Emotional Recovery from Your Troubled Child: For Parents of Children, Teens and Young Adults

By Richard Schwindt

There are few more difficult tasks than raising a troubled child: toddler, teen or young adult. For parents it can mean sleepless nights, endless fear, conflict with school staff, and exposure to human service workers and the legal system.
It pressures your relationships and work life, often leaving you overwhelmed, in a continuing crisis.
Whether due to behavioral, emotional or developmental issues, mental illness or addiction, their pain puts you at the centre of a storm that threatens your way of life.
Award winning writer, Richard Schwindt M.S.W., R.S.W. has been a working therapist for thirty-five years. He has written this book for you – mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad: how to manage yourself in the midst of a child's struggle.
He addresses communication issues, crisis management, advocating in the system, stigma, and preserving your relationship with your partner, child and other children.
In addition he helps you manage your own emotions; the anger, the anxiety; the sadness that can emerge from months or years of dealing with a son or daughter's pain.
Illustrated with case examples drawn from real life, Richard puts your needs first.
The Emotional Recovery from ... series; practical help when you need it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 8, 2017
• ISBN: 9780995259157

Book preview

Emotional Recovery from your Troubled Child

For parents of children, teens and young adults

By Richard Schwindt M.S.W., R.S.W.

Copyright 2017

Richard Schwindt

All rights reserved

ISBN 9780995259157

I have locked her at home, chased her around, grabbed her off the streets, walked in to people’s homes uninvited to take my daughter out of there, we have had paramedics and police to our home numerous times. But here we sit not knowing day to day whether our beautiful little girl will be alive tomorrow.

Sean O’Leary on Facebook, quoted in National Post

Chapters

First Aid

Introduction

You and your troubled child

You and your troubled teen

You and your troubled young adult

What goes wrong?

What have I done to cause this?

Stay healthy

Preserve your primary adult relationship

Make yourself an expert on your child’s problem

Practice excellent advocacy skills

Maintain the integrity of your home

Engage with your other children

Learn to manage your emotions

Communication

Medication

Stigma and the judgement of others

Codependence

Crisis intervention (harm to self or others)

Outside the box: stuff that makes life joyful

The author

First Aid

1. Stay healthy

A troubled child of any age can represent enormous ongoing stress, huge energy output and sleepless nights. It is critical that you take care of your body. This means excellent sleep habits, healthy food, exercise and hydration.

2. Take care of your primary relationship.

Maintaining a marriage, a second marriage, or a romantic relationship is much more difficult when a troubled child (or children) is in the picture. Even the best relationship can be challenged.

3. Learn everything you can about your child’s affliction

Like it or not, you will need to be the expert on your child and historian of their challenge. The more you understand the greater your ability to get through this ordeal.

4. Practice excellent advocacy skills

No one is going to advocate for your child like you, or care as much. There are ways of politely and assertively engaging the systems that address your child’s needs. This is always difficult; more so as your child ages.

5. Maintain the integrity of your home

Homes with troubled children can be invaded by theft, drugs, bad companions and abusive behaviors. It is critical that you take it back.

6. Engage with your other children

This will not be easy – given the assertive needs of the troubled child - but your other children will continue to need you. Making that time will be rewarding for everyone.

7. Learn to manage your emotions

You will feel heartbreak, frustration, sadness, fear and moments of despair. If you cannot manage your emotions you will fall apart.

8. Ensure that you are living your life to the fullest

In the end we need to find recompense for the stressors life throws at us and learn ways to embrace our lives. Without some sense that your life includes moments of joy, activity and hope we won’t make it.

Introduction

But just remember that some people in this world are older versions of those same kids we cry for.

Ashley Lorenzana

Is there any pain more heart rending than the struggle of a troubled child? I regularly see parents in emotional agony over their child’s issues. And while the dynamics are different between a troubled 2 year old, 14 year old and 21 year old, the hurt remains. The most important thing to understand about this book is that it is not about managing and helping your child - there are lots of good books about that.

This book is about managing yourself - mom, stepmom, dad, stepdad, sibling, grandparent, care giver.

Much of it addresses how you support your child, but as an aid to you getting through this difficult and likely long period of time.

I know how much you are struggling with the confusion, relentless fear, exhaustion, and frustration with an often unresponsive system.

Moreover, I know how much you love your child - and in your worst moments - wish they’d never been born.

You need to get through this – your child needs you to get through this. But it often feels like you won’t; you have days where you’d just like to disappear.

I know that this is stressing your intimate relationship and your friendships; things are getting awkward with the school staff. Your boss and others at work are asking questions. Your other children are saying: what about time for me?

In this book I will outline the common dilemmas facing parents of troubled kids and how to manage them. The Emotional Recovery from… series isn’t meant to be the final word on anything. It is meant to get you thinking and get you started: practical help when you need it.

Nothing here will make life easy, but it might make things easier. In the end your survival will mean improving your approach to problem management with your child, and shifting your outlook.

There are specific skills you can acquire to facilitate this process, and I can get you started.

To this I bring more than thirty-five years as a practising therapist; knowledge and experience gained from many children and families.

Many therapists specialize in work with either children or adults. I have spent time in both children’s and adult mental health and addictions programs, learning from people of all ages. This has allowed me access to the big picture.

I am also focusing on caregivers of people primarily troubled by serious behavioral, emotional, mental health and addictions issues. These can exist for many reasons, including emotional problems secondary to physical illness or developmental issues.

People will read this with varying levels of direct involvement with their child. If you have a toddler or child you are likely completely involved. With a teen; again likely but they will often be outside your control, even if they are living at home. The challenge increases with a troubled young adult where you are torn between:

I have to help her when she can’t help herself.

And

She’s an adult now; she has to find her own path.

It is worth