Fractures

By Faith Wood

You know them - those individuals who are so enamoured with their own self-importance, they can't see beyond themselves. But, if you're in a relationship with someone displaying such behaviours, do you recognize the danger signs soon enough to avoid being collateral damage? When harm occurs within your family unit, you may often feel overwhelmed and ill-equipped to alter the relationship. You keep hoping the toxic behaviour will change or stop, yet you crave closeness even when it harms you. Making matters worse? The offender often makes you feel as if you're the problem. By following the stories of six families who share their perspectives about navigating long-term, negative effects of toxic behaviours, you'll discover how to recognize them... And, how to protect yourself from a life of regret.
Narcissism - Chronic Lying - Entitlement - Gaslighting

• Language: English
• Publisher: Faith Wood
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005449681

Faith Wood

Conflict Coach and Certified Professional Speaker, Faith Wood is also a Behaviorist, Hypnotist and Handwriting Analyst. Now the author of the Decklin Kilgarry Suspense Mystery Series as well as the Colbie Colleen Cozv. Suspense Mvsterv Series, she lives with her husband in British Columbia, Canada. Her interest in Behavior Psychology blossomed during her law enforcement career when it occurred to her if she knew what people really wanted, as well as motives behind their actions, she would be more effective in work and life. So, she hung up her cuffs, trading them in for traveling the world speaking to audiences to help them better understand human behaviors, and how they impact others. Faith speaks about how to tap into the area of the brain that controls actions which, in turn, have a tendency to adjust perceptions, thereby launching a more empowered life. Faith writes both fiction and non-fiction and she touches lives, leaving a lasting impression. Faith’s website is www.FaithWood.ca

Book preview

What readers are saying about Fractures—How to Find Hope When Healing from Narcissism & Other Toxic Behaviours:

This book is straight to the point! It gives you relatable stories and points of view that are extremely helpful for recognizing dysfunction within the family. This book is great for your healing process to begin!  —Shelby Jackson, Social Worker

Wood brings a comforting element of hope to the sagas of conflict, blame, and disconnection. She says when it comes to family fractures, the person you need to save is yourself. I concur! — Patricia Morgan, Therapist, Speaker, Author

Well-written and engaging, the case histories in Fractures are compelling, drawing the reader into several family’s dynamics, and their insidious journeys as they’re drawn into relationships where noxious personality traits wreak havoc.

—Christine Steinhagen, M.D., Retired Psychiatrist

Everyone could benefit from this insightful, captivating read. Wood’s heartrending stories are brilliantly written. Exposing the truth of toxic behaviour, she delicately intertwines smidges of hope with hard cold facts which, if adhered to, could bring healing to fractured lives and hearts.  —Lori Mark, Life Coach

If you’re wondering whether to buy this book, I say yes! Buy it for yourself, your friend, or your book club. These stories are meant to be read and, through them, readers may recognize similar circumstances in their own lives, and be better equipped to do something about it. —F. Kwantes

This book will illuminate the dynamics of family fractures in a simple and easy-to-understand way. A compelling read for everyone!  —Jim C. Otar

Fractures is an amazing look into the lives of families affected by narcissism, as well as other difficult-t0-live-with traits. It brings light to warning signs people may not realize are in their own lives, or have chosen not to see. A definite must read!—D. Coss

Unfortunately, I learned too late about the fractures within my own family. When I read Wood’s book, everything became so clear, but it was too late. My advice? Read what Wood says, then apply it to your life. You may be able to save yourself years of grief.  —B. Mendavi

If you’re embroiled with a toxic person, listen to Wood’s advice—get out while you can. I tried to make it work—and, it doesn’t. Wood says care for yourself—and, she’s right. 

—Brenda C.

Copyright © 2022 Faith Wood

Fractures: How to Find Hope When Healing from Narcissism & Other Toxic Behaviours

First Edition, 2022

All rights reserved. You may not use or reproduce by any means including graphic, electronic, or mechanical, photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher. The only exception is using brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

ISBN:  979-8-88796-421-8, 978-1-00544-968-1

DEDICATION

If we could live our lives according to this single motto

DO NO HARM.

Intro

So . . . What Qualifies Me to Help You?

I LIVE IT . . .

I’m not a psychologist nor a mental health professional, so I won’t offer you academic advice. As a conflict specialist and family mediator, I’m pulling back the curtain on what toxic behaviours look like, so you can spot problems early, then do something about them. Something tangible.

It’s important to note toxicity traits are behavioural, and you may recognize patterns in your friends and work colleagues, as well as significant and important relationships. However, when you’re at work, it’s possible to change locations and, by doing so, you reduce exposure to drama- producing individuals.

But, if you’re dealing with a family member? It’s tougher to leave.

When you’re emotionally invested—as you are with a family member—you often hold onto the hope he or she will change. When they don’t?

Devastated.

As you read, I hope you recognize you’re not alone. Although you can’t change others’ behaviour, you can take steps to create a buffer between you, them, and their toxic personalities, helping you reduce the constant drama.

To help you navigate, I’ll share insights from those who have been there—and, I’ll suggest strategies for recognizing when to get out, as well as how to create healthy boundaries for your own emotional wellbeing. As you read, you may recognize yourself, or a person in your family who’s systematically fracturing your happiness. If so, you’re the reason I wrote this book.

As a coach and family mediator, I’ll provide insights and solutions for moving into a more stable, less chaotic relationship with them. Embroiled daily in dysfunctional family lives, I offer my training and professional advice as you seek understanding—and, I hope to bring you closure.

There’s a lot of shame and disappointment wrapped up in dealing with a toxic person, isn’t there? And, you probably don’t want to talk about it—or, you don’t know how. The truth is you probably weren’t taught how to discuss, disagree, or negotiate conflicts. So, when you meet unpleasant or toxic situations, stress rises as well as a burrowing unease. It’s bad enough when conflicts occur at work, or in your neighborhood—but, when they fracture your family relationships?

Wounds run deeper, and they’re more intense.

Perhaps you thought you could ignore the behaviour, and eventually it would revert to something more palatable.

But, you would be wrong.

Think of it this way—when a wooden chair leg begins to show stress fractures, it’s unwise to ignore it for you could end up on the floor in the middle of an elegant dinner party. Conversely, if you notice stress fractures in the asphalt, you’re likely to ignore it until it swallows up the car or damages your tire rims. Even so, you’re completely surprised when what started as a small fracture turns into a huge crater.

Your heart breaks, and that’s not okay.

Obviously, you know your heart doesn’t really break— but, your expectations do, and that hurts a lot! The good news is when you recognize yourself or your situation, you realize you’re ready to take action.

That’s great!

One more thing—I’m writing this book for you, not the pros. I don’t want it to be stuffy or boring—I simply have information you need to know when it comes to dealing with toxic personalities, and I hope you enjoy it.

As you read, you’ll learn about destructive personality traits including narcissism, chronic lying, and gaslighting. You’ll learn how to cope with them, or walk away. Most of all?

You’ll learn how to reclaim your personal power! So, let’s get started.

Meet Kayla . . .

Prologue of a Relationship

The kiss-off . . .

Hey, Mom & Dad,

I’ve been thinking a lot today about what we talked about. I took some time, went to work, then sat at Knox Mountain with the baby, and had a long discussion with a friend. You’re right about one thing . . .

I shouldn’t have been dishonest.

Yes, Scott and I have been talking and, yes, a lot has been going on. I found out I was pregnant shortly after I left, and had been for a couple of months even though I was on a new birth control and Scott was taking steroids—it just happened. I felt as if I needed to reach out to let him know.

After talking with him about it, I took some time and, for a few weeks now, I’ve been weighing every option—abortion, not getting back together, and getting back together. How would it be on my own with two kids, and my relationship with Scott? It was then I realized I couldn’t live with an abortion.

I’m sorry I lied to you and was dishonest, but I didn’t feel I could go to you despite the few things you have done to help, physically. I have never felt an emotional bond or support from you, so, I didn’t feel safe telling you—you know, your judgment and making me feel worse about the situation when I’m already taking on a lot as it is.

I’ve been taking some responsibility for figuring out our own lives, as well, and I’m choosing to trust Scott, trusting our trying is going to work. You may not agree with my decision, but it’s my decision.

Like I said, I have weighed everything, and I have plans in place in case things don’t work out—so, I’m not having to affect you guys, anymore. I’m not going to come to you for financial help or anything else—I’m doing this on my own. I get your concerns and worries and, trust me, I’ve had all the same feelings. But, from the times we have talked, I need you to know I have seen a lot of change in Scott. He’s taking this seriously, and he is working hard at it—and, it shows.

I don’t want you guys to be rude to me about my decisions. Though you may not agree with them, they are my decisions— and, I appreciate what you have done to help me.

I do love you guys.

Thanks for your help and support with what you have done. I’ve been talking with Scott’s mother, as well, and she hasn’t sugarcoated things, either. She’s been very unbiased, and has been a huge support to me through this, emotionally. She doesn’t tell me to go back to Scott, and she helps me see things for why they are, helping me make sense of a lot.

So, I am writing this letter to you because I needed my head together to be able to say what I want to say—face-to- face, I don’t feel as if I’m heard, and I don’t feel as if I’m not judged. In person, I know I’d lose track easily, and emotions would run my conversation.

I needed to sit and think.

I need you to know that I love you guys so much, and I am sorry for the dishonesty . . .

But, now, everything is on the table.

The Back Story...

FOUR YEARS AGO? I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER . . .

Star-crossed lovers? Perhaps. Did I believe in such a thing? Maybe. But, when Kayla, my daughter, announced she met someone new, I never considered the nightmare about to manifest in my life. My family’s lives. Within a month of her pronouncement, the new love of her life systematically began to dismantle her self-confidence, initiating a complete disconnect between Kayla and her family—all spawned by his selfish, emotional need.

When she told me she met Scott at work, they’d only been dating for a few weeks—in fact, he left their mutual place of employment for something better shortly after they met.

At least, that’s what he said.

But, it wasn’t until a stormy winter day when my daughter was driving to work and lost control of her car, did their relationship begin to really heat up. Smashing into a ditch and rendering her vehicle inoperable, she called my husband and me for help and, of course, we complied, and we didn’t think twice about it.

We had to comfort our shaken daughter, didn’t we?

After we arrived at the accident site and as her vehicle was towed away, we discovered her insurance wouldn’t cover a rental. Not good because she had to work in another city—a forty-five-minute drive from our home. We’ll make it work, I told her as we drove her to our place.

I assume shortly after her accident, Kayla was in contact with Scott, advising him of her predicament. Honestly, I didn’t think too much about it—but, what I never anticipated was Scott’s finagling his way into her life, offering support and comfort only a man could give—a special man. A loving man.

A duplicitous man.

Why don’t you stay with me, he offered. "I’m only fifteen minutes from your work, and it’ll be a lot