Thank You for Making Me a Good Parent

By Q

With my words here, I will attempt to share with you what life has been like for me, what feelings I was experiencing, what thoughts ran through my mind, and why I am who I am. Its only one side of the storyyour mamas side. Everyone has a story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543455359

Book preview

Thank You for Making Me a Good Parent

Q

Copyright © 2017 by Q.

Library of Congress Control Number:      2017915142

ISBN:                        Hardcover                   978-1-5434-5537-3

                                   Softcover                     978-1-5434-5536-6

                                   eBook                          978-1-5434-5535-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 10/20/2017

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Babygirl …

This is

dedicated to You

It is my Testimony of You

I Thank God everyday for your life

AND

I constantly ask Him to guide my way

May You forever know in your heart of the love I keep for You

May You always know that all I do is for You

May You know my love for You

Always … Mama

CONTENTS

Chapter 1     22 December 2005

Chapter 2     The Conception

Chapter 3     My Pregnancy

Chapter 4     Your Birth

Chapter 5     The Depression

Chapter 6     29 December 2005

Chapter 7     Eight Months of Hospitals

Chapter 8     Relocating

Chapter 9     30 December 2005

Chapter 10   Texas

Chapter 11   Louisiana

Chapter 12   Southern Barvaria

Chapter 13   Last Assignment in Germany

Chapter 14   31 December 2005

Chapter 15   Homestead in Colorado

Chapter 16   Finding My Way

Chapter 17   1 January 2006

Chapter 18   High School Years

Chapter 19   College Years

Chapter 20   My Testimony

Chapter 21   October 27, 2005

1

22 December 2005

Dearest Babygirl …

T HIS MAY SEEM like the strangest date to start a diary, but what better place to begin the process of actually healing. I have for months now been trying to find the strength in accepting the disappointment of having to end a twenty-six year relationship. It’s been really hard and painful. Lost to no end. I sometimes wonder how to go on. Then I look at you and the questions go away.

Days before your 21st birthday and I decide that I should start a daily account of our lives, how crazy is that? I would have had something by now if I had been vigil to doing this from the day you were born. But oh no … I have to start now and try to remember the many things that you’ve done in your 21 years of blessed days. It’s all good. They’re all tucked away in my memories … the laughter … the cries … the moments of growing up … all the recorded events play through my mind from time to time and you know what? I love it. I’ve got a whole book on you. A whole book of all the wonderful things GOD blessed your life with. I know you see the blessings HE showers on you day after day.

Can’t recall what I was actually doing 21 years ago on this date, but I know I was ready for you to make your introduction to the world. I did not like being pregnant. That was just too much weight for me to carry.

I do know that we were getting ready to shut down for a long holiday season. The community pretty much ran by the German ways of celebrating Christmas. Most of the work-force in the community was Local Nationals, so it would have been worthless to open up the offices. Emergencies were handled through on-calls from a day or so before Christmas to the first working day after the first of the New Year. No damn body worked. No body but Daddy’s Unit. Your grandma from Georgia was in Europe with us. She called herself taking care of things for me. But you know me … I couldn’t sit still.

I believe I’m writing this now because that’s exactly where my mind is. I’m living those days that will never return again, not unless I decide to allow them to the forefront. Nothing but good thoughts of all that we have lived through. Interesting to others? I have no clue … I just know that they’re awesome to me.

I am always asking, Why me GOD? What did I do to deserve such a wonderful gift as my Babygirl? HE answers me through you. HE shows me why and sometimes I fail to see HIS answers. It’s crazy. I ask … HE shows … and I don’t see. But if I don’t know anything else … I know that you were placed in my life for a reason. You are my balance. You are my legacy. I cannot thank GOD enough for you.

I’m told that everyday I must write to myself. A tool to clear my mind … a way to see what is really inside of me. I’m not so sure about that one, as you can see I’m writing to you. It’s easier for me to get those thoughts out of my head when focusing on you. I’m one of these people who enjoy talking out loud to myself … so why do I need to write to me?

My job of raising you is over. I don’t want to say that a burden has been lifted from my mind but I will admit that GOD has made the load lighter. You will always and forever be my ‘Babygirl’ … my ‘Mama’ … my beautiful Daughter.

I know I’ve been hard on you through these past 21. Shit … I’ve been hard on me … but it’s all been for reasons. May not have made sense to you at the moment … but there was defiantly a reason behind it all. I realize that my lectures were not needed at times. But I am grateful that you learned what the phrase, coming to me with ANYTHING means. I must admit that my reactions may not have always been what you wanted to experience but it came with love. Pure love for you.

2

The Conception

Two months short of your 21st … and I’m now reflecting on …

Where the hell did the years go?

W ITH MY WORDS here, I will attempt to share with you what life has been like for me. What feelings I was experiencing. What thoughts ran through my mind. Why I am who I am. It’s only one side of the story. Your mama’s side. Everyone has a story.

I am not in any way trying to shed ugliness upon your daddy or even the family or friends. I just want you to know why some things happened as they did.

Your daddy … he’s a good man. He tried real hard to provide a wonderful life for us. He did all that he could to give us the person we could be proud of. I do want you to know this about me … I love your father. I have always loved your father and I am truly grateful for him, because with him, GOD blessed us with you. It’s as simple as that.

I am extremely grateful for the lessons we’ve learned as Mother and Daughter. I want you to know how proud I am of you and what you’ve done so far in your life. I need you to understand that I love the person you have grown to be.

Thank you for making me a GOOD parent.

Thank you for being my child. But most of all, thank you for the goodness you have brought to my life. You make me laugh out loud … you bring the lighter side to any situation that at times has me going crazy. You keep things real. An ‘old soul’ that’s who you are. Someone who was placed in my life to learn from. You showed me how to be a parent.

Raising a child in today’s society is difficult, it’s painful, and it can be heartbreaking; but it’s rewarding if we keep in mind our purpose as parents. Mine has been all of that and more. It has truly been a ride. I look at you today and I know that with GOD’s blessings I have been able to guide you in building a solid foundation for your life. I know that your father and I did not do this alone. How could we? We were more confused than you were. Daddy had me convinced for the longest that I wasn’t a very good person; that I was surely lacking as a parent.

As guardians of those we produce, we want our children to do right. To achieve excellence. To be good citizens. To build for themselves a wonderful life. To have more than we have. We refuse to think that our own flesh and blood can take the wrong paths as they sometimes do. But we don’t have the right to give up on our kids, no matter how much we may want to. No matter how outrageous their antics may be to bring out our anger. We brought them here. So we must prepare them for society to welcome their knowledge. We have to realize that until this young person is of age, we as their parents are responsible. It’s hard at times to swallow those growing pains but it’s necessary for us to understand our children. Saying that we’re wrong … most parents can’t.

The journey we’ve traveled together will never be forgotten. It can never be replaced. You have been my world since your birth and GOD’s grace has made it all possible.

Where have the years gone?

Born in Germany, right on the Dutch boarder, your arrival came a couple days after Christmas of 1984. We had no American hospital near our military installation, so the use of a German obstetrician monitored our progression. From July to December, I’d drive the twenty kilometers each week to a small town five minutes from the Holland boarder. Every other week I’d see you on the monitor … get a picture of your development and thank GOD for HIS blessings. The blue gel smeared on my belly was always so cold, but the assurance that you were growing with all the necessary parts made the chill of the moment pass.

There were so many issues GOD and I discussed through my pregnancy. The first being our safety through the delivery, the second was your good health and the third was my want to be the best parent for you. I was so scared that I had already hindered