Grandparenting on Purpose: Fresh Ideas, Activities, and Traditions for Connecting with Grandchildren Near and Far

By M. Winston Egan and Linda Egan

Being a grandparent . . .

. . . is the highlight of your golden years.

But how can you make the most of this time and leave a legacy for generations to come?

With the help of their children, their spouses, and twenty-two grandchildren, Winston and Linda Egan have written this guide to show you how you ca

• Language: English
• Publisher: WinnPrint Publishing
• Release date: Oct 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781949165272

Book preview

cover.jpg

What are readers saying?

Grandparenting on Purpose is a wonderful guide for anyone lucky enough to have grandchildren. The best grandparents offer children love, respect, guidance, and fun. This book offers instruction and inspiration in all these areas.

Mary Pipher, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Recipient of the American Psychological Association’s Presidential Citation

Award-Winning Author of Reviving Ophelia:

Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls

From the introductory pages which set the tone for the book, I was relieved to find that this would be a safe, comfortable book for me to read. This book wasn’t going to be a recitation of what a grandparent should and should not do. Each chapter of the book discusses principles that can be applied in every family with ideas for exploring ways to identify, connect, and expand family bonds.

Trisha Stoker

Grandmother of Twenty-Seven

This book shares many delightful, fun, and profound examples, while, at the same time, encouraging and empowering us to create our own style of grandparenting on purpose. Thank you, Winn and Linda, for writing this book that grandparents will refer to time and time again for inspiration and motivation.

Betsy Folland

Parent Educator, The Road Home

Grandmother of Four

This is a book filled with joy and wisdom. I dare any grandparent to not find dozens of practical and inspiring ways to enrich your relationship with your grandchildren. Just make sure you pay attention to the authors’ plea not to compare yourself with them. They are like grandparent athletes who can help the rest of us improve our game!

William J. Doherty, PhD

Professor of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota

Cofounder of Braver Angels

Winn and Linda provide a powerful and practical workbook for all grandparents who want to make a difference with their grandchildren. The book delivers insights and suggestions for almost every situation and personality grandparents may encounter.

Dan and Carol Ellertson

Grandparents of Twenty-Nine

Overall, I just really loved the entire book. Your ideas and activities were so fun and creative and there is an obvious free flow that goes on in your household. We can all aspire to have these beautiful, joyful tenets in our households that can be carried on from generation to generation!

Vera Naputi, MS

AVID teacher and Instructional Coach

East High School

Madison Metropolitan School District

Whether you have one grandchild or many grandchildren, you will add depth to your relationships by considering some of the many ways Winn and Linda Egan have been extraordinary grandparents. . . . Any grandparent wanting to have a more positive impact on his or her grandchildren will find a treasure trove of possibilities in Winn and Linda Egan’s very personal book.

David S. Folland, MD, Pediatrician

Grandparent of Four

Grandparenting on Purpose is the 21st Century equivalent to Dr. Spock’s landmark parenting book from the 1950s. It is the go-to resource for all grandparents who endeavor to establish and maintain loving and purposeful relationships with their grandchildren. Its conversational voice engages the reader with an array of topics and themes that include easy-to-follow steps and guides to activities that will enrich the lives of grandparents and the grandchildren they love.

Marshall Welch, PhD, D.Min.

Grandfather of Two

Winn and Linda probably did a good job with their children, but they are doing an even better job with their grandchildren. . . . After reading Winn and Linda’s book on grandparenting you will wish they had been your grandparents. But you will also discover great ideas about how to be grandparents like them.

Cordell Jacobson, PhD

Grandfather of Twelve

GrandparentTP.png

Copyright © 2020 by M. Winston Egan

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the publisher. For information or permission, write [e-mail].

This is a work of creative nonfiction. The events herein are portrayed to the best of the author’s memory. While all the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details may have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

Editorial work by Eschler Editing

Cover design by MiblArt

Illustrations by Thomas Tolman (tolmanstudio.com)

Interior print design and layout by Marny K. Parkin

Ebook design and layout by Marny K. Parkin

Production services facilitated by Scrivener Books

Heartbulb.png Published by WinnPrint Publishing

ISBN 978-1-949165-25-8

To our wonderful grandchildren, their loving parents, our parents, our grandparents, and dear friends

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Preface

The Heart of Grandparenting on Purpose

Discovering the Needs of Your Grandchildren and Their Parents

Connecting with Grandchildren

Disconnects and Reconnects

Family Traditions

Routines

Yearly Family Themes

Building Spirituality in Your Grandchildren

What Do Grandchildren Want and Need?

Wrap Up

Recipes

Note to the Reader

About the Authors

Young people need something stable to hang on to—a culture connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their own future. Most of all, they need what grandparents can give them.

Dr. Jay Kesler

Past President and Chancellor of Taylor University

Acknowledgments

chapter.png

Forever, I will be indebted to my companion and helpmeet, Linda, for her contributions to my life as a husband, father, and grandfather. In so many ways, she is the genius behind the ideas, traditions, and practices revealed in Grandparenting on Purpose. We profoundly miss her and her loving influence.

From Linda’s earliest years as a child to the end of her life, she was a remarkable light and example to all—friends, work associates, cousins, aunts and uncles, and everyone. Her goodness was unrivaled and constant. Our children, their spouses, and grandchildren loved and respected her. When they were in her presence, they felt her deep and sustaining love.

I am also indebted to Linda’s grandmother, Rhoda Griffin Dahle, who played such a vital role in nurturing her during her youthful years. She was the kind of grandparent Linda and I aspired to be.

Also, I wish to acknowledge the profound influence of my parents, Merritt, and Marcia Egan. They played a central role in caring for our children. Their connection to them was affirming and sustaining. They, too, were superb examples of capable and caring grandparenting.

I express sincere appreciation to life-long friends and loving relatives who have blessed our lives as parents and grandparents—Steve and Linda Wright, Brent and Marilyn Gandre, Les and Dianne Feil, Rosemary and Jack Wixom, Warren and Suzanne Tate, Becky and Jamie Cannon, Steve and Tricia Stoker, DeAnna and Lynn DeBry, Shonnie and Richard Scott, Jeff and Kathy Anderson, David and Neill Marriott, Betsy and David Folland, Sheril and Dianne Torgerson, Steven and Roxanne Shallenberger, Julie and Craig Berry, Nancy and George Hansen, McKinley and Leslie Osward, Carol and Daniel Ellert­son, Joseph and Dixie Cannon, Randall and Sharon Harmsen, Julie and Kit Romney, Joann and James Young, Romney and Mary Sue Burk, Douglas and Sharon Bliss, Kaye and Lynn Wallace, Joe and Ginny Cannon, Carla Cannon, Kathleen ­Slagle, ­Marian Yates, Judy and Joseph Mansey, as well as Art and Luana Casper. I express deep appreciation to the Eschler Editing Team and associates: Angela Eschler, Shanda Cottam, Desiree Johns, Melissa Dalton Martinez, Kathy Jenkins Oveson, Michele Preisendorf, Chris Bigelow, Heidi Brockbank, Marny K. Parkin, and Alysha Rummler. Each contributed significantly and painstakingly to the publishing process and the finalization of the book. Also, I am deeply grateful for the superb illustrations and icons created by Thomas Tolman.

I would be remiss if I did not thank our children and their spouses: Daniel and Kristin Egan, Amy and Scott Harmer, Mary and Ryan Fuhriman, and Marcia and David Peterson. They have been some of our best teachers as well as our best students. We love them dearly and so much appreciate their patience and kindness in accepting our sincere attempts to be purposeful grandparents.

Finally, I thank each of our grandchildren and where appropriate their spouses (Ben, Hannah, Skyler, Emma, Sam, Esther, Tanette, Matt, Gabe, Davidson, Noah, ­McKinzie, Eliza, Sam, Mary Jane, Winston, Jake, Maggie, Ellie, Livie, Rosie, Elizabeth, Mika, Abby, Rebekah, and Dane) for putting up with us. They have taught me so much! I love each of them dearly. I know Linda loves them deeply too.

M. Winston Egan

Foreword

chapter.png

We are the grandparents of 28 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. They range in age from 2 months old to 26 years old. They are diverse in many ways. We have a granddaughter from China, and two grandchildren from Tonga. We face together many health challenges, mostly autoimmune related: Graves Disease, Celiac Disease, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Lyme Disease. Also, we share a gene that makes one prone to Melanoma and Pancreatic Cancer. Just recently, we had a great-granddaughter diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. We mention this to express how we have grown as a family as we have supported each other in positively approaching challenges knowing that we can do hard things well.

We get what it means to be grandparents on purpose! Grandparenting is a priority in our lives. We spend a great deal of our time relating to and connecting with our grandchildren and their parents. This calling, which we genuinely believe this is, is the major thrust of our senior years. We are committed to the happiness of our grandchildren and their parents. Thus, we take the opportunities we have to be with them very seriously and to contribute to their well-being. It turns out that we find grandparenting to be immensely rewarding, even though it is challenging. We know this from our own experiences.

When Winn and Linda invited us to write the forward for their book, we were thrilled to comment on their decades-long attempts to be committed and intentional grandparents. For years we have shared thoughts, memories and the joys of grandparenting. We have admired their creativity and influence in shaping the next generation of parents and grandparents.

The book presents valuable and timely ideas for building relationships with grandchildren and engaging them in activities that make a difference in their lives—now and in the future. It is replete with family-tested ideas about discovering the needs of grandchildren and their parents, building fun and meaningful traditions and routines, contributing to the spirituality of grandchildren and supporting talent development.

The book is well organized and easy to read. It focuses on providing readers with ideas they may personalize and adapt to their family conditions and dynamics.

Winn and Linda take specific steps to encourage readers to stay away from comparisons with their practices. They are not interested in making others feel guilty or inadequate. The focus of their recommendations is on growing and changing—becoming the best grandparents you can be—one step at a time.

As experienced and committed grandparents, we gained much from the read of this book. We recommend it highly to anyone who wants to grow as a grandparent. As our children and their spouses move slowly into their grandparenting years, this will certainly be a book we will share with them.

Mac and Leslie Oswald

Preface

chapter.png

Some time ago, dear friends Richard and Shonnie Scott invited us to speak to their empty nester’s group about our experiences as grandparents. We were thrilled with this invitation and did our best to prepare thoroughly for the evening. The empty nesters seemed to be genuinely interested in the ideas and practices we shared that evening.

When we reflected on our preparations and the presentation, we thought a book about grandparenting might be useful. We began the writing process within days. Since then, invaluable help has been kindly and competently provided by Richard and Shonnie Scott, Dr. Robert V. Bullough, Dr. Dean Hughes, Steven Shallenberger, Diane Ward, and Julie Young. We so much appreciate their invaluable input and insightful suggestions.

Initially, we used the adjective deliberate to describe our grandparenting efforts. However, after some pondering and puttering with other words, we determined that purposeful was a more fitting adjective for describing our work. To be purposeful is to be focused and intentional in your grandparenting. You are clear about what you are trying to contribute to your grandchildren’s happiness and how you hope to be useful to them and their parents.

We have tried to make the content of this book easy to understand and motivational. We want to have a friendly conversation with you—almost as if we were talking informally with you as a close friend. We want you to feel comfortable in exploring the ideas, practices, and principles that have been so helpful and valuable to us. Also, we want you to be motivated by the stories, examples, and ideas presented in the book, using what you discover to enrich the lives of your grandchildren and their parents.

As you will soon discover, we are exceedingly atypical in our pursuits as grandparents—maybe