When Jesus Carried Me: Victoria’s Footprints

By Sandra Bearor

Baby Victoria was born at six o’five in the morning on Sandra and Russ Bearor’s fourth anniversary. They didn’t know it was the beginning of a chapter in their lives that would forever change how they saw themselves. Coming was the pinnacle point that would carve out the place in life God meant for them if they chose to follow his word and have faith in his plan for their lives.

In When Jesus Carried Me, Sandra tells a true story of the greatest of loves, the worst kind of loss, and how she survived the everyday pain of sorrow by the power, love, and grace of the Lord. This memoir, presented in journal format, shares the grief and sadness the family experienced when Victoria died at birth.

Sandra chronicles how she grew as a person, a wife, and a mom, as she explains with a direct line through the Holy Spirit, the hurt, heartache, and the peace the Lord shared with her. She discusses her journey, with a newfound understanding and healing, to help others find discernment in a world no one should have to live through.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973674405

Sandra Bearor

Sandra Bearor’s first priority is to God, her husband and children, but her interests are many and there is nothing that has ever been unattainable in her heart. Being of a shy, quiet personality the goal of becoming an author is something God is working within her to make it a desire of her heart. She and her husband Russ are the proud parents of eight children, seven here and one in heaven.

Book preview

When Jesus Carried Me

Victoria’s Footprints

Sandra Bearor

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Copyright © 2019 Sandra Bearor.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Interior Image Credit: Sandra Bearor as Victoria’s footprint

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7441-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7442-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7440-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019914168

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/24/2019

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments and Author’s Note

Victoria

April 23, 2012

March 27, 2012

March 28, 2012

February 7, 2014, almost Two Years Later

March 28, 2012

March 13, 2014—Fifteen Days before Victoria’s Second Birthday

July 28, 2014

March 28, 2012—Continued

March 29, 2012

March 29, 2012

March 30, 2012—Three Days Later

April 1, 2012

April 4, 2012—Wednesday

April 5, 2012

April 6, 2012

April 7, 2012

April 8, 2012

April 11, 2012

April 11, 2012

April 11, 2012—Another Hard Day

April 12, 2012—Breakfast

April 13, 2012

April 15, 2012—Driving and Working Early in the Morning

April 17, 2012

April 18, 2012

April 19, 2012

April 19, 2012

April 19, 2012

April 20, 2012

April 21, 2012

April 22, 2012

April 23, 2012

April 24, 2012

April 25, 2012

April 25, 2012

April 28, 2012—Victoria’s One-Month Birthday

April 28, 2012

April 29, 2012

May 4, 2012

May 7, 2012

May 9, 2012

May 10, 2012

May 11, 2012

May 13, 2012—First Mother’s Day without Victoria

May 16, 2012

May 17, 2012

May 17, 2012

May 21, 2012

May 21, 2012

May 22, 2012

Saturday, May 26, 2012—Memorial Day Weekend

May 28, 2012—Victoria’s Two-Month Birthday

May 30, 2012

June 6, 2012

June 7, 2012

June 10, 2012

June 13, 2012

June 16, 2012—First Day of No School for All the Kids

June 17, 2012—Father’s Day

June 18, 2012

June 19, 2012

June 20, 2012

June 24, 2012

June 28, 2012

June 30, 2012

June 30, 2012—Limousine Job, Wedding

July 2, 2012

July 3, 2012

July 7, 2012

July 8, 2012

July 8, 2012

July 9, 2012

July 11, 2012

July 12, 2012—A Good Night

July 13, 2012

July 15, 2012

July 18, 2012

July 28, 2012—Victoria’s Third-Month Birthday

August 3, 2012

August 17, 2012

August 21, 2012

August 25, 2012

August 28, 2012

August 28, 2012—Victoria’s Fifth-Month Birthday

September 2, 2012

September 4, 2012

September 5, 2012

September 17, 2012

September 18, 2012

September 22, 2012

September 28, 2012—6:04 a.m.

September 28, 2012—Happy Six-Month Birthday, Victoria!

September 30, 2012

October 3, 2012

October 4, 2012

October 28, 2012—Sunday

November 28, 2012—Victoria’s Eighth-Month Anniversary of her Birth

December 19, 2012

December 28, 2012

January 28, 2013

February 28, 2013—Victoria’s Eleventh-Month Birthday

March 28, 2013—Victoria’s First Birthday

January 1, 2014

January 4, 2014

March 28, 2014—Victoria’s Second Birthday

March 28, 2015—Victoria’s Third Birthday

January 9, 2017—School Writing

Snapshot of Victoria’s Birth

July 23, 2018—Six Years Later

About the Author

This is a true life story of the greatest of loves, the worst kind of loss, and how I survived the everyday pain of sorrow by the power, love, and grace of my Lord and Savior, who carried and guided me through it all to be an overcomer.

Victoriasfootprints.jpg

Dedication

Thank you, Lord, for my baby girl, Victoria Rhyanne. She is now and always has been yours. I dedicate all the love-inspired goodness her life has helped to create to honor you, Lord, all for your glory!

Thank you, God, for being who you are—my Savior, my strength, my healer, my creator, my heavenly Father, the Alpha and the Omega who helps me through this struggle. Without you, I wouldn’t be me or gifted to write like this. Thank you for this talent.

To my soul mate, Russ, who has supported me from day one, inspired me, been my rock, and confidant. There is no one else I would ever want to walk through this life with. Thank you for being the sustainer of this family and the greatest of fathers to all our children. Your love and attention have helped each of them grow by leaps and bounds. I am blessed God sent you my way, I adore you. With the Lord as our foundation and you as my stud, Russ, I know our future is solid and bright and will be filled with great adventures.

To my children, Nick, Ellie, Andi, Kenzie, Autumn, Victoria, Teddi, and Emma, I love you. Through each of you, I have been given the most influential, demanding, creative, rewarding, and invaluable profession ever; being your Mother, Mum, Mommy, Momma, Ma. Each one of you has added to my growth markers, stretching me in ways I could not have imagined. I am beyond blessed and honored to be your Mom, my hope is that someday, each of you will be able to glimpse yourselves through my eyes and in return reach heights beyond your wildest dreams.

³⁷ For with God nothing will be impossible."

Luke 1:37 (NKJV)

If I could bestow a blessing on each of you, it would be the knowledge of how God sees you and others, the knowledge of your infinite potential and pricelessness, and the wisdom to be compassionate to those who don’t know.

Please know how much I love each one of you, for All you Are, for All you’re Not, and for All you Will Be.

Acknowledgments and Author’s Note

To raise a child takes a village. To bury a child takes a lifetime of setting aside your once-active dreams, of feeling pain at every milestone, of craving cooing or crying and the pitter-patter of tiny feet.

I thank my village, the people who picked me up every time I stumbled and kept me going, those who have spoken into my children’s lives when I didn’t have the words. Those who still acknowledge Victoria by speaking her name, make my day.

Mom and Dad, the best examples of what dedication to marriage and true love looks like, I love you endlessly! Thank you for your support, compassion, and example as parents to the nine of us. I wouldn’t be this me without your love, devotion, and many dedicated prayers.

I thank my midwife and remarkable nurses who cared for us during this heartbreaking experience. I thank those who visited us in the hospital and wept with us and those who would have been there had they known. I wish I could have shared Victoria with you.

I thank those who held Victoria for a while and will always carry her with them, those who sent cards, prayers, and memorial gifts.

I thank those who stayed by my side though texts, social media, e-mails, and in person. Words will never be able to express my love and gratitude for you.

I thank my church family past, present, and future and those who through knowing Victoria have changed the world with their talents. I am blessed and honored by seeing, hearing, and being gifted with your dedications.

Thank you, Rod Tranmer, for the honor of sharing your words and the peace they brought to my life, and that of our readers.

I have a magnificent support team, and now, each of you who supported this book contributes to reinforcing Victoria’s memory, and you are now a wonderful addition to my village.

Welcome and thank you!

Victoria

Little girl … my child … I see you

Spinning around with a smile on your face

And making memories in our hearts

Forever you will be mine …

Victoria

Picking flowers with dirt in your nails

Telling stories and fairy tales

Run with you as we play hide n seek

Your eyes meet mine behind the stone you peek

We dance together laughing as we dance in fields of gold

Forever … together … this love I will always hold

Victoria

Little girl … my child … I see