Write It in the Hearts of Women: Tuhia Ki Te Ngkau O Ng Wahine

By Hinemoa Pourewa

Often, there is emotional turmoil that erupts within the very essence of a woman’s being, yet so many women are unable to speak the words of their aching hearts. Hinemoa Pourewa is the poetic instrument of this pain. She is a voice, compelled to announce women’s silent fears. Through these pages, a hand is stretched out in earnest to hold, seek comfort, and above all, share truth.

Pourewa’s poetry exhibits self-honesty and self-reflection. She faces issues that many women find too painful or even embarrassing to discuss. Yet, she finds the courage to share her struggles, in turn helping others in similar situations.

A cry for sisterhood yearns to be heard so that a solitary voice may rise in unison. A pathway is lit, and a light-bearer rises out of the abyss to cry, “I am a survivor!”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Aug 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781504318860

Hinemoa Pourewa

Born into the guiding arms of Spirituality, she blossomed within the nurturing realms of hope, courage, and women whom believed in themselves. Through marriage she was embodied into a place of unbiased love, only to fall beneath the veil of struggle, and forced to face the demons that befell her husband and sway to wreck havoc upon her vulnerable family. She rose out of the ashes to protect her children as a Lioness protects her precious cubs. As an Early Childhood Educator, she understood the determination it took to succeed and place the plight of the innocent child above all else. Educated at Auckland University, Aotearoa/New Zealand, she battled through illness whilst determined to complete her Bachelor Degree of study. Eventually her journey drove her relentlessly forward to claim survival, and justify the uniqueness of individuality, confidence, and releaseing a complilation of self doubts that continuously threatened each footstep she bore. --- Hinemoa Pourewa / Simone Bennett captivated the hearts of the young through her teachings as an Early Childhood Educator. Gaining her Bachelor degree enabled her to express her understanding of the human spirit through the moral imagery of poetry, whilst accepting the challenging factors of dis-ease and the impact it laid out before her. Growing up in the dynamic cultural and spiritual aspects of New Zealand / Aotearoa, her self-discovery of survival repeatedly questioned the moral acceptance of failure, love and perseverance and the outstanding elements of the human spirit to survive. Hence she began to write.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 Hinemoa Pourewa.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com.au

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1881-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1886-0 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/15/2020

Four voices spoke,

And their feet did tread.

I thank their wisdom

For the lives they led.

Moonbeam

I held a little moonbeam.

It danced upon my hand.

I wondered where it came from—

Perhaps a vast and distant land.

And then the thought quite struck me

This moonbeam, starlight bright,

Had come to grant me one last wish

As I turned out the light.

A promise of one thousand dreams,

Of hope and love combined.

A shimmering of time to come,

To share amongst mankind.

And then before my blinking eye,

This dust-light shining so

Joined an entourage of dazzling splendour

And whispered, Now you know.

To all of womankind

From the East, West,

North, and South,

Thank you for your voice.

Contents

Prologue:     The Beginning

Questions of My Mind

Chapter One: Realms of Reality

Chapter Two: A Mask That Binds

Chapter Three: To Sacrifice My Children

Chapter Four: A Child’s Wrath

Chapter Five: A Creature of Fate

Chapter Six: Know Thyself

Chapter Seven: The Morepork Calls

Chapter Eight: Hold Fast to Your Dreams

Chapter Nine: A Child’s Dream Reborn

Chapter Ten: A Labyrinth of Thought

Chapter Eleven: Comfort in Distress

Chapter Twelve: To Live in the Playground

Chapter Thirteen: Blame Is Mine!

Chapter Fourteen: Remember (Epilogue

Index of Poems

Moonbeam

Trapped

Swallow My Tears

Impact Felt

Flower or Weed

Haunted Face

Surrender

Tales of Love

Alas

Rabbit Hole

A Child’s Wrath

A Mother’s Fury

Alone

Stand Up!

The Web We Weave

Daffodils

Whispers of Pain

Wild Wisps

Is This the End?

Carnival Ride

No Return

Tolerance

Forgotten Secrets

Lift Up Your Eyes

Hold Fast

Dreams

The Garden of Hope

Sweetened Breath

Peddlers’ Child

Fate Calls

Scarlet’s Beauty

Bushman’s Past Lands

Nature’s Spawn

Journey’s End

A Labyrinth of Thought

Solace

Breath

Conquering Fear

Walk the Seasons

Anxious

Soul Chaser

A Depleted Soul

Fallen

Nature’s Guise

Persistence

Remember

Sisterhood

The Beginning

This is not a story; it is a journey of self-preservation—an unjustifiable passage of a seeking mind, and perhaps an unveiling of clarity, reality, and survival. There are no therapeutic remedies hidden behind these written words, but these words do echo the touch of resilience, determination, and, above all, knowing.

I pass to you several pieces of a puzzle; they reflect remnants of a tattered existence of womanhood. You will find her wanting and clawing to hold the remaining last image of herself. Each piece portrays a moment of time. Together, these pieces will form scenarios of the emotional rollercoaster we call life—my life—as it was, as it has been, and, perhaps with your help, as it will become.

The portrayals laid out before you, these chapters of realities, are filled with love, loss, denial, grief, and an awakening of a dreamless existence.

Will you dare to journey with me?

Accept this gift, for within your hands, I still have hope.

Questions of My Mind

Am I a survivor? I breathe to live—do I also live to breathe? My answer still remains: I exist, therefore I am.

What is real in our minds? Is it the power of thought or the strength of will, and who decides?

So many of us have become encased in our earthly desires that perhaps we have forgotten what existence truly holds for us. Perhaps it is not until a catastrophic event occurs, rupturing our pathway and awakening us from our dreamlike state, that we become aware of our humbling existence and succumb to the ramblings of emotional turmoil.

The emotional onslaught of our heart provides many experiences; the harshest of all is the overwhelming feeling of pain. This powerful emotion embodies itself around love, anguish, torment, joy, passion, desire, and hope. They are all expressed through our heart and soul.

How can one body express so much life? you may well ask, but the answer remains, And yet it does. One emotion rampages into the next. Be aware that just one experience of existence has the ability to cause such climactic changes that it can establish itself as the building blocks of our life, forever flowing as the river flows, channelling new paths, finding new visions, and succumbing to or overriding the debris that lies before us—who we are, who we have become, why we have become this way.

Dreams of a child are transformed into reality, or tarnished by lost opportunities, misguided judgements, and untouched longing.

Courage, confidence, regret—three dimensions of our lives are all entwined, guiding our destiny.

Come. Come with me. Take my hand, for together, we shall discover the truth: I am a survivor!

Chapter One

Realms of Reality

******************************************

Mother is torn between love and war.

Father is blinded by drink and damaged flaw.

Young son sees all and thinks quietly within.

Little daughter is faithful and bears no sin.

*******************************************

Pizza—let us share this morsel of convenience, an effortless, unchallenging article of uninterrupted pleasure. Ham and pineapple, or perhaps pepperoni? One phone call, and food almost instantaneously appears at your door with a smile and invites smells that stimulate and seductively encapsulate your senses. Such an effortless task. Could you, in your wildest dreams, ever imagine that the simplest pleasure of ordering your pizza would cause utterly ugly, inconceivable self-destruction of the already-unbalanced, crumbling, and clinging tatters of your normal life?

What? you utter. How? Why? I hear your voice surrender the ultimate cry: I don’t understand. Then listen closely, dear one, and understand this. Anger, anger fuelled by alcohol, enraged by heaving writhing dragons, circling relentlessly in an already-confused, unwilling mind drowning in self-denial. A mind rotting within its casing, seeking vengeance and justice at the cruel realities of nature, cries out in pity and despair, Why me? Why me? A mind, flailing desperately to grasp at the lasts shreds of reasoning, finds only an endless chasm of confusion and lost hope.

But who is this pitiful creature? you ask.

My husband, my husband is my lament.

And so that mind that saw nothing but lost hope dwelt in that dank hole of hopelessness and plundered on the pizza, devouring and spitting out the last ray of joy, my joy; the last tear of love, my love. I am mentally beaten down. I am weary. Where has my hope gone? Where am I?

Trapped

        I am trapped in the middle of time,

        Trapped in the middle, and no place to run.

        I don’t want to do this, but there is no escape.

        I’ll be courageous and exist in this place.

        I’ll live in the corridor and feel no despair.

        I’ll meet the dawn’s moon and greet the night air.

        Clouds are forever, and winds shall not cease.

        I am eternal, and yet I seek peace.

        Alone in my bed, I see all that has been.

        Alone in my head, I’m fearless