The Ruminations of the Milliner: The Magical Misadventures of Mr Milliner, #3

By James Hywel

Book Three is another trip into the world that children create in their imagination. 

When a penguin turns up at the house, Mrs Berwick has some very serious questions for the children. However, her questions only cause the Milliner to do as she requested and turn her garden into a winter theme park. 

Another brilliant book from the mind of James Hywel that children and adults will love.

The Ruminations of the Milliner is a delightful story in the Magical Misadventures of Mr Milliner children's chapter book series. If you or your child like exploring creativity, and whimsical innocence, then you'll love James Hywel's wondrous tale of childhood.

Buy The Ruminations of the Milliner to fall in love with Mr Milliner as much as Morgan and Josie have!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oink Books
• Release date: Jul 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201388959

James Hywel

James began dabbling in writing in 2001 with many of his first books going to 5th and 6th editions. In August 2021 he wrote The Musings of the Milliner for and featuring his niece and nephew in Scotland. Little did he know that this book would be the start of The Magical Misadventures of Mr Milliner series (now containing seven books). His next series was the much-loved Adventures of Albert Mouse, featuring Dartmouth’s most fa-mouse resident, Albert Mouse. James has now written over 30 children's books. To try and explain where his stories come from would be impossible and not even James can explain it. His writing process is as unorthodox and quirky as his books are magical and mind-transporting. James pens a weekly email entitled Letters from the Oak Tree where he talks about writing, books, and basically anything and everything else.

Book preview

Chapter

One

From his branch high in the big oak tree, Mr Milliner woke up, gave an almighty yawn, and stretched out his arms. Even his thin fingers wriggled as if trying to grasp something in the air.

He was still yawning when a small fly flew into his mouth and its tiny wings tickled the back of his throat, causing him to cough violently.

Even after the fly had been dislodged from the back of his throat and had flown off amongst the branches again, Mr Milliner continued to cough. Mainly it was in the hope that there was also a cocktail sausage in there somewhere, as he was feeling rather hungry.

After several minutes of coughing, even he had to accept that no matter how hard he coughed, no sausage was ever going to come out, so he stopped and settled down on his branch again.

The Milliner took his hat off and inspected the broken alarm clock that was attached to it. He tapped the dial and then held the clock to his ear, but he couldn’t hear any ticking.

He started to move the big hand with his finger. Round and round he moved the hand, quicker and quicker.

Mmm, it doesn’t seem to be working, he said.

Chapter

Two

In her classroom at school, Josie was doing her best to concentrate on what Miss Abbott was saying, but adding conjunctions to the clauses at any time was bad enough. Trying to understand them when it was the last day of term, was even harder.

Josie looked up at the clock on the wall. Suddenly, the hands began moving very quickly. Josie blinked and looked at the clock again, but the hands were still going round really fast. Soon her classmates noticed the clock hands too. They all pointed at the clock and giggled.

Miss Abbott turned away from the smart board and faced the class.

What’s all this giggling about? she asked.

There’s something wrong with the clock, Miss, said someone.

The teacher looked up at the wall.

Soon laughter was heard coming from the other classrooms as well.

Even the hands on the clock in Morgan’s class were spinning round and round.

Wait here, Miss Abbott told her class, and she went out into the corridor.

What’s going on with the clocks? she asked Mrs Stepandfetchit, who was also now standing in the corridor.

Not sure, she said, looking at the watch on her wrist. Mine’s spinning as well.

The entire school had descended into chaos, when suddenly, and all at once, the clocks stopped spinning. Now they were all telling the wrong time.

I’ll go and see the Head, said Mrs Stepandfetchit.

Miss Abbott went back into her classroom.

Right, settle down. The clocks are obviously malfunctioning for some reason, but it’s nothing to get all excited about, she said, tapping her watch, which was now also telling the wrong time.

Just then, the school bell rang.

Ok, have a wonderful summer break and see you all next year, said Miss Abbott, walking to the classroom door and opening it for the children.

Outside in the playground, Josie waited for Morgan and then the two of them walked home together.

Did your clock spin round too? asked Morgan.

Yes, we all started giggling. There must have been something wrong with the electrics, that’s what Ben said, and his dad is an electrician, so he should know, replied Josie.

Well, Adam in my class, said it was caused by climate change and the planet heating up, said Morgan.

Mmm, not sure if that will affect clocks though. Maybe Mum will know. We will ask her when we get home.

As they opened the garden gate, they could see Spike standing on the windowsill, wagging his tail and barking very loudly.

Are they here? asked Mrs Berwick, looking out of the window. Yes, they are. Go on then, she said, opening the front door.

Spike leapt off the windowsill, through the door, and dashed down the garden to meet the children.

Hello, Spike! Are you ready for lots of squeezing, ‘cause it’s the school holidays? Yay! said Josie, picking him up and hugging him.

Mum, something really cool happened at school today. All the clocks in the classrooms started spinning, said Morgan.

Not the whole clock, just the hands, said Josie, passing Spike to Morgan.

That is pretty cool, I suppose, said Mrs Berwick, taking the children’s school bags from them.

It was. Even the hands on my teacher’s wristwatch started spinning. Danny said it might be because a spaceship was nearby, added Morgan.

Did he really? Well, the clocks here were just fine, so I suspect it was just something peculiar to school if I’m honest. Now come on in, I’ve made you a strawberry jam sponge cake.

Morgan put Spike down, and then the three of them ran into the house.

Mrs Berwick looked up at the sky.

Spaceships? Whatever next? she said to herself and walked back up to the house.

I’m sure those school bags get heavier and heavier each year, she said under the weight of the children’s school bags.

Just imagine how we feel? said Morgan, cutting two large slices of cake and giving one to Spike.

I spoke to your dad this morning, said Mrs Berwick.

How is he? asked Josie, pouring four cups of tea.

He’s well. The thing is, he said he would like to see more of you this summer than he did last summer.

The children both nodded.

Well, is that a yes, or just a nod?

It’s a yes, but we will have to explain to dad that we need to see Mr Milliner as well, said Josie.

Mmm, I explained Mr Milliner to your dad.

Good, then he understands? asked Morgan, eating his cake.

I wouldn’t quite say ‘understand’, but please try to make time for your dad please.

No problem, said Josie, sitting down and picking up her slice of cake.

It always seems to worry me when you say ‘no problem’ because that means it usually is going to be one.

No, Mum. I’ll telephone dad tonight and explain the situation, said Josie.

The situation? asked her mother.

Yes, about Mr Milliner. I mean, we are the only friends he’s got.

Other than Captain Cornelius, said Morgan, cutting another slice of cake.

Thank you, Morgan, said Josie.

Oh, and Ronald, the Turn-keys, the Eee-moo’s and Nutandbolts, said Morgan.

Who is Nutandbolts? asked Mrs Berwick.

The squirrel! said Morgan. Don’t you remember?

Look, it’s not even the first day of the holiday yet and already we have descended into the madness of the Milliner, again, said Mrs Berwick.

The Milliner isn’t mad, Mum. Maybe a little forgetful and absent-minded possibly, but not mad, said Josie.

One of his relations was a penguin, so they might have been mad, said Morgan.

Ok. Just call your dad. I’m not getting involved, other than to say he misses spending time with you both, so remember that. Ok?

Ok, said the children.

Spike looked up and gave a bark.

Not you. You’re staying here, said Mrs Berwick.

Chapter

Three

Mrs Berwick woke up early and crept downstairs to make herself a cup of tea. She looked at the empty space on the sofa.

The cheeky monkey’s in one of their beds again, she said, smiling to herself.

While she waited for the kettle to boil, she took a few moments to look out of the kitchen window and admired her garden. The summer flowers were all coming into bloom, in beautiful reds, blues and yellows. She really loved this time of year.

Suddenly, five geese walked across the lawn and disappeared into the flowerbed by the hedge.

Mrs Berwick stared at the geese.

Odd, but for this house, not unusual, she said, as the kettle came to the boil.

She then made her cup of tea and went back to bed.

As she sat in bed and sipped her tea, she thought about the coming summer holiday. She was glad that the children had spoken to their father and agreed to spend a few weekends with him over the holidays.

Her mind then drifted to the Milliner and all the mayhem that had occurred since the children had first spoken of him. First, there was the pig, then the kangaroo, and the three turkeys. Then the disappearance and return of Mr Disorderly, not to mention the delivery of four eggs that she still hadn’t got to the bottom of.

Oh, and the two gold coins, the blue paint in town, the seagull in Morgan’s bedroom, and what about Ronald? she said aloud.

She then wondered if she was just making more of these events than she needed to. Maybe things like this happened in homes around the country. Maybe other houses were also invaded by blue squirrels, pole vaulting onto security cameras, although she doubted it.

Mrs Berwick took another sip of her tea and shrugged her shoulders. She decided it was all just a coincidence of events that could happen to any household.

Anyway, the children will soon grow out of this Milliner stage of their lives, she said and snuggled down into her duvet.

Meanwhile, in his bedroom, Morgan had reached up onto his bookshelf and taken the glass jar down and was waiting to see what the weather was going to do today.

Oh good. Sunny and warm. Excellent, he said and put the jar back on the bookshelf.

In her room, Josie felt Spike push his back feet against her in an attempt to make more room for himself.

Hey, it’s my bed too, said Josie, trying to resist his pushing.

Spike still wasn’t satisfied with the amount of bed he’d got and pushed again. Josie reluctantly moved over.

Happy now? she asked, as Spike gave an enormous sigh and stretched out.

In his tree, Mr Milliner rolled over in his hammock and heard a voice.

Hey, get off me, you big lump! You’re squashing me.

Mr Milliner opened one eye, then the other.

Ronald! he shouted and rolled back the other way, then took the little Harvest Mouse out of his pocket.

Sorry, he said.

So you should be. Please can I have my own bedroom?

Mr Milliner kissed the little mouse on the top of the head and then nodded.

Is that a yes, or just a nod? asked Ronald, placing his hands on his hips.

Yes, said the Milliner, putting Ronald back in his coat pocket and the two of them then went back to sleep.

Ronald, the Milliner’s Harvest Mouse drawn by Josie.

Ronald, the Milliner’s Harvest Mouse drawn by Josie.

Chapter

Four

Mrs Berwick suddenly woke up with a start.

Oh my! I must have dozed off. What time is it? she said, turning over and looking at her alarm clock.

She then jumped out of bed, put her dressing gown and slippers on, and went to see if the children were awake. She slowly opened Josie’s door.

Morning Mum, said Josie, sitting up in bed.

Oh, you are awake? Is Spike in there with you?

From under the duvet, Spike wagged his tail but didn’t move otherwise.

Josie nodded and pointed to a small hump under the covers.

Has he been there all night? asked her mother.

Josie smiled and gave a nod.

I’ll make breakfast, said Mrs Berwick, as she left the room.

Spike gave a little woof and wagged his tail even more.

I swear that dog knows more English than I do, said Mrs Berwick, as she went downstairs.

Slowly the house stirred, with various footsteps heard upstairs as the children went to the bathroom and then back to their rooms.

Spike finally emerged from under the duvet and gave a massive yawn, then jumped down off the bed.

Oh, his lordship’s up, said Mrs Berwick, as she waited for Spike to come downstairs.

Morning. Did you sleep well? she asked him.

He gave a small woof as he trotted past on his way to find a suitable plant to wee on in the garden.

He then came back inside and jumped up on his chair and looked around the kitchen table, grumbling a little as he did so.

Well, I am still making the eggs. Just hold your horses. I’ll call you when it’s ready, said Mrs Berwick.

Spike huffed, then jumped off his chair, went across to the sofa, and settled down to wait.

Is breakfast ready? asked Morgan as he ran down the stairs.

I’ve just told Spike, it’s just coming. You can lay the table if you want to help?

Morgan put plates on the table as Josie came down into the kitchen.

Is it ready yet? she asked.

Spike looked up and gave a bark.

Ok, thanks Spike, said Josie, as she got herself a glass of milk.

So, are you two off to the oak tree today? asked Mrs Berwick.

Josie gulped her milk.

Yes, we need to check on how Mr Milliner is, she said, putting her glass down on the table.

Surely he will be just how you left him, won’t he? asked her mother, putting the poached eggs and toast on the four plates.

We hope so, but the thing is we haven’t seen him for ten months, so anything could have happened.

Like what?

Well, he could have sawn all the legs off the table for one or decided to paint his beard red for ‘B’. You just don’t know, said Morgan.

Josie nodded her head in agreement with what her brother had said, chewing on a mouthful of toast and egg.

Mrs Berwick looked across the table at Spike.

Can you please slow down, Mr Piggly? It’s not a race to see who can finish their breakfast first.

Spike swallowed the rest of his egg whole and then gave a burp.

See, that’s because you’ve wolfed it down.

The children both giggled.

Don’t laugh at him, it will only make him worse, said Mrs Berwick, shaking her head.

After the breakfast dishes were all cleared away, the children made a picnic and said goodbye to their mother.

Maybe Mum is right, what if Mr Milliner isn’t there anymore? said Morgan, as he opened the garden gate to let Josie and Spike through.

Mr Milliner said that he will be there for a few more summers yet, so I’m not worried whether he will be there. If I’m honest, I’m more concerned about how long it will take for him to remember us, said Josie with a sigh.

Morgan paused at the big gate and inspected his sign.

It’s still looking good and I don’t think it needs painting again this year, he said, feeling pleased with his handy work.

I agree, said Josie, as she climbed over the gate and walked down to the oak tree.

Chapter

Five

Spike sniffed around the enormous tree and then wee’d on a small clump of grass.

Mr Milliner, called Josie, looking up into the branches.

Are you there? she asked, but there wasn’t any reply.

She looked at Morgan.

Knock on the door, she said.

Morgan put his backpack down on the ground, gave three knocks on the tree, and waited.

I’m not accepting knocking sounds today, thank you.

Mr Milliner, is that you? asked Morgan.

I’m not accepting questions today, thank you.

What? said Josie, folding her arms.

He says he’s not accepting questions today, said Morgan.

Yes, I heard him, said Josie, taking a few steps towards the tree trunk.

Now you listen to me, Mr Milliner. We haven’t seen you for ages and the day we arrive, you start all this nonsense about not accepting knocking or questions. What’s all this about? she demanded.

I’m not accepting questions today, thank you.

Grrrrrrrr! stamped Josie, getting annoyed.

Let me try again? suggested Morgan.

Be my guest, said Josie.

Mr Milliner, why aren’t you accepting questions today? asked Morgan.

I’m not accepting questions today, thank you.

Well done, said Josie, sitting down next to the tree.

Morgan placed his finger on the tip of his nose and thought for a moment.

Sorry, I’m not accepting people saying they are not accepting questions today, thank you! said Morgan, turning to Josie and giving her the thumbs up.

The Milliner hadn’t considered that this may be a possibility and placed his finger on the tip of his nose too and thought for a moment.

Josie looked up at the position of the sun, then looked at her watch. She then unzipped her backpack and took out a small box of sausage rolls. She gave one to Spike, one to Morgan and then took one herself, then closed the