Dancing on the Edge: My Journey Towards Overcoming Post-Traumatic Stress, Anxiety, Depression and Insomia

By Josephine Bartley

This book will assist you greatly if you or someone you know has PTSD,' and it seems impossible to shake the Anxiety and Depression. Overcoming unhealthy cycles of abuse, wrong attitudes, and corrupt thinking is not easy. However, the hard work pays off; I am no longer in a psychological prison, my soul has been set free, and I have made it through the darkest 7-years of my life.
Anxiety was always a part of my perceived everyday life from childhood; it became increasingly difficult to manage in adulthood. The Depression worsened in my late 40's when [PTSD] uninvitedly reared its ugly head. It takes great courage to face demons that cause us to live in fear, doubt, and confusion, robbing us of our health, finances, and yes, even our very lives if we do nothing about it.
Each mountain I overcame gave me the strength and courage to continue to press on until my breakthrough arrived. If you are unwell or supporting someone facing mental challenges, this book will encourage you not to give up. You may not see it now, but the road ahead has keys to help you unlock the doors to your healing.
I long to see people set free from the tormenting mind games and anguish that kept me captive most of my life. Should you choose to invest in yourself now by dealing with the unresolved emotion attached to painful memories, you will find life is not that bad after all.
Enough is enough! I want my life back. How about you?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Nov 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664104976

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Copyright © 2021, 2022 by Josephine Bartley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 02/10/2022

Orders: www.bartleybooks.com

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CONTENTS

Introduction

About the Author

To my faithful and loyal husband

Chapter 1 Reaching Breaking Point

Chapter 2 Understanding a Meltdown (Mental Breakdown)

Chapter 3 How I Began My Journey to Recovery

Chapter 4 Understanding Someonewith ‘Depression’

Chapter 5 Understanding Someone with ‘Anxiety’

Chapter 6 Understanding Someone with ‘PTSD’

Chapter 7 Emotional Trauma in Childhood (Broke My Spirit)

Chapter 8 Emotional Trauma in Adolescence (Broke My Body)

Chapter 9 Emotional Trauma in Adulthood (Broke My Soul)

Chapter 10 Emotional Trauma in Marriage (WasDebilitating)

Chapter 11 Identifying the First Signs of Abuse

Chapter 12 Emotional Baggage Is Not Ours to Carry

Chapter 13 Recognising Our Emotional Needs

Chapter 14 Picking Up the Pieces Afterthe Diagnosis

Chapter 15 Coming Out of Denial Takes Courage

Chapter 16 Your Life Is Worth Fighting For

Chapter 17 Breaking Dysfunctional Cycles

Chapter 18 Relapse Is Just Another Step Forward

Chapter 19 The Importance of Staying Safe

Chapter 20 It Takes Courage to Face Our Fears

Chapter 21 Some Dreams Have Meaning, Others Don’t!

Chapter 22 Regulating Sleep and Reducing ‘Anxiety’

Chapter 23 Unconditional Love Is a Precious Gift

Chapter 24 The Road to Recovery Takes Patience

Chapter 25 Navigating Your Way Throughthe Storm

Chapter 26 The Diagnosis Is not a Death Sentence!

Chapter 27 Coming Off Medication Too Soon!

Chapter 28 Medical Practitioners Can Only Go So Far

Chapter 29 How do we remain standingina Battle?

Chapter 30 Finding Balance in This World of Turmoil!

Chapter 31 Don’t Give Up; You Have Hope and a Future!

References

Where Can I Get Help in Australia?

Pre-Publishing Book Reviews

INTRODUCTION

Why You Picked Up This Book!

You likely picked up this book as you recognise symptoms of anxiety, depression, and maybe post-traumatic stress in yourself or in those you love. Whatever the reason, I dedicate this book to you for having the courage to face the truth and come out of denial. Your healing process may differ from mine. However, I believe that you will make it through with the proper guidance and support.

This book will assist you in becoming more self-aware about what is going on in your mind. What you are experiencing is frightening, but know you are not alone. Many people are going through similar challenges; mental illness has soared during this season of Covid-19. Some of my revelations will give you a sense of freedom, whereas others may trigger your past hurts, so it might be a good idea to lean on someone willing to support you through your journey of highs and lows.

The journey may seem long and tedious, but the pain will gradually ease with time. You will regain strength, so be patient, as the process differs for each person. In time, you will find yourself living a much more balanced life spiritually, mentally, and physically. Once you begin breaking free from the strongholds that have dominated your mind, you will gradually start to take back the reins of your life. Be patient because it takes time to realign your thoughts to a new way of thinking.

I am deeply sorry to those who were unintentionally hurt by my actions and words in the early years of my recovery. I struggled to differentiate between unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviours during the first three years of my meltdown. The journey has been challenging to say the least, but I have learned to make the difficult decisions necessary for inner healing to take place through much trial and error.

Mum! You were terrific. You never hesitated to step into church life wherever and whenever there was a need, and your lovely hubby, thanks for being our church caretaker, tending the lawns and gardens, and ensuring the building was open and ready for every meeting. The practical and emotional support you offered was genuinely remarkable, but the unconditional love was invaluable.

Nine months into my meltdown, I heard about the beautiful news reporter who lost her long and public battle with depression in February 2014. I cried and cried; it impacted me so much I was determined to overcome and share my healing journey. If this book prevents one suicide, it was worth the pain and tears I endured to finish the first draft on April 9, 2020, which would have been my belated father’s 90th birthday!

I dedicate this book to my husband of twenty years. You hugged and spooned me for the first six months of the meltdown while I was curled up like a baby. You patiently waited for my healing to begin; I know how gut-wrenching those days were. You never gave up on me but demonstrated what unconditional love and devotion, and loyalty genuinely are. Now it is time for me to return the favour and stand by you.

The love that binds us together in holy

matrimony comes only from ‘The Father

of Lights.’ Thank you for believing in me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As a dancer: Jo was born in Kelmscott, Western Australia, [1964] and began ballet at 3. She received a scholarship to the VCA School of Dance at 14 and achieved the highest award in ballet, ‘The Solo Seal’, stamped by the Queen at 18. Jo won a scholarship to The Royal Ballet School but accepted a job with the Australian Ballet Company. In 1984 Jo played the lead actress and dancer in the movie The Coolangatta Gold. When her career ended abruptly, she began Oracle Dance Studios in Blacktown, NSW. Jo completed her Advanced Diploma of Dance Teaching at the Australian Ballet School and lectured students for two years before being called to full-time ministry.

As a minister: From 1999 to 2004, Jo completed an Advance Diploma in Christian theology and Creative Ministry at Riverview Bible College, WA, where she met her husband, and they ran the after-hours Bible College Lifestyle Training School. After completing a Diploma in Business Management, Jo wrote an Advanced Diploma Christian Dance Ministry for Unity College, Canberra. She worked at Rhema Family Church Logan for two years while she completed a Diploma in Christian ministry. Jo and her husband pioneered and pastored Faith Works Plainland Church for ten years.

As an author: From 2013 to 2020, Jo wrote her first book; she has been an itinerant minister, speaking at outdoor community events and churches. Jo’s dream is to continue sharing her story, building up the faith of others suffering from mental illness and various life challenges, and being a voice to those who have none.

My journey to overcoming PTSD, Anxiety,

Depression & Insomnia Series:

Book 1: Dancing on the Edge

Book 2: Dancing in the Light

Book 3: Live to Dance or Dance to Live

Book 4: The Last Dance

As a wife: The love I have for my husband continues to grow each passing day. He has demonstrated devotional passion and dedication to me in sickness and in health, for better and for worse. No one could have foreseen what would happen in our thirteenth year of marriage, but when God is in the centre of your relationship, you can overcome anything together. My husband showed me an aspect of God’s character I had never seen before; God’s unconditional love, compassion and understanding.

I give special thanks to all who

supported me along the way!

The Coffee Club Plainland, Perth, and Sydney

Board of Faith Works International

The Lockyer Doctors [Dr Rupin]

Coast to Country Chiropractic [Dr Matt]

Massage Philospophy Riverlink [Etta]

The Prayer in the Valley team

[Jacqui, Dolores & Katy]

TO MY FAITHFUL AND

LOYAL HUSBAND

image.jpg

My love for you is immeasurable, and

you are the joy in my heart

and the sunshine in my eyes. You are

my strength when I am weak and

the lifter of my head when I am down.

Your unconditional love never ceases to amaze me.

Your caring nature and ability to rise

above all situations astounds me.

Your gentleness and compassion touch

the very essence of who I am.

Your friendship is everlasting, and your brotherly love helps me feel safe in a volatile world. I love that you encourage me to keep reaching for my dreams!

Because all things are possible to those who believe, and all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.

Honey, you are not perfect, but you are perfect for me,

you are my perfect gift from God, my soul mate, and my best friend,

I thank you for the fondest memories that only we share.

I love you always and forever, your greatest confidante and admirer.

Jo Jo xo

CHAPTER 1

Reaching Breaking Point

It is in THESE times, when there is nothing left of us, that we tend to GROW the most.

Ignorance is not bliss! Very few people comprehend the horrific impact a major meltdown has on a person’s broken body, soul, and spirit. Depending on the severity of the attack, I can best describe this meltdown as having your brain wiring completely unplugged, making relationships with family, friends, and work colleagues virtually impossible to sustain. It takes time to be rewired and even longer if you have family and work commitments.

I know what it feels like to have your world come crashing down around you, and I know what it feels like to be helpless and utterly dependent on someone else for survival. My heart reaches out to you! I have always known I was born into this world for a greater purpose.

What I went through is a mere hiccup in the timeline of my destiny. Knowing God had a plan for my life kept me moving forward, even when I felt life was pointless. Sharing the knowledge gained from enduring this horrendous but rewarding journey will be worthwhile, as it will provide hope and support to so many who are suffering and trying to overcoming this disease on their own.

Mental illness is increasing, and unknowingly, we are subjecting ourselves to more and more fear which creates negativity in our lives and homes. The dramatic news updates and current affairs rarely give us the good news. Even before COVID-19, I recall watching a violent film in the movie theatre. A 5-year-old girl sat next to me, hiding behind her pillow. I encouraged her to let her mum know how she was feeling. To my surprise, every time she said how scary the movie was, her mum laughed.

What the! Even little minds, who are passive observers, can be impacted by secondary trauma. Often, we are unaware of how much our choices today impact our children’s lives tomorrow. Fear begets fear! As more and more sin in our world is being revealed, and darkness is bearing down on us, the foundations we stand on are being shaken. Anxiety is on the increase because fear is on the rise. Instead of dealing with the issues at hand, we turn on one another in unruly demonstrations and conflict.

Before having a major meltdown in 2013, my life seemed happy, healthy, and on track, so I believed. My issues began in the semi-rural town of Kelmscott, Perth. Mum recognised my love for dance and enrolled me in ballet classes at the age of 3. Unbeknown to her, my teacher’s teaching methods were questionable.

My career blossomed at 12 years of age when I received my first scholarship to dance with the WA Ballet Company classes. At 14, Ross Stretton, a principal dancer in the Australian Ballet Company, noticed me and organised a scholarship to The Victorian College of the Arts, School of Dance. At 17 years of age, I was one of the youngest to be offered a placement in the Australian Ballet Company.

The following year, a movie director spotted me and offered me the lead female role in Michael Edgely’s major motion picture, The Coolangatta Gold. Just as my career was taking off and my dreams were within reach, I hit a wall. Before I got a chance to take up the offer to travel the world with Mikhail Baryshnikov on his White Nights Tour, I fractured my spine’s mid-region and wore down the discs in my neck, causing me excruciating nerve pain. The film producer organised a role for me on Home and Away, but I was not coping too well with the thought of starting over again.

I was advised to take the film company to court, which took 10-years. It ended with an unjust ruling by the judge, who noted in his report, ‘I hope the loss of a close family member this week has not influenced my ruling.’ Oh, yes, it did! I won the case; however, because the offer from the judge was less than the $100,000 offer made by the opposition outside the court, I was advised to pay all court costs.

I refused to pay the court costs for both parties on principle and willingly declared myself bankrupt. This unjust court hearing put me on the edge of sanity. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, my career was in ruins, and I had to pay? My mind became so unbalanced that I questioned my identity and self-worth. My ex-husband walked out on our family and me because he couldn’t cope either.

I decided not to get married again until I had healed and got myself the much-needed counselling I should have had years ago. From January 1995 to October 2001, I concentrated on being the best mum I could manage to be for my two boys. I read self-help books and attended Bible College, where I met my husband. I re-married in 2001, not knowing what was festering deep below the surface of my soul.

In 2004, we moved to Queensland and worked for two large churches before pioneering Faith Works International Plainland. I continued to pastor while my husband pioneered churches in Kenya and Pakistan. All seemed well until March 2011, when I made an ill-informed decision to take on an additional pastoral role as a school chaplain for 350 students in two state schools. I did not consider the cost it would have on my health when I accepted these positions.

Look at how much you are doing and make some adjustments before it is

too late.

The toll it would take on my already-overloaded schedule would incapacitate me emotionally and mentally for a long time. I can remember the first seed of doubt planted in my mind. ‘If I worked full-time as a chaplain, we could purchase the land next door and build a new church.’ I knew in my heart three days of work was more than enough for me to handle, and yet my conscience spoke louder than common sense.

On the one hand, I heard the people’s cry in the Valley. My husband said, ‘All we need is one full-time wage to purchase the church property next door.’ And on the other, I heard the children’s cry in schools, with the Scripture Queensland director saying, ‘The children need you.’ That decision of going against what my heart was saying had consequences detrimental to my health and career. I soon found out I could not rescue everyone; that was God’s job, not mine.

Like a lamb led to the slaughter, I had allowed lies and deceit to lead me into a dark pit that I could not get out of on my own. My faith in a God who heals, restores, and would never leave or forsake me, gave me hope. The pain and turmoil I endured on the way through the longest, darkest tunnel I have ever experienced was way longer than expected. I had to come to the realisation I was not superwoman, and no matter how much I wanted to help others, I could not run to the aid of one more person. I had become significantly unbalanced in my soul and emotions, which affected my health.

By this stage, I could not put two words together and had to stop what I was doing just to survive, then the scariest thing happened. A few days into the meltdown, my body and mind shut down entirely for six months. I noticed an inability to resolve past issues; the consequences of living my life a certain way forced me to take time out for myself. This was not selfish; it was the most unselfish thing I could have done.

Something had to change; my mind needed rewiring to a new way of thinking as the old way no longer worked for me. Maybe this is true for you too? I cannot promise that you will instantly be healed from your condition by reading this book. I can promise that you will see excellent results if you take the necessary steps and understand how you arrived at where you are today. It took seven years in total for me to overcome the mental shutdowns, which I now know to be a form of self-protection.

Regardless of your beliefs, I respect who you are and what you choose to believe. I have included ‘Further spiritual insight and prayer’ for those seeking spiritual guidance. As I drew near to God, I experienced his love, mercy and kindness. He is the revealer of Healing, who gave me strength, courage and wisdom to see this journey through to the end.

My greatest fear was not knowing I would be completely free of the disease. God says he is no respecter of persons, so if he can