Diary of a Schizophrenic

By Bethany Boik

She spiraled into a terrifying abyss of mental illness at age 13, and now in her thirties, Bethany Boik offers a disturbing and uplifting peek into the personal hell she has suffered and survived.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Two Sisters Writing and Publishing LLC
• Release date: May 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9781956879384

Bethany Boik

Bethany Boik is a graduate from the University of Michigan-Dearborn. She has a degree in Behavioral Science from the College of Arts, Sciences and Letters interdisciplinary program. Bethany served two service year terms in AmeriCorps and worked in the nonprofit field with at-risk youth and young adults in Detroit, Michigan.In 2018, Bethany received the Youth United's Change Maker Award through the Detroit Wayne Mental Health Authority-for her work in developing youth voice. And in 2022, she received a Detroit Wayne Integrated Health Network Dreams Come True Award in the mini grant to assist the writing of her book, Diary of a Schizophrenic. When she is not with her "love bug," the love of her life, or her family, she enjoys making multimedia art, painting and writing poetry. Bethany enjoys the company of her friends and loves listening to music, as it helps with her mental health. Currently she is listening to Machine Gun Kelly and Ryan Caraveo.You can contact Bethany by email at [e-mail] or find her on Facebook by searching for her name, Bethany Boik.After reading Diary of a Schizophrenic, Bethany hopes her readers have gained a better understanding of mental illness and schizophrenia.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Diary of a Schizophrenic

My name is Bethany and you are holding my diary. I decided I wanted to decrease the stigma surrounding schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder by baring it all in releasing my most vulnerable moments as a human.

This is the story of me growing up, starting at age 13 to age 31, with severe mental illness. This is my way of showing you what it’s like to walk throughout my life with an illness that has, at times, broken my spirit, but never broke me. By sharing my story with you, I hope you get a better understanding of what it’s like to be seriously mentally ill and live life in a neurotypical world.

On this day, I just want to be happy and undisturbed from my illness. Now it’s your chance to read the pages that helped me through my greatest suffering—and into my ultimate chance at changing people’s perspective. So, it’s your chance to read my diary . . . will you do it?

You know my name and now you know I live with a form of schizophrenia called schizoaffective disorder. It’s a brain disease that affects most everything I do. Everything except love and care for my family and the love of my life. I have no idea where I’d be without him or my additional found family. I love them all to pieces.

This book is a mental health diary I started putting together when I was 13 years old. That’s when I became mentally ill and started a journal, which I would use on occasion for the next 15 years. As the years went by, I captured a lot of powerful, sad and overwhelming moments. Heartbreaking episodes appeared again and again, but I realized I always came back up swinging. This journey not only shows you my story, but my art that I did during therapy and pictures at various stages to bring you as close to my life as possible. What is it really like to walk in my shoes as a person living with a form of schizophrenia?

PART I

The Beginning

of

The Symptoms

LETTER FROM MY GHOST

Let me remind you, my 13-year-old self was killed the day that the depression decided to wrap its heavy arms around my body, crushing my soul and my physical being. I became unable to move. This beast then put a curse on my lips to stop me from preaching to the God/s. When all I wanted was for someone, or something, to come and save me. All I got was a ghost of who I used to be following my pitiful being, crying, wailing into her hands, asking, Why in the world did you kill her?

Let me tell you. I no longer can produce prayers. If there was or is a God, why did He think it would be OK to trap people in a body that yearns for death so frequently that they stop living? Why would it be OK for me to start planning my own demise? Why the fuck would He let this