The Valley

By Elliot Sexton Fuller

There are times in everyone’s life when we are moving along, and everything seems stable. Out of the clear blue sky, clouds will form and threaten to turn our day into night. I was in the middle of writing my second book when my wife, Lisa, was diagnosed with cancer. Needless to say, the focus of our lives changed dramatically as we navigated a course in our marriage, which was new to us. Unsure of what the journey through the valley would look like, or how it would end, I decided to write down my thoughts, feelings, and conversations between The Good Shepherd and me as we walked “The Valley” “Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me” (from Psalms 23” (KJV).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781796085648

Elliot Sexton Fuller

I was raised in the parsonage. It is a tough place to grow up. Not only do you get direction from your parents about what God desires for your life, but everybody and their brother also wants to tell you what God’s will for your life is. So many people in and outside of the church seem always to be waiting to pounce on you when you do not meet their expectations. Contrary to what some people may say, I was not your stereotypical preacher’s kid. I cared about what my parents thought of me and what God thought of me. I was not one to go out looking for trouble. Trouble seemed to find me anyway, at least in the sense that I became hypervigilant. I was always looking over my shoulders to make sure that all of my Christian i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed.

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Copyright © 2020 by Elliot Sexton Fuller.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The Christian Standard Bible. Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible®, and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers, all rights reserved.

Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved. For Permission To Quote information visit http://www.lockman.org/

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Rev. date: 01/28/2020

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Contents

The Valley

Introduction

Oh!!

Final Word

Yellow Butterfly

Yellow Butterfly

Exclamation

Exclamation

The Spread

The funniest thing happened when

I heard we were dealing with cancer

Dreams

Dreams

Lay

Lay

Empty

Empty

If I Spoke

If I Spoke

Children’s Prayer

Children’s Prayer

The Cave

The Cave

The Numb

The Numb

Ethereal

Ethereal

All Along

All Along

When I’m Gone

When I’m Gone

Words

Words

The Pact

The Pact

Rachel

Rachel

Discipline

Discipline

The Shoe

The Shoe

Supply?

Supply?

Violence

Violence

So Much More

So Much More

Sap

Sap

My mind

My mind

Asking

Asking

Larry’s House

Larry’s House

The Dry

The Dry

The Road

The Road

In Awe

Awe

Increase

Meantime for Timothy Jude Fuller

Meantime

The look

The Look

The Bar

The Bar

Still

Still

List

List

Reprieve

Reprieve

The Turn

The Turn

BeaUtiful

BeaUtiful

Remember

Remember

The Scent

The Scent

The Path

The Path

The Void

The Void

The Source

The Source

Reminder

Reminder

You too

You Too

The Cry

The Cry

Moonset

Moonset

The Maelstrom

The Maelstrom

Dandelion

Dandelion

Picture

Picture

In The Flesh

In the Flesh

Arrival

Arrival

Promises

Promises

Salamander

Salamander

Two Dogs

Two Dogs

I Saw Jesus

I Saw Jesus

Tracks

Tracks

Kristen’s Cry

Kristen’s Cry

Heartbroken

Heartbroken

Brittany

Brittany

Chris

Chris

Heaven In My Home

The End

I would like to thank everyone who has inspired me with a story or kind word. Thanks to everyone who I work with for making my job the adventure that it is. Santa Barbara (Saint Barbi), You are a great patron saint of the Maintenance Department. Rick and Justin, I hate to admit it in print, but you guys are top notch. You are the best crew that I have ever worked with. Special thanks to Andrea J. Beiber for finding the time to edit this book when I really needed it.

The Valley

a poetic journal through cancer

This book is dedicated to my lovely Lisa. She has been my stability, strength, my joy, and my peace, for thirteen years now. She has brought so much comfort into what was an otherwise tempest- tossed existence. If I were called to quantify exactly what she has meant to me, I would say that life with her has been eighty percent bliss, fifteen percent sibling comradery, and five percent misery. It amazes me just how much I feel that these percentages fluctuate depending on what we are going through at any given time. The fact remains that she has been the dearest friend that I have had here below. I have learned more from her about the mind of Christ, and his compassion, than from any other living soul. Lisa, here’s to you, and us, as we walk through the valley together. The trail is lonely already, but there are three of us who will be traveling companions, You, me, and Jesus.

Love, Elliot

Introduction

It’s early here on my west-ward looking deck. The breeze is cool and refreshing, the birds are all doing their selected song. Most of the music is composed of chirping and tweeting. Across the green hills, I can hear the faint roar of tractor-trailer wheels slapping the asphalt of Rt. 42, which means that the breeze is blowing just right, or just wrong depending on how much silence you would prefer as you get into your day with meditations. The herd of cows in the field across the road are mostly obscured from view by the random tufts of cedar trees, but I know that they are there, because of the occasional bellow of the bull. A small airplane just came over Little North Mountain and looped back the other direction toward Singers Glen. Despite all the pleasantries of normal life, and the mundane, I am aware that there is also the sound of circling crows out beyond, and as of yet, out of sight. Normally I enjoy watching them and the buzzards ride the wind currents. The other day I saw a crow swoop into the nest of a song bird and carry off one of its young. Today I am mindful of the possibility that the black bird of death may be circling my home. It is too soon to tell exactly what is going on, or what will or won’t be, but the unknown trail through the valley is already a bit stressful. This book is your window into one trip through the valley. All are different, yet most trips have many of similarities. These are my thoughts, prayers, and feelings, as I watch my life being shaped by still more outside forces.

Thanks for coming along for the ride,

Elliot

Oh!!

The Sun was shining this morning. I know that it was. I distinctly remember the pinkish orange of its radiance as it came up behind me and shone on the clouds that are way out ahead of me and to the West. Right now though, the clouds have obscured the sun so that all is grey and looks like rain. Tropical Storm Cindy is off the coast, or in the Caribbean somewhere gathering strength to see if she has what it takes to become a full-blown hurricane. I look at all the tractors that are in the field between my parent’s house and mine. My middle grandchild, Devyn, is here this week, and he enjoys getting to run different equipment. The problem that Devyn has is that he is named after me, Devyn Elliot, and thus was cursed with the mechanical interest that plagues me. He is not satisfied to be anywhere for very long before another interest catches his eye. That is why there are three tractors and a backhoe parked in the field in front of my house.

Lisa went to her doctor last week for a normal checkup. The doctor had called and said that he was very concerned with the results of the tests. Devyn and I were off with 2 friends sawing a couple of boards on the sawmill when Lisa called me. She asked how long I was going to be out because we needed to talk. I told her that I would be home in twenty minutes. When I got home Lisa asked me to send the boy to mom’s house, because the conversation was going to take a while. I don’t like hearing things like this, because it usually means that one of our six silly children are in a bind somewhere. Mentally I had prepared a scenario for one of the silly children that seemed like an acceptable conclusion to jump to. Lisa laughed and told me to take a seat.

Lisa looked at me and paused. Then she took a deep breath and said; The doctor called me today and said that the samples they took last week are cancerous. I asked them if they were sure, and the doctor stated that the tests had been read by the most qualified person in the country, and that he was scheduling an appointment at the university medical center. Lisa went on to tell me that the doctor had said that they were going to find the best doctors available to take care of her. I asked her what that means, and she said that she does not know. I turned my back and walked to the kitchen. I groaned because here was a situation that seemed to be punching me in the stomach and there was absolutely nothing I could do. Lisa tenderly called from the living room and asked me what I was thinking. As I reached for a cup from the cabinet I replied with a broken voice, a recitation of Job 1- 21, AMP. Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will return. The Lord gave and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I was dumbfounded. That is all that I could say for quite a while. As I write this, I am ok, but we are waiting to go to see the specialists to find out the facts, or the facts as they can determine them. We have agreed to keep the information mostly to ourselves until we know more. My mind is racing with the unknown. Is this something that is simple to fix? Is it a long drawn out ordeal with surgery and chemo, and then is this the curtains coming down on her life, and those who love her?

I must admit that my head is spinning more than usual. What can I do to help her? What will I need to do and how will our lives be changed drastically? Lisa and I have had some bumps and scrapes in the last thirteen years, and yet we agree that they have been the best years of our lives. On one hand, I am hoping for many more years with her. On the other hand I know that 2 Corinthians 5 verses 1-7 talks about our being present with the Lord when we are absent from this body. Lisa and I both long to be with Our Redeemer. I do not feel that I have the tools necessary to process this.

Lisa and I were both about forty when we got married. Lisa’s birthday is the day before mine, but she was born one year earlier than me. We have had a sense that our time together may not be very long. Just two months ago we graduated the last child from high school, and are shipping her off to college. We had committed to each other to shake off or shed many of the things that have been identified as stressors in our marriage. It comes as a slap in the face that we have been focusing on getting healthier and slowing the pace down a notch, and then having this news to deal with. I am ok, but my mind is taxed by this nagging unknown. After Lisa broke the news the other night, I penned this one called Final Word.

Final Word

Another normal day in life

With not much else to say

But then a single simple call

And words get in the way

The doctor says the tests are in

The thing we can’t ignore

This mall seems very big indeed

We wonder what’s in store

Lord- we’re not the only ones

To walk this journey through

And I know that we’re not alone

Because You’re right here too

But how can what is no surprise

Be so beyond belief

And will the preservation come

Or just a wail of grief

But either way I’m trusting you

And thanking you today

For this my sweet beloved wife

You sent to share my way

And as the news keeps coming in

No matter what we’ve heard

Your voice will speak with loving care

You have the final word

Fanny Crosby wrote an old hymn called Does Jesus Care. The song goes through some very trying circumstances in a person’s life. The last verse speaks about saying goodbye to the person who is the dearest to you, and like all the previous verses responds that she knows her Savior cares. I have been around long enough to know that Jesus will be here whatever happens on the trip. I am also aware that when grief and despair are at their worst I am not able to see him, or feel his comfort. Normally only after the fog lifts am I able to see where Jesus was during the storm. Who knows, perhaps since I continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus and I can hear him more clearly, and more often than in days past, I will be more aware of him and his workings in the present.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am what is referred to as a renaissance man. I am someone who will try their hand at most any task. I write books, songs, build houses,