart. I rested my head on the dusty windowpane while listening to you on the call and clutched your ring in my hand. I wished to wear it but I didn't want to let the feel of your skin fade away from its surface. You wore it for a minute but it depicts the next few decades of my life now. I imagined myself resting my head over your shoulder, staring at your "Oh-so perfect" face and letting the depth of your voice enter my subconscious mind so that every second stays in my head until hell freezes over. I tried imagining over and over again – listening to your heartbeats, trying to hear my name in the rhythm of your heart. It was an imagination yet was more like a moment I craved for since the day I first saw you. I wanted to drown in that sound of your voice, float with you in the sea of love, fly with you in the sky of feelings and handover my heart and soul to you until an eternity ends. Perhaps, one day we both will and that will be the day after which I'll die without regrets, without any fear, without any scary scenario of losing you in my head. I'll die while resting my head on your lap–staring at you with a smile and with a few tears in my eyes. That will be the time when my heart will rest in peace and I'll wait until we meet again in the hereafter! And then when finally I'll be able to see you there, I'll smile at you and say, you were and still are my "Always & Forever".

-Your "not-so perfect" girl.

– Dua while thinking about the one she gave her soul to.

Let's unfold the pages of her diary together, get to know her pandemic story and read about her exquisite love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blue Rose Publishers
• Release date: Nov 22, 2022

Book preview

Chapter 1

Dearest Diary

"In case you wonder why I've written this diary, let me tell you in just a few words,

–Happy Birthday Love, you're loved always and forever.

Yes! You're right, even if I shuffle off this mortal coil, my immortal diary will stay with you and remind you of the breaths I took for you. I've treasured all our memories, now don't you dare forget me!"

Dear journal,

"I've spent years here in this world,

Yet I couldn't find a true home.

I now have a wretched soul; damaged beyond repair.

Blinded by the lights of hope.

Too tired to crawl till the end,

Too lost to rest amidst this despair.

They say it's a happy place to be with people,

But what I've learnt is, people feed on the flesh; flesh of others for survival.

If they see you happy, they will steal your happiness.

So I stay in solitude, I wait for no one.

For me there's none, I'm better off lonesome."

–This exactly was me.

I was drawn to darkness since the age I started to understand the world and people. I knew no escape, no way of feeling the gust of peaceful wind. I knew the way people lived and loved and left so I chose to stay in the corner of my bedroom from dusk till dawn with my lost thoughts and books instead of socialising and gossiping. My college life was good for nothing and friends were just friends, no love and attachments existed. I was more of a lifeless being who was studying the art of giving people reasons to live happily. It was all a mess. My question to myself used to be– Am I doing this life thing right by concealing myself from the whole world? And the answer used to be– Yes, for now life is better behind these curtains of darkness. I had a fence around me, a boundary that stopped people from knowing me, coming into my life and bothering me. My mental peace mattered to me more than people but I ended up helping them by disturbing the peace of my heart for their sake. That's what true doctors do right? We're meant to keep people safe and happy and dedicate our lives to them and in the end we end up sitting alone with a piece of stress in our hand that we can never let go. In simple words, life was more like – get up…take stress…sleep…repeat.

Well this sounds weird I know, it's pretty normal for doctors to live a hectic life but you know the Covid-19 outbreak turned out to be a disaster for our healths especially our mental healths. The only good thing I did was the constant prayers and non-stop talking with the Almighty.

I was more of an isolated introverted insomniac and knew that no person would be able to fit in here until the day I met him. Him the man who not only made me laugh but also made me feel alive. His voice motivated my heart to beat and his smile gave me breaths. For me, he turned out to be the never ending oxygen supply during the Covid-19 crisis. Weird I know, but honestly he saved me when I was about to give up the ghost, I wasn't dying of course, but yes I wished to because of the student life of a doctor-to-be and the Covid-19's non-stop waves. Seeing people die, not being able to save their lives and not getting permission to attend the funeral of our dear ones was not just a challenge, it was more than that. Months passed after hearing the deaths of a million people and all I did was stay alone with my shadow, wondering what will happen tomorrow.

I didn't have many friends, I had a few and those few were also just friends. I spoke to people rarely, kept good terms but in limits. My life was quite simple yet messed up because every human needs a friend, a friend who can understand the silence by just hearing one word from us. And I had found that friend after stepping out of my teenage years. I wondered how beautiful my life would've been if I would've found him earlier. He turned out to be the answer to all the questions I've asked to my soul. Soulmate is indeed a small word for him. You know slowly with time, he made me a better human and always kicked my lazy ass to do something productive by actually doing work right in front of me. His skills, his perfection and his way of managing things in life turned out to be the best inspiration for me. From managing his business to giving me time but not wasting even a single second he always gave me a reason to smile for no reason to be honest, it feels interesting right? And unknowingly he turned out to be the therapist of a doctor-to-be! Duh, me of course! He pulled my soul out of the sea of anxiety and floated with me on the ocean of emotions. Isn't it beautiful how easily we fall in love with the littlest things a person loves like– their favourite colour, weather or maybe a jar of peanut or almond butter.

I loved him just the way the Sun loves the Moon and snow loves the sky. Trust me, when I first heard the sound of his voice it seemed like I stepped into a dreamland covered with glitter snowflakes where the moon engaged into a celestial tableau.

It was like I walked into the woods alone, I felt like a fallen leaf at first, all alone and dreadful. It seemed like I was almost dead and then I heard his footsteps. When he called my name, his voice seemed like a soothing berceuse that melted my cold heart. I felt chills running through my spine when he held my hand and looked into my eyes. His deep beguiling eyes were filled with ataraxia and when he made me laugh I felt like tranquillity was wrapping its arms around my body. I wish I could tell him how precious he was and still is to me because he pulled this misery out of me by just making me smile and maintaining the sangfroid. All I wished was– peace remains and our happy hours never turn into just memories. I wish I could thank him enough for staying and listening to every imbecile thing I said. I wish I could make him feel special every morning and turn every day momentous for him. I wish I could make him smile every second and capture it in my heart forever. I wish I could find enough words to describe how adorable he was and is.

Okay okay, I'll tell you how I met him. I call it the beautiful game of destiny but I'll tell you, he once sent me a request on my IG page and I followed him back as soon as I accepted his request because… because I don't know. When I saw his profile picture I couldn't resist stalking his full profile. His eyes seemed like an ocean in which a thousand dreams were floating. His smile had hints of serenity. So I just couldn't stop myself from clicking on the follow and accept button as well.

Later, I uploaded a picture of my half face as a private story and I knew I'll be getting a reply sooner or later. And yeah… I was right. He sent me a decent reply and that's when we first talked. It was September 3rd