In the Hands of Time

By BJ Speer

In the Hands of Time shares the incredible journey of faith, love and the goodness of God between two best friends. Through social media posts, scripture and personal testimonies, BJ shares the joys and sorrows of his best friend, Stone Dartt, from diagnosis of a rare cancer, to the final breath and beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664247963

BJ Speer

BJ Speer is a Singer/Songwriter, Author, Owner of Where U Wanna Go Travel, Co-Owner of Alice Carter Designs, and Founder of Moving Mountains Ministries. BJ Spent over 20 years on the road, sharing his faith and love for Jesus Christ in Churches and on the Mission fields around the world.

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Copyright © 2021 BJ Speer.

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Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©

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ISBN: 978-1-6642-4795-6 (sc)

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WestBow Press rev. date: 11/01/2021

DEDICATION

I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without meeting Stone Stoney Mountain Dartt. I would have missed out on a lot of adventures, never tried outrageous foods, nor seen such pain through someone else’s eyes.

So… to the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. To the one who made me smile and laugh like no one else ever could or will. To the one who showed me the TRUE meaning of Joy, Love, Compassion and Strength. I dedicate this to you… I was honored to walk life with you, to care for you and to love you through it all! I was honored to be your friend, and so much more. Thank you… My life is forever changed, because of you.

Heaven is just around the corner, so, I’ll see you up the road….

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I guess this is the place that I am suppose to Thank those that were apart of this journey, or who made an impact. I think I would have another books worth of information on this section alone.

However, I would not have been able to complete many legs of this journey without my mom, and my friends Liz and Debra. My mom was a rock in my life through this whole process. Being there from the day of diagnosis to the day he took his final breath. I could not have walked the road without her prayers, her love, and encouragement.

To Elizabeth, who cooked meals, who cleaned up, who took care of all the needs at home when we were gone. Words cannot express my gratitude for all you do. The list is too long to mention. You are a joy, and a gift from God. Stoney loved you, and he always thought you were someone special, an angel in our lives.

Debra, I would have been lost without you at the end. Your dedication in putting gloves on, getting dirty, sleepless nights, your compassion to your dearest friend was evident and abundantly clear. You were my shoulder to cry on, and confidant in moments of unclarity and despair. I am forever grateful for your friendship not only to me, but to Stoney.

To CTCA, Kristen Nigro, the Oncology team, the doctors, the nurses, the culinary team, the cleaning crew, the pastoral care, nutrition team, and reception greeters…YOU should be proud of yourselves. The love, grace and kindness you showed was something care facilities dream to have. You carried me, you encouraged me, you loved me, you lifted me. I am blessed to know you all, and honored to call you my friends, and family. My heart was changed because of each one of you.

To the Dartt Family, it was an honor, and a privilege to be the caregiver to your son, brother, uncle. I am deeply humbled for the way God brought our families together for such a time as this. The bond He weaved together between us all, and the love we have. You are my family, my brothers and sister, and its an honor to be called another Uncle to all of the nephews and nieces. Stoney loved each one of you more than he had words to tell. He and I talked about each one of you so many times, and he was so proud of all of the work you had done. He is now looking down from Heaven with joy in his heart for the incredible people you have become.

To the churches, prayer warriors, and financial givers that kept us going for nearly 3 years….my heart is so full and overflowing. You will never know how much the cards, gifts, texts, emails and love you showed us meant to us. How much it continues to mean to me. I am overwhelmed looking back and seeing Gods faithfulness THROUGH each of you! Thank you for be a part of US, our LIVES, our MINISTRY!

To the patients and caregivers around the world, reading this book…may you know that every chapter of our lives is different. Our stories are unique and are emotions are a choice. May you choose to LOVE, to show KINDNESS, and receive STRENGTH from above. May you feel wrapped in peace as you each experience the uncertainties ahead. May you find comfort in knowing our lives belong to God above, and He alone will show you the light to lead you forward on your journey. Do not let the darkness of sickness and death, shadow the light that comes from above. May you each find JOY on the journey and REST in the Redeemer.

To God my Father, the Almighty, the Creator of the Universe, YOU ALONE ARE WORTHY! Thank you Lord for guiding me, for moving me, for loving me, for strengthening me, for comforting me in my time of need and beyond. You Oh Lord, are MORE than I deserve, and I am unworthy of the kindness and love you have showed on this journey. My life is in your hands, and they will remain In your Hands of Time THROUGH eternity!

INTRODUCTION

Cancer Stinks!

I tried to figure out how to title this journey we’ve been on, but all I could come up with is Cancer Stinks! When someone hears that little word, life changes, and never for the better. I will never forget the day on January 9, 2019 when I was with Stoney at our local hospital in Springfield, TN where a nurse practitioner read a radiology report that said Stoney had tumors in his pancreas with metastasis to the liver. She even mentioned the word, cancer, which goes against most policies in any hospitals without biopsies and more information, not to mention she wasn’t even a doctor. She offered to pray with us, which was very kind, but that didn’t make a difference after what she had just told us. I remember shaking uncontrollably, but trying to be positive for Stoney in that moment of complete fear. I stepped out in the hallway where she even went on to say he would most likely only have 5 months to live. It was shocking, devastating, depressing, and life changing news that would disrupt the lives of Stoney, myself, and our families for the next two plus years. We were about to venture into the great unknown. The journey I am about to share includes the vivid memories, daily social media updates, and deep heart felt emotions that took us on an unforgettable adventure into the world of cancer. We saw God guide and provide through the darkest days, and found friends in the strangest places. We found peace in the presence of Jehovah. We experienced supernatural strength in our weakest moments. We found ourselves being tested and tried, while our faith was shaken at times. Cancer is a word that changes every part of our lives. From eating, social activities, sleep, daily schedules, etc… It ruins families, it splits marriages, it rips people a part and can even push them away from the truth they know.

Cancer Stinks!

Once you have it, you always have it. It can stay silent for a time, but never goes away. Most of the time it will come back with a vengeance. Cancer changes your looks, your attitude, your abilities to engage in daily activities with friends and family….

Cancer Stinks!

Let me tell you how Cancer changed our lives, how it grew our faith in Christ, and our ability to trust Him more. Let me tell you about the people we met, the plans and promises God provided, and stability in the unknown. How I found comfort in the loss of a dear friend, and new purpose in the legacy that lives on.

Cancer Stinks, BUT GOD!…..

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Living Through Time

Chapter 2 Learning About Time

Chapter 3 Listening To Time

Chapter 4 Loving Our Time

Chapter 5 Leaning on Time…

Chapter 6 Losing Time

Chapter 7 Laughing at Time

Chapter 8 Lasting Through Time

Chapter 9 Longing For Time

Chapter 10 Loneliness of Time

Chapter 11 Leaving Time

Chapter 12 Lifting Up Time

1

Living Through Time

Psalm 31:15 - My time is in your hands. Deliver me from the hands of my enemies… -NIV

It was a beautiful morning in Northern California as Stoney, Elizabeth (one of our best friends) and I headed to the airport to celebrate Stoney’s 40th birthday. We were traveling to Narita, Japan headed to Tokyo Disney, where we would meet up with our friends from Washington State. We would spend several days in Tokyo, then move onto Hong Kong, and finish up in Shanghai, hitting all the Disney parks in Asia. Stoney was a Disney Fanatic! In fact, that was even part of his personal email address. He loved the Disney parks since a young boy, and his birthday wish was to visit all 6 theme parks during his 40th celebratory year.

We arrived in Tokyo and had the time of our lives. Experiencing the theme parks in a completely different country, with all of their cultural differences, designs, but the same love for a man with a vision, and a very wealthy mouse! Stoney always admired Walt Disney and his ability to fail, yet rise again with an even greater vision than before. To have the ability to create something that would make people happy and last for years to come. We had many conversations about Walt and his love for family, friends and all things Disney, and even wondered if we would see him in heaven some day.

On this trip, we spent all of our time in the parks and never even ventured out into other parts of the country to see what they had to offer, but boy did we have fun! As we traveled through Asia, I began to notice a change in Stoneys health. He was someone who drank barley greens, took vitamins, and stayed very healthy most of the year, that when there was a problem, it was more obvious to me. I noticed that Stoney was spending more time in the bathroom than usual and he complained more about his stomach bothering him. Stoney loved food…ALL things food. He loved trying new things, and was never afraid of it. He liked things spicy, he even enjoyed crying when he ate hot foods. Another thing about Stoney, is he always joked about poop. He loved to tell poop jokes, and torment his nephews and nieces. He invented games like Poop on a stick, which I will let you make up your own visual and idea of what that game was like, but it always ended with someone getting dog poop on them. We had many laughs, and the word poop almost always came up at every meal. So, when he started talking about it, we just made more jokes and didn’t give it too much thought.

We finished our grand vacation of Asia, and flew back to California to load up our tour bus to finish the remainder of our music schedule. For those of you reading this who may not know Stoney or myself personally, we were a part of a Gospel music quartet, traveling to churches all around the world singing over 200 nights a year. We would leave our Nashville home and go out for 3-4 months at a time, sharing our own personal written gospel songs to many people. We recorded over 20 different recordings between Stoneys family and myself. (All available on iTunes!) For the last few years of the ministry, Stoney and myself performed as a duet as his dad was home with health issues. We have many wonderful memories of our time on the road, and many we would like to forget. Mainly the bus breakdowns, and a few events and people we might have erased from our minds! haha!

As our touring continued through the summer, we were planning on a major change to our lives in July 2018. We would retire the music ministry, and return home to Nashville to do something entirely different. With church music programs changing, financial obligations rising, and the overwhelming health crisis from home, it was evident that we needed to make these changes for the well-being of our future. Seeing how God orchestrated this movement was another factor in how Stoneys future would become clear that God had a plan that we couldn’t see.

As we finished up on the road, Stoney was noticing more issues internally with his stomach, but since we were so busy at the time, it was easier to ignore. He blamed it on nerves, something he ate, or just life in general making his stomach upset. We finished our tour July 15th, 2018 just outside of Springfield, Missouri at a small church in the country. When the concert was over, we packed up and headed home to start a new life. Stoney would begin driving as an Uber/Lyft driver, something he did when we had breaks in our already busy schedule. I would start full time as owner and director of my travel agency, Where U Wanna Go Travel. I had tours already scheduled and people lined up for travel a year in advance. I had worked some tours for our music group through my travel agency, so I had my feet on the ground and was looking forward to dive into this travel world full time.

August was exciting as we set sail on a cruise to Alaska with many friends and family members who booked this trip as part of my agency group tours. We had so much fun exploring the unique cities of Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan and Victoria, BC. We made many memories with new and old friends, and at that time it was evident to me that I was doing exactly what I loved. Stoney enjoyed the opportunities of being able to travel with me when I had tours, and that he could create his own flexible hours driving in and around town. Neither of us had a life of such flexibility until now. In the past, we would leave for long concert tours and have a schedule that could not be changed or moved, and they were booked months, if not years in advance, so having this freedom was liberating! Life seemed to be going well, and we were enjoying its prosperity.

Each night at home, Stoney and I would discuss the events of the day, our goals, our fears, and our joys. We would make plans to spend with our families, set goals for the future and always found time to make a plan to visit Disneyland or Walt Disney World throughout the year. We had days where we fretted about paying bills, and how many hours he would need to pick up, or how many clients I needed to add. We prayed for one another, and our business endeavors, but also found time to enjoy a movie or two at home while eating dinner. My mom and our good friend Liz, live next door so we were able to have many enjoyable evenings of cooking dinner together, and watching TV. Life seemed too good to be true….little did we know, it was.

As the Fall rolled in, I had a Where U Wanna Go Travel group tour booked for Ireland/Scotland and Stoney was very excited! We talked so many times about the places we wanted to explore when we came off the road and we had a long list. For this tour, we would fly from Nashville to Dublin, spend 4 days sightseeing with an Irish guide, then fly to Edinburgh Scotland for 3 days before heading home. We knew everyone on the tour that was traveling with us, so we became quite excited to see everyone and experience these beautiful countries.

Leading up to that trip, Stoney began having more issues with his digestive track and took several days off from work, before making a virtual appointment online with a specialist. Approximately a week before we left, he made an appointment at the doctors office to get checked out because he knew something didn’t feel right and with making such a long trip overseas, we didn’t want to get stuck or have any problems in a foreign country. They tested him for a parasite, which came back positive to which they believed he picked up in Asia. We thought to ourselves, how could he have picked this up in Asia in May, and only now really start to have this many issues? Not to mention that I was noticing changes while we were in Asia earlier in the year, but at the time we didn’t really think too much about it, figuring that anything could be possible. It seemed highly unlikely that he could have anything different, so they prescribed him an antibiotic to help with his symptoms of ongoing diarrhea and stomach cramping.

While in Ireland and Scotland, he made several bathroom visits during the days we toured, but we both felt like he was on the right track by taking this new antibiotic and we kept trying to think positive. We kept praying that this would all go away, and we go home where things would return to normal as quickly as possible. We figured over time he would start feeling better, and the amount, along with volume would continue to decrease. He became more cautious in what he was eating, and tried to be careful with what kind of water he was drinking overseas as when as at home; however, upon returning home, he seemed to notice more issues, not less.

As we were into November and December was quickly approaching, we fell into that rut of the holiday festivities. We both worked longer hours, and tried to do as much as we could with family and friends. We were going to more parties, out to dinner with friends, concerts, and taking in the sights and sounds of the holidays that we never really enjoyed from being on the road. We were always out on tour singing right up until a few days before Christmas. The only concerts we were able to attend during the holidays, were our own!

Stoney found himself making more stops during the day to use the restroom while he was out driving and he would call me to say that he felt like the urgency was increasing and he began to do what we all do….use Dr Google! We had a trip planned in December to go to Las Vegas with my cousin and her husband, who both work in the medical field so I knew I would have a list of questions for them on our trip. We had an enjoyable time even though Stoneys urgency was shifting. Even they noticed the changes that were developing in Stoneys health. Kristen, my cousin, encouraged me to get him into the hospital at home for scans and more information even as scary as it may be to get answers. She said the longer we wait, the worse it could be and if it was indeed cancer, it could be spreading, and we needed answers. We tried not to dwell too much on it and enjoy the time in Las Vegas seeing shows and eating the best food we could. We tried to laugh, relax and not dwell on what information we may get at home.

We came home to celebrate Christmas with family and friends, not realizing that this would be the very last Christmas that things would be remotely normal. It would be our last Christmas at home, as things would soon turn terribly wrong. During the holidays, Stoney took more time off. He would try going into Nashville earlier in the day to get some work so he could get home and rest as he noticed his energy levels were decreasing. I blamed it on his new old age. They always say things go downhill at 40, and I was beginning to think whoever they were, were right! New Years Eve was busy for Stoney, but he came home early after one of his passengers had an accident in the van. He decided not to work for a couple days and to just stay home and rest. He began taking Imodium, pepto, and whatever else he could to limit the time spent in the bathroom. Still, it wasn’t making much difference.

During the week following Christmas, I began to have some health issues myself. I was experiencing pain in the joints of my feet, and ankles. I made an appointment for bloodwork after my mom, Stoney and Liz begged. I didn’t have health insurance at the time, neither Stoney or myself did. Being on the road and in ministry, we weren’t rolling in any extra finances so I couldn’t afford the $220 policy they were asking. Stoney had called the insurance company, and they came out to assess him the last week of December because he knew he might be headed for some major medical expenses. Nothing was approved, and he never heard anything for several weeks. (More on that later…) For me, I just went to the doctor and hoped it wasn’t going to cost me a fortune, but as we all know for those without insurance, its never cheap. They must have drawn enough blood from me in one afternoon to create a country of clones. I thought I was going to pass out since I am not a big fan of needles, and blood. I guess looking back, God was preparing me then for what job He was going to have for me in the future.

I would have to wait a couple weeks for results, so in the meantime I went home and shared with Stoney the events of my day. He told me he wasn’t feeling great, but that he needed to work some longer hours, because taking so much time off during the holidays hit him financially. He was planning on going in early the next morning at 5:00am to get some earlier riders.

January 9, 2019…a colder rainy morning if my memory serves me right. Here in Nashville we don’t have real bad winters. We get snow, and it gets cold, but its fairly mild. Stoney left early, but not at 5:00. He never really was on time, although he tried doing better at it when he was working for Lyft/Uber. He called me around 9:00 that morning to tell me he had already stopped about 5 times to use the bathroom and was feeling dehydrated and tired. Going to the bathroom that many times, and losing that much fluid would make anyone exhausted! Around lunch time he called again, and I said, that’s it! come on home, we are going to the ER here in town. He didn’t love the idea, and he argued with me awhile because he was scared to go to the ER with no insurance, knowing he didn’t have the money to pay for what they were going to charge. I told him that we had lived by faith our entire lives, and that God didn’t have a plan to leave us now, so we would figure it out when the time came to pay. Once he got home, he wanted to nap, and I told him he could nap later. We needed to get to the bottom of this and find out what was going on. So, I got him in the car and took him to our local hospital which is about 7-10 minutes away. This little hospital doesn’t have the best reputation in town by some locals, but trying to get into an ER in downtown Nashville would have taken us many more hours.

We were met at the door by a nice gal who took his information and told us to have a seat. There was not that many people in the waiting room, so we thought that maybe that was a good thing. It was too long and a door opened up and as Stoney likes to describe it, Ernest Goes to Camp like character called him into the next room. We grabbed our coats and went to the next room where they asked him questions about why he was there. Stoney always handled things with grace in my opinion, as for me, I listened to this guy ask questions and thought to myself, how are you working in a hospital? Once we got roomed, Stoney said to me, Why did you bring me here? We both laughed, and told some jokes and perhaps insulted the poor guy amongst ourselves, but we are passed that stage now, and I know God forgave us when we asked! haha! If he is still working at the hospital today, I hope he has a translator, especially if he’s wearing a mask!

As we continue on this journey, I would like to say this is where my records of journaling, as well as Facebook posts and texts, will come in handy as we move forward. You will read several posts of what happened earlier on in the diagnosis, with me providing updates with more informational materials, and then almost daily towards the end of our journey.

As we officially begin this adventure, may you open your ears and eyes to the Goodness of God we experienced through it all…

"January 9, 2019…

Hey friends! I have a HUGE prayer request!! Yesterday I found myself in the hospital having lots of bloodwork and tests done for severe pain making it nearly impossible to walk. I am still waiting on results... Today, Stoney and I are headed to the ER to take care of gastro issues he has had for 9 months now. A parasite he picked up on a trip to Asia in May has been treated for, but the issues remain prevalent and finally today is the need for a hospital visit. Neither of us have any health insurance, and so it is a scary time as we both have entered new journeys in our life. If any of you would like to help in these unexpected medical expenses, we have a go fund me page, as well as PayPal... However, we know the power of prayer is supernatural and Gods healing is possible! Stoney needs a miracle and I believe God can do it, but he needs prayer! PM me for ways you can help... Thanks for all your love and support!! "In His hands!"

Prayers for stoney!!

January 9, 2019…EVENING…..LATER UPDATE….

The prognosis is not good....doctors are talking cancer in liver, pancreas and colon. He is being transported to Centennial hospital in Nashville for lots more testing. He is scared about not having insurance and the news is shocking, discouraging and frightening.

He needs your prayers and support as we work out these next several days for more answers and treatment options."

2

Learning About Time

Psalm 90:12 - Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -NIV

While we waited at our local hospital for the ambulance to come, and begin the transport to a downtown hospital, the room was silent. A CT scan had been done, while fluids were being given to help with dehydration. The Nurse Practitioner was very kind, and seemed obvious a Christian woman. She asked Stoney about his name, and how it came to be, as so many people do. She went out to get the results of the scan, and when she came back in the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. You could tell she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and was not wanting to deliver any news. I remember the conversation so well, and so clear. Mr Dartt, your scan has showed a mass on your pancreas, as well as in the liver and colon. We are going to send you to Centennial Hospital in Nashville tonight for a biopsy and MRI. Would that be ok with you? Honestly, at that point, what is he supposed to say? No? Try again? Instead, Stoney looked up with fear in his eyes, and said that would be fine, and asked me to call our moms and let them know whats going on. Stoney asked the nurse, is this cancer? She paused, almost for dramatic effect, and then looked at him and said yes. She said we aren’t supposed to say that without further scans, and biopsies, but the radiologist sees these everyday and is quite certain it is". My heart sunk as I knew our lives were going to change. No-one likes hearing they are sick, and cancer is almost always a death sentence, especially pancreatic.

As the nurse went out into the hallway, I followed her and when the door shut, I asked, how long? She said, I honestly don’t know, but its not good, and there are several in the liver, so maybe 5-6 months. I began to shake… I started crying and she put her arm around me, and asked how long we had known each other. I told her I had worked with his family for 15 years. I told her what we did for a living in our previous career and told her God took us off the road for a new adventure, not knowing this would be the direction. She went on ahead, and I leaned up against the wall, and my body slid down. I put my hands over my eyes and began to weep. I knew Stoney was alone, and I did not want to be gone long, so I dried my eyes, stood up, and decided to be strong for Stoney during this time. I called our moms, they were having lunch, so they packed their food up and hurried over. Stoney had asked me if I knew anymore, and in that moment I thought about lying to my best friend. If I had said yes, it would make him sick, and if I had said