Self-Sabotage: How to Minimize Self-Destructiveness and Its Negative Impact on Others

By Michael Church and Charles Brooks

This book is designed to help readers increase both the quality and quantity of their lives. Particular attention is paid to the fact that we cannot separate our physical and psychological health which are interconnected in significant and complex ways. Each inevitably affects the other, both positively and negatively. Because negative effects of preventable health problems take place so insidiously, we may not be aware of how deleterious they are until decades after making unhealthy decisions. The reader will be guided through increased understanding of how this interrelationship affects our health, and how we can increase our power to emphasize positive physical and psychological impacts and minimize or prevent negative ones. Additionally, we discuss self-help and professional treatment methods for remediation of health problems, and how our health problems necessarily impact, directly and/or indirectly, those in our family, work environment and community, along with how we can help guide ourselves and others to a healthier and longer life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781669803959

Michael Church

Charles Brooks is professor emeritus of psychology at King’s College. He received his bachelor’s degree in psychology from Duke University, his master’s in psychology from Wake Forest University, and his doctorate in psychology from Syracuse University. He was at King’s College for thirty-six years and served as department chair for twenty-nine years. He has authored numerous papers in professional journals and coauthored four books. He and his wife have two daughters and two granddaughters. He dedicates this book to Joylyn and Zoe. Michael Church is professor and chair of the Psychology Department at King’s College. He received his bachelor’s degree in psychology from California State University at Fullerton and his master’s and doctoral degrees in psychology from the University of Miami. Dr. Church has been a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice since 1980. For thirty-five years, he has worked at First Hospital Wyoming Valley, directing psychological testing and performing group therapy. He has authored one book and coauthored four books. Dr. Church is married and has three daughters. He dedicates this book to his first grandchild, Marabelle.

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Copyright © 2022 by Michael Church & Charles Brooks.

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Rev. date: 12/13/2021

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CONTENTS

Dedications

Preface

Chapter 1   Conceptal Framework

Chapter 2   Causes Of Self-Destructive Behavior

Chapter 3   Direct-Active Types

Chapter 4   Direct-Passive Types

Chapter 5   Indirect-Active Types

Chapter 6   Indirect Passive Types

Chapter 7   Prevention And Treatment

Chapter 8   Help From Significant Others

Chapter 9   Reflections

References

DEDICATIONS

Church: To Mirabelle and all grandchildren to come

Brooks: To my sisters, Shirley and Kathy

PREFACE

Rodney – our case examples are reasonable facsimiles and composite of those we have known, or clients treated but are not the actual individuals – was a laid back, jovial young man who lived with his mom. He had no siblings and was often shy around peers he did not know well. He did, however, have a small circle of friends. His most defining feature was morbid obesity. When he graduated from college, at 6 feet tall, Rodney weighed 440 lbs. Ten years later, 31 years old, he tipped the scales at 525 lbs. But two things happened at that point in his life that made him come to grips with his weight problem. First, he was hospitalized with a variety of physical problems, including high blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar, as well as blood clots in his legs. These difficulties were directly attributed to his weight. Second, his mother experienced medical problems and had to be hospitalized.

His mother’s illness proved to be quite a shock to Rodney. His hospitalization suddenly made him realize that his weight could ultimately hurt her if he were unable to help her get through her sickness. He was so incapacitated by his excessive weight that he could not support her in her time of need. He could not even tie his own shoelaces, which led him to think, That did it, I’ve got to lose weight. Rodney’s motivation to change his eating behavior and lose weight was driven by concern for his mom. At times I directed anger toward myself for being a wimp, but basically I was comfortable with who I was. Sure, I was fat, but I was enjoying my life and I had a good circle of friends. Mom’s illness, though, gave me a real reality check. I could not take care of her in this condition. How can I take care of her if I am sick, or if I cannot do some basic physical things? That question scared the hell out of me. I was really consumed with anxiety over her welfare.

It was also clear to Rodney that his life expectancy was not exactly promising. How could he care for mom if he died? Such thoughts gave him a lot of stress, and he also got angry at himself for being so selfish. He came to see his weight as a symbol of his selfish indulgence and self-destructive behavior that was a threat to his mother’s health. He decided to place her well-being first and foremost in his mind and that, along with his high anxiety, proved to be tremendous motivation for him. Within three years he shed 305 lbs. He now maintains a healthy weight and regular exercise regimen, is at the low end of the scale for cholesterol and triglycerides, has a resting heart rate of 55 – it was nearly 100 when he weighed 525 – and is training to run in the NYC Marathon. His mother is now deceased, but he has three new motivators to keep himself healthy, a wife and two sons.

What did Rodney do to completely change his life, confront his self-destructive eating behavior, and lose all that weight? He took control of his thoughts and actions. He did not automatically listen to people who told him to do things their way. He considered advice but ultimately made his own decisions. He armed himself with knowledge, found the methods for change that fit his personality, and put those methods to work for him with a specific plan of action. He was intensely motivated to change. He took personal responsibility for his pitiful state and poor diet and refused to say he was addicted to food or had bad genes. He understood that when he played the addiction or genetic card as reasons for his problems, he was avoiding them, and they would persist and worsen. Armed with this understanding, Rodney devised a three-part plan.

First, he determined his options and developed a plan of action. Initially, he thought his only option was stomach surgery. Many people experience success with this surgery, and the physicians he consulted tried to convince him that he would never be able to lose sufficient weight on his own. Three physicians and some other medical people told me I needed gastric bypass surgery. He was not sure why but did say: I didn’t want to do the surgery. I just could not relate to it. Maybe I saw that option as depending too much on the surgeons. I had spent most of my life just drifting from one meal to the next; now I wanted more control over myself. So, I kept looking for ways to lose weight on my own. Any anger I felt toward myself or anyone else I just put aside as not the way to go. Anxiety about mom’s welfare was still there, but my only option was to suck it up and be a man.

Second, he educated himself about nutrition, basic body biology, and exercise by going on various web sites. He also talked to some athletic trainers. He slowly designed a diet for himself that was healthy but limited in calories. He also designed exercise routines, each one corresponding to movements he could make within the limits imposed by his size. Initially, he could not lift weights, do push-ups, run, etc. He could only walk and move small weights with his arms. Rodney empowered himself, exercised control, and acquired ownership of his diet and exercise plans. He knew his plans would be difficult to endure and carry out. He knew he would be hungry much of the time and tempted to cheat on his diet and exercise program, and that a lot of frustration lay ahead. He knew he could not control these feelings and temptations, so he reconciled himself to them. He accepted the things he could not control while taking control of those he could.

Third, Rodney stopped making excuses for his weight problem. He would not blame genetics, even though his mother was severely overweight. He did not blame fast food conglomerates for supersizing his order of fries, loading them with fats., and selling huge cups of cheap soda full of sugar. He focused his thoughts around one unavoidable truth: His choices – not weakness, not genetics, and not convenient unhealthy foods – were making him fat and served as threats to his mom’s well-being. Amazingly, Rodney did not require significant assistance from others. He just needed to harness resources always available but not accessed. Clearly, he had developed a self-destructive eating pattern which he readily admitted, as he commented he simply loved food. He was willing to tolerate the side effects of being morbidly obese until the welfare of his mother was threatened. Taking care of her was his main purpose for living. Secondarily, he lived to eat. When these purposes came into conflict, his love and dedication for mom won out.

It took time but Rodney’s plan was successful. Over a three-year period, he completely changed his lifestyle. As he shed pounds, he slowly began to enjoy an active and productive family life. Forgive the pun, he told us, But the whole process began to feed on itself. As those pounds began to melt away and as I could do more and more things physically, I was like a runaway train. I used to look forward to a pizza; now I was looking forward to weighing myself and knowing I would be rewarded. It was just awesome. I had never gotten such positive results from things I was doing myself. The feeling of self-control was incredible. My anxiety began to melt away with the pounds! Rodney’s weight stabilized around 190 lbs. He was six feet, so this weight was just right for him. In addition to his day job, he became a motivational speaker, spending a couple of evenings a week talking to various businesses, civic groups, weight-control programs, and health professionals. At his sessions he delighted in having a pair of pants with him, the ones he wore when he had topped out at 525lbs. He laughed as he showed how his entire torso fit into one of the legs.

Rodney became a popular motivational speaker, and a local TV station learned about his story. They did a human-interest profile on him, and he described his concern over his mother’s health and his inability to care for her. Also, he said jokingly, I knew if I ever became rich, I would never be able to own a Porsche because I wouldn’t fit behind the wheel. The interview caught the attention of the national network, and Rodney was invited on Oprah’s show to tell his story – a heartwarming story of how love for his mom spurred him to stop his self-destructive eating and focus on her welfare. At the end of his Oprah segment, a curtain was drawn and there was a Porsche. Oprah wondered if he could fit behind the wheel. Rodney slid into the front seat behind the wheel and said, Easy as pie! Oprah said, That’s good because the car is yours, as she tossed him the keys.

This anecdotal case reminds us of what people can do when sufficiently motivated by a strong sense of purpose. The importance of motivation and purpose will be recurring themes in this book. We will discuss how self-improvement education and professional help can facilitate constructive changes that spread positive outcomes to others. Amazingly, this young man did not require any assistance from others. He just needed to harness personal resources not previously utilized. Clearly, he had developed self-destructive eating patterns which he readily acknowledged. Furthermore, he was willing to tolerate the side effects of being morbidly obese until the welfare of his mother was threatened. Taking care of her was his main purpose for living. Secondarily, he lived to eat. When these purposes came into conflict, his love for mom won out. Frankly, we wish that all cases of self-destruction ended so positively. Recently, Church spoke to him on the phone. It was heartwarming to hear that, after he ended his obesity and his mom passed, he developed his own constructive goals for living while maintaining a healthy lifestyle for himself and his family.

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In this book we do not separate physical and mental health issues. In the field of Health Psychology, there is a growing consensus that physical and mental health are indistinguishable and inseparable, and it is an artificial distinction to discuss one without the other. A child who has been locked in a closet for 6 hours does not only suffer psychological abuse. There are also permanent physical changes in the child’s brain that represent memories of this type of trauma. Likewise, research has established that high levels of continuous stress take a toll on our physical health. Mental health affects our physical health and vice-versa. In the chapters that follow we will discuss a large array of common mental and physical problems that have been acquired and maintained by self-destructive behavior patterns. In addition, we will discuss how co-workers, acquaintances, friends, and family members of the victim can mitigate and avoid the side effects of self-sabotage and potentially help those who engage in such dynamics.

There can be little doubt that the high frequency and variety of self-injurious behaviors present an enormous public-health challenge. Consider for instance:

• In 2017, nearly 20 million adults 12 and older battled a substance use disorder (National Survey on Drug Use and Health).

• The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders estimates 29 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime.

• Gambling and gaming disorders are estimated to be about 1% of the population and are gradually increasing (Sue, Sue, and Sue, 2016)

• In 2018, The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, claiming 48,000 deaths

• Self-mutilative behavior, which includes deliberate damage to one’s body without suicidal intent, has been estimated to occur with about 4% of the population and 21% of adult psychiatric inpatients. These patterns tend to begin by adolescence (Fleming, 2005).

• During 2016, more than one million drivers were arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics, accounting for more than 28% of all traffic related deaths in the US (CDC, 2018).

• Almost 1% of the US population is in jail at any given time. Although we have only about 4% of the world’s population, we house approximately 22% of those incarcerated worldwide.

• Smoking rivals obesity as the greatest cause of preventable death in the US, costing almost one-half million deaths per year. Most lung cancer deaths are caused by smoking, and breast cancer increases about fourfold in women who smoke (Taylor, 2012).

• As of 2017-18, the CDC found that 42% of adults in the US were obese. Obesity is the chief cause of disability and increases early morbidity, as well as chances of having Type II diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease. Approximately 50% of all blindness is caused by diabetes while about the same percentage of people on renal dialysis are diabetics (Taylor, 2012).

• Non-adherence by patients to medical recommendations across all treatment regimens is about 26%. A common form of nonadherence is medication abuse (DiMatteo et al., 2002).

• According to the CDC (2018), about one in three women and one in four men experience severe domestic violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

• Obsessive-compulsive and related disorders include hoarding, extreme levels of time on the internet, excessive spending and shopping, and kleptomania. It is difficult to ascertain how frequent these problematic behaviors are because they tend to be performed secretly. These individuals are generally deceptive in their lifestyles, due to anticipated embarrassment, humiliation, and shame. Estimates of 12-month prevalence rates are as follows: obsessive-compulsive disorder (1.2 percent), body dysmorphia – distorted preoccupation with body image – (2.4%), and trichotillomania – habitual hair pulling – (1.2%) (Sue, et al., 2016).

• Anxiety disorders are the most common psychological disorder, affecting about 18 % of the population per year (Kessler et al., 2005). Estimates of depressive disorders run close behind at about 14-16% per year (Sue, et al, 2016).

Given the enormous prevalence in this partial list of self-defeating and self-destructive behavior patterns noted above, it is easy to envision the scope of self-imposed suffering we will discuss. With respect to the estimates of anxiety and depression listed above, it should be mentioned that many theorists have viewed anxiety and depressive disorders as linked by common causes and effects. They are often comorbid, which means that people who have an anxiety disorder are very likely to suffer from a depressive disorder and vice versa. Regarding underlying processes, they are frequently seen as displaying a neurotic paradox, which is to say that the way the sufferer copes with stress helps to maintain their disorder, as opposed to minimize or eliminate it. This analysis can be viewed as a microcosm of how the self-destructive person develops and maintains their vicious cycle of negative coping patterns. Of course, just as there are many different types of self-destructive patterns, their severity varies greatly both in terms effects on the individual and influences on others. Many self-destructive patterns are relatively innocuous – such as nail biting, procrastination, failing to floss teeth regularly, living in a disorganized house –whereas others can be quite dangerous. Keep in mind, however, that all is not gloom and doom. Humans show a vast array of constructive patterns as well. And this is precisely the point! Humans possess the potential to be incredibly constructive, creative, and prosocial (altruistic) on one hand, and self-centered, callous, and destructive on the other. Our goal is to help the reader understand better how to accentuate positive patterns and diminish negative ones. It is easy to imagine that as the percentage of healthy people increases, the easier it is for the rest of us to get and stay healthy.

All of us demonstrate some level of self-destructiveness in one or more domains, just as we are constructive in at least some others. Most of us have heard someone say they have only one vice, such as smoking, drinking, gambling, excessive eating, etc. This statement implies acknowledgement of a self-destructive behavior pattern while also normalizing such. They suggest it is not unusual to have some form of outlet which is not healthy, but also show a certain degree of defensiveness in this expression. It is as if the person is saying, I’m okay because I only have one vice. In this book we do not intend to help people wipe out all vices or feel like they must defend themselves. Rather, our intention is to explore the dynamics of self-destruction, including causes, effects, prevention, and ways to change these behaviors, especially when they show patternicity and are potentially dangerous to our health and well-being. We will also emphasize indirect and even lethal negative influences of self-destructive behavior. Too often, we focus on the sufferer or victim while glossing over damaging impacts on family, friends, coworkers, public service workers, medical personnel, neighbors, and even strangers. Frequently, others are heavily impacted psychologically and/or physically in both subtle and/or blatant ways. Such damage often plays out over many years or even decades with cascading negative influences on physical and mental health.