I’m Awake!: Memoirs of the Covid-19 Experience…

By N. Hambi and A. Johnson-Dunbar

This is a journal that I have written to my partner every night, while he was not very well in hospital and in the induced coma. It is full of the daily updates that we received from the hospital about his health, diary entries about what we have been doing at home, and anything else that I think he would like to know, poems that I’ve written to him to make him smile, poems that I have found for him, prayers for him, memories of our relationship; all aimed to take him back to a happy place while he recovers, to support him, to surround him with positivity, healing vibes, affirmations and more!

Following this, he has included his own account of the horrific experience he has encountered; including suffering the illness, the nightmares, hallucinations and his healing journey. Initially we were going to keep this as a personal reminder of what we have been through, but we have decided to share this with you, to provide hope and faith to anyone who has been or is going through a similar experience.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Sep 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728379029

Book preview

© 2020 N. Hambi and A. Johnson-Dunbar. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in

a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means

without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse   09/25/2020

ISBN: 978-1-7283-7901-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-7902-9 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web

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since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do

not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the

publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1     May You Be Well

Chapter 2     Reality Kicks in

Chapter 3     Do you remember?

Chapter 4     I miss you

Chapter 5     Are you healing?

Chapter 6     That first kiss

Chapter 7     Finally, improvements

Chapter 8     The infection

Chapter 9     You’re awake!

Chapter 10   Day 1 of the rest of our lives!

Chapter 11   The wonders of the mind

Chapter 12   Positive Vibes only

CHAPTER 1

May You Be Well

To my Alex,

Today is the first day that you have been sedated and put on the ventilator. The oxygen from the 3 different masks that you’ve tried the last three days while you’ve been awake, in hospital, have not given you enough oxygen, so this is the next stage.

I’ve heard from everyone sending you their prayers and healing energy to help you fight the virus. I have found some comfort in knowing that you’re asleep. Not in pain. Not panicking or scared anymore. Your body will fight harder this way.

It has been a very difficult, draining and emotional day but here are three positives:

• My mum and your mum spoke on the phone today- for the first time ever.

• I met the famous Daniel- your childhood friend- he came around and did a socially distanced visit in the front garden.

• Everyone loves and cares for you more than you would ever know.

I love you with all my heart- Please fight this shit and come home very soon. Love, your Tash xxx

May you be well,

May you be cleansed and purified of all that isn’t health.

May every cell in your body wake up and fight

May the powerful light of healing move into every part of you.

May you return to being purely you.

Amen.

Hey Baby,

This is the longest we’ve gone with no communication at all in our 6 years. I miss you, I miss your voice, your hugs, your presence. I can’t wait until you come home. Please get well soon.

You know that I’m not really a praying person or too religious, you know that I’m more spiritual and I have had my own experience with things. However, I have been praying so hard and meditating for you to send you healing and positive energy every minute of the day. I even went to the park today and sat in the middle of a field, prayed and meditated so hard. I won’t stop visualising you back to full health, laughing that infectious laugh you have.

Today, you were transferred to the Royal Brompton Hospital in Kensington which is one of the best hospitals in the whole of the UK. We spoke to the doctors and they are really nice, they are amazing at what they do because they are specialists with a lot of experience and the best thing is that they really do care about you.

They said you are still sedated and that you will be for the time being, no one is sure for how long so that your body can rest and fight the virus. They have given you paralysis medication on top of the sedative so you can’t move or feel anything that is happening to you, so you can’t feel what they are doing to you, to make you better.

You’re still on the ventilator but now you are attached to an ECMO machine- a high- tech artificial lung. You will be shocked that you were on it. All I can say is this fantastic piece of machinery is breathing for you, it is life saving and I heard that there are only 15 of them in the whole country, so you are extremely lucky, blessed and protected to be on that. It’s a very scary procedure and I hope that it goes well.

Today I decided to sort the bedroom out and make it nice for when you come back. I’ve washed all of your clothes, so you have everything ready for when you are better. I am trying to keep my mind occupied. We’ve all been petrified, but we felt some positivity earlier. You are a true fighter and you are really fighting this. You’re in the best care possible and I can’t wait until your better.

Here are three positives from today:

• The good news we received that the risky ECMO procedure went well.

• Everyone and anyone are praying hard for you; from Cyprus to Jamaica

• We’re all being there for each other in the house and keeping each other strong and positive.

I love you; I miss you and I can’t wait to see you better soon.

All my love,

your Tash xxx

Lord,

Look upon Alex with eyes of mercy,

May your healing hands look upon him,

May your life- giving powers flow into every cell of his body and into the depths of his soul, cleansing, purifying, restoring him to wholeness and strength, for service in your kingdom.

Amen

Hey my gorgeous,

I miss you so much, I miss your smiles, your laughter and your teasing. I love you. You’re my best friend and I can’t wait to be in your arms again. The bed is empty, and the house is so much quieter without you here.

I wish I could be beside you, holding your hand through this horrible time. I would give you kisses all over your face and support you through everything. I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I just want you home safe and sound.

Today, I was bombarded and overwhelmed by everyone’s messages, phone-calls, well wishes, prayers and people sending you healing. I keep visualising angels by your bedside helping you to heal and I visualise the time when we pick you up from the hospital and I can give you a big squeeze.

Today, I messaged your kid’s mum on Instagram, I’ll keep the message so you can read it, it was positive, just to put all differences aside so we can all be positive to help you heal. We got a nice facetime out of it where we spoke to the girls, they were okay and having fun in their pool. We all know that you are so strong, you are a fighter, you can do this baby, I am so proud of you for fighting so hard.

We spoke to the family liaison team (someone calls us to update us on what’s happening with you at the hospital), told us we can send you songs, videos and pictures and they will put them up on your wall ready for when you wake up and play music to you while you sleep. You’re having 24/7 attention from the doctors and nurses; they really care about you; you are in great hands.

They also asked if they could take samples for research purposes in order to learn more and improve the treatment. At first, I wasn’t sure about that, but we said yes because you won’t be under any stress, they are going to take samples from what they are already taking from you, so it won’t be anything extra and it could help other people too.

We started to talk about what bills you might have to pay this week as it’s coming up to payday; so we will try to sort everything out for you, so you won’t be stressed when you wake up and come home and I’m going to put petrol in your car for you too because the petrol is very cheap at the moment. We will start it for you regularly while you’re asleep too. Also, I organised your cupboard and drawers today- again, just trying to keep busy so I don’t go crazy with worry.

I’ve realised how much we actually talk all day; every day and I am so grateful that my partner is my best friend. I’m going to stop rambling on now because initially I just wanted to write you one page a day, but as you can see that has already gone out the window. We usually talk so much; these diary entries are to update you but also a coping mechanism for me or else I’ll lose my mind.

Baby, I love you so much and I am praying for you to have the strength to fight this. You have the power to do anything. You have everyone’s love behind you, supporting you and surrounding you.

I hope you’re having sweet dreams and I can’t wait to hear your voice. Come home to me soon. You’ve got this!

All my love, your Tash xxx

When you face something that seems overwhelming, put it in the hands of God and declare, God’s got this. Amen

CHAPTER 2

Reality Kicks in

Hey my sweetie pie,

We just saw you on facetime, you were hooked up to all the machines and it really hurt to see you like that, but we have to tell ourselves that these machines are what’s helping you and saving your life, so your body can rest and fight the virus. You have two big tubes in your neck and two big tubes in your groin. They are taking the carbon dioxide out of your body and pumping oxygenated blood straight in. It basically an artificial lung on the outside of your body. They had to add an extra tube because you still weren’t getting enough oxygen.

You are so strong; you are doing so well. I love you so