Miscarriage Isn't A Dirty Word

By Maria Ann Green

Miscarriage isn't a dirty word.

Neither are infertility, stillbirth, pregnancy loss, or infant loss. But so often those of us who experience these life-altering events feel that they are dirty words, things to suffer in silence. But we shouldn't have to. The stigma, taboo, and shame all need to be broken down and done away with. And with this story of my experience I'm hoping to contribute to the chipping away of each. I hope to normalize the conversation and make way for more healing.

My story is told in a unique format - unlike many others that have come before. This is because I wanted to tell it in a way that may connect with new readers dealing with the grief of a loss. It is a collection of poetry and illustrations put together in the midst of my heartbreak and healing after losing my son at 17 weeks of pregnancy. It is not a guide or instructions on how to heal, but simply my own experience. Miscarriage and all similar losses are too stigmatized, which is unacceptable. This is just one attempt to normalize the horrific experience one in four women suffer through. I am not alone in this, and neither is anyone suffering through the same. I hope I can help one person feel heard or connected through my clumsy words and images. I am not an expert, but I think my contributing to the conversation is essential.


**Content warnings: miscarriage, pregnancy loss, depression, anxiety, and similar topics.**

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maria Ann Green
• Release date: May 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201632694

Maria Ann Green

Maria lives in Minnesota despite the frozen winters. Actually, she prefers snow drifts and icicles over summer and all that sweat running everywhere. She lives with her husband and little family, which includes a couple lazy cats who make great lap warmers. You can usually find her whishing that she lived in a secret cabin in the woods where she could be a hermit reading and writing all of the time. Instead she lives the suburban life where she pretends to her neighbors and the other moms around that she doesn’t swear like a sailor, have hidden tattoos, and love a good glass bottle of wine. She absolutely believes in unicorns and ghosts and hopes vampires and monsters are real too. She's a coffee-in-the-morning and wine-in-the-evening kind of person, preferably with a nap in between. Maria prefers cats over dogs, books over people, and late nights over early mornings. She probably shouldn’t talk to anyone until she’s had her first cup of coffee. And if you ever want to hang out with her, you’ll have to be game for a horror movie or just a quick run to target for two (hundred) little things. Also, you couldn’t pay her to be in her twenties again; Thirties is where it’s at. She's a creative, mouthy, introverted, proud bisexual, highly-sensitive INFJ, Slytherpuff, dork with a sweet-tooth.  Maria devours books, reading mostly in bed or listening to audio books in the car. Writing has been one of her passions for pretty much her whole life. So creativity is a necessity for her, always. After working in the mental health field for almost a decade, she's now living her dream as a stay-at-home writer, kiddo wrangler, professional snuggler, and constantly-tired-person. When it comes to her writing, she specializes in dark and twisted thrillers or gritty, angsty contemporary romances. But no matter the genre, she always prefers writing deeply flawed characters with dysfunctional relationships. She's pretty sure the whole "unlikable character" thing is a conspiracy because every character she loves have been labeled this way. Ridiculous. And because of this, she's pretty much found it impossible to write anything without at least a little mayhem.  Maria will always believe that though not every story is for her, and her stories aren't for everyone, every story has a reader.

Book preview

Maria Ann Green

MISCARRIAGE ISN’T A DIRTY WORD

Copyright © 2021 Maria Ann Green

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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering legal or other professional services. While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional when appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, personal, or other damages.

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Cover design by Maria Ann Green

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Formatting by Maria Ann Green

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Editing by Jackie Hritz

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All rights reserved.

ISBN:  9798453400904

All works by Maria Ann Green

Poetry:

Miscarriage Isn’t a Dirty Word, poetry and illustrations of my miscarriage

Healing Isn’t a Dirty Word Either, poetic affirmations after miscarriages

In the Rearview, young adult poetry and prose standalone

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I Would Never Series:

I Would Never...But If I Did (Companion One), contemporary romance

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Betting Series:

Betting on Love (Companion One), steamy romantic comedy

Betting on Sin (Companion Two), steamy romantic comedy

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Chasing Series:

Chasing Risks (Companion One), steamy romance

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Once Upon Series:

Once Upon That Time He Was Stuck In The Friend Zone (Companion One), contemporary romantic comedy

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Darkness Series:

Nothing but Darkness (Book One), psychological thriller

Deeper into Darkness (Book Two), psychological thriller

Edge of Darkness (Book Three), psychological crime thriller

Darkness Series Omnibus (Books One, Two, and Three), thrillers

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Nonfiction:

Plot Like Me, nonfiction craft book on plotting

Write Like Me, nonfiction craft book on drafting

Edit Like Me, nonfiction craft book on editing

Market Like Me, nonfiction craft book on marketing

Organize Like Me, nonfiction craft book just the worksheets

Author Like Me, nonfiction craft book on writing all-in-one

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Short works:

It Only Hurts When I Breathe

The Masque of Annabel

This book is for every momma (and daddy and sibling and truly anyone) who understands what I’m going through or who knows someone who is and wants to learn and grow. For each and every one of you also in the worst club in the world, the club of one in four. For those experiencing infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and any similar kind of world-altering grief. I am here with you. I see you. And I am always here to listen. I love you forever—even if I haven’t met you yet.

This simultaneously heartbreaking and healing book is even more for my donut, my bumblebee, my sweet second baby, who I loved with all of my heart but never got to hold in my arms. I will wish for the rest of my life that I was able to kiss you just once. Jaxon Percival, I will never stop loving you, just like I will never stop missing you. All I can do is grow around the grief and let my capacity for love grow too. Jax, you gave me that, among so many other gifts, in your sixteen short weeks with us. Thank you for teaching me so much, for showing me I’m capable of more love that I ever knew, for making room for a rainbow, and for showing me exactly what I’m meant to do with my future. I love you with all of my pieced-back-together heart.

Preface

I have always spoken up about miscarriages and all similar losses. For years, long before I ever had my own, it was an important subject that I felt so strongly about sharing and normalizing.

I have advocated for years that a loss is a loss is a loss—if you find out you’re pregnant one day and start bleeding the next, if you get to see a heartbeat but then it’s gone, if you have a stillbirth or infant loss, if you try for years and years and never get a single positive—they’re all losses. Every single loss counts, and they are all heartbreaking. Pain and grief isn’t comparative or a competition, and it all hurts, it’s all breathtakingly heartbreaking, and you are entitled to every single feeling you have.

And I am here for you. I want everyone reading to know that. You can reach out to me through email, social media, or by carrier pigeon.

I don’t think I’m brave for speaking out, though some have tried to tell me that I am. Instead I think that I’m just stubborn. I refuse to be