Nellie Being Nellie

By Wilco Delhaas

Nellie, a Dutch woman who at 16 years of age was pregnant and married against her will to keep her child. She knew that she wanted more in life. It follows her strong and determent struggle in her young life against all the odds to overcome many problems.

At the age twenty she met Wilco who had just arrived back from Australia with his parents after a failed immigration attempt. He was only eighteen, could not find his way and felt a stranger in the Netherlands. They fell in love.

Together they took on life’s challenges with many obstacles on the way. She became a nurse, learned French and English, self-educated and became a respected and inspirational person to many.

Wilco started as a house painter, worked in a rubber factory but wanted more in life. He took on study courses and with aspiration became an international business manager and entrepreneur.

They lived in Holland, France twice and in Holland again before moving to Australia to start a new life and eventually find peace with their children and six grandchildren.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jun 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664105805

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

I T HAS BEEN four weeks since the funeral service and her cremation. Nellie passed away two weeks into their holiday on 12 August 2020. The event was tragic and traumatic.

It was supposed to have been an eight-week trip by Wilco and Nellie to and in north Queensland and towards Kakadu National Park in the Northern Territory—a trip to rest and help the grieving process after losing her son 12 months ago.

Two weeks after leaving home, they arrived in Cardwell, which is a two-hour drive from Cairns, where they were to have their first five-day stop. They had booked a luxury apartment overlooking the harbour and inlet. As they were in Cairns more often and knew it well, they were looking forward to this.

After registering in the Cardwell motel, which was overlooking the ocean, she took a shower and washed her hair as they were going to dine out. Suddenly, she felt tired. He suggested she lie down for a while which she did. In the meantime, he went online to contact the resort in Port Douglas, where they were going to stay for 7 nights after Cairns. They had decided to increase this by another 10 nights.

After a few minutes, she needed to go to the bathroom. Suddenly, he felt two hands on the back of his chair; and in a reflex, triggered by the feeling that something was wrong, he turned around. As he did so, she just collapsed. He was able to catch her mostly with both arms as she fell to the floor. Instinctively, he had a dreadful feeling about what was happening. There was one gasp then, no breathing. She did not react to his touching her face and begging for her to make some sort of reaction. Holding her head with one hand, he was able to grab his phone and call 000. An ambulance was sent.

While waiting for this to arrive, he performed CPR as instructed by the lady on the phone. During this process he was feeling hopelessness, sadness, and disbelief as he realised that she was slipping away or had already passed away. He was all by himself. If only he could get her heart pumping before the ambulance arrived! He was sweating from the long CPR as tears ran down his face. This was truly traumatic.

After about 7 to 8 minutes, maybe 10, the ambulance arrived; but she had no pulse or breath. She did not react to the rehabilitation actions of the ambulance staff. After about 10 minutes, he was informed that they were unable to bring her back, and she was pronounced dead. He broke down and fell into a chair. He could not believe what happened. It was not a reality. It could not be! The woman he was with for 55 years was suddenly gone.

As he sat outside the room where she lay on the white tiled floor, a police officer quietly tried to calm him down and explained that he needed to make a rapport for the coroner. The cause of death at that time was officially not known; and they were from another state, which complicated the situation. The questions the officer needed to ask were therefore difficult and personal, which was hurtful. The officer said that she would be transported to Innisfail Hospital and put under the custody of the coroner. An autopsy would most likely be needed, for which she would be transported again from Innisfail back to Tully Hospital the next day, where autopsies are performed. With his adrenaline running high, he was able to make clear that he did not want this. He just wanted her to be transported home.

He quickly came up with an idea on how to change the situation, suggesting that the officer call her GP in NSW to explain what had happened. The officer was sympathetic. He understood and was cooperative with this. He contacted the coroner’s office requesting their consent for this approach, which fortunately was given. As it was already late, the officer called the local police station in NSW, who sent a police officer to the medical centre; but it was already closed. After a short time, the doctor was located, and communication was established. The police officer explained what had happened. Based on the information given by the officer, the doctor suggested that it would have most likely been a cardiac arrest. The doctor would study her medical history and call Wilco the next morning to ask some official questions before confirming the final cause of death. After this, the doctor would arrange a report with the official cause of death to be sent to the Queensland coroner. The officer again called the coroner’s office, which agreed to this process. A special car was now called by the police officer to transport her to Innisfail Hospital awaiting the result from the coroner. The officer mentioned that this process, however, could take several days. Wilco said that in no way he would fly home to NSW until she was released.

At least three and a half hours after her passing, the car arrived to take her to the hospital in Innisfail until the official result of the cause of death is determined. It was now dark. The time seemed endless.

Nellie’s body was still on the floor inside just metres away from Wilco. He mentioned that he wanted to see her before she would be transported away. They obliged but needed some time to put her on the stretcher and prepare things.

After this, Wilco spent about 10 minutes with her, which was unbearably painful but somehow precious as he kissed her on the forehead for the last time. She was now put into the special vehicle and taken away. His eyes followed the car until it was out of sight. Then, emptiness fell!

The hotel management gave him another room to stay overnight as their room was disturbed. Because of his emotions, it would have been impossible for him to tidy the room or sleep or stay there. Everything was left behind as he went to another room. They also gave him some sandwiches and coffee.

He now realised he had to keep himself together and be strong as came the difficulties of calling their children and closest family. His daughter Romee broke down with grief as this was her greatest fear: losing one of her parents. She was at the supermarket when he called. She was comforted and picked up by a friend who took her home.

Wilco then tried to call his son, but he did not answer. As a last resort, he sent a phone message to his partner stating that his mother had suddenly died. Within a minute, he called back, wanting to know how and why. He was clearly devastated.

He spent several hours calling family in Holland and Belgium. How he kept himself together while making these calls, he did not know; but somehow, he had the strength to do so. It probably kept him from the silence of the night and the shock of reality. Romee called back several times to understand what had happened so she could take necessary action. She communicated with the doctor and organised other logistics. At this stage, though devastated with grief, she was strong and wanted to do the utmost to help her father, which she did.

In the early morning, he had to go back to the room where it happened. Everything was still the same as the night before: clothes on the floor, suitcases open on the bench, and towels where she lay on the tiles. It was a painful sight.

He packed all her belongings and put them in the car, her clothes and belongings in two suitcases as they would fly back with him. The rest would stay in the car. Their car would be transported on a truck back home from Cairns.

Around 8 a.m., the doctor called from his daughter’s home and spoke with him, asking some official questions. The doctor confirmed that Nellie had suffered a cardiac arrest and asked if he would agree with that conclusion, which he did. The doctor would write a report for the coroner.

He now had to drive to Cairns, which was the most difficult drive of his life. His hands were strongly on the steering wheel. The seat next to him was always occupied by Nellie, and her hand would be on his leg or his arm, which created a feeling of closeness and belonging.

Later, in the Cairns hotel, he received the news that the coroner accepted the cause of death from the doctor’s report. She could now be transported home. His daughter called the funeral director, explaining what had happened. The funeral director arranged to bring Nellie home. It gave Wilco a sense of relief. The next day, he flew home, which was also arranged by his daughter.

She went much too early. She was bright, forthright, pragmatic, curious, vivacious, and full of life. Their love and respect for each other had strengthened through the 55 years of being together.

When they were sitting outside their home on the river while enjoying a cup of coffee every day, they often talked and reconciled about their full life together. They had planned so many more years ahead. Years had brought love and happiness with each other. Their children grew up in the Netherlands and France, while later, they shared the love of their six grandchildren in Holland and Australia. It also brought sadness and tragedy.

CHAPTER 2

T HE DAY AFTER he arrived home, he sat on the couch in the spare bedroom and started looking at the many photos they had gathered during their 55 years together. They were all in boxes and some in photo albums. Next to the photos were hundreds of old slides and films. He spread the photos on the bed to arrange them according to segments of their life. While doing this, his thoughts went back to his life and how it became intertwined with hers from a young age when they met.

He was born in Rotterdam, Holland, on 12 December 1946, just at the end of the Second World War. At the time of his first memory, there were nine children: two girls, then five boys, and then two more girls. He was the youngest son. The parents belonged to a church and were strong Christian Protestant believers.

His father was a merchant sailor, who was away a lot. He does not remember much of his young age—only a few flashes here and there, like going to his oldest brother’s football games. His first real memory in life around 7 was being with his mother in a café at the harbour of Rotterdam to pick up his father from what was to be the last trip. He remembers sitting in the café, which was overlooking the harbour, with large ships coming in guided by tugboats. His mother gave him a bottle of Chocomel (Dutch chocolate milk), the taste of which remained with him for the rest of his life. Strangely, he cannot remember greeting his father or taking the trip back home the north of Rotterdam.

It was a difficult time after the war. His parents were still in the process of recovery from the hardships of war. They discussed the different options for a better future for themselves and all the children. It became clear that for them, the answer was immigration. Between Canada and Australia, they chose the latter.

Although Wilco was around 7, he had no recollection of saying goodbye to his grandparents or aunties and uncles. He cannot even remember the long boat voyage or arrival in Australia in 1954.

It was understood that the initial idea was to stay in Fremantle. However, contacts from Dutch Australian church elders in NSW persuaded them to continue to Sydney. The family first stayed in an immigration hostel. After some time, church authorities brought them to the south-east coast in the Illawarra area. Because there was no housing, the family was split up, living in with different Dutch families who had already settled.

This is where Wilco’s memory was unblocked at 8. His two younger sisters stayed with his parents living with a family. His brothers and other sisters also stayed together. He was put with a family by himself who he remembers was nice. However, he felt lonely and missed his parents, brothers, and sisters. He did not get on well with the same-aged boy living there who tried to bully him, which resulted in several struggles.

As a first impression of the new country, he remembers seeing the wide unsealed streets and the escarpment. Nearby was the beach with big sand dunes in front of the open blue ocean; the tidal creek, which flushed into the ocean, seemed to give him strength in his loneliness.

On Sundays, he was taken to the church by that family where he would see his parents, brothers, and sisters. An hour of sitting with his family was a short relief as after the service came the painful situation of going back to that house.

He remembers going out in the backyard where no one could see him and sobbing uncontrollably. Next door lived an Australian family. They noticed his sadness and loneliness. They invited him into their house and showed sincere empathy, which he felt. They had a daughter about his age, who became his friend, comforting him and defending him against the bullying of other children. She helped him with learning English and understanding the area.

After some time, the good news came. His father had acquired a butcher shop. He was able to purchase a house nearby, and the family was reunited. This was a happy situation, which he felt for the first time in his life. He was safe with his parents, brothers, and sisters.

Family changes quickly evolved when the eldest sister soon married and moved out. His eldest brother was next to marry but remained in the ‘garage’, which was rebuilt as an apartment.

After this, the next brother married and moved out. His second oldest sister had an agreement with his parents that if she wanted to go back to Holland after two years, she would be allowed. She had left her boyfriend behind in Holland.

During this period, she worked to pay for her trip back to Holland without having to give her wages to her parents. In the end, she went back to Holland to be with her friend, whom she later married. Although it was agreed upon, her leaving brought deep sadness to his mother, which Wilco remembers reflected onto him.

His third oldest brother remained at home for a while. He worked in his father’s butcher shop but was expected to help pay the mortgage. When he met his future wife, he was unable to save; therefore, he moved out. He thought it was unfair that one family member could save, while another could not.

All these things evolved in approximately five years. Times were difficult, and his mother’s homesickness grew stronger over time.

He also experienced many during this period. He remembers the house, which had two bedrooms, a lounge room, hall, a large dining room in which an extra bed was placed, kitchen, and bathroom. There was only cold water at the time. The house in his memory seemed larger than it was. Outside was a laundry with a large copper tank above a fireplace for heating water. This would be used for the washing of clothes and hot water for bathing.

Behind the laundry was a toilet (dunny), but there was no sewage. This meant that there was a toilet seat and underneath a large heavy bucket, which would be collected once a week by special council staff. He remembers that these people always expected to receive some money at Christmastime. If this was not sufficient, they would ‘accidentally’ spill a lot of the content on the path. The smell was not good and obviously had to be cleaned. Thankfully, this only happened once as his parents were not aware of the ‘system’.

There was a large backyard with a wooden fence on both sides. There was a garage, which was made into an apartment. The road was only gravel. At the end of the road was a creek, which went into the ocean a few blocks away.

Wilco went to primary school and learnt English which became his first language. His parents would speak Dutch, and he would answer in English. He grew to love primary school and sports activities. He was selected to represent the school at state sports carnivals for sprint, hop step, and a jump and long jump. Although he was small for his age at the time, people said that he seemed to have springs under his feet. He played football and cricket.

In the backyard, he played games and wrestled with his older brother. Later, when he was the only boy left at home, he would have to clean the kitchen floor on his hands and knees, after which he went to the shop. He could not play with his friends until this was all done. The reward, once a week, was that he would get a roll of Dutch liquorice from a Dutch vendor who came around each Friday.

Around 1956, television was introduced in the area. However, his parents did not want to have a set at first or could not afford it. He would go to the neighbour’s house on Friday after school and watch television while enjoying a roll of the liquorice, which, thankfully, the neighbour friend did not like!

He remembers that on Saturday nights, he had to fill the copper tank in the laundry and light the fire underneath this to warm the water. When the water was warm, he took a bucketful at a time into the house and into the bath for his sisters. He would go back and forth about ten times to fill the bath. While his younger sisters were bathing, he put some potatoes in the fire to bake them. They tasted nice.

He went fishing and swimming in the creek at the end of the street. Sometimes he would catch an eel, which his father cooked. At high tide, with his friends, they would jump off the bridge at the entrance of the creek. Several times a year at a spring tide, they would float down the creek to the entrance about 500 metres long. The water was beautiful and clear. He remembers going to the beach with his Australian friends, going body surfing, and catching waves on a ‘surfoplane’ (a front runner of the body board).

They went on hiking trips up the mountains, camping in bushland and making campfires. Sausages would be pierced on a stick to cook. They would swim naked under waterfalls. This was a different way of life than his parents knew. They were adventures he loved.

His mother was pregnant at this time, which apparently was not planned. Given the age of his mother, it was rather dangerous for her and for the child. However, all went well, and a baby girl was born—the tenth child!

Later, in the backyard of the house, they had about 15 chickens. These laid enough eggs for the large family living at home and the ones who had left. He remembers that his father swapped the chickens for roosters in preparation for the wedding of his oldest sister. His father was not only a butcher but also

Reviews for Nellie Being Nellie

[Peter D · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Horrendous that someone that abused one of his children is allowed to publish a book about family. Publishers should be required to do a minimal amount of research before publishing a supposed biography. Several young people have sought therapy because of this man. He doesn't divulge his abusive past, the separation from his wife, his business failures, bankruptcy, numerous court cases (civil and criminal) nor his alcoholism, yet he talks about the most private parts of other people's lives without their consent! Hardly anything in this booklet is based on reality, it is a true abusive narcissist's self indulgence. Paedophiles should not be allowed to publish something like this.