The SHEro Mindset: 7 Inspirational Stories to Empower Your Life

By Maria Luisa Carter

Use the SHEro Mindset to Empower Your Life

Inside this unique book, you'll find heartbreak, healing, and inspiration, as seen through the eyes of women wh

• Language: English
• Publisher: O'Leary Publishing
• Release date: Jan 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9781952491382

Maria Luisa Carter

Born in São Paulo, Maria Luisa Carter has degrees in speech therapy, art, and psychodrama, and a master's degree in science and education from Southern Connecticut State University. She is the founder and Chief Happiness Officer of the nonprofit organization House of Gaia, in Naples, Florida, and is dedicated to bringing the world together through innovative programs, social inclusion, and Positive Psychology services for individuals and groups with all abilities. For more information please visit www.lulucarter.com.

Book preview

The Power of

FREEDOM

Freedom is authentic self-expression in words, movement, and actions without inhibition. It gives us permission to feel and make choices. The power of Freedom exists when responsibility, fairness and justice become the result of everyone’s action to benefit the sum, not only one individual. Freedom cannot exist without moral choices.

Art can be the guardian of its freedom.

It resists authoritarianism by encouraging

critical discourse and creative autonomy.

In fact, I believe that arts’ practice

is the practice of freedom!

REGINA MIRANDA

CHAPTER 1

Freedom

Lulu’s Story

Empowered Woman Empowers Women

Freedom has always been the dominant theme in my life. I had to be brave and creative to move beyond my own limitations and society’s barriers. From a young age, I was blessed to understand how important it is to use my strengths and virtues while on my journey. My resilience, gratitude, and love of learning have helped me create a full and happy life. My father gave me wings to fly; the encouragement to do whatever I wanted in life.

My mother raised me to be independent. But I could not have survived my darkest moments if I had not felt solidarity with others – that spiritual sense of belonging to an energetic and cosmic family of people who share my values, mission and purpose. In fact, it was my spirituality that helped me to find freedom even if I became trapped. Because even if you are fleeing from a war or experiencing a hard situation, your spirit can still be free.

The Miracle

My story is one of challenges, which drove me to find freedom. For me, even being conceived was a challenge. In 1963, my parents lived in Brazil and had been struggling to have a baby. My mother Lislane was 20 years old, and my father Malta was 26 years old. My parents’ persistence led them to find the right doctor. After two years and many trials, my mother finally became pregnant with me! Can you imagine the likelihood of being conceived in a Brazilian doctor’s office back in 1965? Indeed, I was a miracle! And I never took my life for granted.

My First SHEroes

From an early age, I was introduced to a gratitude practice by my SHEroes. These women shaped my mindset, taught me valuable lessons, and helped me understand the depth of a life lived with virtues.

My first childhood SHEro was my mom Lislane, or Lis for short. She was stunning, intelligent, and ahead of her time. She was a Renaissance woman with a master’s degree in psychology, living and adventuring in the Brazilian Amazon. My mom had a passion for philanthropy and was always ready to help someone in need.

My second childhood SHEro was my grandmother Lita. She was a unique person – funny, eccentric, strong in character; and she had a heart of gold. She was a dedicated wife who raised six children, and many grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Grandma Lita volunteered at local orphanages in Brazil and was an excellent church singer.

My third childhood SHEro was my aunt Gracinha, who is very kind, fun and wise. We share common interests and similar struggles – like anxiety – and I can talk to her very openly. Like my mother and grandmother, she is an amazing wife, mother and grandmother, and family is important to her like it is to me. I am so blessed to still have her in my life.

A Country of Contrasts

I am Brazilian, and Brazil is a land of contrasts, where one can experience the full spectrum of life. It is one of the most beautiful countries I have known; yet, its history is full of exploitation and slavery. Brazil is rich, and it is poor. Brazilians are free, and yet they have been oppressed.

As a child, my life included vast contrasts. I attended a conservative Catholic school and went to church on Sundays, where I learned about Jesus and core values. But then I watched as the oppressive military government controlled the lives of Brazilians. I could not grasp the mismatch between the values taught in my school and the misbehavior of my peers, the politicians, and Brazilian society. Even though I was so young, I was very aware of everything around me.

In that environment, one could go from feeling happy to feeling stressed out in the space of just a few seconds. So, growing up in Brazil was fun, yet difficult.

I was an imaginative child. I was creative and an outside-the-box thinker, and because of that, my friends thought I was weird. I did not fit in and felt no sense of community with my peers. That led to severe anxiety for much of my childhood. I prayed to God to set me free from my anxiety, but my prayers were not answered at that moment.

I remember my first panic attack, at the age of 6. It was late at night. I could not sleep, and I was afraid. It felt like I had stopped breathing. I wanted to stick my head inside of a refrigerator to breathe some cold air into my lungs.

I mentioned that my aunt Gracinha also had experiences with anxiety. I loved going to her house, talking with her, and not having to hide my feelings. With her, I felt seen and heard; this was in a time when no one talked about mental health issues. My cousin Paola (the daughter of my uncle Lesko) was also very important to my development. Just a year younger than I, Paola was my best friend and a sister to me. We were inseparable. When I was with her, I felt understood – she joined me in my world of imagination.

At the age of 9, my life changed completely when my father decided to move us from São Paulo to Rio de Janeiro. Because of the move, Mom and I were separated from her family. Rio de Janeiro was foreign to us and I felt alone; it took a few years for me to learn the culture and make new friends. I attended a wonderful Catholic school, Colégio Marista São José, in the neighborhood of Tijuca.

Losing My Innocence

When I was 11, my mother and I were visiting her family in São Paulo during Easter when her body rejected the fertility treatment she was given. She was having a lot of pain in her belly and she began hemorrhaging. She had to have a hysterectomy, and lost so much blood that we were not sure she would survive.

I did not ask any questions about my mother’s condition. Instead, I immersed myself in the world of my imagination. My coping mechanism during that time was art: drawing and coloring. My mother almost lost her life, and she forever lost her dream of having another child. I prayed for a miracle; I could not imagine life without my SHEro.

And that time my prayers were answered. I got the news that my mother would survive and return home. Gratitude grew in my heart, as I learned that life could change in the blink of an eye.

The innocence of my childhood was swept away by traumatic experiences.

I suffered sexual abuse by a family member. As a teenager, even though my body was fully developed, I still had the mind of a child. I was embarrassed to admit it, but at the age of 14, I still played with my Barbies.

My life course changed when someone who I admired and trusted started to develop a sexual interest in me. I felt ashamed and dirty. I wondered why it was happening, and I questioned the values I had learned in Catholic school and at home. The experience caused me terrible emotional pain and trauma.

So, I was triggered with negative feelings, all over again, since I had also been molested when I was 3 years old. That was likely another reason that I suffered anxiety and panic attacks as a child. Wouldn’t you think so?

Why wasn’t I rescued by my SHEroes or by my guardian angel? My youth was simply stolen from me, and my innocence was lost forever. I carried a secret inside of me – how awful. I had to learn how to hide my feelings and my shame. No one should have gone through that experience. No one.

It took me a lifetime of therapy to recognize the emotional scars left from the abuse. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had not suffered that abuse.

One Door Closes and Another Opens

My life reflected the contrasts of my country, Brazil. I had many blessings too, and one of the blessings of my childhood was dance. I started to dance when I was 7. I have vivid memories of my dance school, and of how happy I was dancing with my friends as a fairy. Dancing helped me to come out of my shell.

By the age of 16, I was being trained as a professional modern dance teacher at a prestigious dance studio in Rio de Janeiro, which was led by Enid Sauer. Tia Enid had two daughters, Elena and Cristina, who were wonderful. They were associated with the Joffrey Ballet from New York, and my love for American culture started in their dance school. I even traveled with friends to the United States on my first trip abroad.

Unfortunately, I had an accident during the filming of a jazz class for television, and I tore all the ligaments in my left knee. After emergency surgery, it took a year of physical therapy just to learn how to walk again. Sadly, I had to quit professional dance, but I longed to go back to dance in some way someday.

As one door closed, another was opening. I was destined to meet my first two mentors: Regina Miranda (a teacher of the Laban Method) and Angel Vianna (a teacher of contemporary-style dance), the two most amazing dance teachers in Brazil. They encouraged me to learn new ways to move my body. And instead of only learning dance, I was learning the most important lessons of my life: how to love myself and the power of body expression. After many hours of incredible exercises, I started to release the fears of expressing myself, hurting my body, and connecting deeply with others.

A Downward Spiral

Over the years, partly because of the sexual abuse, I devel-oped severe anxiety and an eating disorder. By the time I was 18, there were other family problems in my life, and I felt so lost. I had no confidence that my SHEroes would be able to stand by me. In fact, all of them were battling their own challenges.

My mother was suicidal – she was in despair over her life and her marriage – and she decided to leave our house to find her own identity and simply survive. I was left to live with my father and my granny Lita. My grandfather Lesko died of cancer at age 64, and granny, at 63, was very depressed. My father started to lose his mind over cocaine, which played a large part in high society in Brazil in the 1980s. My father was rich; and with Rio de Janeiro being a violent place, I received kidnapping threats.

Going to college was challenging, and over time I developed social anxiety. I had trouble focusing and it was hard to complete simple tasks. Thankfully, my mentors Regina Miranda and Angel Viana helped me to feel somewhat grounded during dance classes. They did not know that their kindness and interest in helping me to overcome my fears meant the world to me.

My first boyfriend, Lincoln, and I attended the same art college. His parents were divorcing as well, and we were too young to cope with everything. After four years in our codependent relationship, he decided to end it. My heart was broken, and I felt I could never love again. I was forced to learn how to be alone.

Changing Direction

At 21, I was ready for a change – I was ready for freedom from my country and from my parents, and from all the worries they had given me. One evening, I was walking on campus and saw a poster advertising an English course in Ramsgate, England. The poster called my name! I stopped and took a deep breath. I was fascinated by the picture of the world map. There was an arrow pointing from Brazil to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean – to England!

Immediately, my soul was transported. I had visited Europe a few years before and I could see myself there in a heartbeat! I was filled with positive emotions and a renewed desire for living.

I had been saving money from the time I was 14 and working as a ballet teacher. I also sold clothes and decorated children’s birthday parties. I was saving the money for my wedding with Lincoln. It sounds funny now... married at the age of 21? What a silly thought! Since there would be no wedding, I felt I could use the money for a better cause – to claim my freedom from the roles that had been given to me.

I called a family meeting – I had never done that before – and advised my parents that I was moving to England to spend a gap year learning English... and to learn about myself. Both of my parents were really surprised! My mom did not take the news well at all. She wanted me to finish college in Rio. Those times were different – people did not just put their lives on hold to travel or live in another country. With no internet at that time, the world was very big and mysterious.

But my parents’ opinions did not matter to me, anyway. I was 100 percent committed to this new life of adventure and I felt entitled to my happiness. I said YES! I was free to choose my own destiny and ready to become my best self. So, my courage and desire to learn took me halfway around the world.

Flying High

I arrived in England and had my first shock. I was coming from a tropical sunny country with an exotic culture. Ramsgate, on the other hand, was snowy, damp and gloomy. Nevertheless, the weather would not stop me in my journey of self-discovery.

The day after my arrival, I woke up early to a white sky, cold air, and thick fog. I could not find my way to school, as everything looked the same with the snow piled high. I kept feeling that I was lost, but I managed to arrive at the Churchill House School by foot. I was so excited! I was a fish out of water, but I was eager to learn about everything around me.

I found a chair close to the teacher, but soon I felt my social anxiety acting up. My breath became short, and I was about to have a meltdown. Then I decided to stop the negative thoughts. I looked around me and let the beauty of the diversity of my fellow students be my focus – there were so many people with different accents, skin colors, haircuts, and fashions. I was