Diary of a Schizophrenic

By Timothy June

In this book, you will follow the thoughts of a little boy growing up, tiny details that later take on huge importance later. How the enemy weaves lies all through our lives in our heads, setting up traps to tear us from Jesus. You will read of a touching story of saving a cats life by crude surgery when a hunter shoots it with an arrow. Times in my life when all abandoned me, including my family, because I was too much bother. I was left to rot in a VA hospital. I somehow summoned enough strength to run away and force people to care even when they didnt want to. Even on how I was led to sing the Star Spangled Banner over and over from inside an isolation room in a hospital, where I was drugged by three gorillas and given a shot in the ass because I wanted to talk to the doctor in person before I took any medicine. An instance when an orderly was attacked by a patient and I helped the orderly by jumping on the patients back. There are all sorts of supernatural things that happened, and only the love of Jesus kept me sane and not desire to seek revenge. How the Holy Spirit healed me and taught me to forgive all the wicked things that happened. How our system needs a serious overhaul and how doctors are given way too much power. I hope you read this book and it gives you a little compassion for people. Is it a big step from having a thought enter into your head and actually hearing the thought being spoken in your head? You are used to thoughts coming to you, but if it was out loud in your head, you would probably react a lot differently.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 10, 2016
• ISBN: 9781514474136

Timothy June

This story is about my personal struggle to find peace and freedom and truth. The author was diagnosed with schizophrenia by secular doctors who don’t acknowledge God or the devil. After suffering a severe breakdown in the USAF Special Forces, he sought help from people he trusted. When he started to explain his struggle, he was forced into horrible treatment by an uncaring and wicked mental health system. He paid for a sanity test administered by Central Michigan University Department of Psychology. The result of the test was that he was not crazy and never was. He was led by the Lord to a compassionate Jewish doctor of psychology (head of psychology of Central Michigan University) who went out of his way and took him under his care and helped him trust people again. This story takes you into the mind of a man who, at one time, was locked up and left to rot in what could be called the dumping grounds of humanity, a place where people spend their days laying on the floor grinding their teeth, locked inside their own heads because nobody cared to introduce them to the god who can heal them and make them the sons of glory they were meant to be. This is not a pity party but an absolutely true story of how evil some people can let themselves become and not even see the tremendous suffering they cause. Even when he loses all hope, thinking the worst-case scenario has come true, God still proves that his Bible is true and miracles are still happening.

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Copyright © 2016 by Timothy June.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2016903929

ISBN:      Hardcover   978-1-5144-7415-0

                Softcover      978-1-5144-7414-3

                eBook            978-1-5144-7413-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 03/10/2016

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CONTENTS

My Life Unfolding

Beginning of Sorrows

I'd like to dedicate this book to Dr. Robert Lovinger PHD

M y name is Tim. I am trying to write a book about what is happening to me during my life as a mental patient termed by the doctors as schizophrenic. I have tried to do this in chronological order dating from the first thoughts I have had up until today. I turned 49 this last November. The date today, I believe is February 15, 2004. I was born November 30, 1954.

The earliest thoughts that I can recollect were probably when I was about 2 years old perhaps. My father was a doctor and my mother was a nurse. We lived in a house in Michigan and he had his practice downstairs and we lived upstairs if I remember correctly. My first thoughts that I can remember were standing beside the baby gate at the top of the steps upstairs and listening to the washer downstairs making a lot of noise perhaps going off balance. I remember I thought to myself the washing machine is coming up to get me or it was going to get me. I was afraid. There are other thoughts or memories that I can recall looking back at that house, not too many though. I remember my first snow was in that house. It was snow for the first time and looking out the window and seeing the snow and that I had never seen it before.was an amamazing sight. I was in my room. It could have been a bedroom or a playroom. It had a large window and I could see the snow falling down. I don't know if my next younger brother was born or not but I remember my older brother being there. I remember my Mom taking care of us. She kept a baby book for a brief period of time on me which I still have to this day. She said that when I was born that I had an umbilical hernia. I believe that is what it said and they treated it by giving me some ether on a cotton swab which I inhaled and then the doctors injected a sclrosing agent into my naval. This is an irritant which caused the hernia to close up. This ether will play a big part later in the story my life.

I don't recall seeing too much of my Dad while we lived at that house, the first house that I recall living in. It was a street named Walnut. I can remember my brother having an erector set. We built tiny nuts and bolts together and made machines, houses or buildings or whatever. You can still find them in the antique shops now but they don't sell them anymore, I don't think. A few vague memories here and there. I remember being in the bathtub and telling my Mom that I can bathe myself since I was a big boy now. I think I got part of my legs and hands clean and she came in and said, Oh, you're still filthy now and let's finish your bath. I can remember being sick once. My Dad had me downstairs and the nurse is taking my temperature in a way that I really didn't like. At the time I guess that was the only way that they could do it and not put it in my mouth. Other than that I don't have too many memories. I do recall once that I remember that my Dad smoked although I don't recall seeing him smoke. I found a small cardboard tube in the trash one day and I was walking around with it in my mouth and I walked up to my Mom and said, Mommy, I am smoking. She got a disgusted look on her face and took it away from me and threw it away and said, Don't mess with this stuff and don't do that. She wasn't really mad at me and I was just a little kid. Already at that age you start imitating your parents. We had lived in that house until I was about 3 or 4. Then we moved into another house, a brick house. It was on Ionia Street. I recall thinking to myself I own ya, Who owns me? It was something I thought about. I see things and I would think about them. I can recall walking to kindergarten from my house. It was about 5 or 6 blocks away and I don't remember too much about kindergarten except that we had nap time and we would lay down for a half hour and the teacher would the lights off. This was quiet time. We made butter once. We put cream in a jar and took turns shaking it, added some salt to it and then we had it on crackers, which I thought was pretty good and at that point life seemed to be pretty good. I was just a young child. I can remember one of the girls that I had met at kindergarten and her name was Ann. She was my friend. I don't remember too much about her. I remember that I wanted to send her a valentine card but she moved away so my mother told me to send it to her old address and they would forward it to her. With a little help I walked to over where she used to live and got the address and my Mom helped me. I filled out the card, put a stamp on it and sent it. I never heard anything back. After kindergarten I was in a parochial school and it was further away if I recall correctly. I walked to that school and that was First Grade. I went to that school and I kind of acted up as kids sometimesdo. During recess I climbed the fire escape and looked in the windows at the upper grade classes and wave at the older kids. I studied and learned my alphabet, learning to add and subtract and stuff like that. I can remember that it was a very small school, maybe had 10 children in my First Grade class, maybe two or three more. We had First and Second Grade in one room. The teacher would teach First Grade and then we would do our work and then she would teach the Second Grade and then she would come back and teach First Grade. We had religion in the morning and then I learned about faith, about Jesus. At a very, very early age I was taught that we don't pray to Mary or the Saints only pray to the Father and Jesus. That was drilled into me for 9 years. They changed location after my first year because lightening struck the school and it was torn down so they bought a different building. After that I had to ride the bus. I can remember walking home from school and I saw kids walking on the sidewalk towards me and I learned real quick to cross the street and walk on the other side because usually, at least it seemed to me, that children were mean and they wanted to hit or spit on me for no apparent reason when I walked by them. I could never understand why anyone would want to hurt somebody just for the scheer joy of it. There were kids in the classroom that would tease other kids because they were not very good looking, or they had a problem with body odor or they weren't as intelligent as they were. Even I did it sometimes, even though I hated having kids tease me or pick on me. This may sound kind of boring and uneventful but as my life goes on, in later years, the doctors diagnosed me with sczitsophenia some really strange stuff happened to me that I can't explain. Sometimes I was very frightened and scared. I was withdrawing into myself, because of this. What I want to do in this book is explain some of the things that actually happen to somebody who is termed as schizophrenic and at one time as paranoid schizophrenic. I thought something was out to get me. I had it drilled into my head for 9 years that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit were the Triune God. When I first started having my problems in my teens I thought it was the devil that was tormenting me. I was taught that God had created angels and one of his most beautiful angels and one of the most powerful angels became very prideful and turned against God thinking he was as good as God and he wanted to be worshipped himself or he wanted to do anything that he wanted and that he didn't love God anymore and he turned to evil. He did things that were unclean, unholy and he became a dirty and filthy creature with no good morals, no good ideas. Eventually, according to the Bible, he was kicked out of heaven and cast down to earth. God had promised that he would seek revenge and punish him for doing that. Well, I don't how long it was before God created the universe, at least that I is what I believed at the time, that God had created the universe according to what the Bible said and I don't know how long it was before that there was a rebellion in heaven had taken place where the angels had rebelled. According to the Bible, I was taught that God created the heavens and the earth in seven days or six days and actually rested on the seventh. He created man on the sixth day and then in the Garden of Eden where Adam and Eve lived, from what I understand, they had lived a short time and the devil showed up and tempted them into disobeying God and made them turn away from God. God told them they did now know both good and evil The devil first got Eve to sin, and then Adam sinned. Because of this man would die and turn back into dust. As you will see, in this religion I was brought up to believe that the Bible was true, everything in it was true. It was God's Word, directly from God through man. I was taught the Bible was holy and sacred and that I was supposed to believe everything that the Bible said. There are a lot of people in this world who believe the same thing. They believe that the Bible was holy and they call it the Holy Bible but a lot of people interpret it in different ways and don't agree which is why there are so many different churchs. I don't know. At any rate, as I am talking about my life growing up and I would walk home from school I would vandalize property sometimes and I wasn't a very good kid. I raised a little hell just like a lot of little kids do. They do something bad and they would get spanked for it or they would get punished. Well, I learned the Ten Commandments and didn't follow them. I got whipped once when I was about 6 or 7, maybe younger, maybe 5 when I was playing with matches. I got whipped 20 times on my bare butt with a leather belt for playing with matches. It hurt. You would think that I would have learned. I still continued to play with matches. I was just a lot more careful about getting caught. At one time I can recall I was walking down the street (the school had moved to another location) and I was in Second Grade and I had to get up in the morning for breakfast and walk probably a mile, maybe a mile or less to the bus stop and then the ride the bus for a good 40 minutes before school) and then on the way home from school, I had another 40 minute ride and then I had to walk three quarters of a mile back home. I did not like riding on the bus. I was bored and I can recall sitting on the bus and anybody that needed a ride to the school was picked up by the bus and made the trip through the whole town picking up all the students. It was only one bus at that time but it was a small school and that was all that they needed. I can remember that I use to fantasize on the bus that I was superboy and that I could fly and do heroic things and save people's lives. When I would sit andt daydream, it was like it did something to me. It made me feel weak. I can't describe the feeling that I got, sort of like dozing off and having a bad dream. It just felt bad. It was like having a fever or having hot flashes At any rate, as I was saying, I wasn't a very good kid. Sometimes if I saw a piece of glass on the ground, I would literally put it underneath someone's car tire. I didn't do this all the time, only sometimes. I never got caught. At one time I remember breaking the antenna off of someone's car and playing with it like it was a sword. I am sure that the guy, who found his antenna off of his car, was extremely angry.

At home when I acted up, or when I did things I wasn't suppose to, my Mother wouldn't punish us and she would say, You just wait until your Father gets home. Then we would sit in fear dreading when Father came home. After working at a long day at the Doctor's office, he was in no mood to hear my Mother bitch at him and he came down really hard on us kids. We got spanked and it always seemed like, I don't know why she didn't spank us, I don't know. I guess I kind of had bad feelings towards my Mom because of this. For some reason I idolized my dad more than my mom., it seemed that I respected my Dad more than my Mom although I loved her and we got along fine.

My Dad had an office down on ..... I