Daughters Need Fathers, Too: A Daughter Is a Gift of Love

By Tina M. Kelly Ph.D.

Fathers are important role models for their daughters. They are the first men that their daughters relate to, and the relationships with their fathers set the tone for any relationships their daughters have in the future. There is no doubt that fathers-daughter relationships impact daughters both positively and negatively. There are similarities between the father-daughter relationships, the daughters perception of themselves, and how other men perceive them to be. Daughters drastically need their fathers support, acceptance, and love.

Daughters who have positive relationships with their fathers are left with strong values, confidence, and high self-esteem. The daughters who have experience failed relationships with their fathers are in need for compassionate relationships with other men and other people who are vulnerable to their plan. Daughters who suffer from negative relationships should learn to place high values on themselves, acknowledge that they are somebody, and that they hold the key to their own happiness. Many people do not identify the impact fathers have on their daughters lives. As a result, these daughters can go through endlessly with no expectations of healing from the damage caused by lack of positive relationships with their fathers. If one is to comprehend the impact of father-daughter relationships, one must be open to comprehend the effect of that relationships.

Fathers impacts their relationship with their daughters, especially the role fathers play after divorce. After parents divorce, daughters have various feelings of support, love, comfort, discomfort, honor, and disappointment. When fathers are part of their daughters lives, they grow up feeling safe, secured, and protected, because their fathers were always around. Daughters needs their fathers to be the standard against which they will judge all men.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543472165

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Tina M. Kelly, Ph.D.

Library of Congress Control Number:     2017918967

ISBN:                Hardcover                978-1-5434-7218-9

                          Softcover                   978-1-5434-7217-2

                          eBook                        978-1-5434-7216-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 12/22/2017

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part One

The Impact 1

Chapter 1:   The Effect of Fatherhood on Daughters

Chapter 2:   Teach Daughters Self-Love

Chapter 3:   Protect, Accept, and Love Your Daughters

Chapter 4:   The Most Important Men in Daughters’ Lives

Chapter 5:   Daughters’ Relationships

Part Two

Saving our Daughters

Chapter 6:   Daughters’ Attachment Styles

Chapter 7:   Resolving the Issues

References

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T O GOD, THIS blessing would not have been possible without you in my life and for that I thank you. I will use this gift you gave me in the ways you have intended me to.

Every good and perfect gift is from above: James 1:17

To my daughter, you inspired me to write this book and it provided me with the knowledge about father-daughter’s relationship. Thank you for showing me how to live life without fear.

To Fredrick, writing this book opened my eyes and showed me how important fathers like you are to their daughters. Thank you for sharing that part of you with me.

To the three angels, the love between father and daughter is forever

To Tashia R. Jones., Keenan W. Jones., Leanne Grabowski.., Joseph Cristofano., and Dori McCarthy, thank you for your encouragement and support throughout my journeys.

To my nephew Jordan Mathew Jones, thank you for your amazing artwork displayed on my book cover. Your humbleness knows no boundaries.

Your talent is God’s gift to you-you make him proud

To all the fathers who have been involved in their daughters’ lives from infancy to adulthood, know that you all have given your daughters an amazing gift.

INTRODUCTION

F ATHERS ARE VERY important figures in their daughters’ lives and make such a difference for the daughters in regards to how other men should treat them. They are the first male that their daughters relate to and the relationships with them will set the tone for any males-females’ relationships that their daughters may have in the future. Fathers are considered to be role models for their daughters in regards to males. Even though mothers-daughters’ relationships are certainly important the association that daughters have with their fathers’ in many ways matter more than the one with their mothers. The relationships fathers-daughters have influence their daughters’ relationships with other men.

Daughters’ thoughts of the perfect men begin with the images received from their fathers during their childhood. How daughters see themselves are influenced by their fathers. The fathers that listen and respect their daughters will expect others to listen and treat their daughters well. The kind of relationships fathers and daughters have is not based on their race. The rooted figure of the daughters’ childhood are often strong and motivates women to pick and choose their mates either in support of the images they grew up with or in steady effort to rebel against the images. This is a concern for daughters since some daughters are unable to create healthy relationships with men.

Divorce is considered to be a complex event and a diversion within the life course regarding short and long term impacts for young adult daughters’ (Elder-Avidan, Haj-Yahia, & Greenbaum, 2009). This book will focus on fathers-daughters’ relationships and the benefits fathers bring to the overall skills and behaviors of their daughters. It is believed that many daughters pay a continuous price for parents’ divorce, because they receive too little or no fathering after their parents’ marriage ends (Nielsen & 2011). The daughters who receive too little fathering usually are at a disadvantaged after parents’ divorce.

In the teenage years, the daughters who receives too little fathering may be more likely to have children out of wedlock, have sex at an early age, and be sexually promiscuous (Fabricious, Braver, Diaz, & Schenck, 2010). They are also more prone to have bad grades in school or drop out of high school, or not make it through college. They could also have self-image problems, or may misuse drugs and alcohol more regularly regardless of what communities they live in. These daughters as teenagers and young adults may have more emotional and psychological problems, as well as more likely to become depressed compared to the daughters who were close and had an ongoing relationships with their fathers after divorce (Stamps, Booth & King, 2009).

The roles of fathers have been determined to be exceptionally important in the developments of daughters and are acknowledged as playing an essential role in their lives. A familiar role recognized by fathers’ involvements is sexual development. A changed in the family structure that causes the fathers to be absence does influence sexual developments. Daughters with absentee fathers starting at puberty and earlier age can be more sexually promiscuous, have more social attitude regarding sex, and have repeated and less stable romantic relationships with men. The degree of fathers-daughters’ relationships are something that should never be underestimated. In fact, it could be said to be vital to the development of women and the identity them captures within the future.

Children who have established attachment to their caretakers usually anticipate having a good relationship with others and also behave in ways likely to give confidence, and accepting a trusting path toward people. On the other hand, a child who is the product of divorce and is exposed to poorer parental models develops lack of trust in others during adulthood. Parental divorce has been shown to negatively influence the fathers-daughters’ relationships (Shannon et al; & 2006), particularly in regards to fathers, signifying that trust in parents is also damaged by martial dissolution. Parental divorce can interrupt fathers-daughters’ attachments and negatively cross boundaries with the daughters’ developing sense of trust. However, any negative influences of parental divorce can be lessened if the parents maintain good relationships with their children afterwards.

Although parental divorce has somewhat improved over the past decades, there still seems to be narrow views and center of attention. Children are faced with the diversity of family adjustments through divorce and are often exposed to new sorts of family structures. Children often have difficulty expressing their emotions. Many children that have experienced parental divorce may have similar grieving process as death. This grieving process could last about two or more years following the divorce, which consists of a cycle of denial, anger, depression, and acceptance (Matthiss & 2015). They could either exhibit disruptive and struggling behavior or become passive and withdrawn. They may also blame themselves and feel that they actually caused the divorced. Divorce can also have the possibility to cause developmental problems in children.

The course of action from parental divorce brings about abundant of changes on their children’s lives, such as modifications in making contact with each parent, changes in parental emotions, as well as behavior. The main concern here is more for how these changes could impact the development of the early childhood. Young adults from divorced families usually experience hasten courtship patterns and more interest in relationships. As adults, children of divorce are more likely to experience problems with emotional intimacy and more likely to experience their own divorce than children whose parents remained married.

A possible explanation is that children of divorce may express their insecurity about being in an intimate relationship by prematurely plunging into physical intimacy (Allan & 2008). Experiencing parental divorce may affect men and women’s intimacy in different manners. In addition, women are more likely to lose contact with their fathers after divorce, which increases insecure attachments in young adult relationships. The increased insecurity may cause them to search for intimate relationships and simultaneously fear of abandonment. Parental divorce has a negative impact on relationships between fathers and daughters. Daughters of parental divorce have less frequent contact with their fathers than daughters of married parents.

The more conflict with their fathers the more the quality of the relationships are perceived more often as poor. The impact of divorce on fathers-daughters’ relationships is relevant for both fathers and daughters. Because the socioeconomic resources of the fathers are important for the life changes of daughters, daughters maybe harmed if they have weak relationships with their fathers during the transition to adulthood. Daughters may also suffer emotionally from having no contact with their fathers (Albertini & Garriga, 2011). The problem is relevant for fathers as well. Many fathers are unhappy about the reduction in contact with their minor-age daughters after divorce. Also, when fathers are older, weaken ties to adult daughters may also lead to less emotional and practical support in times such support is needed.

Not all fathers view their ties to their daughters as deteriorated and, if there are negative effects, they vary in degrees. When parents divorce at an early age of daughters, the long-term effect of divorce on the fathers-daughters’ relationships tends to be more negative (Mathiss & 2015). The conflict between parents divorce have negative effects on daughters’ well-being. Daughters of divorced fathers have less frequent contact with their fathers than daughters of married fathers. Childhood circumstances have a lasting effect on fathers-daughters’ relationships; moreover, childhood circumstances modify the impact of an early parental divorce on relationships between fathers and daughters.

Parental divorce has more harmful effects if it occurs early rather than later in the daughters’ lives. Daughters from divorced families are more likely to be