From a Caterpillar to a Butterfly: My Lifelong Struggle for Identity

By Barbara Crincoli

Struggling for identity is something we all go through. Some of us struggle more than others, but in the final analysis, our choices result in consequences, good or bad. However, it does not mean that we know who we are. It just means that we want to be the best "me" we can be. Being satisfied with where you are can cause stagnation. Being willing to forge ahead in spite of obstacles makes you stronger. Not that we should not be content with ourselves; we should. However, our highest goal should be to have the best that God has to offer us. Choose to take God's roadmap for your life, not what society says your life should be. Journey with Barbara as she shares her life and her heart in her struggle for identity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 30, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449752552

Barbara Crincoli

Barbara is a retired United States Air Force E-8. This book chronicles her life, her victories, failures, and journey with the Lord Jesus Christ.  It reveals that failure does not mean you cannot succeed, illness does not mean disability, and struggling for identity does not mean you are on the wrong path.  Barbara tells how she persevered through sometimes tremendous odds to find her true identity in Christ.

Book preview

From a Caterpillar

to a Butterfly

My Lifelong Struggle for Identity

Barbara Crincoli

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Copyright © 2012 Barbara Crincoli

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-5254-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5244-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5255-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012908565

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/24/2012

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Preface

Many people who know me encouraged me to write this book. People started telling me twenty-nine years ago that God had gifted me with wisdom and knowledge that I should share with other believers. A young Turkish university student first suggested this to me. I was amazed by her advice, since I saw my life as a shambles. I guess sometimes God uses us even when we feel the most unworthy. Since that time, many other women and men have encouraged me to put my life experience down in words. This is my attempt to fulfill their wishes and do what I feel God would have me do.

Actually, I am more of a one-on-one person when it comes to giving advice and counsel. I try to meet others at the point of their need and be a friend in that need. I hand out pens to people to whom I feel led. The pens say, Barbara Crincoli; A Friend in Need, and I add my phone number. I have often told friends that I am there for them 24/7; some believe me and others don’t. I was saddened not long ago when a friend who needed assistance was shocked that I sought to provide it. I believe that we are here to help our brothers and sisters along the way, and she needed help, so of course I was there.

I miss the community we enjoyed when I was a little girl growing up in Tennessee. Our family was scattered all over the country, but once a year, everyone came home to Tennessee. We would gather at a park; my favorite was Roan Mountain State Park in North Carolina because I adored the rhododendrons there. I still love those beautiful, flowering bushes. Everyone would bring a dish of some sort, and we would share a meal and fellowship. Wading and swimming were among my favorite activities at those family gatherings. I still love water, and I still love to swim.

Once, I was in California visiting a friend. She had to work one day, so I took off exploring. As is my wont, I navigated toward a huge, high-end mall. After spending a couple of hours there, I headed home. I took a wrong turn and ended up at Seal Beach. The beach was mostly deserted, and the sun on the horizon was so beautiful. I took my journal and headed to the water’s edge. There I communed with my Lord in the way I love. I just sat there cross-legged and soaked in His goodness and meditated on all His wondrous gifts.

I never feel closer to God than when I am outdoors. I especially love spring, which is arriving even as I write this. Soon, the trees in my front yard will be blooming with the most beautiful white flowers, my forsythias will put on their golden jackets, and the grass will turn deep green. No matter where I am, I sense God’s majesty and goodness. When I am out on my own, there are no distractions and I can sit and feel His presence all around me.

I have always been very fond of butterflies. All my life I have loved to watch their peaceful, carefree flight from flower to flower as they gather nectar. I once thought that surely there was no more beautiful creature in the universe. There are so many different butterflies with so many different colors.

Then I learned about metamorphosis, and I was aghast. That squiggly little caterpillar becomes a butterfly? Let it never be. But as I realized the difficulty of the process, I developed a deeper appreciation for this most wondrous of creatures.

You may be asking what on earth a caterpillar has to do with this lady’s life. Well, my life has been a struggle, starting from childhood in a poor, dysfunctional family, through a tumultuous young adulthood, then a horrendous diagnosis of bipolar disorder, along with many physical ailments.

Despite all these things, I became a new creation in Christ. Like the butterfly, I am a beautiful creation because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God Himself. It took me 60 years to truly believe that, but now I do.

I often wondered, Lord, why must we struggle so hard? Shouldn’t the struggle stop sometime? He never audibly answered that question, but this little story illustrates the why of the struggle for me.

A man sat on a park bench, watching a butterfly struggle to free itself from a chrysalis. He sat for a very long time observing this process. When he could stand to watch the butterfly struggle no longer, he went over and gently (he thought) helped free it from the chrysalis. He was pleased that he had helped this creature. He returned to the park bench and waited for the butterfly to take flight. However, a strange thing happened. Instead of flying, the butterfly remained on the ground. This puzzled