Walking with Those Asian Tiger Families: How We Use Our Low Self Esteem, Superiority Complex, Delayed Gratifications and Diligence to Compete to Win

By Kin Kok Low

This JOURNEY describes the lives of several Chinese families living in a foreign country Australia they later call home.

Chan Ah Kow and wife Sussan Leong left two well paid careers in kiasu Singapore to re start life in Australia. The Hoys from Guangzhou arrived in Australia as early settlers since the gold mining days in the 1880s and yet are made to feel they are foreigners. The Lius from Beijing came to Australia on business visa. They feel privileged to be Australians and proud of their Motherland, China. Kevin Hartono scion of a wealthy Indonesian Chinese family found his ideal wife, Liu Bing Bing a medical doctor. Wong Ah Tuck left colonial Hong Kong to Melbourne as a ‘yat kok tek’ at Little Bourke Street (Cantonese word for a casual worker in a Chinese restaurant.) and married Malaysian Colombo Plan student Karen Teoh who set up her own law practice because no White law firm was willing to hire her even though she topped her final year law class at Monash University. Jonathan Low has to rebuild his personal brand and changed profession from a highly qualified technology professional to a customer services associate working for a big Australian retail company. Cheong Sook left Shatin, Hong Kong to Melbourne’s Chinatown as a yat kok tek ending up as restaurant owner and accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Nov 26, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543755558

Kin Kok Low

KK Low started his career working for Nippon Steel and The Chase Manhattan Bank in Malaysia before migrated to Australia in 1992. He retired as Human Resources Manager for Dow Chemical Australia, New Zealand in 2010. He has 38 years experience as human resources professional and had worked for global companies covering Asia, Middle East, United Kingdom, United States and Australia, New Zealand. KK and family lives in Melbourne. He volunteers in two church organisations helping and mentoring those especially migrants looking for work. Proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to assist the disadvantaged.

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Copyright © 2019 by Kin Kok Low.

ISBN:       Hardcover       978-1-5437-5556-5

                 Softcover         978-1-5437-5554-1

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kia-fear

su-lose out

KIASU-afraid of losing out. You compete to ensure you do not lose out because you think you are better and you deserve the rewards of your efforts and intelligence!

Memory

I n loving memory of my parents Low Tuck Yee and Phoon Poh Chuan who brought up four sons in very difficult economic and financial circumstances under British Colonial Malaya. They gave their best with their limited financial resources. What their children lacked in material things were more than compensated with unconditional love, encouragement and hope. Hope there will be a better future. They ingrained in their sons (my parents do not have daughters) the value of hard work, honesty, perseverance and care for others.

Their sons gave them 7 grandchildren who achieved academic excellence and are successful in their professions in some cases breaking glass ceilings. Their grandchildren learned from their parents the values great grandparents passed down. Humility has always been in our homes. These values are again passed down to their great grandchildren.

This Is How We Are Making You Smarter Mate

I n 2017 I self published my first book W alking with an Australian Hiring Manager. The purpose is to provide some information and guidance concerning the recruitment, selection and interview process in Australia to migrants especially those seeking their first job. The book did not make it to the 1000 copies mark but attracted some interests and attention from well wishers, friends and unexpected readers. What cheered me up a bit was a ‘stranger’ a person I have not met invited my wife and I to her home for lunch and bought a few copies. That was a great encouragement to a first time budding 68 year old writer. Christine Pow asked me whether I am going to write a sequel. Sequel? When your first book did not reach the 1000 copies mark? The next question you’ll probably be asking is what shall I write?

I have been in the human resources profession for 40 years and in many ways interacted with many personalities from diverse cultures. People’s behaviour has been my interests. How about writing about people I meet and associate with? And what better to write about my own race, culture, beliefs, behaviours, history and Chinese living in Australia and Asia?

I am a Christian and would like to share my understanding of my religion and its impact on life changing behaviour.

I have to categorically state the names and characters in this book are my creation and do not reflect any particular individual or groups of individuals. However their thinking, feelings and behaviour do reflect a large section of the Chinese community in Australia and Asia at least those I know. Here I am writing about a community forming 20% of the world’s population yet as diversified as the Europeans and the Australian community. The names of the institutions mentioned are real. The historical backgrounds are factual which can be verified. The comments are mine.

The story tells the lives of several Chinese families living in a foreign country Australia later some call home.

Chan Ah Kow and wife Sussan Leong left two well paid careers in kiasu Singapore to re start their competitive life in Australia. The Hoys from Guangzhou arrived in Australia as early settlers since the gold mining days in the 1850s and yet are made to feel they are foreigners. The Lius from Beijing came to Australia on business visa. They feel privileged to be Australians but proud of their Motherland, China. Kevin Hartono scion of a wealthy Indonesian Chinese family found his ideal wife, Liu Bing Bing a medical doctor. Wong Ah Tuck left Hong Kong to Australia as a ‘yat kok tek’(Cantonese word for a casual worker in a Chinese restaurant.) and married Malaysian Colombo Plan student Karen Teoh who set up her own law practice because no White law firm was willing to hire her even though she topped her final year law class at Monash University. Jonathan Low has to rebuild his personal brand and changed profession from a highly qualified technology professional to a customer services associate working for a big Australian retail company. Cheong Sook came to Melbourne’s Chinatown as a yat kok tek ending up as a restaurant owner and accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour.

‘Jia Jia You Ben Nan Nian De Jing’ teaches every family has her own story which is difficult to let out. This is equivalent to ‘skeletons hidden in the cupboard, to remain within family’. Few Chinese are willing to share publicly their family affairs certainly not my own. To this aspect I am immensely indebted to many friends and friends of friends who willingly share with me their thoughts, feelings, experiences and their journeys coming to Australia on condition I do not quote them or write in such a way they can be identified. So I mix and match several of their stories in my characters including my home church.

A noted psychologist once commented a writer took several years writing a simple book because he did a lot of research. That has been my experience writing my first book and this one. Often I spend days and nights doing research including visiting places, museums, libraries, peoples’ homes just to write a chapter. Of course the internet is a great source. I talk to many Chinese in Australia and overseas and in the process learn about their fears, aspirations and how they view their world.

To a non Chinese reader the English I used debase the Queen’s language. Not that I do not respect Her Majesty. More so I want to be as authentic as possible, the actual words and sentences used in daily conversations. In the past Cantonese in Hong Kong and to a lesser extent today addressed Whites using the derogatory word ‘Gwai’ (ghost). ‘Gwai lo, White Male Ghost’ over the years became a form of addressing Caucasians even today. As Chinese interact and some married Caucasians the word ‘Xiren’(Westerner) in Mandarin or ‘Bai Yan’(White people) in Cantonese is encouraged.

I hope you enjoy reading this book.

Thank you for your support.

God Bless

[e-mail]

Families

CHANS: MALAYSIAN/SINGAPOREAN

Chan Ah Kow married Sussan Leong

        Joseph Chan married Larissa Pavlova

                Mathew Chan, Melissa Chan, Ruth Chan

        Emerlie Chan married Aaron Carter

                Ying Ying Carter, Ling Ling Carter

        Alex Chan married Lee Seo Yeon

HOYS: EARLY CHINESE SETTLERS FROM GUANGZHOU

Lee Kum Wah married Elizabeth Saunders

        Alan Hoy married a Chinese

                Daniel Hoy married Esther

                        Mark, Joey, Ruth

LIUS: MAINLAND CHINESE

Liu Guan Zhong married Liu Fan Bing

        Liu Bing Bing married Kevin Hartono

HARTONOS: INDONESIAN CHINESE

Zheng Jian Guo

        Hartono Zheng Luo Ming

                Bapak Hartono Zheng Wai Loong

                        Kevin Hartono Zheng Mun Fatt married Liu Bing Bing

WONGS: HONG KONG CHINESE/MALAYSIAN

Wong Ah Tuck married Karen Teoh

LOWS: MALAYSIAN

Jonathan Low married Tan Siew Lan

        James Low, Amelie Low

CHEONG SOOK: HONG KONG/MAINLAND CHINESE

Cheong Sook married Ah Ying

Contents

Chapter 1 Let me tell you. Achieving a Distinction is considered a Failure!

Chapter 2 Kiasu, Kiabo, Kia Jenho

Chapter 3 You are taking Accounting, not Medicine?

Chapter 4 Russian Woman, Gold Digger?

Chapter 5 Hu Li Qing

Chapter 6 Do not call my Grandchildren Qwai Chai, Qwai Loi

Chapter 7 Karen Teoh, Ding Dong Chinese Girl

Chapter 8 Emerlie Chan. Daddy’s Girl

Chapter 9 Kum Wah Tong a grocery shop in Bendigo.

Chapter 10 From Yat Kok Tek to Lou Sai

Chapter 11 You are going to marry a Farmer?

Chapter 12 My name is Kevin Hartono. I am an Indonesian Chinese.

Chapter 13 Elizabeth Lee. A Chinaman’s Whore

Chapter 14 What is your girlfriend’s name? Lee Seo Yeon, Mum

Chapter 15 Today we are sharing Psalm 23

Chapter 16 Are you related to Jlo Low?

Chapter 17 You do not like to share the bed with me?

Chapter 18 Best Yangzhou Fried Rice in Au Da Li Ya (Australia)

Chapter 19 Romance of Liang Sanbo, Zhu Yingtai

Chapter 20 You have a new boyfriend?

Chapter 21 Yeshu (Jesus) you are a good friend

Chapter 22 I never experienced this when I was in Asia. I Called the Shots when I was the hiring manager

Chapter 23 With six children my Melbourne airport will be like Mount Buller

Chapter 24 One pop my son earns $5000.

Hard work you know

Chapter 25 Sorry I got you a high maintenance mum

Chapter 26 So I told them to go home to sort this out in Bed

Chapter 27 I will not behave like a tiger Mum. Instead I will be a lamb to my Grandchildren

Chapter 28 What if these boat people are Chinese?

Chapter 29 This Jade ring is our family heirloom only worn by the wife of the eldest son.

Chapter 30 Ah Ying without you I am so lost.

Chapter 31 Todah Raba (Thank You)

Chapter 32 My wife cooks Malaysian hot pot.

Chapter 33 Let’s target the small caps

Chapter 34 Cage Accommodation

Chapter 35 My ancestors came here in the 1850S.

So I am very Australian

Chapter 36 Chinese definition of Human Rights

Chapter 37 At the Chan family home

Chapter 38 Australian Born Chinese

Chapter 39 The Final Piece

Chapter 1

Let me tell you. Achieving a Distinction is considered a Failure!

Man competes against man. Man kills man. After climbing on top of a mountain there is a higher one to climb.

Cantonese Proverb

A suburban church in Melbourne consisting of majority Chinese congregation. The founders of this church of 300 worshippers decide to pull back from active church activities leaving to the second generation of leaders who are in their thirties and young forties. The new leaders are highly qualified and have successful careers in the corporate world. They decide is time to serve God as full time staff. There goes the six figure salary packages a big financial sacrifice uncommon for a Chinese family answering the Lord’s calling.

Today’s church service is to be led by youths in their ages 16-26s. Most of them migrated with their parents to this Lucky Country when they were in primary school. Now they are the young adults. A young attractive female introduced herself.

Good morning folks. Are you excited coming to church on this cold wintery morning? God must be great. Let me introduce myself. I am Emerlie Chan. Eighteen years ago my parents migrated from Singapore. I was then a five year old kid just in time to enter primary school. I have an elder brother sitting over there. He is tall, handsome and very clever. He works for an investment bank. He is getting married soon. Umm. I am a bit jealous. Emerlie

Guys we are the next generation facing all the challenges and stresses coming to this Lucky Country. Let me tell you. Achieving a distinction is considered a failure! Yes a failure. Of course there is a higher score HD! (High Distinction) There is also the overall highest score of 99.95% for the Year 12 VCE (Victoria Certificate Examinations for Year 12 students). Australia is a laid-back country? Emerlie

Like in most former British colonies the Year 12 examination results determine the score required for entrance to undertake the degree and university of your choice. And to the Chinese students this is crucial as majority target taking up courses in prestigious universities such as Melbourne University. Most students enrol for ‘money making courses’ such as medicine, dentistry, law, engineering, information technology and accounting.

Emerlie, her smart elder brother, likeable younger brother and those in the 18-26s group forms the ‘new faces’ of Chinese Australians. They are more outspoken having the advantage brought up by professional parents. Their parents left ‘high paying careers’ in Asia to come to this ‘laid back’ country for their children’s education. Actually this is only one of the several reasons some are too personal and confidential to tell out.

Singapore too competitive and in constant rush. Those kiasu Singaporeans just mug and mug. Everyone wants to be the top student. Entrance to National University of Singapore is too difficult. Too stressful, no personal life just study for daddy and mummy, yeye (paternal grandfather) and mama (paternal grandmother) also for the government. Yes the government so we can pay more taxes. Emerlie

But then with so many Asians migrating these tiger kids raise the education bar. Twenty years ago if your kid scored 98 she had a good chance getting into medical school at Melbourne U or Monash University. Now even with the highest score of 99.95 your kid has to attend series of interviews to be admitted.

This is racial. Is another way to prevent smart Chinese kids getting into medicine, a tiger mum complained. However her son did get into medical school. So the universities are not practising racism! At the end meritocracy is practised. Australians are learning from meritocratic Singapore to be smarter!

A few years ago Emelie’s elder brother Joseph came home with the good news.

Mum I had good news for you. I scored 99.85 for my VCE. Joseph Chan

What only 99.85? Why not 99.95? What happened to the 0.1? You forgot to put a full stop at the end of your sentence? I told you your handwriting is horrible. There you see you lost your 0.1. You never learn. You will not get into medicine. Mrs. Liu’s daughter scored 99.95. She is boasting to everyone sending WhatsApp, WeChat, Facebook all over the place. That kiasu China woman can hardly speak English. By right she is not qualified to come here except she has a few million dollars. How to be a clever country when we admit people like her? She hardly speaks English. Sussan Chan

That was the conversation poor Joseph had for scoring 99.85, the top 0.1% for the year 12 student population in Victoria State. Not good enough because Mrs. Liu’s daughter achieved 99.95. And Mrs. Liu came from China, deemed to be less smart than the Singaporean Chinese. Among the Chinese community there is this status hierarchy for Chinese in Australia graded by your ability to master the White men language and country you came from. Those who came from non English speaking countries are deemed less intelligent, harder to get a well paying job and of course not in the potential mother in law’s preferred list. The Whites do share this false perception. That is why Chinese candidates with better and higher education find it harder to be selected for job interviews compared with the Whites. Singaporeans as usual top the status hierarchy and they are not shy in sharing it with others.

You know I studied at Raffles Institution and National University of Singapore considered world best. Malaysians used to be close cousins but over the years meritocratic Singapore won the intelligent marathon, hands down. New generation of Malaysians speak Malaylish combining Malay and Chinese words with English confusing the White teachers.

Joseph recovered the family’s face by joining a US global financial powerhouse as an investment banker, rising to be a director at age 30. He is tall, handsome, very articulate and of course with a first class honours in finance. What those investment banks are looking. As a director for a top US investment bank, Joseph’s compensation package is substantial. He has many choices of potential partners. Now his mother WhatsApps, Facebook and Wechat her friends (She has many in Australia, Singapore and Malaysia) her investment banking son is getting married to a qualified ‘xiren’. She stopped using the word ‘gwai po. (ghost woman)

That is the reason for the stress Emerlie is talking about. Migrants raising the education bar in this once ‘laid-back country’ where twenty years ago few heard of tuition centres. White Aussie kids received a cultural shock of their life when their parents especially with one of them a Chinese forcing them to attend tuition classes after school and homework in the evening. That is deemed child abuse and violation of the child’s human rights, the right to live your teenage years.

Mum why attend English class? Dad is an Aussie. My English is already good. We speak English at home.

No, no your English is not yet perfect. Mrs. Liu enrolled her daughter for tuition classes at Tye English College (One of the several tuition centres at Glen Waverley with a large migrant Chinese community.). Mr. Tye is a very good, serious and disciplined teacher. Most of his students scored HD for their Year 12 English paper with several achieved 99.95. I have registered you and paid the fees. This is an order. Even though your dad is Scottish his English is not good enough to qualify as the Queen’s language to achieve the HD. He lived too long in Penang, Malaysia. (That was how dad married mum.) He speaks Malaysian Malaylish with lah, lah, lah, boleh (Malay word for can do), boleh, can do leh. Often he uses the word paiseh (Hokkien dialect for embarrassment) to his White friends. Tiger mum

Joseph, Emerlie and youngest brother Alex did not attend tuition classes. They have no need as they went to Caulfield Grammar a private Anglican College costing daddy an arm and a leg in terms of fees. Also mum Sussan Chan a corporate lawyer is their home tutor, making Emerlie Chan feels guilty for ‘not doing enough’.

Chapter 2

Kiasu, Kiabo, Kia Jenho

Those who labour with their minds govern others. Those who labour with their strength are governed by others.

Mencius

W hen you talk privately to a Singaporean Hokkien (spoken mainly by Chinese from Fujian Province.) colloquial words are used such as kiasu (fear of losing out), kiabo (fear of the dear wife) and kiajenho (fear of the government) are used explicitly or by reference. In fact there is an English definition for the word kiasu as ‘a person having a grasping or selfish attitude arising from a fear of missing out on something.’ This is what I saw when I Googled the word kiasu. I asked a committed Singaporean citizen as he has no plans to emigrate whether this is an accurate definition. As usual he said ‘maybe’.

But it also means Singaporeans have the intellectual brainpower to be better than others. Not only intelligence including perseverance, commitment, willingness to forgo present pleasure for long term successes to be ahead of the pack, demonstrating Singaporeans always have a better definition and doing things better. Loyal Singaporean.

What about the kiajenho part? Why are you fearful of a democratically elected government which has consistently delivered the economic, financial, employment and social goodies other nations dream about? You have an independent judiciary with well educated, highly respected judges. Author

To understand the Three Ks (Kiasu, Kiabo, Kiajenho) we have to look back at the history of Temasek the Sanskrit word for the strategic trading outpost early Chinese came to trade and called Long Ya Men. Legends told a Malay chief Sang Nila Utama founded the Kingdom of Singapura. Singa is the Sanskrit word for lion. Chinese traders as far back as during the Yuan Dynasty (1279-1368AD) have established trading relations with the Nanyang.(South East Asia) Long Ya Men with its strategic location and a sheltered port was the ideal place to transact business. Once the business was completed the Chinese wait for the change of the Monsoon wind to sail their junks back home. Early Chinese have no intention to stay permanently in a foreign land. However a few stayed and married the locals.

Towards the later part of the Qing Dynasty (1636-1912AD) from the Treaty of Nanjing (1842) onwards, (The unequal treaty forced on the Chinese by the British after the First Opium War.) there were political, social and economic turmoil in China. Chinese mainly from the southern provinces of China moved to the Nanyang to better themselves. They came from different provinces speaking completely different dialects and often with different customs and loyalties. In came the Cantoneses, Hokkiens, Hakkas, Hainaneses, Hockchias, Hokchews, Teochews establishing their overseas tiny provincial enclaves. Most Cantonese grouped around Ayer Kreta. The migrants also brought with them their rivalries and triads. Tribal wars were fought between the Ghee Hin Society (mainly Cantonese) and Hai San Triads (mainly Hakka) in Malaya and Singapore.

In 1819 Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles negotiated a treaty with Temenggong Abdul Rahman and Sultan Hussein Shah of Johor under the barrel of a gun. The Temengong and the Sultan had no knowledge of what a signed western treaty was. This gave the East India Company the right to establish a trading post which eventually became a British colony. The Temenggong was paid 3,000 Spanish dollars and the Sultan received 5,000 Spanish dollars. Today, 200 years later a one room apartment around the vicinity of Orchard Road costs S$1 million.

Island England with a relatively small population ruled an empire equivalent to half of the known world. The question was how to rule a vast colonial empire with subjects hundreds of times more than the colonialists? The British found their secret weapons one of which was to segregate the races physically, economically, socially and politically. The three main ethnic groups living in Singapore, the Malays, Chinese and Indians with some Arabs were encouraged to live in different locations among their own communities, the birth of Chinatown, Little India, Little Arab. The rightful owner, the Malays were encouraged to live peacefully in their kampongs.

When Lee Kuan Yew first became Chief Minister and later Prime Minister he saw the divisive nature of the British rule. He also experienced Chinese who were mainly educated in Chinese schools did not share the same outlook as their counterparts educated in the English system. During the early days majority Chinese owed their loyalty to China with some to the Chinese Communist Party. Strikes, street demonstrations, boycotts occurred often. Lee Kuan Yew’s priority was to provide a stable and strong government with rule of law following the British legal system. So he adopted the Westminster type of parliamentary democracy, British legal and administrative system but with a strong executive branch.(Confucian teaching) It has been his view for Singapore to be developed into a first world nation people must be willing to sacrifice some level of personal freedom in exchange for economic and financial progress.

Some of the laws passed by the Singapore government may seem ‘draconian’ to Westerners. For example if you carry a certain amount of illicit drug whether as a user or pusher the mandatory sentence is death by hanging. If you like to show your artistic talent by spraying graffiti you are not only jailed, in addition given several lashes of the cane (locally called rotan) executed in such a manner you will not be able to sit on your bottom for several weeks. And if you are a foreigner after serving your sentences you will be banished from the nation never allowed to re-enter. If you are a male Singapore citizen you are required to perform your national service which is equivalent to Israel’s army service apparently to create a fighting force to defend the tiny nation.(Another kiasu action?). And should you emigrate and obtain foreign citizenship you are still legally bound to meet the national service requirement. If you utter unsubstantiated accusations against the government you are taken to court and have to defend yourself. There is no public legal aid and no western style human rights organisations to protest for you. If you are in such a dire situation one way is for you to exile yourself by living outside the country never to return.

Most senior Singaporeans having experienced the trauma of building a nation without any natural resources seem to accept this ‘trade off’. The government delivered most of the goodies (Although there are now a growing number of murmurings that these are not equally distributed.). You are not afraid your kids participate in ‘druggie joints’, your women not molested at night and you have no need to bribe any government officers to be efficiently serviced.

Yes, kaijenho only when you break the law said the Loyal Singapore citizen quick to defend his government. Of course he is a Hakka. This is also one of the 3Ks (kiasu, kiabo, kiajenho) which make us advance ahead of the pack. Loyal citizen

Singapore has one of the highest per capita and standards of living in the world. Many ordinary Singaporeans living in housing board flats may not share this experience especially with the rising costs of living making Singapore one of the most expensive places to live. Even though it is estimated 70% of the population own their homes. At least this is what the hard data shows.

According to QS Top University Ranking (2019), National University of Singapore is ranked 11 and Nanyang Technological University