The Catnip Diaries: The First Year

By Eileen Novotony

The CATNIP DIARIES highlight Sparkles' progression from a kitten to a full-grown cat. It is done with word pictures describing plenty of cat adventures, a smattering of philosophy and lots of humor.

My adoption of Sparkles from the local animal shelter was therapy for me when I put my husband in a nursing home and our dog died. My sister Helen has her own cat and when we compared notes, we decided we could probably write a book about their adventures.

Most of the entries are fiction, but we believe they could happen.

Other characters in the book are fictional, but they add depth and color to the diary entries. Anyone who is owned by a cat can visualize their own cats being just as naughty - or nice.

When a year's worth of entries were on the books, Sparkles disappeared. In my heart of hearts, I believe Sparkles was an angel sent to get me out of my depression.

Sparkles loves his Mommie!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504973885

Book preview

2016 Eileen Novotny. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/24/2016

ISBN: 978-1-5049-7387-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-7388-5 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-5246-0862-0 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016901951

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Contents

Preface

July

⁴Th Of July

What Part Of No Don’t You Understand?

Mommie Is A Pain In The You-Know-Where

Please, Mommie, Please

My New Bed

New Cat Food

The Pitter Patter Of Little Feet

The Little Fan

I Get To Go For A Ride — Yippee!!!

Visiting Daddie

The Truth About The Ride To See Daddie

Bad Outdoor Mommie

Mommie Finally Got It

My Hidey Holes

%$#%^&*> Dang Blasted Collar

It’s Not My Fault

My Email And Facebook Accounts

Smart Phone, Dumb Mommie

Granddaddy Long Legs

I Met The Neighbor

I Outsmarted Mommie

Why Do I Do This?

Mommie Is Confused

Sharp Teeth

I’m Free

The Television

In Trouble – Again

I’m Sorry Mommie

The Girl Next Door

I’ve Got A Girlfriend!

I’ve Got A Girlfriend!

My New Diet

I’m Hungry!!!

Diet — Day Three

The Diet Drink Box

My New Visiting Box

To The Zoo

The Cat Mommy Bench

Missing: One Bra

Pet Names

Cat Language

I’m Going To Get Fixed

The Fix

Mommie’s Choice

My Own Pet Name

Birds

Who Is God?

I Might Get Banned

Diet – Day Ten

A Long Tale (Tail)

Guess Where I Take A Bath.

The Flea Collar

The Mirror And Me

Lightning Bugs

The Clean Floor

New Cat Litter

Visiting The Neighbors

Professional Napper

My Pouting Corner

Help!

Real Mouse

Mouse Traps?

Mommie Is Obsessed About Details

Footprints

The Litter Box – Again

The Sand Pile

The Fan

Mommie’s Little Secret

A Play Date With Melanie

Daddie’s Birthday

Left Overnight

The County Fair

The Midway

The Really, Really Big Cat

The Faucet

Ick, I Ate A Grasshopper

Help!! I’m Gonna Drown

Flying Critters

Up A Tree

The Dinner Table

Who Is It?

Mommie’s Shoes

My Calico Is A Cougar

We Broke Up

My Cousin Kittie

What Is My Real Name?

Snowball

Anger Management

Ummmm Warm

Lost

It Sounds Fishy

Toilet Paper Rolls

Do I Like Dry Cereal?

My Feeding Bowl

Silly Cousin Kittie

Cat Dreams

Do I Have Bulimia?

Oh No!!!

Lacy Paper Towels

Camping With Mommie

A Day In The Park

Mommie’s Cash Stash

The Hallway Shuffle

Do I Look Younger?

The Talk

Ok, Who Stepped In My Food?

Play Time In The Leaves

I’m Gonna Have To Take A Bath

The Sunday Funnies

Fall In The Park

My New Pet

U. S. Mail (Male)

Mommie Needs A Hearing Aid

Helping Mommie Sort Clothes

The Stove

Mommie, I Have A Tummy Ache

Scratching Post?

The Fax Machine

Seven Years Of Bad Luck

Helping Mommie Dress

If It Moves… …

On Top Of Things

Mommie Is Steamed

Why Is Mommie Clapping?

Phone Call For Me?

Ancestry

Old Mcdonald Had A Farm …

Dishwasher Luck

It’s Columbus Day

Pumpkins

It’s Veterans Day

Yum Yum

Flossing

Fur Balls

The Door-To-Door Salesman

The Scale

Sissy The Hero

Mommie: Don’t Go Back To That Old-Timey Restaurant

Careless Mommie

Icky Sticky

Blue Lips

From Ashes To Ashes

Stretching

The (Formerly) Hanging Plant

Oh No!!! E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E !!!

Pickle Juice Is Sticky

I Rock

Visiting Linda

Off The Exercise Kick

I Need Air (Puff, Puff, Puff)

Mommie Said I’m Cute

Getting To Know Kittie

Snowball Is Just A Friend – Or Is She?

Seeing Stars

First Snow Fall

The Inventory

Mommie Cried

All Packed Up

This Year’s Christmas Card

Picking The Christmas Tree

Not Undecorating The Tree

Other Christmas Decorations

Carolers

Christmas Eve

Christmas Morning

Wrapping Paper

Getting De-Clawed

New Years Eve

New Years Eve Punch

New Years Day

Getting Crafty

Mommie’s False Teeth

Who Is That Woman?

The Newest Neighbors

Your Tastes Are Too Expensive

Melanie’s Little Brother

Kitty Play Time — A Life Lesson

Uh Oh

Electricity

The Printer

The Box

The Sweater And Booties

Mommie Is Sick

Natural Beautiful Cats

Whistling Tea Pot

Feet Of Clay

My Birthday Party

It’s A Small World

Sticky Gummy Bears

I Had An Xray

A Three Tier What?

Bad Breath

On The Roof

Help, Mommie, Help!!

Insomnia

A Flood

Blinds

Cat Dancing

Helping Mommie With The Laundry

Meeting Parker Daniel

Goats Will Eat Anything

Bangety - Bangety - Bang

Hiding Vitamins

President’s Day

Brrr Winter

Night Vision

Mommie Brings Home Fish

Still Hot

The Grill

In The Rafters

Dad Blasted Sealed Snack Packages

Mardi Gras Party

Concentrate, Mommie, Concentrate

How I Met My Real Mother

They’re Not Done Yet! Yippee!!

Panty Hose Troubles

It’s Too Early For Supper

The Motorcycle Ride

Sewing

Tabby

Helping Mommie Plant The Garden

Riding To The Mail Box

Wearin’ Of The Green

Beef Jerky

The Reunion

Momma Meets Melanie

Gum

The Earring

Lightning Strikes

Going To Pre-School

The Comb

Its April Fools Day!!!

Gnomes

The Garden

Mommie Was Grumpy

Rolls Of Tape

Momma And Ramos (The Goat)

Allergies

The Carpet

I Got Recycled

The Mirror – Round 2

The Alarm Clock

The Cellar

On The Road To Visit Cousin Kittie

Visiting Another Auntie

Cousin Bonnie

Easter Eggs

Easter Dinner With The Relatives

On The Way Home

Easter Parade

Hidey Hole – Busted

Surprises In The Park

Gunfight

The Sky Is Falling, The Sky Is Falling

Good Thing I Have A Small Neck

Swaying In The Hammock

The School Bus

The Lawn Mower

Helping Mommie Wash Windows

Spring Cleaning

Lakisha’s Birthday Party

I Hate Kites

What Did You Say Mommie?

Baby Brother Parker Daniel

The Lights Went Out

It’s A Tornado!

Mommie’s Glass Eyes

Parker Puked On Me – Ugh!

The Golf Cart

Sabbath School

Clouds In The Park

New Toys

The Baptism

Memorial Day

Pet Blessings

Terrible Four Year Olds

The New Truck

Real Skunk

Going 4 Wheelin’

Who Is That Talking?

Parker’s Visit To The Park

Picnic In The Park

Lost In The Bean Patch

The Smoke Alarm

The Rooster

Let Me Out! Let Me Out!

Mommie Thinks I’m Weird

Merry Go Round

What’s On The Ceiling?

The Ice Cream Cone

Is It Night Or Is It Day?

I Knead Mommie

The Water Hose

The Electric Fence

The Water Bill

It’s A Race

Mommie Found My Hidey Hole

Tomatoes

Mommie Won The Lottery

It’s My Blanket

What’s Popping?

Mommie Teased Me

Happy Birthday Mommie!

Mommie’s Bad Breath

How I Got Drunk!

My Energy

Mommie’s Polka Time

Thunder

When Mommie Goes Away

Sonny

Nail Polish Frenzy

Testing The Waters

The Attic

Millers Taste Good

Mommie Is Sick

Mommie’s Hidey Hole

Wild Kingdom

Trim Those Trees!!!

Cousin Kittie Is In Love

Cat Tracks

The Big Bowl

Ice Cubes Are Fun – I Think

Encounter With A Snake

Pizza – I Love Pizza!

Aluminum Pop (Soda) Cans

Gone Fishing

One In A Million

Remembering The My First Year

My Anniversary

Where Did My Kitty Go?

About The Authors

For The Love Of Cats

PREFACE

This book was written by Sparkles (the cat) with Mommie’s help. All ideas and entries are from the mind of Sparkles. Side commentary is by Mommie.

When Mommie talks or has her ideas they will be in italics. Everything else is MINE!

JULY

It was a regular Tuesday at the Pound. I heard Mommie tell the caretaker she wanted an adult female cat that purred. She walked right past me. Luckily for me there were only two such animals in the shelter and neither of the cats measured up to her purring standards.

On her way out Mommie glanced at me and stuck her little finger into the cage – I guess to tease me or something. That’s when I went into my LOUD purring mode. Love at first sight. Mommie reached in and held me to be sure the purring didn’t stop. I could have pur-r-r-r-ed forever if it meant getting out of that prison.

Mommie told the caretaker she wanted a cat today and if I were available she wanted ME. Just think, someone really wanted me! I guess she didn’t care that I was only five months old and male. She just wanted a cat TODAY.

In the office when Mommie was filling out the papers, she asked if I had a name. Of course I had a name, I just didn’t know what it was. Mommie took another look at me as I scurried under the desks looking for something, anything, to go for a run away from the cage. Mommie told the caretaker about someone called Woffier* and then she said I brought a sparkle to her eyes, so she called me Sparkles which sounded good to me.

*Woffier was Mommie’s beloved 11-year old German Shepherd who died six weeks earlier. Mommie was really sad about that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

4th OF JULY

This is my second night with Mommie. We seem to be getting along together OK. I sure hope so. This house is much nicer than the cage at the shelter. Last night I slept on the floor by Mommie’s bed.

Tonight about 8 p.m. some really loud BANGS were going on. I was afraid and ran to Mommie for protection. Mommie explained that they were just fire crackers and tonight would be the only night they would go off, except on New Year’s Eve.

Mommie held me outside for a while as we watched the fireworks display that the neighbors put on. Mommie said it was free and not too loud. I would just have to get used to it. I saw that several of Mommie’s outdoor cats had come on the porch, but they skedaddled away when they saw me. I guess they wanted protection from the fireworks show too. Mommie said her Woffier was afraid of them too.

WHAT PART OF NO DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Mommie actually said that to me. I don’t understand No because nobody ever told me what it means. Mommie says she is going to teach me what it means.

Lesson 1: Don’t drink out of Mommie’s diet soda cup. She bopped me on the nose and said "No. After the third time, the No got a bit louder. If I were a lawyer, I would suggest to Mommie that a diet soda cup left unattended on the night stand is an attractive nuisance." It is so-o-o tempting.

I think I am getting a handle on this No business, because now I get close to the diet soda cup, but I don’t dare risk taking a sip. I really don’t care for the bops on the nose and I don’t want to know how loud my Mommie’s voice could get.

MOMMIE IS A PAIN IN THE YOU-KNOW-WHERE

Really!! When Mommie got up this morning she sat on the side of the bed. Apparently she didn’t watch where she was sitting because she sat on my tail. Now I have a pain you-know-where. Another half inch and I would be a paraplegic - or dead.

Did she even notice that I weigh less than five pounds? Sitting on me is like having a pickup truck sitting on her. I hope she got the message.

I know, I know, she was sorry and picked me up and cuddled me. I think I might fake a tail sit just for the cuddles because she does it so well.

PLEASE, MOMMIE, PLEASE

I met some really nice cats that live outside here. One in particular, smells like a mommie herself. She meows at me, asking if I can come out to play with her little one that she calls her black angel. I don’t think she realizes her little black angel is just that, a black angel! When his mommie is not looking he makes faces at me and mouths – ha, ha, ha, you are in prison.

By met I mean I see, hear and smell them through the screen door. My Mommie keeps the door locked so I can’t get out and they can’t get in. I know the outdoor mommie would come in and baby me if she could.

Mommie saw my forlorn look, but insisted that she "might" let me go out to meet the others in a month or so, but right now she said I need to be in the house. Mommie didn’t see it, but I stuck my tongue out at her when she wasn’t looking.

How long is a month?

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MY NEW BED

Mommie had a nice towel she put on the floor for me to sleep on. Ha! She had hung it outside to dry and it was r-o-u-g-h which was not very pleasant. When she wasn’t looking I slept on the couch at night because it is so much smoother – and it makes a nice scratching post.

But this morning I found my dream bed – on the pillow next to Mommie. I got to sleep with my head on Mommie’s shoulder on a nice smooth pillow case. Mommie woke up when I started purring too loud. (I’ve got to learn when to purr softly.) I might have to reconsider this spot because Mommie’s head is pretty big and if she rolled over she might smash me. Decisions, decisions.

NEW CAT FOOD

Mommie was trying very hard to be a good Mommie, but she bought me cat food that was too crunchy. She said the bag noted that it was for kittens up to age 9 months. It didn’t mention how young the cats could be. Even though I have rather sharp teeth, that food was just too hard for me to manage.

Today she finally bought me some soft kitten food. Yum, yum. I think I was rather hungry because I almost ate the entire package by myself. It was fun to tell that black angel about how Mommie was really taking care of me. He has to sleep out under the stars and he can’t be near my Mommie. Guess I feel sorry for him.

THE PITTER PATTER OF LITTLE FEET

Mommie’s side of the story: "I was caught up in the pitter patter of little feet this morning when something with four feet landed on my face and woke me up. I guess that is as good an alarm clock as any."

Sparkles side: I was aiming for the big hole in Mommie’s face that was sputtering and doing something Mommie called snoring. I knew it sounded like purring, but even I can’t purr THAT loud.

My jump stopped the snoring and Mommie grabbed me immediately and began petting me so she could hear ME purr. She really liked the purring thing and I liked the petting part. Guess we were a good fit for each other.

THE LITTLE FAN

I have been with Mommie for ten days now. When she leaves she puts me in the bathroom and shuts the doors. The last time she came home she noticed that I was hot and panting.

Her solution is a little fan on the floor in the bathroom so I can be cool. She made sure the slits in the fan were small enough so I couldn’t get my little paws in them. Cool!

Mommie always put the fan on s-l-o-w. She doesn’t know I can change the speed of the fan by stepping on the controls. Yesterday I finally got the fan up to a speed that I really like – FAST. It cools me great.

I GET TO GO FOR A RIDE — YIPPEE!!!

Mommie said she was going to take me for a ride. Just think, I get to go outside for once!

What she forgot to tell me was that I was going in a cardboard box with holes in it. Whew! It’s hot in that thing. She also forgot to tell me I was going to get some shots.

I met Dr. Bill and Dr. Candie. I thought Dr. Candie looked like a nice lady (I even purred extra loud for her) until she got out that needle that was as long as my tail -- honest.

Dr. Candie told Mommie she would have to wait in the other room because it was going to hurt for Mommie to look as much as it hurt me. When she stuck me with that thing I thought it was going to go straight through my neck and out the front. Mommie didn’t cry, but boy did I cry!

Do you know that Dr. Candie actually stuck some kind of stick up my tail to see if I had heart worms? My heart is not even close to my tail. Does she really know what she is doing?

You can believe me, if Mommie EVER says I am going for a ride again -- Guess what? Mommie won’t find me for a week. I will only come out at night to eat when Mommie is asleep. I know some pretty neat places to hide around here.

VISITING DADDIE

Mommie took me to see Daddie, her best friend. Daddie lives in a nursing home so he can get good care without breaking Mommie’s back.

Mommie, do you know there are lots of OLD people here at the home? You should have seen the residents’ eyes when I came in with Mommie. Everyone wanted to reach out and pet me. I think I might like it here.

Mommie said Daddie was a "dog man" and might not like me too much. Mommie said I can’t sit on Daddie’s lap because my claws are too sharp and Daddie has thin skin. She said Daddie would just pet me. Daddie did like me because he kept petting me a lot and he liked it when I purred.

On the ride home Mommie was real quiet. She said I’m glad that Daddie got along so well with you. She continued it would have broken my heart if Daddie didn’t like you. As I just found out: EVERYBODY at the nursing home likes me.

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE RIDE TO SEE DADDIE

When Mommie said we were going for a ride, I started to run. After all, the last ride was to see that witch – er, I mean nice lady, Dr. Candie. Mommie assured me we wouldn’t be going anywhere near Dr. Candie because we were going to see Daddie. She said if I were good she wouldn’t put me in that hot box.

Mommie put a small kitty litter pan on the floor of the back seat and a little pan of water. She said stay put and don’t roam around the car while I am driving. We weren’t even halfway down the driveway when Mommie stopped the car and got out. In the first 200 feet of the driveway I climbed over the seat, jumped on the dash, turned the radio up LOUD, looked in the mirror on the passenger side visor along with several other antics. She found me stuck under the front seat.

You know, that box really isn’t so bad.

BAD OUTDOOR MOMMIE

Mommie feeds the outdoor cats by the back door. She used to put me in the bathroom and shut both doors. Now she just sets a bowl of food in front of me and feeds the cats.

I figured it out and just waited till Mommie opened the back door. She poured the milk and I slipped out. Not so clever. My outdoor Mommie turned on me and hissed like crazy. She protects what food they get because she knows that I get more and better food inside. Before Mommie had to