Stay As Dead As You Are: Play Dead Murder Mystery Plays

By Lee Mueller

A Comedy Mystery Play - Haldeman High's Class of '82 has gathered for their reunion. Everyone is there; Babs and Guy Gleeson-the couple with the most school spirit, Marty "Budman"Budinski - formerly known as "Party-Hearty-Marty", Dick Alantra- former captain of the football, baseball and track teams, Gabrielle "The Fox" Fatelle- formerly every boy's fantasy, now every boy's nightmare, Melvin "Wedgie" Wedgewood, former AV guy and chess team president, now president and CEO of a fortune 500 software company, and the mysteriously shy and formerly homely Gertrude Magillicutty.During the festivities, Guy Gleeson and Vice Principle Schlepper are assaulted by lawn "Jarts". Luckily, Detective Joe Mamet (who 1st appeared in Murder Me Always) received an anonymous invitation to the reunion. Who would want to hurt happy go lucky Guy Gleeson? Who wouldn't want to cause harm to Vice Principle Schlepper? And finally, who would invite Detective Joe Mamet to the reunion? He didn't even go to school here. Well, fortunately, Detective Mamet and his trusty assistant Pinter will begin the investigation into this "injury" mystery and hopefully answer some of these questions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lee Mueller
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215911969

Lee Mueller

Lee Mueller was born in St. Louis, Missouri. For over thirty years he has been involved in the performing arts, from acting, directing, improv/sketch comedy, and most notably as a playwright. His first one-act play, "In Between Days" was produced during a national writers conference. His second one-act, "The Favor" was a finalist in a short play competition in St. Louis. He has specialized in comedy murder mystery plays that have been produced all over the world. His play "Death Of A Doornail" won "Best Original Comedy" at the 27th Annual "Arty Awards" in Fairfield California. "Murder Me Always" ran for a month at the Laugh Factory in New York. Lee also hosts a Podcast on creativity called "And So The Mind Reels" and has published a collection of short stories called "Idle Essence: Tales Of Marvin".

Book preview

STAY AS DEAD AS YOU ARE

AN ATTEMPTED MURDER MYSTERY

LEE MUELLER

Playedwell Publishing

Copyright © 1997 by Lee Mueller

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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Caution: Professionals and amateurs are hereby advised that STAY AS DEAD AS YOU ARE is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by International

CONTENTS

Characters

Foreword

History

Preface

Act I

Act II

Afterword

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Lee Mueller

CHARACTERS

Cast of Characters

JOE MAMET - private eye- 1940s style detective

RICHARD (DICK) ALANTRA- former High school Quarterback, track star, captain of both the soccer and baseball teams and all state intramural tennis champ. Handsome lady-killer and all-around cool guy. Not very bright but always drove the coolest car.

MELVIN (WEDGIE) WEDGEWOOD -former nerd -chess club pres. audio/visual guy -(brought the projector and overhead to the rooms). Knows all the dialogue to every Star Trek episode. Now is Vice Pres of Micro- Comp. A multi-billion dollar software company.

GABRIELLE (THE FOX) FATELLE -former cheerleader - drop-dead gorgeous girl - fantasy of every male student. Used to go steady with Dick -but rumor had it she dated a lot of guys. Now she is overweight and unattractive. Is a cocktail waitress at a bowling alley.

MARTY (BUDMAN) BUDINKSI- former class clown/party guy and all-around goof off. Life of every party. Loud and obnoxious. Now, still the same. Regional distribution manager for Pabst Blue Ribbon.

BARBARA (BABS) GLEESON- former president of student council as well as president of the Latin, French, Spanish and Glee Club. Assistant director of student activities and vice-chairperson of School Spirit Week. Also yearbook and newspaper editor. Now she is a housewife with five kids. A basic soccer mom.

OSWALD (SPARKY)GLEESON- husband of Babs - is the male equivalent of Barbara. Met at a pep rally in college. Oswald attending rival high school.

GERTRUDE MAGILLACUTTY- the former brunt of everyone's jokes. Shy, overweight, homely girl who perhaps uttered two words throughout her school years.

Now Gertrude is a gorgeous beauty. Works as a fashion consultant for Elle magazine.

VICE PRINCIPAL SCHLEPPER- was a young vibrant feminist long ago who has since become bitter.

EGBERT FINK- school janitor -quiet -ominous

MRS. SAUERGERGER- typical hair-netted lunch lady from high school

SHARONA PINTER- rookie cop. Mamet's assistant. By the book cop trying to make a good impression.

Pre-show Period music from the graduating year

EGBERT the janitor should be pre-set as the audience enters. He can hang around the hallway with a broom.

Fifteen minutes before the play, DICK ALANTRA, MARTY BUDINSKI, BABS GLEESON and her spouse SPARKY should infiltrate the audience. They should mingle around the room recognizing each other and various other people from high school. (Said other people from high school will be members of audience - cast should ad-lib as if they know them. )

FOREWORD

Stay As Dead As You Are while sounding sinister was actually not a murder mystery at all – but an injury or 'attempted murder' mystery.  For this play I brought back the popular detective Joe Mamet, (originally from Murder Me Always),  and popular with the local audience. And since the setting was a high school reunion I employed every stereotype I could imagine.  The problem with this mystery play is that I liked most of the characters and really couldn't bring myself to kill anyone off. So, I injured a few instead. Twisting the genre a tad bit.

"Stay As Dead As You Are" by Lee Mueller, Directed by Lee Mueller, Produced by Michael Ackermann, was presented by Affton CenterStage Theatre Company at the Shrewsbury City Center in Saint Louis, Mo. March 14-22nd 1997, with the following cast:

Vice Principal Schlepper - Karen Diehl

Marty Budman Budinski - Don Mcdaniel

Barbara Babs Gleeson - Tracy Agne Murphy

Miss Sauerberger - Joyce DeClue

Oswald Guy Gleeson - Gerry Hock

Richard Dick Alantra - Eric Meyer

Gabrielle The Fox Fatelle - Jeanne Remelius

Melvin Wedgie Wedgwood