Another Medley Of Murder Mystery Plays: Play Dead Murder Mystery Plays, #2

By Lee Mueller

A selection of 3 Comedy Murder Mystery Play scripts by Lee Mueller.

This volume includes "Stay As Dead As You Are" - the Haldeman High School alumni committee is having a class reunion. During the festivities, two people are injured by lawn "Jarts". An accident? Or attempted murder? Luckily, Detective Joe Mamet is in attendance and plans to solve this murder... or actually injury mystery. 
"Remains To Be Seen"- A dead body is found in a steamer trunk on the back of a "U-Move-It" rental truck. But as Detective Goodman and Badham find, it's not as easy as tracking down the last person who rented the truck. The truck has been around the block a few times and rented by some odd characters,
And "I'm Getting Murdered In The Morning" - During the garter toss at Brenda and Eddie's wedding reception, a mysterious man is shot on the dance floor. The mysterious man has ties to both the Groom's and Bride's families. Nonetheless, "damage Control" guru - Mr. Parker believes everything is fine. No need to worry. Have some cake.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lee Mueller
• Release date: Sep 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215672822

Lee Mueller

Lee Mueller was born in St. Louis, Missouri. For over thirty years he has been involved in the performing arts, from acting, directing, improv/sketch comedy, and most notably as a playwright. His first one-act play, "In Between Days" was produced during a national writers conference. His second one-act, "The Favor" was a finalist in a short play competition in St. Louis. He has specialized in comedy murder mystery plays that have been produced all over the world. His play "Death Of A Doornail" won "Best Original Comedy" at the 27th Annual "Arty Awards" in Fairfield California. "Murder Me Always" ran for a month at the Laugh Factory in New York. Lee also hosts a Podcast on creativity called "And So The Mind Reels" and has published a collection of short stories called "Idle Essence: Tales Of Marvin".

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Thank you for your interest in my plays. Here are 3 more of my early murder mystery plays.

Stay As Dead As You Are while sounding sinister was actually not a murder mystery at all – but an injury or 'attempted murder' mystery.  For this play I brought back the popular detective Joe Mamet, (originally from Murder Me Always),  and popular with the local audience. And since the setting was a high school reunion I employed every stereotype I could imagine.  The problem with this mystery play is that I liked most of the characters and really couldn't bring myself to kill anyone off. So, I injured a few instead. Twisting the genre a tad bit.

Remains To Be Seen was another twist in my attempt to be a little 'artsy' in the dinner theatre world.  The plot was essentially a road movie for the stage. There would be no traditional set, instead it would be representational. The characters would travel from one location to another in their plot to solve a murder. Originally, we were able to stage this play in a very large venue - a ball room. We were able to stage the scenes all around the room. One scene in a seedy bar-room took place at the actual bar in the back of the ballroom. Other scenes took place around the audience and other scenes moved back to the stage. Lots of characters and lots of movement equaled lots of fun.   

I'm Getting Murdered In the Morning was inspired by a wedding reception.  Sometimes, places will inspire an idea. As with Stay As Dead As You Are, which is set during a high school reunion, there are times where the first character I come up with is an event or a location.  All of the people at the event become the supporting characters. 

PREFACE

Thank you for taking the time to read these plays.  I would like you, the reader, to know I do not mean these works to be a great theatrical works of art. I am aware of classic works written for the stage, and I have been an actor in several; I have also been an actor in murder mystery dinner theatre productions.  Two different worlds.  These murder mystery comedies were composed with a particular audience in mind. An audience who were fans of this genre of theatre - light entertainment, simple plot, simple mystery, and hopefully, lots of laughs. 

As a playwright, I attempted to pull this genre up from so me of the cartoonish style scripts that were out there -stuffed with double entendres and grade school humor, but not overhauling it too much. Just lifting it up slightly.  Again, this is not Serious Theatrical Literature, but hopefully still entertaining. And funny. -Lee Mueller

PART ONE

1

STAY AS DEAD AS YOU ARE

AN ATTEMPTED MURDER MYSTERY

CHARACTERS

Cast of Characters

JOE MAMET - private eye- 1940s style detective

RICHARD (DICK) ALANTRA- former High school Quarterback, track star, captain of both the soccer and baseball teams and all state intramural tennis champ. Handsome lady-killer and all-around cool guy. Not very bright but always drove the coolest car.

MELVIN (WEDGIE) WEDGEWOOD -former nerd -chess club pres. audio/visual guy -(brought the projector and overhead to the rooms). Knows all the dialogue to every Star Trek episode. Now is Vice Pres of Micro- Comp. A multi-billion dollar software company.

GABRIELLE (THE FOX) FATELLE -former cheerleader - drop-dead gorgeous girl - fantasy of every male student. Used to go steady with Dick -but rumor had it she dated a lot of guys. Now she is overweight and unattractive. Is a cocktail waitress at a bowling alley.

MARTY (BUDMAN) BUDINKSI- former class clown/party guy and all-around goof off. Life of every party. Loud and obnoxious. Now, still the same. Regional distribution manager for Pabst Blue Ribbon.

BARBARA (BABS) GLEESON- former president of student council as well as president of the Latin, French, Spanish and Glee Club. Assistant director of student activities and vice-chairperson of School Spirit Week. Also yearbook and newspaper editor. Now she is a housewife with five kids. A basic soccer mom.

OSWALD (SPARKY)GLEESON- husband of Babs - is the male equivalent of Barbara. Met at a pep rally in college. Oswald attending rival high school.

GERTRUDE MAGILLACUTTY- the former brunt of everyone's jokes. Shy, overweight, homely girl who perhaps uttered two words throughout her school years.

Now Gertrude is a gorgeous beauty. Works as a fashion consultant for Elle magazine.

VICE PRINCIPAL SCHLEPPER- was a young vibrant feminist long ago who has since become bitter.

EGBERT FINK- school janitor -quiet -ominous

MRS. SAUERGERGER- typical hair-netted lunch lady from high school

SHARONA PINTER- rookie cop. Mamet's assistant. By the book cop trying to make a good impression.

Pre-show Period music from the graduating year

2

STAY AS DEAD AS YOU ARE

ACT ONE

EGBERT the janitor should be pre-set as the audience enters. He can hang around the hallway with a broom.

Fifteen minutes before the play, DICK ALANTRA, MARTY BUDINSKI, BABS GLEESON and her spouse SPARKY should infiltrate the audience. They should mingle around the room recognizing each other and various other people from high school. (Said other people from high school will be members of audience - cast should ad-lib as if they know them. )

Ten minutes prior: MAMET, MELVIN, and GERTRUDE will enter. Melvin will be recognized by the previous three, Budman and Dick may taunt him calling him Wedgie etc.. Gertrude will not be recognized though. Dick and Bud will desperately want to know who the good-looking babe is. Mamet will not be recognized but it won't matter to him. He will act as if he knows everyone and will fake his way through the good old days.

Five minutes prior, GABRIELLE should enter. She will not attempt to mingle but go to the table. Dick may recognize Gabrielle and comment loudly to those around how awful she looks etc..

A few minutes prior, VICE-PRINCIPAL SCHLEPPER should take the stage. She will begin demanding that the music should be turned off. (it shouldn't be) And then after several requests, the music should be turned off -then Schlepper will demand quiet from the audience.

Babs will make her way to stage -remaining to the side.

SCHLEPPER: (forceful) Quiet please! People! Quiet! Thank you. Good evening and welcome to all the alumni of Haldeman Senior High School.

BUD: (from table) Whoooooo!

SCHLEPPER: ( Slightly irritated-continues ) It has been fifteen years since most of you have hovered in these hallowed halls of Haldeman.

BUD: Hallelujah!

SCHLEPPER: (clears throat) Having made your way in the world with the education and social skills acquired at Haldeman, it is a joy and sincere sensation to welcome you back.

BUD: Nice to be back Schlepper Baby!!

SCHLEPPER: (blowing up) All right! That's it! Who's the Wisenheimer out there huh?! Who's the kill-joy that keeps interrupting me? You think it's funny?! Do ya? Being a smart-guy-loud-mouth? Well listen to me smart-guy-loud-mouth-man, if I find out who you are I'll slap detention on you so fast your head will spin!! (beat -then very sweetly) Anyway, as I was saying, it's a joy and a sincere sensation to have all of you back. Some of you. Now, it is with great pleasure that I introduce the person who organized this assembly..

BABS: (correcting) Reunion!

SCHLEPPER: ..this Reunion. The chairperson of alumni activities and your hostess for this assembly..

BABS: Reunion!

SCHLEPPER: Right, Reunion.. May I present, Miss..

BABS: Mrs.!

SCHLEPPER: Mrs. Betty...

BABS: Barbara!

SCHLEPPER: Barbara Fleeseman.

BABS: Gleeson!

SCHLEPPER: Gleeson!

Alumni table should start applause -BUD should whoop it up and begin yelling: Hey Babs Baby! and chant Go Babs! Go Babs! Go Babs! -

BABS: Thank you! Thank you, everybody! And thank you Vice-Principal Schlepper for that super introduction! Hi! I'm Barbara Gleeson and..

BUD: Babs!

BABS: ..well, O.K. most of you remember me as Babs, Babs Hartmiester. I was president of the student council and the Glee Club. Gosh, it seems like only yesterday I was leading us all in that wonderful cheer at all our fabulous Pep rallies. Remember? We got spirit! Yes, we do! We got spirit! How about you? O.K. That felt good!

BUD: It was good for me too Babs!

BABS: Anyway, thank you ever so much for coming this evening. Gee, I see so many familiar faces out there, I see Melvin and Richard and Gabrielle and...(can ad-lib select members of audience) and I must say, you all look just the same as I remember! Gosh, isn't it swell to be back in our old school with all our old friends!

BUD: No! Not really!

BABS: And of course who could forget Marty Budinski? The Budman! Party Hardy Marty! He's such a jokester! Our dear class clown who was always quick with a joke or a ..

SCHLEPPER: (blowing up again) I knew that was you Budinski! I recognize your voice! You can't fool me! (moves down off stage) How would you like detention for three weeks buster?!

BUDINSKI: (stands) Oh Sure! Why not?

SCHLEPPER: All right Mr. Smart guy! (goes toward Bud)You can run your keister down to the office right now!

BABS: (from stage) Uh..Ms. Schlepper?

SCHLEPPER: Front and center little mister!

Bud crosses to Schlepper

BUDINSKI: Wow! This is like deja vu all over again!

SCHLEPPER: I can smell a smart-guy-trouble-maker at fifty paces! You may disrupt assemblies at home pal, but not at my school! (takes Bud by the ear and pulls him as if to lead out stage left exit)

BUD: Ow! Ow! Ow!

BABS: Ms. Schlepper!! (trying to get her attention)

SCHLEPPER: Let this be a lesson to you young man! I hate to make an example of you but I will if I have to! If you want to be disruptive, I can be disruptive as well!

BUD: Well, Ms. Schlepper, I never knew you cared!

SCHLEPPER: It's three weeks Budinski! You hear me? Three weeks, just you and me. (releases Bud's ear)

BUDINSKI: Really? This is so sudden!

SCHLEPPER: What? Are you smart-mouthing me son?!

BABS: Ms. Schlepper!! (she crosses down to Schlepper and Bud)

BUD: You know Schlepper, honestly, there is nothing more I'd like than to be detained by you..

SCHLEPPER: Don't sass me, mister!

BABS: Ms. Schlepper! This is not..

SCHLEPPER: (spinning around to Babs) Don't you back sass me either little Miss or I'll take disciplinary action on you too!

BUD: Look, Schlepper, babe, I think what Babs is trying to say is... we have a slight problem here.

SCHLEPPER: Problem? My only problem is you Budinski!

BUD: No Schlepper, your problem is.. I'm no longer a student here, ya know, what with it being (number since) years since I hovered in these hallowed halls, I'm afraid detention is a big No Can do! But maybe we could have lunch next week..

SCHLEPPER: Excuse me?

Babs pulls Schlepper away -whispers in ear again.

SCHLEPPER: (as she whispers) What?... He's not?... Reunion?... Of course, I knew that! I'm well aware of that! It was just