Stand Up, Speak Out

By Kaiya Rani

No matter what battle you are fighting, whether it is bullying, racism, abuse, trauma and being treated badly. Always stand up and speak up, you don’t deserve to feel low or unworthy. Our feelings and emotions are important and as long as we focus on our own needs, we can move forward without feeling unhappy if our needs are met. Every soul is worth it no matter what anyone says or does. I hope we all realise our worth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Oct 6, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728355238

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© 2020 Kaiya Rani. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/06/2020

ISBN: 978-1-7283-5524-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-5523-8 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Overview

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Last chapter

OVERVIEW

T his book is about the life of a girl who is from an Asian family and the daily struggles she has to go through to be herself in a world where she doesn’t feel accepted. I came across all types of women from different society’s and they still suffer. Why? Why are they still suffering? Is it what they are taught? Is it the culture? The upbringing? Is it power and control?

I look back at my life and everything I have been through and I am so grateful for the struggles. It has given me life experience and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these experiences. My experiences have made me appreciate life, value time and make a stable, better life for my little boy who is my rock and my world.

This book shows some of the experiences I went through, the memories, good, bad, happy and sad which are part of life experiences, experienced in different ways. People from different backgrounds may relate to some of the experiences, and I hope to give a message throughout this book that no one is alone, as long as they have themselves, they look after themself, self-love and self-heal they will be content. Life is much more than what society and cultures condition you with. As long as you are aware of who you are, what you want in life and focus on your goal you will be where you need to be in life.

Throughout this book it puts a positive spin on the negatives that have happened and it encourages readers no matter what happens in life, keep going. We all have the power and right to choose the life we live, given the right guidance and having an open mind to all aspects without allowing cultural influence to take over.

My experiences throughout life are my own, we all lead different lives, some people have experienced worse but my purpose for writing this is to help those who have been through trauma and a tough upbringing that we do have a choice to become more and be happy. I can’t write down everything that happened but I can give you an insight as to what goes on and I am grateful I went through some of the life experiences and seen them as lessons learnt.

I am happy I can openly share my story in the hope it will help others to open up, know when enough is enough, what they should and shouldn’t tolerate and share their feelings and not suffer in silence. Always believe in what you believe even if no one stands by you or understands you. I didn’t stand up for myself as much as I should have or stop the abuse because I was scared at what people were saying and I felt alone, it may have taken me a while to stop the bullshit but I eventually got there. I didn’t know how much power I had and my life was my choice, I was dictated to and some people’s beliefs were ladies should do as they are told. We are all entitled to feel feelings, we are all entitled to love, but we should all also know that love first starts, with ourselves.

INTRODUCTION

D rama, Drama, Drama, that’s what most Asian societies thrives off this day and age. You would think as generations pass down people would be more open minded and know the difference between right and wrong and would have more sense than to thrive off drama and hurting people or have better things to do in life then create drama. But certain human beings love it, they love to be around negative people, they love control, they are quick to judge, and they love to disrupt the peace of others instead of making the most out of life and creating an amazing life journey. Let people live life to the fullest and how they wish to live their life. No, not in my life, people would always interfere, want control and watch you struggle. What ever happened to being yourself? Being a good human being and having rights? I mean I live in England for goodness sake the place where we are supposed to be free and have rights…Not me, not a lot of people, they had to fight for what I believed in. You may be thinking right now some of this relates to what you may have been through or relating to me right now in some way or another or you could be thinking what is this woman on about? I came across all types of women from different backgrounds and still in today’s society they suffer, why are they still suffering? Is it what parents teach their children? Is it the culture? The upbringing? Is it power and control?

Here are some of the things what it is like being a westernised Indian woman:

• You belong to a caste

• Elders are always right, what they say goes

• Sexism still exists

• You have to follow your family’s religion and believe in their belief system

• What religion states is totally different to what people preach

• Society judges

• Competitiveness

• Drama

• Family politics

• Argue over land and money

• Control

Not all these apply to everyone but at least one will. Throughout different stages of my life I have experienced some of these being an Asian woman not to the extreme as others have suffered but I have experienced some. I’d like to share my journey and feelings so when others read, I want them to know they are not alone, they are good people and deserve happiness, and as humans we are all in control of our happiness, if we know how to be. From a young age we have all had things ingrained into us, we are made to believe certain things we are told things and we believe it, we trust the things we are told because that’s all we know and that’s all our parents, carers, extended family know. So, these values are passed down from generation to generation until somethings are changed or someone does something outside these norms and values. For instance, if your gay or lesbian it’s still not accepted in some Asian family’s and some individuals choose to hide their true identity of who they really are. It’s like having to live a lie and be someone you’re not because the community you’re from will judge, will talk behind the family’s back and family’s will feel ashamed, (bhesti) as its said. This will create the effect of feeling anxious and depressed, being made to feel segregated from everyone resulting in family’s living in misery. Do the young generation still follow these traditions and customs? You would think not because of the modern westernised world we live in but it still exists to the extreme in a lot of households in England and in other parts of the world. Some families have managed to break out of these kinds of thoughts and lead a free life where they pay no attention to such things and accept people for how they are and who they are. But for now, I will tell you more about the experiences and journey I have been on.

CHAPTER 1

A s children we are young, free and innocent to the world and what’s around us. We eat, sleep, play, learn and have always had parents to hold our hands. We sometimes find it difficult to understand things and question everything when we are kids and easily get influenced and believe things we are told. Not all children have parents, people come from different backgrounds, some rich, some poor, some homeless, maybe orphaned or maybe have everything on a silver plate but what you choose to learn and take from the world is truly down to ourselves. It is the choices we make, the mistakes we make and the learning we do.

I remember I was the kind of girl who was outgoing, bright and bubbly in my youth. Grew up far too quickly. Smiler, they called me, had the biggest smile which was my best feature and was loved by everyone, never felt unhappy or alone. Just like most kids got given lots of love, in my own bubble thinking life is one big fairy tale. When you think of it, kids are a free spirit, free from pain, free from responsibilities, I mean you get pain from falling over or heartache from falling out with your friend but not aware of the major things.

Being brought up in a small town, everyone knew everyone especially when all your family and extended family lives close by. 3 families on 1 street and the rest lived around the corner or the next town near us. We weren’t rich or well off, we were a family making ends meet. Me, mum, my two sisters, brother, sometimes my dad, managed to get by back in those days. My uncles, their wives and children lived all close by, practically grew up together helping each other out like one big family, those days were different, but everyone moves on in their lives and want different things, better things from life.

I loved it, I loved growing up with my mums family, they used to do things with us like, take us to the park where we used to play football girls versus boys, go for picnics, play football in the alley way on the side of our house, going swimming on a Saturday and go on the big waterslide, we used to go on temple trips to different beaches every year and sit at the back of the coach and have laughs and jokes. From a young age I was always adventurous and wanted to always do different things and be spontaneous. I was always out, whether that be outside playing in the street with other neighbour’s kids or cousins and going different places. My mum always knew I was a bit rebellious as I always spoke my mind, did what I wanted and had my own views and thoughts on things. That’s a bit tricky having your own opinion being a young girl and being an Indian, always got told off for speaking my mind. There were always rules, strict rules as to what a girl can and can’t do and say.

As a child you have a pure heart, you are taught right from wrong, you believe in certain things and how you feel about a lot of other things. It’s hard to explain if you’ve not experienced it, for instance as an example, you could be a child who has had things ingrained into them like religion is a big one, people teach their kids there is a god, they teach them there ways of life and belief systems and that’s what a child will believe there whole entire life without questioning it. There are children who believe in witches and fairy’s and make-believe things and seen the world in a different light. Or you could be the kind of child that questions it, questions everything and make your own mind up about it. This was always tricky being Asian years ago, nowadays it’s not as bad as peoples frame of mind is changing but it still exists in society. It is hard being yourself sometimes and not being able to express your feelings without someone judging you or parents being afraid of what people thought. The family across the road don’t do that so why are we or it was always their kids are going to be doctors you should be a doctor too. In Asian culture you can’t do things because it will be looked downed upon and if you go against the old school belief system and do something new parents were afraid of it. This is what I’m talking about, if you reject /disobey people’s way of life or their traditional ways or had a different opinion, it was frowned upon because of small minds and what people think is the norm. It wasn’t anyone’s fault I guess it’s all they know and what they have been taught and they pass on the way they have been brought up down to the children and other family members. It is difficult growing up especially for a child when they have so many other things going on in their head like growing up, education and learning about what the world is like. Having an opinion and being in a world where people don’t accept you is difficult. As a young girl I didn’t care what anyone thought. The rebellious me used to play football with my cousins, I used to be a little tomboy and outspoken that no one could stop me.

I was loved by my family, my character was calm and bubbly, always smiled and helped everyone where I could. I used to go over to my aunties most weekends to help look after the kids, I was 9 years old myself but was very responsible. I still tell my little cousin’s stories till this day of what they were like as kids, it is nice to reminisce. I loved being a young girl growing up with my sisters, brother, cousins, aunts and uncles. The good old days. We used to do so many fun things together, the number of water fights we used to have in the summer, we lived in an area where you could get away with anything. Sleepovers were the best, we would all get together either at my aunties or mums, and we would all get in to our pyjamas, watch films and eat junk and pizza. We were up till early hours of the morning dancing, talking and having midnight snacks, prank calling people was the funniest, it was all fun. Every year guaranteed, if all of us kids were good, we would get to go on a trip to Drayton manor theme park and we would all go as one big family, taking our pack lunches and picnic to have at the end of our visit there. We would sit on a blanket in the car park on the grass and enjoy a nice picnic.

There was at least 9 of us girls growing up together, we were never competitive or bitchy, we all did everything together and had each other’s back. Every time we all met up, we talk about our good times and good times to come, we made so many memories and the time spent together was quality and worth it. I still always have the memory of when I was 11, we were bored and went for a walk, on the way back home one of my little cousins thought it would be funny to knock someone’s door and run. Rat a tat ginger we used to call it, without no warning she knocks some random person’s door and shouted run, laughing whilst running one of the cousins trips and falls, as we were laughing we all tried to get her up but she was unable to, luckily she got up limping and we hid in a side alley. We could see the person looking around to see who had knocked and waited till the coast was clear, served us right really, we used to be really immature and never think of the consequences of our actions. It was at that time we said no more rat a tat ginger lol. All these memories were so much fun and good memories that fill our soul with happy thoughts and it makes you realise the importance of time. The people we give our time to is important, it is something we can never get back and over the years I have realised to give my time to people wisely because that is who we become and what our thoughts consume, by the people who we give our time to. We go through life regretting spending time, effort and going out of your way for certain people, life is a lesson and until you don’t go through anything you won’t ever know just like I did. Time growing up with my family was time well spent, however later on in life I made a few mistakes.

Time goes on, I’m growing up, as I was one of the oldest, I started doing my own thing. Ran a group called amnesty international at school, did a lot of fund-raising events, took part in a number of activities. I remember a time all us cousins including my cousin brothers did a fun run. It was chucking it down with rain that day and we still all did it, my brother was only about 8 years old and I remember him rolling around saying he can’t do it, it was so funny because he was like I need food I need food I don’t like running. In the end my older sister walked with him and as soon as we got to the finish, he seen Mr Motivator. Mr Motivator was a guy in a gym suit who did exercise videos and we were like omg that is him. After doing the fun run we managed to get a picture with him, as kids we were so excited and thought wow it’s a celebrity…a few years later we looked at the picture and realised it was a fake, typical kids getting excited. Crazy how we remember the random moments in life and look back at how far we have come since then.

CHAPTER 2

A s a 9-year-old girl, by now, would be experiencing lots of social and emotional changes. Independence, peer pressure, having healthy friendships, facing academic changes at school, body