Demystifying Loss: A LIFE CHANGING PHILOSOPHY: LOVING LIFE AFTER ANY KIND OF LOSS

By Karen Chaston

Have you noticed that most of us have no idea how to cope with loss? 

 

Nothing prepares us for the overwhelming abundance of emotions that can have us on our knees, all alone, sufferi

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Chaston Centre
• Release date: Oct 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9780645327601

Karen Chaston

Karen Chaston is a business owner, beyond loss expert and international keynote speaker who has shared the stage with Marianne Williamson, Jamie-Lee Curtis, Valerie Harper and Dr Ellie Drake.She is the author of nine books and numerous e-books. Her latest book is ~ Demystifying Loss.In her corporate career Karen was a Chief Financial Officer of a publicly listed company and a senior manager for more than 25 years. She still maintains her C.P.A. status.In July 2011, Karen's life changed forever when her 27-year-old son, Dan, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away at her back door.Within 15 months, Karen resigned from her CFO role and began a personal, professional and spiritual journey culminating in her becoming a beyond loss expert and co-founding The Chaston Centre.Karen's first-hand experience assisted in her creating the Beyond Loss retreats (delivered physically and virtually) and People Profits Connection programs which demonstrate the correlations between loss and all areas of your life.When individuals embrace these concepts, you will easily move beyond any kind of loss and create a better everyday life.When companies embrace these concepts, they unlock the people and profits connection. Providing tangible solutions that will help them to make the best possible product, offer the best possible customer experience and build the strongest possible company.Her motto: "Life is too short to be suffering from any kind of loss, unwrap the gift this has brought and then design a life that you live and love."Karen travels from Gold Coast, Queensland. Australia.https://www.thechastoncentre.com/

Book preview

DEMYSTIFYING LOSS

A LIFE CHANGING PHILOSOPHY:

LOVING LIFE AFTER

ANY KIND OF LOSS

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ISBN- 978-0-6453276-0-1

Published by Kazand Investments Pty Ltd

Copyright © The Chaston Centre and Karen Chaston

2020 Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

http://www.thechastoncentre.com

http://www.karenchaston.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical

methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The names, personal characteristics of individuals and details of events have been changed to disguise identities or protect the privacy of the author’s clients. Any resulting resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental and unintentional. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique, either directly or indirectly as a form of treatment for physical, emotional or medical problems, without the advice of a physician. The author’s intent is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. In the event, you use any of the information in this book, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY

Whilst the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales material. The advice and strategies contained herein is intended for a general audience and does not purport to be, nor should it be construed as specific advice tailored to any individual and may not be suitable for your situation. There is no guarantee, express or implied, that you will earn any money using the techniques and ideas in this book.

Examples in these materials are not to be interpreted as a promise or guarantee of earnings. Earning potential is entirely dependent on the efforts and skills of the person applying all or part of the concepts, ideas and strategies contained herein. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

The moral rights of Karen Chaston have been asserted.

Book Editor: Karen Pearce

Book Cover: Karen Chaston & Jonathan Sharp

I dedicate this book to all

who are stuck and searching

for that better way forward.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEMYSTIFYING LOSS

PRAISE

INTRODUCTION

LET’S START AT THE VERY BEGINNING

MY SEARCH FOR A BETTER WAY

WHY THIS BOOK IS DIFFERENT

WHAT’S NOT WORKING

COMMENTS THAT SPARKED THIS BOOK

WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW

THE PAINFUL WAY

BUSTING THE GRIEF MYTH

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

WHY WE SUFFER SO MUCH

THE RELATIONSHIP AFTER LOSS

LEARNING FROM OUR CHILDREN

FINDING YOUR JOY BEYOND LOSS

PSYCHOLOGICALLY WHY WE SUFFER SO MUCH

WHAT CAUSES YOUR PAIN

YOUR COPING STRATEGY

WHAT IS YOUR AVOIDANCE TACTIC?

THE GRIEVING SPIRAL EFFECT

YOUR UNIVERSAL BELIEFS

VARIOUS LOSS EVENTS

THE HIERARCHY OF LOSS

LOSS OF A PARENT

BEYOND A PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE

LIFT YOUR VIBRATION TO CONNECT

LOOKING FOR THE SIGNS

SIGNS MAY APPEAR BEFORE THEY PASS

DEATH REMINDS US TO LIVE AND LOVE, NOW

WHAT TO SAY WHEN LOSS COMES TO VISIT

HOW TO ACT WHEN LOSS COMES TO VISIT

THE PAIN OF LEAVING A MARRIAGE

LETTING GO OF YOUR CAREER ASPIRATIONS

LOSS OF A PET

AN UNRECOGNISED LOSS

A MISUNDERSTOOD LOSS

LOSS OF IDENTITY

THE LOVING WAY

THE GIFT OF LOSS STAIRCASE

STEP ONE: STOP

STEP TWO: ACCEPT

STEP THREE: IDENTIFY

STEP FOUR: COMPLETE

STEP FIVE: PIVOT

BEWARE OF THESE TRAPS

MOVING TO A HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS

CREATING A BETTER WORKPLACE

WHERE TO FROM HERE

MEET THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

REFERENCES

FURTHER RESOURCES

"Kindness is the language

that the deaf can hear and

the blind can see."

~ Mark Twain

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PRAISE

Loss can feel lonely. In this book, you will not be alone. You will feel Karen with you on every page and sometimes her son Dan.  She takes you through many tools  - not in a hard way -  to journey your loss. If one way is not for you, don’t worry she will have another. As a Psychotherapist, this book is a valuable resource that will meet you where you are and support you to get to where you want to be. ~ Jen Allen. Executive Director. Counsellor. Coach. Clinical Supervisor. Master of Counselling & Human Services

When you get your lessons in succession and then you get pure divine guidance from someone as beautiful as Karen, you learn so quickly. She took me out of deep, deep despair into a bright light lit future. Thank you, Karen. ~ Michelle Dawson"

"Karen's programme has really helped me to move beyond the pains of my losses.  She said, I’d be a completely different person after our time together, though I was not sure how that would be possible. Now after our relatively short time together, this process has been extremely useful as now you’ve given me a new perspective and a clear path forward for all areas of my life. I highly recommend this programme as it has a clear structure, combined with the flexibility of time that you need; also, Karen has a special way to guide you and help you through the process so it was very bespoke. Thank you, Karen! " ~ Daniela Grendene

Karen has given me an incredible perspective. I feel so lucky to have met her when I did.  She helped me redirect my attention, focus, and my energy.  I just lost a business partner and was having to shut down that business. I was 9 months pregnant. And thought that digging my head in and working harder was my only option. (Thank goodness Karen helped me see that I was wrong) Today (4 years after meeting Karen), My career allows me to work from anywhere in the world. My relationships are better. I get to spend more time with my children.  She's changed my life in so many ways and her mentorship has been invaluable to my family and our futures to come. If you are looking for someone to help you get your life going in the direction that you want, Karen is the woman to do that for you. She's helped me with my work, my family, and my health. Thank you so much, Karen. ~ Carrie Myton Carrie Myton

I did initially find this very challenging. Though I knew it was assisting me at the same time. I think everyone should give the Gift of Loss 5-step process a go as it is something that will change your life and for the better! Thank you, Karen. ~ Anna Ritson

Karen has a story the world needs to hear. It's through her telling of it that she affects change in a profound way. Connect with her, read her books, attend her webinars. You can thank me for suggesting it later. ~ Adam Houlahan

Karen is an insightful, wise soul who brings her considerable life and professional experience to an awkward topic - loss. Karen recently supported my own daughter with some significant Covid- related loss issues. In this case, her generosity, insight and skills have been appreciated by 2 generations! If you are struggling with change, I'd highly recommend seeking Karen's counsel. ~ Greg Smith

" I have had the pleasure to work with Karen over an extended period of time. She is insightful, generous in sharing her wisdom and resources, and she is on a mission to reach those who have been impacted by a loss. To help them navigate the emotional waters on the journey to living and loving life again. We also had the opportunity to interview each other on our respective WebTV/Podcast Shows. Karen was not only a superb guest, sharing her heart of wisdom, insights and information, but she is also an excellent host. She asks thought-provoking questions, allowing the interviewee to share from an authentic space for the benefit of her audience. Karen is a joy to work with. I would recommend her in a heartbeat to be a speaker at any organizational or corporate event or to work with those in your group, organization or corporation who need guidance on their road to recovery from loss. " -V.Lynn Hawkins

I had the opportunity to work with Karen on a short term project early in 2016. The insights and advice given to us by Karen proved to be invaluable. Her ability to read the situation and get the outcomes required was fantastic. Her input was always ahead of schedule, delivered with enthusiasm, and came with a big smile. Great to work with. ~ Lee Gabbett

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"Life is way too short for anyone

to be spending their time,

grieving and suffering.

Unwrap the GIFT

this Loss has brought to you,

then design a life

that you will love living every day."

~ Karen Chaston

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INTRODUCTION

Are you ready to choose which one of your many past loss events on your list, you’d like to move beyond first?

Even though we are not in the same city, Michelle and I are looking at each other. She turns away from the camera and stares out to her left. I knew before I asked the question, this was going to be a tough choice for her. Thankfully zoom allows me to see her. To read her.

She turns back and answers, "You know I’ve been visiting a therapist for years and the strange thing is that he has never been able to assist me to look at my whole life and to see my sometimes not so ideal choices, that have lead me to being here with you, that this document has provided. When I first came to you, I thought I was here to move beyond my separation and eventual divorce. Though now, after compiling and then sharing each loss event with you, it is clear that I need to start with the fact that I never received the love and protection from my mother, that I had wanted. The love that I needed as a child. I now know that it was that missing love; I’ve been searching for. Thank you. Let’s work through that loss event, first. I feel that will then make the other loss events easier to heal from."

This book is designed to assist you to look at loss from a completely different perspective. It will clearly show that for centuries and centuries we have been doing loss the hard way. It will assist you to get out of the what if’s loop that we all can get stuck in… What if I’d turned left instead of right, Waited that 10 mins, said Yes instead of No, Taken the blue pill instead of the red, or Had the guts to ask for that promotion………

It will also assist you to focus on the fact that you can’t change the choices you’ve made in the past. The beyond loss process is all about assisting you to learn from them, so you can love the present, the now. Then you’re in a better place to design a better future, a more loving one, for you and your loved ones.

As a beyond loss expert, I’ve worked with many people like Michelle. Many who had previously tried therapy, then came to me because they were sick and tired of not living and loving their life.

They wanted more for their life. They were searching for a way to bring Clarity, Joy, Love and Fulfillment into their life.

I have personally experienced many tragic loss events in my life. I too thought that all you had to do was give it time and keep busy and then eventually, all would go back to being as it was before the loss happened. Though after the 2020/21 years we have all experienced, I am pretty sure that you’re reading this book, as you’ve concluded that things are not going back to normal, things are going forward.

Things are going to be different from before. And there are not many people who know how to easily do that… well not without the suffering in silence!

During our journey together I will expose many of the prevailing myths about loss including why now is the time for us all to learn how to easily move beyond loss…. any kind of loss! By the end of this book, regarding loss, you will never again be stumped, frozen and on your knees, wailing, when loss comes to visit.

Yes, loss will come to visit again. How can it not, when you know that there are over 40 different loss events that can affect ALL of our lives?

Are you surprised that there are so many loss events? I was when I read that there were so many. I went searching for a list. Then I created my own, adding some more. For ease of reference, I’ve posted the list on the next page.

Perhaps, like me, you may have even come to an understanding that life is a continual journey from Love to Loss and then hopefully back to Love.

I call this the Love Loss Infinity Loop.

We all will have multiple loss events throughout our lives. The good news is though, that you have opened a demystifying loss book that is really The Journey of Travelling Along the Love Loss Infinity Loop.

As you glimpse within the pages, it will illuminate more clearly an easier way for you to walk along the pathway we all call, Life. This book will flood your mind with inspiration and show you all the benefits of the journey you have so far, travelled.

This, "The Book of The Love Loss Infinity Loop" reveals many doorways that lead you onto other paths. It guides you like a roadmap, providing clarity and understanding that will ensure that you will never be lost, suffering in silence ever again.

So, grab a cuppa, find a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed, as you’re about to go where not many people have gone before.

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LET’S START AT THE VERY BEGINNING

I remember the morning of Sunday 10th July 2011 like no other.

Andrew, my husband and I slept in and now at 8:30 am, I’m up and starting to look at what we can have for brekkie. Andrew is walking down the stairs to take the rubbish out and as he opens the back door he yells out Bloody hell, Dan is passed out at the back door

Alarm bells go off as I run down the stairs, hitting one or two of them, as even though Dan our 27-year-old son, does at times drink too much, he always makes it home to bed. Dan is lying there, asleep in the foetal position and we start to push him: Dan, Dan wake up. He has saliva coming out of his mouth, but he won’t wake up.

Sometimes minutes seem like a day if life is at stake. The paramedics arrive and, in a sec, they say the words no mother, no parent, ever wants to hear. Sorry, Madam, he is dead, probably has been for several hours…………

What does one do after such a message? What would you do? What did I do? Well, I chose survival mode and went back to normal.

Most people take time to mourn. And what did I do? Being my tough ambitious self. I went straight back to work. Working longer hours, eating more and drinking more. I just continued on.

Yes, I returned to my Chief Financial Officer’s (CFO) of a publicly listed company role, the day after Dan’s funeral. I knew how to do that. I did not know, nor did I want to know, how to be a grieving mother.

For me, I thought I was successful when I was a CFO. I had the family, the career, the house, the car, the overseas trips. I was paying more in taxes than most of my friends earned in total wages.

Though now, that my eyes and awareness have been opened, I now know that I was not successful, I was merely surviving and I was probably heading at about 1,000 miles per hour, towards a major illness ~ heart attack, stroke, diabetes or possibly even death.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! Though I am getting ahead of myself. As I said, I was in survival, in what I now call my ground-hog-day-daze. Where all days seem the same, they blend into each other. Doing the best, I could to get through each day.

I was in total avoidance and because of this, I made some very silly choices at that time. The biggest one being that I did not respect Dan or myself. If I had, then I would have, stopped to ask and receive the answers to, what is the best way forward for me?

Since that never happened, 15 months after