How to Make a Great Martini and Raise an Autistic Child*: *Survival Tips from a Battle-Scarred Mum

By Durrelle Madeleine Sklenars

Durrelle Madeleine Sklenars is a 44 year-old mother to a wonderful son called Oliver and wife to
husband Andrew. They live in the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.
Previously from New Zealand, Durrelle trained as a Primary School teacher and has spent the last 23
years teaching in NZ, England and now Australia. Durrelle holds a BEd (Bachelor of Education); Dip.Ed
(Diploma in Primary Teaching); ATCL (Associate Diploma of The Trinity of London- in Speech and
Drama); and a Post-graduate in Teaching- specialising in Counselling in Education.
She also worked as an air hostess for a brief time in 2006.
Currently she teaches part-time, while pursuing her love of writing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Sep 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664105645

Book preview

How to Make a

Great

Martini

and Raise an

Autistic

Child*

*Survival tips from a battle-scarred mama

DURRELLE MADELEINE SKLENARS

Copyright © 2021 by Durrelle Madeleine Sklenars.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/15/2021

Xlibris

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

It is what it is

You need a village, a town and any other suburbs you can find

Therapy and important acronyms

They will look at you and they will judge

If it’s not beige and crunchy, forget it

Sometimes it’s a tantrum, sometimes not

When it’s not just autism

Inchworm progress is still progress

In sickness and in health

Fit your own mask before fitting others

In hindsight

References

MARTINI RECIPES

Surprise Martini

Mate Martini

Therapeutic Martini

Holier-than-thou Martini

Minty Martini

Meltdown Martini

Multidimensional Martini

Master Martini

Miraculous Martini

It’s all about me! Martini

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my parents, as always, for encouraging me to

write and share my experiences. Thank-you to my sister Melena,

for helping me create these delicious martini recipes. To Lynn

Worland and Kylee Bristow for their amazing editing work.

Also, to my friends that have been a part of this journey

and continue to be as supporters and extended family.

Finally, to my husband Andrew, who silently

supports all my crazy endeavours.

Introduction

I have written this book as a guide for parents and caregivers who are starting out on the autism journey – particularly parents who have only heard the term ‘autism’ associated with other people’s lives, not their own.

When autism has penetrated your world, you may be thrown into confusion, anger, despair-a myriad of emotions.

I hope this book is both a guide and a source of hope as you start the autism experience. It most certainly does not cover everything to do with autism. Autism is a HUGE spectrum and as I have heard many times since having my son: ‘If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism.’ Simply meaning, no two are the same. They may share the same diagnosis, but even with that commonality, there are huge differences. I would not be so bold as to say I cover EVERYTHING to do with autism, these are simply my tips I have learned along the way, and I hope they help you.

I guess the most important thing to remember throughout your experience is this – autism is just a label to help us understand certain behaviours and your child is still your child.

This book focuses heavily on children with higher needs (the lower end of the spectrum), mostly because I have such a child. I also feel that no one hears about these kids and parents because they’re always busy trying to keep their heads above water. If this is you, I want you to know that I see you and I want to celebrate all of you.

This book will also provide the opportunity for you to take a well-deserved break with a martini. Because we all deserve a break!

A martini is usually called a mixer because it’s derived from a white spirit (vodka or gin) and mixed with vermouth. But there are many different takes on this, as you’ll soon find out.

‘But why a martini?’, I hear you ask. ‘Why not wine or beer?’

Well, in my humble opinion, beer and wine just don’t have the same ring that a classy martini does. (We are classy people right?) Besides, the health benefits of a martini far outweigh that of wine or beer.

For example, if you use vodka as your main ingredient, you’ll see many health benefits. Vodka is said to lower stress and increase blood flow and circulation, preventing blood clots and heart diseases. It lowers cholesterol and is a lower calorie drink. It can also reduce the risks of diabetes by reducing blood sugar levels, and can reduce inflammation and pain associated with arthritis. It can help with bad-breath, soothe toothaches and is a general antiseptic.¹ Crazy right?!

Derived from the word ‘wormwood’, vermouth was used historically to treat many gastrointestinal issues. In addition, it helped with fever, osteoarthritis, period pain and parasites, and even acted as an aphrodisiac.²

Although I’ve provided several martini recipes in this book, by no means do I wish you to become an afternoon lush or, worse, an alcoholic. However, the odd martini here and there doesn’t hurt and, let’s face it, there are days when you’re gonna need it!

Sometimes we can be so busy thinking about and caring for others – especially our children with autism – that we don’t take time for ourselves. I want to remind you that it’s OK to take a break and have a little fun occasionally.

On a serious note, please always seek professional advice if the information in this book brings up any red flags for you and your family. Dr Google is not your friend – but I am.

My intention is only to provide a general guide from a mother who has been where you are today. I hope you enjoy reading it.

~ Durrelle

It is what it is

You’re here at last! Welcome.

I expect that you’ve just received a diagnosis for your son or daughter, and now you or you and your partner are sitting on the couch like two stunned mullets. I’m not going to kid you, this is one of the toughest stages of your autism experience.

You might be saying: ‘This isn’t Jimmy/Sarah!’ And you’re probably right – in some sense. But obviously there have been enough red flags for you to either get a paediatrician’s opinion or just question whether there’s something different about your child.

If you’ve just received the diagnosis, I commend you. You’ve already shown bravery in taking the first step towards helping your child.

If you are simply questioning things and want to know whether this is something you and your partner need to look into, you should also be commended. Accepting that things might not be as they should be is one of the hardest steps – and you’re taking it by reading this book.

Understanding autism

Autism is ‘a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterised by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behaviour’.³

Do any words in that definition stand out to you?

Autism is a condition that you can be born with or that can come on regressively. For example, Jimmy may have been reaching all his milestones as an infant. But then, slowly, you notice some things have changed: he’s stopped looking at you, he’s not showing you things and he’s fascinated by spinning wheels or gadgets.

Regressive autism is almost more heartbreaking because you’ve had the chance to see your child develop normally for a time. Then suddenly you have to relinquish that expectation and adapt to a new one. Either way, it’s tough. No matter how the condition develops, there are still more variables to be aware of.

You may have heard of autism being ‘on a spectrum’. If you’re not familiar with this term, just think of it as a rainbow. On one end you have higher functioning and on the other end you have lower functioning.

I’ll try not to sugar-coat things too much because if you’re informed then you’re prepared. Both ends come with needs but in very different ways.

A high functioning child may speak, have a fluent conversation with you, interact relatively well with peers, and possibly fly under the radar when it comes to identifying autism. However, they may become fixated on certain topics quickly, focus on one area like dinosaurs, and talk endlessly to friends and family about them. They may