Caring for Caring: An Enriching, Kindhearted, Ethical Journey with Our Elders

By Jane Edwards

No one wants to relegate our wisdom-rich elders to the demeaning borders of our society. Still, the idea of caring for our elders in their own homes can sometimes become overwhelming, especially without proper guidance from those who have been there. In a thoughtful guidebook tailored for just this purpose, seasoned caregiver Jane Edwards offers philosophical reflections, poignant stories, and practical advice that will help anyone respect, empower, and treat elders as complete beings with the right to live their lives as independently as possible.

Edwards, who possesses forty-five years of experience in caring for elders, shares wisdom accompanied by touching real-life stories that support her desire to ensure that those who wish to can remain in their homes in their later years. Through concise advice presented from the perspective of an outside caregiver, Edwards provides gentle guidance regarding many delicate topics that include navigating family dynamics, creating end-of-life plans, and meeting emotional and spiritual needs. Included is a list of family resources followed by a compilation of real-life stories that provide a glimpse into the challenges, joys, and fun that accompany caring for an elder.

Caring for Caring shares advice, stories, and reflections from a caregiver who has made it her lifes mission to help elders remain as independentand cherishedas possible.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jul 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781491794012

Jane Edwards

Jane Edwards has lovingly cared for elders for forty-five years and founded a home health care agency more than twenty years ago. She lives with her dog, Miss Pippi Longstocking, a rescued bichon frise, in a tiny converted barn in the heart of Rockport, Massachusetts. Caring for Caring is her first nonfiction book.   I’m ninety-four and live alone but  I have left strict instructions that should I ever need assistance no one can be called to help me unless they have read this small gem from cover to cover. –  Suzanne Seller

Book preview

CARING

for Caring

An Enriching, Kindhearted, Ethical Journey with Our Elders

Jane Edwards

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CARING for Caring

An Enriching, Kindhearted, Ethical Journey with Our Elders

Copyright © 2016 Jane Edwards.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9402-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9750-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9401-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016907466

iUniverse rev. date: 7/14/2016

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part 1: Reflections

1. Family Dynamics

2. Perspective

3. Preserving Wisdom

4. Priceless Pearls

5. Planning Last Moments

6. Two Steps beyond the Physical

7. Establishing Trust

8. Joyful Moments

9. Elder Sight Line

10. A Different Kind of Exile

11. Holding On to the Webbing

12. Confinement with Honor

13. A Dream for Today

14. Adaptable Caring

15. Tweaking Nutrition

16. From Hopelessness to Hope

Part 2: Journey Stories

1. In the Beginning

2. The Power of Music

3. The Power of Stories

4. The Power of Laughter

5. The Power of Poetry

6. The Power of Simplicity

7. A Promise between Friends

8. Transitions

9. The Power of Organization

10. The Power of Puppies

11. A Selfless Man

12. The Power of Gratitude

13. The Power of Creation

14. The Power of Preparation

15. The Power of Friendship

16. Agreeing to Disagree

17. Bunnies in Autumn

18. The Power of Choices

19. Bunny’s Closet

20. The Power of Prayer

21. The Power of Patience

22. The Power of Acceptance

23. The Power of Seeds

24. A Happy Ending

25. The Power of Memory

26. A Strong Sense of Humor

27. A Light in the Darkness

28. A Small Loaf of Bread

29. The Power of Laughter

30. The Third Pair of Boots

31. Church Flowers

32. In through the Back Door

33. Over Yonder

34. Always There

35. In the Kitchen

36. The Best Approach

37. Calling the Shots

38. A Close-Knit Life

39. The Blessings of a June Fall

40. The Language of Friendship

41. Through the Walls of Memory

42. The Power of Fun

43. Carry On

44. Pleasant Surprises

45. Visits from Angels

46. Like It Is

47. Granting Wishes

Final Note

Author Biography

For my grandchildren, Tatum, Micah, and Isaac,

who encouraged me and laughed with me.

dedicationpage.jpg

Drawing by Tatum, age nine

For my dear friend Margaret Lockwood, who inspires me in all ways.

Acknowledgments

AcknowledgmentspageZentanglebyIsaac.jpg

Zen tangle by Isaac, age nine

Thanks to those people who have helped and encouraged me along the way. It is a privilege to hold you in my heart.

To Suzanne Seller, who lifted me up and enabled me to finish this work.

To Dianne Souvaine, who has always encouraged me.

Thanks to my friend Linda Hoey, who started doing the rough drafts eons ago via e-mail. Linda encouraged me and gave me a sense that I really did have something important to say.

My kudos and thanks to my coworkers, who are too many to name. You gave your loyalty to push respectful care forward. You helped to grow Caring for Caring by your insistence on walking the kindest path with our elders.

To the elders whose stories are told here posthumously, thank you for being the greatest people on earth; you are now saints in heaven.

Thank you to my dear, dear family, who helped me and pushed me forward with note cards and words of encouragement: Alex, Micah, Tatum, Isaac, Eve, and Arnold.

To everyone who enquired about my progress over many years, thank you.

I also extend my gratitude to all my readers, from those who hold this book in their hands now to those who helped proofread the many drafts of the work.

I send gratitude to my pastor, Anne Deneen, whose graciousness and holy walk inspire me.

Gratitude also goes to Claire MacMaster, who guided me to Renee Nicholls, my copyeditor and collaborator, who then worked her magic and saw that this book was more than I could have made it alone. Thank you, dear Renee.

Special gratitude to Claire MacMaster, who saved the project in the end phase with her knowledge and many talents, not to mention her friendship.

My dream group has helped me blossom. Thank you, Joan, Jan, Peggy, Bev, Linda, Helen, and Liz.

Lastly, I send my gratitude and praise to God, who blessed this effort.

Introduction

It was always about the elders—my life, that is.

I grew up in a large farmhouse that housed my immediate family of four, two grandmothers, and oftentimes a great-aunt. I have no idea how my mother managed, but she did a masterful job of overseeing a small farm with my dad, working full-time as a registered nurse, and supervising our diverse family, which often included two young cousins.

This complex lifestyle raised in me a rich respect for my elders, which has carried me along from early childhood through adulthood. I was taught to honor my elders and to accommodate their needs cheerfully, regardless of what I thought about any requests. As a result, I find myself able to this day to respect and love our elders for who they are without needing to have an agenda of improvement.

I hope that this book will raise in you a new