The Book of David: God, Life, and Recovery

By David O'Meara

But my book goes into my personal struggles with my drug addiction. My struggles with mental health. And my relationship with Jesus.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796057430

David O'Meara

David O'Meara was born in Pembroke, Ontario. He is the author of three collections of poetry, and a play, Disaster. His most recent book is Noble Gas, Penny Black. His work has appeared in a number of magazines and anthologies, including The New Canon, and The Echoing Years, a co-Irish/Canadian anthology. He has been shortlisted for the Gerald Lampert Award, the ReLit Prize, the Trillium Prize, a National Magazine Award, four Rideau Awards (theatre), and was twice winner of the Archibald Lampman Award. He is director of the renowned Plan 99 Reading Series, a founding director of VerseFest, Canada's International Poetry Festival, and will be poetry instructor at the Banff Centre in September 2012. He continues to tend bar at the Manx Pub in Ottawa.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by David O’Meara.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/03/2019

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CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

BOOK ONE

Dreams

Sleight

Violence in the World

Silence

My Inner Voice

Peek Hole

Messed Up World

Freedom

Hold On

Memories

Hope

Together

The Hard Choice

Shame

Doom & Gloom

Lost

Amongst the Rubble

My Prison the Mind

Wisdom

Fallen Soldiers

Sin

Gravity

In Time

Sitting

Alan

Fuck This Place

Wonderland

Sleeping

The Netherlands or Heaven

Bombs

The High Way

The Passion I Loved

Love for Drugs

Paranoid

My Life on Drugs

This Love

Don’t Fuck With Me

Genocide

24 hours

On the Run

Attracted

The Addict

A Shout for Help

Obsessed

Pedophile

Fallen

Cutting Deep

My Actions

Congratulations

Possessed

666

Illusions

Good-Bye

Friends with Trust

Fighting with Courage

Outcast

Anger

Change

Pain

Life & Death

Falling Deep

The Journey

Buried Alive

The Disabled

Panic

The Battle

Sniper

Emotions

The World

(Mental)

Mindfulness

Depression

Church

(Mind)

Suicidal Tendencies

Peace Out

Things Unknown

Softening Through Love

Overcoming The Trials

Thank God

A Life Worth Living

Day At A Time

Give Praise

Love Not Death

My Darkest Hour

Our New World

Simple or Complications

Wanting / The Willing to Push

Happy Birthday

The Vision

Suffering and Love

Purpose

Last Breath

Words

Conscience

Thank God

For Me Not Against Me

A Glimpse of the Light to Hold On

Beginning and The End

Beautiful Relief

The Demon in Me

Tainted Spirit

Brokenhearted

Mini-Man

To Live or Die

Growing

Words

The Ladder

Situation Room

Let Go

Sinister

Written Words

Meditation

Don’t Follow

Creations

Clarity

How I Met the Queen of the Cartel

Fear of Me

Surrender to Submit

You are Always Missed

Communication

Portrait

Take Control

The Awakening

Becoming

Accepting Willingly

Battling Chemical Reaction

Working it Out

Life and the Mind

Opening

Schizo

At the Queens Defense

Looking in the Mirror

Gone Boy, Gone

2001

Debbie-Downer

Conversations

The Hanging of King

Printed Heart

Goodbye, Gladice

Helping Hand

Death’s Curtain

Rebuttal

Letter to a Friend

Be Patient

Raped

Change of Heart

Fall to Rise

Wayward to Christ

Inspiration

BOOK TWO

God’s Spoken Wisdom

Check the Facts

Weighed Down

Joy Through Jesus

Letter to a Friend

The Heart

Praise Amongst the Struggles

Pave the Way

Expectations

God, The Woman, and Me

Love Beyond Life

The Urge

Lasting Relationships

Father

Bring Me Out of the Wilderness

To Fill a Void

When You Tell God No

Being Led by Christ

Comprehension

My Dream in Time

Assassin

Fear for You

A Blessed Day

Praise in Troubled Times

Cry Out to Jesus

Chaotic Love

Oh, Lord

Ridiculed for Faith

Grass

Changing Tides

My Frustrations and How I Deal with Others

Changes from a Godly Heart

Looking for Love

⁴th to the ⁵th Step

Let’s Work it Out

Aligning the Soul

What If

Corruption of the Tongue

A Pressing Moment

The Renewing

Sinking Sand

Letter to God

Staring into Fear

A Little Prayer

Benghazi

Puzzled

The Struggle of Her

A Big Prayer

Black Water

Mentally Paved

Onward Struggle

Trickled Fear

INTRODUCTION

My name is David A. O’Meara. I was born in August of 1983, in a hospital in Okinawa, Japan. My Father (Brian) and Mother (Kathy) lived in military housing in Japan with my three brothers (Brian, Mike, and Kevin) and my sister (Erin). We are the O’Meara’s.

But my book goes into my personal struggles with my drug addiction. My struggles with mental health. And my relationship with Jesus.

I started drinking when I was 11 years old, sneaking bears from my friend’s father’s stash. It escalated into other drugs.

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and depression when I was 27. I spent time in the mental hospital and am still in counseling and seeing a psychiatrist.

A veteran, I joined the military in May of 2008. Later I received an honorable discharge from the military for medical reasons.

This is a book about my feelings, my dreams, and different points of view of my experiences through these times. I hope to touch people through my life experiences

So sit back and enjoy the ride. For this is the Book of David: God, Life, and Recovery.

BOOK ONE

DREAMS

I went to bed

Feeling great

When I was sleeping

I had a bad dream

I had a dream

I had killed my younger brother

It started out we were talking

I pulled out a knife

And stabbed him

Over and over again

I sat there and laughed so hard

then I said don’t fuck with me

You little fuckin shit

I sat there and watched him die

There on the dirt

I didn’t care

I just walked away

I left him for dead

In the middle of the desert

I woke up and I was crying

Because I had killed someone

I love so much

I sat there thinking about this dream

It scared the shit out of me

These are the kind of dreams

I have every day

Dreams of murder

Why, I do not know

But there is nothing

About the dreams I have

SLEIGHT

What is all this we can not fathom

Is it the truth told in sleight lies so seldom

Is this life wrapped up in a situation

Is this me getting caught up in life’s fixations

What is this that eats at my soul

Will this consume the world as a whole

What will come, what will be seen

Will this shit ever end

Is this all the things that have been

Mixing all together into one big blend

What is this big thing called life

Will I act out with strife

Will I get caught up in the whirlwind

Will I get caught up in sin

VIOLENCE IN THE WORLD

Why can’t you see

Through anything

If you look deep into this world

It is full of hate, rage and murder

We are killing each other off

For no reason at all

Why do we kill

There is no reason for it

I used to feel these things

In my life

When I got fucked up

I would reach out with strife

And let my anger roam free

I wish the world

To be a better place

Of peace and honesty

This will never happen

There is too much hate in the world

We have been at war

From the beginning

And there will be till the end

Why are there such things

As terrorism

All throughout the world

You can kill their leader

And they continue to fight till the end

Why are there gangs

They shouldn’t exist

You are wearing gang colors

Bang you’re dead

That person dies for no reason

Just for wearing gang colors

I will steal from you

I will sell you drugs

I will kill you

If you try to stop me

As you can see

There is too much violence

In this world we live in

SILENCE

I will not talk

I will stay quiet

I will sit in the dark

So no one will talk to me

There are so many secrets

I choose to hold inside

So I sit by myself

In Isolation

I am depressed

Because I keep silent

I don’t care

Because I don’t want the consequences

If I tell I could die

My friends would consider me a narc

So I shut the fuck up

And don’t say a word

This way I hold so much in

I am scared for my life

So I shut my mouth

This is why I keep secrets

And choose to keep silent

Because I am scared for my life

MY INNER VOICE

My inner voice tells me what to do

It takes me places I don’t want to be

I am at war everyday

With that voice in my head

It could lead me to my death

Or it can lead me the right way

I am struggling with that voice in my head

It is telling me to go out and get high

I am scared of the voice sometimes

Because sometimes it tells me to kill

I fight so I won’t go out and kill

I lived a hard life of

Physical and sexual abuse

My inner voice knows this

And it uses it against me

It rips me apart inside

I don’t like my inner self

So I go nuts because of

All the shit in my head

In the end I wish I was dead

So fuck you

That voice inside of me

I will not give you

No more sympathy

So fuck you and go away

PEEK HOLE

Eyes are open

I see deception in the worldly life

Spirit racing

To find the holy one

I stand before you on Holy ground

Your will revealed

As I ask out loud

You listen closely to my prayers

I hear a gentle whisper in my ears

As you speak fear overcomes me

Satan tempting to lead me astray

The battle for good and bad

Goes on inside me

I use the weapon God wove inside my body

I hang my flesh on the cross daily

Your will be done, not mine

What you reveal is a blessing

Even if it leads to pain and trials

For what is bad in my eyes

Might be meant for good in the path ahead

My eyes are open wider now

But still it is hard to see

I see you a little bit more

Everyday I live for you

Simple-minded people living all around me

Allowing me to see

What I need to work on inside myself

You put them there for a purpose

To change who we are

We are pure in spirit

But our hearts wicked

God’s spirit inside of us

Allows us to repent from the past

Forgiveness brings love

Unforgiveness brings hate

The spirit inside tells us

To have faith, hope, and to love

Our flesh is trying to tell us different

But to know He is really there

Is all the comfort I need?

Cause I know

And I see that He is protecting me

Cause I am alive today

I see the spiritual realm a little bit

But I see it as if I am looking through

A peek hole

MESSED UP WORLD

What is the simplicity of things that are here.

Are they the things that change who we are?

Do they draw us nearer to who we are?

These are simple questions

Which we ask ourselves.

Life is simpler than it may seem

If we trust in ourselves.

What are the worries of this world

That hold us back?

What do you see

When you look at humanity and its flaws?

Is there a chance for humanity

And the things that keep us going?

Does the world spin

And we stick to the ground?

Do we see that