Becoming Kate

By Kate Elizebeth Nagel

p> The judge looked over the paperwork and then at her. His first question seemed directly on point. Miss Nagel, I am curious, at the age of forty-seven what would compel you to legally change your name? .

Becoming Kate is the story of a heart. In 2013, Kate was midway through a powerful, transformative journey. She wondered if it was possible to let go of everything she had created to survive and embrace a life filled with passion and purpose. The final leg of her journey returned her to her childhood home to face the demons that had haunted her and kept her from the life she wanted to live. Kate shares twelve compelling lessons she learned as she reconciled her past, restored peace to her soul, and released her hearts passion to live.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504349581

Kate Elizebeth Nagel

Kate is an author, speaker, and certified coach. She blends proven concepts and methods as she helps individuals seeking greater depth, perspective, and balance. Part of her practice focuses on “adult” children living abusive histories and how survival mechanisms manifest into addictive and/or codependent behaviors. Kate is a seasoned entrepreneur and has worked with companies of all size and scale as they navigate the complexities and challenges of growth and development. She speaks on the influence of work addiction from personal and organizational perspectives. Kate earned her BA and MBA degrees from Baldwin-Wallace University in Berea, Ohio. She is a certified mediator and received her coaching certification from the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara, California. . She is an avid runner and hiker and yoga enthusiast. When she’s not out on the trail, you’ll find her in the kitchen cooking or exploring the world through the lens of her camera. She considers the world her playground and has never met a swing she didn’t like.

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Copyright © 2016 Kate Elizebeth Nagel.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4957-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4958-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016900983

Balboa Press rev. date: 2/18/2016

Contents

Dedication

Epigraph

Author's Note

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction: Listen

Chapter One Risk

Chapter Two Choose

Chapter Three Trust

Chapter Four Perceive

Chapter Five Forgive

Chapter Six Accept

Chapter Seven Practice

Chapter Eight Play

Chapter Nine Embody

Chapter Ten Love

Chapter Eleven Grace

Epilogue: Gratitude

About the Author

About The Kauila Project

About the Photos & Photographers

Bonus Content: Excerpt from Untethered

References & Resources

End Notes

Dedication

To my dad, David Carl Nagel

Epigraph

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

-- Buddha

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Author's Note

To write this book, I relied upon my personal journals, researched facts, consulted with people who appear in the book, and called upon my own memory of these events. I may have changed the names of individuals or modified identifying details in order to preserve anonymity. I may have omitted people and events, but only when that omission had no impact on either the veracity or substance of the story. There are no composite characters or events.

A list of resources, photo credits, and additional information are available in the back of this book, as well as available through my websites www.kauilaproject.com and www.kateelizebethnagel.com.

Acknowledgements

"All you need is faith and trust, and

a little pixie dust."

-- Tinkerbell

...I would also add the love, support, and kindness from friends and colleagues. There are so many people who have helped me tell this story, and my gratitude to you all is beyond measure.

To Lisa Willson, a sister, best friend, and nurturing soul. Thank you for being an honest critic, making me laugh on the days I don't want to, and sitting with me whenever I need an ear or shoulder. You always seem to help me find my words and courage when I can't seem to find them. Thank you for always believing and encouraging me to keep reaching for the stars.

To Jennifer Stone, a sister and best friend. Thank you for your unconditional friendship and support in some of the biggest moments of change in my life and for always being there with a hand when I need one. You forever changed my life the night you dared to call me as you saw me, and I am forever grateful.

To Pono Fried, two of the most amazing days on this journey included time spent with you. Mahalo nui loa for being a friend, trusted guide, sensitive soul, and gentle spirit as I explored and embraced the magic of Maui. Aloha.

To Lynn Schoener, Eileen Terry, and Leonie Elizabeth for encouraging my decision to shelve that last part of Untethered. I hope you are pleased with the outcome of that great advice, because I am. Thank you - I am forever grateful for your unselfish, honest, giving nature and loving hearts.

To Irene Stewart, Allison Bates, Mary Kay D'Orazio, and Sarah Beaulieu for all of your friendship and support. To Beth Schilens for always seeming to show up at the very moment I need some quiet conversation and sisterly advice. To Gina Jedlicka for being a healing, loving soul. Thank you all for being trusted listeners and friends, supporting me in the first steps of all of this new and for reminding me to believe in myself, no matter what.

To Stacy Jantz, an amazing creative talent and soul. Thank you for meeting me on the beach in the middle of a storm just because and capturing the essence and magic of this story so beautifully.

To Anna Magill, a kindred spirit and gentle guide. Thank you for honoring me as I uprooted some of the deepest aspects of my sadness and grief. I couldn't have asked for a kinder soul to sit with me as I searched mine for grace. To Lanie McManus, your influence during the final steps of this journey is perhaps beyond your awareness; but please know I am grateful that you share yourself so openly and authentically, as we unroll our yoga mats and continue our practice.

To Hilary Bickerton, this story is stronger and I am a better writer because you agreed to be my editor and work with me on this project. Thank you for becoming a part of my journey, seeing the story so clearly through a different lens, and being a compassionate, thorough, and honest perspective. I hope this is only the first of many opportunities we have to work together.

To my great grandmother, Elizebeth, I am honored to share this name with you. Every time I hear it, I feel your loving presence, and it fills my heart. To my grandpa for giving me the twinkle in my eye, the spark of my intuition, and the sometimes not so gentle nudging when I need it.

And finally, to my dad. Thank you for giving me my smile, kindness, and heart. I promise to honor and live fully into the love you showed me, and the values you taught me. Thank you for being a constant loving, guiding force and continuing to encourage and support me from wherever you are. I am honored to be your daughter. I love you Daddy. Always. Forever. No matter what.

Preface

"If light is in your heart,

you will find your way home."

-- Rumi

724377.image.preface.jpg

The judge looked over the paperwork and then at me. He took off his glasses, smiled, and said, Miss Nagel, I'm curious. What compels a woman at the age of forty-seven to change her given, birth name?

Becoming Kate is the story of a heart. My heart. The first thing you should know about me is that I find hearts everywhere -- in the sky, on the beach, as I hike a trail, or run along a city street. I started finding hearts in all of these places when I began the search for mine nearly seven years ago. I found the heart pictured above on the day I made a significant, life-altering choice. A small voice from somewhere within asked me to move to the last place I ever expected, my childhood home. Cleveland. I had escaped twenty years earlier and swore I would never return. However, life seemed to be leading me right back to the place where it all began.

I found the heart pictured here on my favorite beach in my hometown. It makes me think of my heart as a little girl - delicate and fragile, yet open and curious about everything in life, and full of love.

Shells commonly symbolize home as well as love and because they emerge from the water, represent emotion and movement. Shells also exemplify transformation as they weather sometimes uncertain and stormy conditions and find their way to shore altered somehow from the experience.

At the age of seven, my heart was cast into a dark stormy sea, and became caught in the midst of a hurricane that would last for nearly four decades. My heart sought retreat from the darkness, pain, chaos, and fear that seeped in as a result of the trauma and abuse I experienced in the years following the unexpected death of my father. My ego stepped up and agreed to do whatever necessary to protect that tender heart and to battle the storm that became my life. I created a series of survival mechanisms and manifested all of those into destructive, addictive behaviors as an adult. My addiction? Work. I used work as a barrier to protect myself from a life I was simply too afraid to live. I found safety and fulfillment in work and became relentless in my pursuit for achievement and perfection. I was guarded in relationships and used judgments as a way to distance myself from the potential that someone or something could hurt me.

Becoming Kate is a story about reconciliation. In 2009, I hit rock bottom for the second time and found myself seeking permanent escape. I was drowning in pain and begging the stormy currents to pull me under. I am not sure if it was fate or faith that intervened, but I didn't succumb; and instead, made another significant choice. I embarked upon a journey to discover the root causes of every protective shield and barrier I had created. I wondered if it was possible to re-direct my insatiable need for work into a passionate, purpose-driven life based on my ideals and intentions. My healing journey wasn't about restoring friendly relations with others; rather, it was about striking an amicable treaty between the two adversaries that lived within me --my ego that wanted to protect and