Tales of the Yukon: It's All My Mothers Fault

By Catherine McIlvaine

A semi-autobiographical collection of humorous short stories and insightful anecdotes about dogs, kids, and family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 4, 2012
• ISBN: 9781300053316

Book preview

Tales of the Yukon: It's All My Mothers Fault

Tales of the Yukon

(It’s All My Mother’s Fault)

By Catherine McIlvaine

ISBN: 978-1-300-05331-6

Acknowledgements

I want to thank God for life and salvation.

I would like to thank my dear husband, Ron, who must have prayed for patience so God gave me to him.

I want to thank Brian and Fiona for enriching my life.

I’d like to thank my sister Beth, who knocked out my front tooth and my brothers Tim and Andy, who taught me how to fight dirty.

Thanks to Boy, the dog of a lifetime, who taught me about love and faithfulness.

Also thanks to Frodo, Sweet Joshua John, Kiya, Flicka, Corwin, Phalin, Rosie, Lad, Mac, Bonnie, Jake, Piper, Zebediah, my dear Daniel, and my all of who are waiting for me in heaven.

And most of all, I want to thank my mom, Dorothy, whose fault it all is!

Tales of the Yukon Copyright 2012 by Catherine McIlvaine. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. ISBN: 978-1-300-05331-6

Tales of the Yukon

(It’s All My Mother’s Fault)

I’ve never actually been to the Yukon, but the title sounded so cool I decided to go with it. The real title is It’s All My Mother’s Fault and you’ll understand why it’s her fault after you read these stories. Even if she didn’t directly cause these things it’s still her fault because she had me and it must have been her parental influence that caused me to act the way I do. (By the way, if you ever get into any kind of trouble feel free to blame it on my mother. She doesn’t mind and it probably was her fault anyhow. Oh, before I forget, I have available at a minimal cost to you, high quality caps embroidered with the phrase It’s Cathy’s Mother’s Fault. Feel free to order as many as you think you’ll need for your family and friends.)

Now take the phone of the hook, find a comfortable chair and settle back with this slim volume (which, by the way, is the only slim thing about me) and prepare to be awed by my incredible grasp of the human condition and my deep insights into life itself.

Sincerely,

Cathy (Price) McIlvaine (the younger of the Price girls!)

Intro

All my friends are always telling me my stories are so funny I should publish them so everyone can enjoy them. Well, actually it was only Judy who said that, but I’m sure the rest of my friends feel that way. They’re just too shy to say it out loud.  So, to spare them the trouble of over coming their shyness about telling me how wonderful my stories are I figured I’d just put all the stories into book form and give all my friends a copy to enjoy. Man, am I ever thoughtful. Let’s get started.

The Beginning

I was born in a tiny log cabin. My parents were poor but hard working. I learned to read by the light of a candle after days spent working our rock hard fields. Oh, wait a minute. That’s not me. I think that was Abraham Lincoln. I was born in Erie, Pennsylvania in a hospital and I learned to read in Miss Bonn’s first grade class.

Actually I don’t remember my first grade teacher’s name. Miss Bonn was my supervisor at the library where I worked all through high school, but her name just popped into my head so I figured I’d just use her as my teacher.

I hope you aren’t thinking I’m untruthful or anything.  I would never tell a lie, but for literature’s sake, I might need to bend the truth just a tiny bit once in a while, but don’t worry. Any time I need to do that I’ll tell you, just like I told you Miss Bonn wasn’t really my first grade teacher, but I needed her name cause I couldn’t remember the real teacher’s name. See? And other times I’ll say things like, I swear this is true, or, honest it really happened like this, or, I wouldn’t kid you about this, so you’ll know those things are really true.

So, you don’t have to worry about things like truthfulness while you are enjoying my autobiographical stories. Just sit back and enjoy them like all my friends (Judy) do.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you all these interesting things that have happened to me without telling you exactly how old I am. It’s not really hard to find out my age because my kids love to tell everyone exactly how old I am, but it’s not something I would tell a person in an ordinary conversation. I wouldn’t, for example, say, Hi, my name is Cathy and I’ll be fifty on my next birthday. See what I mean? Age doesn’t come up that often so I’ll just have to leave you curious.