Layers: Restoring the Heart of Man to God

By Brian James Noel

"Do you desire to discover the deeper meaning and purpose of life? Are you tired of living a hopeless, defeated life? Join me as..." 

Layers will invite and challenge the reader to allow Holy Spirit to diagnose and peel back the layers of their heart as they journey through deliverance, discovery, direction, and desti

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jan 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781637696699

Brian James Noel

Brian holds an Associate in Theology through CLST. By God's grace he overcame suicidal ideation, depression and demonic chains that were entangling him by Satan. Brian has spent the last decade applying God's Word and love over his life. Brian has helped thousands of men in the prison system find freedom from the prison cells of spiritual bondage while simultaneously edifying them to chase after the heartbeat of God.

Book preview

B._Noel_-_Cover_Only_.jpg

LAYERS

Restoring the Heart of Man to God

Brian Noel

Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive

Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2021 by Brian Noel

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) taken from The Holy Bible, King James Version. Cambridge Edition: 1769.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

For information, address Trilogy Christian Publishing

Rights Department, 2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, Ca 92780.

First Trilogy Christian Publishing hardcover edition May 2018

Trilogy Christian Publishing/ TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-63769-668-2

ISBN 978-1-63769-669-9 (ebook)

Dedication

Thank you, mom and dad, for the unconditional love you have continuously poured into my life and for imparting to me the most precious gift of all by introducing me to our Savior Jesus! I dedicate this book to my parents, who have so richly blessed and supported me in the making of Layers.

I am also eternally thankful for my precious daughter. Thank you, Chloe, for dreaming with me and believing in me! Your childlike faith and godly imagination continue to inspire me.

Acknowledgments

This book would not have come to fruition without the wonderful men and women God has brought into my life. I am indebted to my friends, pastors, and family members who have helped me along this journey. I have been so richly blessed by all of you who have poured so much of your time, resources, and love into my life. I will forever be eternally thankful for you all.

I am indebted to the Wyoming Department of Corrections for not only giving me the opportunity but also the resources to better my life, and for that, I am thankful. I also want to thank Trilogy Publishers for helping make this dream a reality; thank you for seeing the gold in people!

Endorsements

I would describe the cry of Brian’s heart using the words of King David in Psalm 27:8 (TPT): Lord, when you said to me, ‘Seek my face,’ my inner being responded, ‘I’m seeking your face with all my heart.’ I have known Brian for two years, and in getting to know him, I have found his number one pursuit in life is the presence of the Father; isn’t that our ultimate purpose, to experientially not theologically know the Father? It was Jesus Himself who said: You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me (John 5:39, NLT)! In this book, you will be taken from glory to glory as you receive glimpses of the Father’s heart (2 Corinthians 3:18). My prayer for you is that the eyes of your understanding would be enlightened to know what is the hope of your calling (Ephesians 1:15-23). Brian, thank you for being a living example of one who knows his life purpose by knowing the Father, and for the spiritually, emotionally, and mentally enriching brotherhood and kinship I have found in you!

—Alex Shelton

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)

"For several years, I have had the honor of being part of Brian’s transformative walk with the Lord. I watched as he first began stepping out in the gifts that Holy Spirit had given him. I have seen his successes and, at times, failures in these giftings. I have seen a dedicated man refuse to give up, seek advice with a student’s heart, and grow from what he has learned in a way that is only possible through great humility. I have witnessed all of this as Brian has walked through his own journey that he lays out in this book. It is a rare thing for a man to walk a path such as this and be able to write it down in a coherent and relatable manner. Not only has Brian done that, but he has managed to do it in a way that can be used as a guiding light for those who find themselves on a similar path.

Brian Noel is an exceptional person, and I genuinely believe he is a prophetic voice to those who are hurting. He is candid with his story and does not minimize the reality of his past actions. I fully recommend this book to anyone who has ever walked or is walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

—Richard Prince

President and Senior Pastor

Harvestime Ministries, Rawlins, WY

President of the Wyoming Restorative Justice Council

Author of the blog Crime and Christianity

"In ‘Layers,’ Brian Noel shares key concepts from the Word of God that will benefit any seriously seeking soul. Brian’s own life experiences, interwoven with the quoted wisdom of well-known, seasoned ministers, provide interesting and compelling guidance for achieving freedom from bondage and for growing in maturity in Christ Jesus.

By identifying and dealing with layers of internal wounds, struggles, and scars, Brian helps the reader dive deeper into the Father’s Love, Purpose, and Plan. The Holy Spirit will then ignite a burning love and passion for Jesus and for others. Read it, apply it, live it! You won’t be disappointed!

—Stephen E. Canup

President of Freedom in Jesus Prison Ministries

Author of Jail-House Religion:

From Park Avenue…to Park Bench…to Prison

Foreword

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)

"Transforming from glory to glory is a leveling up. God never leaves us in the same condition He found us in. Our good Father wants the best for His children, and He beckons us to walk in authority, liberty (freedom), and power. Holy Spirit helps us become whole by peeling back the layers of who we are. He exposes our weaknesses and unveils our strengths. The wonderful part of this entire process is that as we thumb through our own layers, Jesus reveals layers of Himself.

I have known Brian for many years, and we have spent countless hours together ministering and discussing Scripture together. We have walked through deliverance, forgiveness, addictions, hurts, and pain, sharing our dreams and learning what our identity is in our Father.

What Brian shares in ‘Layers’ is a direct download from his heart and his intimate relationship with Papa God. I encourage you, as the reader, to open up your heart and mind to the principles and testimonies that are in this book; they are more than encouraging but infused with possibilities and hope. The Christian walk is a journey of successes and freedoms but also one of mistakes and failures. ‘Layers’ is a wonderful book that will develop and launch new believers into accelerated growth, but at the same time, encourage seasoned Christians to pick up momentum and chase their callings."

––Jason Joreski

Worship Leader

Preface

It is time to have a collision course with the pure, powerful, and unconditional love of God. A love that is able to peel back layer upon layer of our hurt, shame, guilt, greed, selfishness, remorse, hate, bitterness, and anything else that is holding our hearts and life hostage. The measure we open our hearts to God is the measure we experience His love operating in our lives. It is time to open our hearts to a greater depth of the agape love of God. It is layer by layer, grace by grace, strength by strength, and measure by measure. Learn the beautiful exchange of sharing your heart with God as He shares His heart with you!

Whether you are a Christian on solid ground looking for the deeper things of God or new in your walk with Jesus, we are all invited on an eternal journey of discovering the heart of God. God’s love and goodness are limitless, and He is waiting for us to explore, discover, and share this transforming revelation with those around us. The hidden treasures of life are hidden in the heart of God. Everything we need to live a victorious, abundant, meaningful, and purposeful life is found in His heart. No matter where you are in your walk with Christ, He is inviting you to go deeper into His heart. Will you answer the call? Victory may be a heartbeat away!

Introduction

When someone writes a book, the first thing someone looks for is their qualifications. While I only have an Associate in Theology, I hold a PhD in life experience, depression, and superior stupidity. I have spent the last decade applying God’s Word and love over my life––I haven’t just studied the Word of God; I have lived it out. I have helped hundreds if not thousands of men in the prison system find freedom from the prison cells of spiritual bondage.

Initially, you may think that the poor choices I made disqualify me, but God helped me climb the virtually insurmountable walls of hell I had erected in my life. It is by my life experiences and God’s grace that I am qualified to share with you keys to growing in your relationship with God and overcoming Satan.

This book is broken up into four sections, each with a unique focus. They are:

● Deliverance

● Discovery

● Direction

● Destiny

I am going to share various stories, from my darkest hour of a suicide attempt that landed me behind prison walls to the eventual victory I found in Christ Jesus. Many of us have hit rock bottom in our lives, and maybe you’re there right now. So how does someone pick up the broken pieces of total despair, destruction, and loss and move into a place of freedom, meaning, victory, and purpose?

Join me on a journey of transformation as we leave captivity and march into the promised land of God’s eternal love. We are going to break chains, slay giants, forge rivers, discover His heart, direct our being on Him, secure our destinies, and advance the kingdom of heaven!

All relationships must have a form of communication in order to exist. The more forms of communication that are being utilized in a relationship will naturally translate into a healthier, more dynamic relationship. When God communicates to us in our lives in multiple and various ways (which He does), it can be likened to the sound of many instruments that harmonize our lives together, creating a beautiful symphony as His voice calls, redeems, edifies, and directs the footsteps of our lives ever closer to His heart. We then become a unique musical instrument playing the sound of His love back to the broken world around us.

Two examples of the various ways that God communicates to His people throughout the Bible will be given at the end of each chapter; this will be an Exercise to Hearing the Voice of God. There will be several Questions to Ponder and a follow-up Prayer/Declaration covering the exercise and the content of each chapter. It is my prayer for the reader to learn, recognize, engage, and utilize the various forms of communication from our Creator in order to bring you ever closer to His heart. These exercises will be built layer upon layer as you learn dozens of ways that God uniquely communicates to you, His son or daughter.

Section One—Deliverance

Chapter One

From Shadows to Light

b

This hellish nightmare had to end, but a small part of me desperately wanted to live as my sweaty palm and shaky hand gripped the mirror-polished stainless steel of a 9mm handgun while bloodshot vodka eyes turned to observe the glossy imitation wood door of room 223.

I began thinking that the only way out of the horrible emotional pain and emptiness that I was feeling was to end my life. I did not wake up with this planned; it just slowly developed throughout the day. At about 7:00 p.m., I made up my mind. I grabbed a 9mm handgun and tossed it into one of my backpacks.

Earlier that day, I had polished off an entire pint of vodka. I was hung over when I spontaneously made my plan. I told my parents that I was going to a friend’s house to spend the night, and with that, I left the house and my life as I knew it. As I pulled out of the driveway of our house, I began weeping. This was my way of saying goodbye to my family; I didn’t want to burden them with my pain. The thing I did not comprehend was that I was about to attempt the most selfish act a human can perform. The pain from suicide does not go away; it is simply transferred to the victim’s family.

I decided to go to a hotel room where I planned to shoot myself. Impulsively I stopped to get more vodka before heading to a hotel. I figured if I was to shoot myself, I might as well get drunk one last time. I checked into one of the nicer hotels in our city; I might as well be in a decent room when I go.

Upon arriving at the room, I began drinking heavily. I really did not want to commit suicide, but it did not seem like I had much of a choice. Suicide seemed like the only way out. The emotional pain and emptiness were so intense it kept me from thinking logically, and with the added liquor, I was a train-wreck waiting to happen. I decided to lie back on the bed and reminisce over my life and childhood memories. All I wanted was a normal life with a family, but I had lost so much because of my drinking. This addiction had beaten me, and now it was going to take my life. The addiction had won; I was too weak to overcome it.

I remember writing a short goodbye letter to my family. It was only a few sentences long. I told them the emotional pain was too much, that I was sorry, and that I loved them. I could not comprehend at the time how devastating my actions would be. My pain blinded me and made me selfish to everyone and everything around me; my hope was gone. I loved my family so much, so why would I do such a thing? I found nothing on planet earth that could fill the void of pain and sorrow in my heart.

After a few hours of being in the hotel, I also decided to write a goodbye text to my ex, and that set off a chain reaction of motions. Shortly after that, my phone began blowing up with phone calls. I cannot remember if I turned off my phone or if I put it on silent mode. Either way, I ignored my phone, putting it on the nightstand next to me.

I told myself I would not leave that room alive. I had to finish what I started. I grabbed the 9 mm handgun, chambered a round, and stuck the gun to my head. I sat there on the bed for about fifteen minutes with the gun to my head. I was not sure where I was supposed to shoot myself. I did not want to injure myself, becoming a vegetable for the rest of my life; I wanted to make sure that when I squeezed that trigger, I got the job done. I recall squeezing the trigger and then stopping. I wanted to end my life, but there was a small part of me that desperately wanted to live. There was a war being waged in my mind, and there was an intense spiritual battle going on around me.

I recall praying to God; I said, God, if you are real, then please forgive me of this future sin I am about to commit taking my life, and please let me still go to heaven. With the gun to my head, I slowly began squeezing the trigger when I heard a loud thud, thud on the door. I assumed it was the neighbor’s door because nobody knew where I was. I heard the obnoxious thud, thud on the door once again. Perhaps it is just room service, I thought to myself.

I walked to the door with gun in hand. I thought it was just room service making sure my room was okay. I was just going to tell them to leave, but when I slightly opened the door, peaking my head out, I heard a barrage of yelling commands. In my drunken state, I said, Who are you, and what do you want? The two men at the door identified themselves as Sherriff deputies. I had a very difficult time processing what was taking place. I just stood there with a blank look on my face wondering why these men were there and why they were yelling at me. They continued with the barrage of commands, Brian, come out with your hands up, drop the gun. I thought to myself, How do they know I have a gun, and how do they know my name.

I remember standing there and looking at a green laser pointer attached to a gun pointing right at me. I had completely ignored all their commands to come out and talk with them when all of a sudden, all hell broke loose. I remember feeling excruciating pain followed by deafening gunshots. I remember falling backward and shooting through the now-closed door. I continued to fire several shots when I hit the ground. I thought the gun jammed or something as it stopped firing. I threw the gun away from me, and the first thought I had was, What just happened!

I began looking over my body to see where I had been shot. I remember seeing two wires coming out my left arm leading out the closed hotel room door. They did not shoot me, they tazed me! I remember yelling out to the deputies, I’m done, I’m done! I heard a voice respond, Crawl out with your hands in front of you! My ears were ringing from the hellfire of gunshots as I crawled through empty bullet casings on the floor to the door. I do not remember opening the door. My head was swirling with so many thoughts that I could not think straight at all.

Stretch your arms straight out and away from your body and do not move, yelled one of the deputies. I remember being handcuffed and dragged away from the hotel room further into the hallway. I remember one of the deputies saying, I think I am hit, I think I have been shot. I thought to myself, Oh my God, what have I done? My heart dropped in disgust at what had just happened, and at the same time, I was still trying to figure out what did just happen. I laid there cuffed with an officer on top of me for ten or fifteen minutes, and by then, the place was swarming with officers from every department. I remember being helped out of the hotel and into a blinding scene of lights as dozens of law enforcement vehicles now surrounded the building.

I was put into a squad car, and it was not until I was in the vehicle that I really began thinking a little more clearly. I thought to myself, Why didn’t I let them shoot me, and why am I still alive? I remember thinking about the deputy that I had possibly shot, God, I hope he is okay. I was in such a severe, selfish depression that the only thing I could really think about was my own death. It was not my plan to commit suicide by cop, but I had the opportunity, and I didn’t even think about it at the time. I was mad at myself for what had just happened, and I was mad that I was still alive. I also thought, Why didn’t I put a bullet in my head? I could have cleared the jam in the gun, and I even had another clip of ammo to shoot myself. I was even mad at myself for not thinking of walking out of the room with gun in hand to make the deputies shoot me.

My resolve to kill myself was now even greater than before. I would have no life after what I had done. This was my first time in the back of a cop car. I had always obeyed the laws and respected authority, and here I was going to jail for shooting at peace officers. I may have even shot or killed an innocent man. My selfish cry was, God, just take my life from me.

I later found out that I emptied the entire fifteen-round clip from the handgun. The detectives believed it was the first shot that hit the deputy, as the other fourteen bullets were shot through the closed door.

I had seven additional suicide attempts in county jail, several of which should have been lights out, but God’s hand has been upon me. God has kept His hand of protection on me because He has a purpose and destiny for me. I was charged for two counts of voluntary attempted manslaughter seventeen-twenty years ran consecutively.

Reconciliation

One of the Sherriff’s Deputies did get shot once in the left side of the abdomen. The bullet went completely through him, but by the grace of God, it did not hit any organs, and he was able to make a full recovery.

Remorse is not a strong enough word to describe how I feel for what I did. I know the word sorry will never be enough to make up for the pain I brought into the lives of the deputies, their families, and our community. I have thought about the night of the incident almost every day. I have thought about the devastating ripple effects of my actions and how far they reached. I almost took the innocent lives of two officers who were simply trying to save my life. Many innocent bystanders were put in harm’s way because of my reckless actions. My actions negatively impacted many innocent lives around me.

They did not deserve the shockwave of hell I sent into their lives. My reckless, selfish actions put untold amounts of pain and suffering into their lives. Nobody deserved what I did to them that day. I am not trying to minimize what I did, but I know that Satan effectively used me to steal the peace, joy, sense of security, trust, happiness, finances, sleep, laughter, meaning, and purpose of these officers. I was in darkness, spreading darkness.

The officers could have easily shot me that night and taken my life. I have always wondered why they never shot me. I can only surmise that it is because life is precious to them; I later found out that they were Christians. Their mercy showed me more about God’s love than I deserved. They gave me a second chance when I didn’t want it. They put their lives on the line to save mine. There is no greater act of love than to lay down your life to save another. My brother is a police officer, and he has been able to give me viewpoints that I was unable to see on my own, and I have been more able to comprehend how devastating my actions were.

The deputies’ sacrifice and selflessness that night saved my life, and that sacrifice was not made in vain. I am thankful for their service. I pray the best for them and their family; I hope that their lives will be full of God’s joy, peace, security, love, purpose, and meaning. I pray that God will restore unto them sevenfold for the hell I sent into their lives. I pray that one day they can forgive me for what I did, and God willing, give them a hug.

My parents have two sons; one wears blue (a cop), and one wears orange (an inmate), and by God’s grace, we are united and full of God’s unconditional love toward one another and to those around us. God is restoring what Satan fought so hard to destroy.

From the Pit to the Palace

After a decade of running from God, I was finally at the end of myself and ready to receive God’s love and do what He called me to do. The problem was I had no idea what He wanted from me. I hit bedrock; I was as low as low could go. I had spent about a year in county jail up to this point. I remember asking God, What now? He immediately answered, which was a first for me, or maybe it was because it was the first time I was listening. He gave me Isaiah 61:1-3 and specifically said go set the prisoners free from their demonic bonds and chains of darkness.

The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

When God sets someone free, He also empowers them to set others free from the same bondage. We are to walk in Christ’s footsteps; these verses are as much ours as they are our Savior’s. Our victory becomes the platform for others to be set free and to launch them into their God-given destinies. God works through His children to advance His kingdom; we co-labor with God as we are His ambassadors here on earth representing and enforcing His kingdom. Our victory comes with authority and the keys of freedom for the chains that bound us. Jesus delivered me from my demonic prison of depression and suicide, and He gave me the keys to help set others free from the same area of bondage. What the enemy meant for my harm, God was using for my good and for the good of those around me.

God likes to send and commission those whom He frees and calls. This principle is found throughout Scripture. He never intends for our deliverance to be an isolated event. After we are free, we are empowered and sent to share the good news with the men and women in the prison cells next to us. Isaiah 61:4 (NIV) says, They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

Who are they? In verses 1-3 of Isaiah 61 it says, the poor, brokenhearted, captives, prisoners, mourners, and grievers who are afflicted