Pathway to Bliss: From Crisis to a New Reality

By Dr. Cecilia R. Chella Ed.D.

Pathway to Bliss takes the reader on a journey from a darkness to light. Although women of divorce is discussed, the principles shared can be applied to anyone encountering any kind of crisis. By studying the patterns identified, we learn how to handle crisis with balance and control. In this way, we spare ourselves unnecessary pain and discomfort.
The author opens the book with an in depth account of Sarah. Her innermost thoughts were telling, as she craftily maneuvered through life. To showcase her lessons and provide a rich comparison, we meet the women interviewed in the study. Their stories are compelling, as they tried to find their way from shear panic and danger, to comical antics. The book follows these women from the initial to the end phase of recovery. The Healing Continuum was created to measure their progress from pain and suffering to peace and contentment.
One thing was apparent; many wasted an inordinate amount of time trying to recover. Thus, prescriptives are offered on how to reduce healing time. By realizing that crisis is inevitable, we are encouraged to prepare for it before it occurs. The question and answer section creates more learning for future use. By relating these exercises to one’s own situation, the reader can approach crisis with confidence.
The purpose of this book is to act as a teaching tool for individuals experiencing crisis, or simply a guide to improve one’s attitude towards life. Thus, this book is humbly offered, with anticipation, to help the reader handle life’s challenges. For from the stories told arise the personal wisdom and insights which Sarah and the respondents learned. The hope is that their experiences will help others achieve a sense of inner peace and balance in their new reality.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Mar 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982221881

Dr. Cecilia R. Chella Ed.D.

After 22 years in education, Dr. Chella received a Doctorate. The title of her study was “The Impact of Involuntary Divorce of Female Educators on Their Professional Performance.” She found the work to be therapeutic, as it mirrored her own life. She decided that no one should suffer unnecessarily and would do anything she could to secure that for others. Thus, this book. Dr. Chella’s greatest joy is spending time with her family,whom she loves dearly and is inspired by them daily. She loves life and has a broad network of friends. She has been called a “cock-eyed optimist” because of her positive outlook. She does this with meditation, organics and living in a way that respects our children and our planet. She has traveled extensively and enjoys the arts. She has a passion for antiques, gardening and nature. She strives for physical and spiritual wellness. Using her extensive educational and personal experience, she coaches others to find bliss regardless of what they encounter. For the Website Only: Dr. Chella knew one day she would write a book. She just didn't know what it would be about or when. Unbeknownst to her, her life experience would supply that answer. The only thing that she had to do was prepare herself educationally for a fully productive professional life. She received a Bachelor of Science which prepared her to become a Home Economics teacher. She received a Master of Arts to secure that position. After 15 years in the classroom, she served as a coordinator of a motivational program. This role inspired her to get another Master's degree in Administration (CAS). Gratifried by that experience, she then went on to receive her Doctorate in Education The topic for her dissertation, was “The Impact of Involuntary Divorce of Female Educators on Their Professional Performance”. She found the study to be very therapeutic as her study mirrored her own personal experience. For after a 20 year relationship, her marriage came to an abrupt halt. She found the symptoms her respondents in her study described were so similar to what she had experienced. She decided early on in the process of recovery that she did not want anyone else to suffer like she did for the length of time that she did. Thus the book, which she feels more than qualified to write. After the divorce, she jointly raised her daughter and son in the same house, in the same small town south of the city of Buffalo. She has traveled extensively, enjoys the arts and enjoys antiques and organic living. She prides herself in keeping in good shape both physically and spiritually. She has a broad network of friends and enjoys helping others. With her cohesive educational and personal expertise in place, she coaches others to return to bliss in their lives no matter what they encounter.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 Dr. Cecilia R. Chella, Ed.D..

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Author Credits: Ed.D. (Doctor of Education)

Andrew Esposito, Editor

Precision Word Ink

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2187-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2189-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-2188-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019901634

Balboa Press rev. date:   03/29/2019

This book is dedicated to all those people who have experienced

crisis and have spent an inordinate amount of time attempting to

recover from their experience.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction

Section 1

Sarah’s Story

Chapter 1:     The First Twenty Years of Her Life

Chapter 2:     Reality Hit and How Sarah Responded to the Event That Shook Her World

Chapter 3:     Crisis Further Developed

Section 2

Responses & Analysis of Those Who Came Before

Chapter 4:     Women Who Experienced Divorce and Were Interviewed for This Book

Chapter 5:     Coping Strategies and the Nature of Support As Reported by the Interviewees

Chapter 6:     The Healing Continuum As a Measure of Recovery

Chapter 7:     Factors Influencing and Activities Promoting Movement Along the Healing Continuum

Section 3

Another Way to Look at it Through Lessons Learned (A Guarantee For Personal Peace and A Sense of Freedom)

Chapter 8:     Reviewing Steps in Handling Crisis

Chapter 9:     Thoughts for A Healthier Perspective Within a Question and Answer Framework

Chapter 10:   Sarah is Confronted with Another Crisis

Section 4

Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 11:   Listening in a Different Way

Chapter 12:   Learn from Sarah

Chapter 13:   A New Way to Look at Life and Love

Chapter 14:   Conclusion / A New Beginning

Test Yourself

Index

References

Key For Exercises

Acknowledgements

We don’t become successful alone. - Peck, 1995.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for always believing in me, and for the love and support they always gave me as I experimented with life. I would like to thank them for giving me the inspiration to stretch and grow socially, academically, and personally. Even after my Mom’s untimely death, she finds a way to keep in touch regularly in the hearts of not only me, but of my entire family! A special thanks goes out to my father, who, although demanding, managed to instill in me a strong work ethic at a very early age, which exists to this day!

I would also like to express gratitude to my former husband for the wonderful relationship we developed, the love we shared, and the fun and laughter we enjoyed. Most importantly, I would like to thank him for my two beautiful children. Since their inception, they have been, and still are, the loves of my life;or they have added more joy and wonderment to my life than words can ever express. Just by being themselves, they give my life purpose, direction and extraordinary love and pride, which I feel for them every day. Another thank you goes out to my daughter and son in law for my 3 beautiful grandchildren. They bring such joy and awe as they stretch and grow. Their innocence and sense of adventure inspires us all on a daily basis. Finally, I would like to thank my former husband for pursuing his life in a different direction, thus encouraging me to shift mine. What resulted was a life’s journey which necessitated a search into myself, and into my strengths and weaknesses. This brought me to where I am today; happy and self-fulfilled.

I would like to now thank a former paramour who taught me that no dream is insurmountable. The only thing you have to do, as he would say, is to want it bad enough. The rest is easy. A special thank you goes to my major professor from the University of Buffalo, whose warm, yet firm ways made my doctoral journey not only educationally fulfilling, but also fun and personally satisfying. He is a true scholar and mentor for academic excellence.

I would also like to thank my brother, my two sisters, and their wonderful families for adding such love and joy to my life on a regular basis. They accepted me for me through my crisis, and didn’t pass judgment as I went through my many changes. Rather, they simply offered a hand when I would begin to fall. It was during this time of unsettlement and transition that I also needed my friends. They were there for me every step of the way, to cry with me and to help me move forward, with encouragement, love, and laughter. Their steadfast commitment to my family and me will never be forgotten, and will always be appreciated.

Lastly, I would like to thank the women in this book who experienced divorce, and who were willing to share their stories for the good of academia. Without them, this book would not be. They helped to clarify the impact of crisis on one’s life and personal wellness, by providing the material from which I based my writing. It was their unbridled disclosure as they told their stories that offered the valuable hints on how to change the course of recovering from crisis. Because of their courageous spirit, a pathway towards greatness and bliss was lit for all to follow.

A special thanks goes out to Andrew Esposito from Precision Crafted English, in Rochester, N.Y. for taking on the challenge of editing this book. His tireless work, inspiration and expertise made the project workable and actually fun. I would also like to thank my dear friend Marleah Doherty, a local artist extraordinaire who gave so freely of her time and actual artwork to make the book cover a success. Also, my sister, Karen worked so hard to see my vision and made sense of it all. A special thank you goes out to Paul A. Fischer for his extraordinary patience, photography and design work. His vision and commitment to excellence was displayed in the cover and author portrait. Lastly, thank you to my special friends Patricia Russell, author of The Divorce Ceremony, Nancy Elia, a talented marketing designer and Joe Strapason, owner of ACME Screen printing for so lovingly allowing me to call on them to help me find my path.

Preface

In order for this book to be effective in reducing the recovery time from crisis, I offer hints as to how to read it, and how to prepare your mind for its highest personal impact and growth. Choose times when you can give as much undivided attention as possible to the stories told within these pages. This will bring to light the exhilarating idea of living every experience to the fullest, in joy and gratitude. With this attitude firmly in place, even when crisis comes your way, it is possible to look at it more clearly, and to see that healing can occur in a timely way. I invite all who read this book to recognize their own personal power, and their true potential to do anything they put their minds to. Essentially, how we handle life is all between our own ears! The hope is to create an environment where life can be enjoyed, free and blissfully unbridled by what are often self-imposed restrictions. Enjoy the stories, but read behind the words; open yourself to their messages. Read with the understanding that we all have crises in our lives at some level. It has been said that the nature of life is not permanence, but flux! Crisis can be posed as an event which occurs with little or no prior notice. It can come in the form of the loss of a loved one to death or divorce—which has been designated as the most stressful event that any human being can endure—of health issues affecting oneself or one’s loved ones, or of the loss of employment and/or financial difficulties. These are some of the most common types of crisis, but there are many more. A crisis event can be described as a turning point, because of its suddenness, and in most cases is met with a lack of preparedness.

An assumption is often made that recovery from a crisis is personal to each individual, yet there are many universal themes surrounding this topic. How prepared we are for crisis prior to its occurrence directly impacts how long it takes us to recover. Likewise, how well we have dealt with past crises has a great impact on how we do in present and future ones. In other words, the more challenges we’ve actually had to deal with, along with how much stress we are able to handle on a regular basis, can improve our ability to deal with new crises. It often simply depends on the individual’s attitude, and personal strength. Some people are more naturally able to process challenges easily in less time, with less intervention. Essentially, this occurs because their inner strength kicks in, and enables them to get on with their lives fairly unscathed. Others become overwhelmed at a lesser event, and take an inordinate amount of time to recover. For them, some of the effects of a crisis which occurred in the past linger, and may still exist in their present psyche. In extreme cases, they may even be impacted by these events for the remainder of their lives. In any of these situations, a key to remember is that when someone is totally able to process a crisis, he or she is free of its effects, and open to the wonderment of life. As a dear friend reminded me, reconciliation with all those related to these events is a very important aspect of recovery. Thus, forgiveness of those who may have caused us pain, and of ourselves, becomes paramount. It is imperative to totally free others from the aftermath of the event, and to also free ourselves. If we get this, we can live our lives with much more grace and ease.

While reading, I invite you to be flexible, and willing to change your way of thinking in dealing with any critical situation. In this frame of mind, the standards and traditional norms that you may blindly live by or stand for can be reevaluated, and perhaps shifted for a more fulfilling existence. Don’t be afraid of crisis, but rather realize that some form of it will test you in your life. This way, the amount of drama when it occurs can be reduced considerably. Accept it with more of a here it is! or here is another one! approach. In this way, you can follow the predetermined step by step approach, which you will have ready in your arsenal to be tapped when needed. I propose two of these approaches later on in the book; by using this method with focus and deliberation, you can return to bliss as quickly as possible. A powerful hint is to be open to the possibility that as a result of crisis, once you get over the shock of it, you can actually find yourself growing and changing in a positive direction.

Whichever, please attempt to open your mind to the powerful messages being offered, and open to the inspiration that they can impart. My hope is that you can learn from the stories of these women, who I first wrote about in my doctoral study. Although many of their experiences followed a similar pattern, all were poignant and often even humorous. Their emotional roller coaster rides pushed the boundaries of normalcy, and most often taught powerful lessons. Hearing their stories actually became therapeutic in my own life, and I’m sure that reading them will do the same for you.

Next, be willing to try the methods that I suggest in the book, so that recovery can occur in your own lives. Be willing to share what you learn so that we can keep the momentum of healing going ad infinitum. In other words, be willing to use this book as a resource, which can be drawn upon when a crisis occurs in your own lives. While you are reading, don’t be afraid to take notes or write in the margins! I have included an extra blank page after each chapter for notes that can be taken. As you read about the responses and actions of Sarah and the other interviewees, allow yourself to relate them to your own situation. Jot down words that best describe your innermost feelings, and from them begin to create a to do list when tackling your own dilemmas. Examples of these notes might be words like; UNBELIEVABLE; SHOCKING; WOULD THIS WORK? DARE TO TRY IT; AHA! This approach can also provide more clarity in your own story. What may occur is that you will be able to distinguish between what you perceived to have happened, and what actually happened in your own crisis. A dear friend of mine, and author of The Divorce Ceremony, Patricia Russell, reminds us to keep information in fact rather than interpretation. This helps us to constantly be on the right side of healing. After all, that is the intent of this book; to help you resolve your own issues through hints gleaned from the stories of my participants, and others who have experienced divorce. It took me eight years to heal from my own divorce, and I now know unequivocally that this was entirely too long. I would like nothing more than to reduce the amount of recovery time for all my readers, as they deal with their respective crises.

Another suggestion is that as you are reading, try to see yourself in the various situations, remembering to take notice of your feelings. Determine whether some of the characteristics, personality traits, or approaches of the respondents are similar to your own. By identifying these ahas—a term used to describe interesting realizations—more understanding will occur in your own situation. In this way, the recovery time can be decreased! My hope is that you can put any crisis you might be going through behind you, feel empowered, and ready to fully engage in life. You have the right to live a life that is rich with relationships, fulfillment and love. No crisis should take that away from you! Resources are available to you. You simply have to chose wisely, and determine the ones that work best to secure that right for yourself! I hope that choosing this book will guide you in the direction of complete recovery from your past crises, and the ability to deal with any future crises with grace and ease. This will leave you free to live life with no abandon, in pure bliss from day to day! The intent is that you will be left loving yourself, recognizing what a precious person you are, not only to your family and friends who love you, but to the world. When you eliminate the baggage your crisis has attached to you, this, and so much more, is possible.

This book follows a logical order; it first shows how dramatic the effects of crisis can be, through the stories of the participants in my study. It then demonstrates how important it is to be prepared for crisis before it arrives. This is done by creating a positive attitude, and a feeling of expectancy for those challenging events in life that are inevitable. In this way, when crisis arrives we can go immediately into a predetermined, step by step approach towards recovery, in order to return to bliss as quickly as possible. One way to establish an appropriate plan for handling crisis is to gather information from people who have personal experience—in this case specifically, with divorce. By analyzing the data, some real patterns of behavior are identified, and some rules to live by can be created.

I would now like to provide you with an outline for the unique format that the book follows. The introduction first offers an in depth look at crisis—with all of its complexities and nuances—and is then followed by the main body of the book:

There are 4 sections:

(1) Sarah’s Story

(2) Responses and Analysis of Those Who Came Before

(3) Another Way to Look at It Through Lessons Learned

(4) Where Do We Go From Here?

The 3 chapters in Section 1 offer a fairly detailed account of Sarah’s life, as it attempts to create an accurate picture of whom she was, and what she experienced to become the person she is today. This section also discusses her divorce, the pain she went through, how she responded to the situation, and how she found strength and actually grew from the experience.

Section 2, beginning with chapter 4, exposes the personal stories that the women who experienced involuntary divorce reported for my doctoral study. (‘Involuntary’ from here on means that the husband initiated the separation and subsequent divorce, while the women were left to figure out how to handle a decision that was made for them.) The information provided here became the basis for true enlightenment in the area of divorce—from shear panic to their almost comical antics—as they find their way towards eventual recovery. Chapter 5 discusses the coping strategies used by these women, and the nature of support that they had as they dealt with their situation.

In Chapter 6, the Healing Continuum is thoroughly discussed. Essentially, this is a method of describing and measuring recovery from crisis to eventual recovery. This vehicle also proved to be helpful in identifying the back and forth movement that most paths of recovery take, as one seeks relief from crisis. This chapter provides a detailed description on how an individual in crisis proceeds from what is often an initial phase of pain and suffering, to the middle phase—when opportunities from growth and significance manifest themselves in life—to the end phase, which offers a feeling of peace and contentment. Chapter 7 discusses those factors influencing movement along the Healing Continuum.

Section 3 discusses the importance of preparing oneself ahead of time for crisis, so that when it occurs we are ready for it. This section is much more prescriptive in nature, rather than simply reportative. Proposed steps for handling crisis in a proactive way are offered in Chapter 8. This method proves to be educational and quite informative, and can be used as a resource for people in crisis looking for answers. Other suggestions—on how to shift the present uncomfortable paradigm to one that is more positive in nature—are then offered in Chapter 9. A brief example of how to accomplish this is to listen with more intention to the world around you, and to look more creatively towards finding peace. In Chapter 10 we learn about another crisis encountered by Sarah, and delve more deeply into the practice of journaling as a way to organize, and release our thoughts.

Finally, Section 4 suggests the different ways to look at crisis—now that we are equipped with new knowledge—and provides insight as