Mending of a Broken Heart: The Nature of Meaning and the Purpose That Gives Life Hope

By James Michael Castleton

Mending of a Broken Heart: The Nature of Meaning and the Purpose that Gives Life Hope speaks with a distinctive and evocative voice. It brings to the world of words and the thoughts they convey the unique experiences of a man struggling to pass through the deeps of loss and to emerge with a trustworthy grasp on life's meaning and purpose. The author, James Michael Castleton, an award-winning physician, shares his journey in both prose and poetry. The blend captures the nature of life-sometimes lyrical and mystical and majestic, yet often prosaic and focused on finding a path upon which one can place each foot in turn, just to make one's way through the day.

Mending of a Broken Heart does not shy away from life's sharp edges or from exploring how they strike at the roots of relationships. As Dr. Castleton notes in beginning his reflections,

We are born with a broken heart,
Born with a sorrow we can only later articulate,
Born missing the most essential aspect of what we need to live a fulfilling life ...
Born without a sense of meaning.

Mending of a Broken Heart explains the distinctions between happiness and meaning and explores how having a valid purpose and holding to true hope contribute to giving meaning to one's life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512748437

James Michael Castleton

James Michael Castleton, MD was born in Los Angeles, California, when the last farms and orange groves had almost disappeared, and grew up in humble but wholesome circumstances. The beauty in those circumstances left a lifelong impression that a life rich with significance is likely to be the one lived on the simplest terms—one that contains nothing less than is required and nothing more than it ought. Dr. Castleton received his training in medicine and behavioral science at Stanford, Harvard, Yale and Oxford University. He is a fellow of the American College of Cardiology and National Heart Institute and a master physician and laureate of the American Board of Cardiology. “Mending of a Broken Heart” is his first book and speaks to the intersection of medicine, psychology, and faith with meaning, offering philosophical insights and personal application. James enjoys sunrise photography, poetry, hiking in the high country of the Sierra Nevada, and quiet moments with his beloved H.

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Copyright © 2015, 2016 James Michael Castleton, MD.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4844-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4845-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4843-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016910570

WestBow Press rev. date: 9/1/2016

Contents

Acknowledgments

Preface

Chapter 1 Why God Matters

Seek Not Thy Soul

What World Is This?

Chapter 2 A Journey to Faith

Tears of Heaven

Chapter 3 Nature and Solitude

Notes

The Storm

The Canyon

Desert Soliloquy

Solitude

Chapter 4 Love and Reconciliation

Notes

A Heart Divine

Reve D’Amour

Where Is My Love?

He Gave Me You

To the One I Never Knew

Would My Beloved Marry Me?

Sonnets

Each Moment

Beauty

Chapter 5 Prayer and Supplication

Notes

Her Love

In My Heart Believe

Perception

I Cast My Cares unto Thee

Forgiven, I Forgive

Sonnets

Rebuke

Chapter 6 Loss and Remembrance

Notes

Time

Memory

The Lady of My Heart

Mourn Not for Me

Chapter 7 Meaning and Destiny

Notes

Fallen

Injustice

Apodēmeō

Meaning

Virtue

Basileía

Son of Athens

Son of Abraham

The Love That Pride Scorns

Alḗtheia

Chapter 8 Trial and Reprieve

Notes

Why Must I Wait?

Chapter 9 Haiku

Notes

My Lord and Love

Chapter 10 Earthly and Heavenly Fathers

Notes

Gratitude

Beside You

Gift

Chapter 11 God’s Will

Notes

Surrender

Chapter 12 Love, Happiness, Meaning, and Marriage

Notes

Mindful

Elysium

Philia

Gentle Glory

Beside My Love

Prayer

Pledge

What Must a Man?

Love

My Heart Returns to You

Chapter 13 Epilogue

Chapter 14 Postscript

Notes

I Met a Man

Chapter 15 Endnote

Notes

The Way

The Narrow Path

Pilgrim

Chapter 16 Parting Reflections: The Refiner’s Fire

H

The Refiner’s Fire

With Every Thought

Tender Sorrow

A Secret Language

Wedding Prayer

Rededication

Conclusion

Gentle Savior

Dedication

To my beloved H,

who has taught me more about love than anyone else;

and whose love has taught me more about God than anything else,

for in her heart I have come to recognize His.

Behind the greatest moments in my life

has been the heart of this woman,

and behind hers, the heart of God.

Without her love this book would never have been written,

and without her unfailing encouragement, it would never have been completed.

To my son, Peter,

who has the heart of an angel,

is every father’s dream,

and is quickly becoming the sort of man

to which I have always aspired.

I pray that God would bring you one such as H,

One who, loving God, understands what it means to love.

To the Lord, my God,

who broke my heart that He might heal it.

His glory is my joy because His virtue is my good.

The greatest manifestation of His love for me

has been that He freed me to love Him.

There is no life apart from God, only longing for life.

A man may be happy in his birth.

It is only when God grants him a new birth

that he will find contentment and meaning.

Special Dedication

To my brother, Michael, a talented entrepreneur, a man of great intellect and of greater heart.

Bud, I love you,

and so, I pray each day that one day
God will slake your cynicism
and satisfy the longing within your heart— a longing that was meant
to lead you to Him and bring you home.
 

I look forward to an eternity together.

Man—a being in search of meaning.

~Plato

Happy is the man who has lived life well.

Content is he whose life has been well lived.

The meaning of life and the secret to the meaningful life

lay in the difference between the two.

~JMC

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All my life I’ve yearned for more

Than what this world can bring.

And as I struggled toward that shore,

I could not name the thing

Whose presence I have wanted

And whose price I’d gladly pay.

And so my journey has been haunted

By the promise of that day.

I’m a prisoner of my person,

Aye, a spirit bound by time.

Yet I reject this world’s assertion

That this world is all I’ll find.

For everything it offers

Has been naught a source of grief,

And there is nothing it has proffered

That has brought my soul relief …

Acknowledgments

This book owes a great debt to many people, several of whom I have never met.

My musings have drawn heavily on the wisdom of others, who have shown me the ways in which I should walk, ways that would make my paths straight and would prepare my heart to receive God’s truth.

Principal among these have been expositors such as John MacArthur and James Montgomery Boice, who have revealed to me God’s Word in a fashion I could not have comprehended on my own. I am also greatly indebted to the work of Gerhard Kittel, whose eloquent and thought-provoking expositions of the Greek roots that underlie the most important theological concepts of the New Testament, and R. Laird Harris, who has done the same for the Hebrew roots of the Tanakh, have stimulated years of fruitful contemplation. As a physician, I have been taught not to rely solely on the interpretations of others, but to analyze the data for myself. Since I understand neither Greek nor Hebrew, I am grateful to Drs. Kittel and Harris for bringing me as close (as it is possible for the nonexpert to approach) to the original language in which God’s thoughts regarding His covenants were recorded.

I have also learned greatly from those who have sought to translate the wisdom of God into practical relational principles. These sages have included individuals such as Gary Chapman, Gary Smalley, and Gary Thomas. Mr. Thomas is a brilliant and learned writer who loves marriage in a way I can only endeavor to emulate. His works have stimulated my thinking and holy aspirations beyond measure, even if I must occasionally—and, I hope, respectfully—disagree with some of his conclusions.

C.S. Lewis is the intellectual father I have never known. Pastor Peter Gavi is the spiritual father I wish I’d always had.

I am also deeply indebted to my patients, who have painted for me portraits of lifelong devotion and affection, shown me how there can be nobility in suffering, and eloquently illustrated what it means to grow older with grace. It has been my privilege to care for, and an honor to learn from, them.

I would like to extend a special note of humble and profound gratitude to my beloved H. Whatever more marriage may be, it is, as Gary Thomas has so eloquently articulated, nothing less than the surest fire within which our spirits may be refined. H’s devotion, gentleness, purity of heart, forgiveness, and love of God have led me to love Him—and aspire to love both Him and her more than I love myself. She has been a tender traveling companion, whose unswerving devotion to the truth has brought necessary moments of painful self-realization. Yet like our Lord, she has delighted neither in my distress nor in my discomfort but only in my transformation, celebrating my victories even as she has helped me past my defeats. A man should be so lucky who is also so undeserving.

Most of all, I would thank the Lord, my God, for not giving up on me and express my eternal gratitude to Him for giving me my son, Peter, and my beloved H.

I cannot wait for the day when I may do so in person.

Preface

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We are born with a broken heart,

Born with a sorrow we can only later articulate,

Born missing the most essential aspect of what we need to live a fulfilling life …

Born without a sense of meaning.

We begin our lives learning what life is, only to be drawn inexorably to the question of what it is meant to be.

The moment we become aware of ourselves as selves, this question stands out above all others. Before it, all other questions diminish. Beside it, all others become inconsequential—of secondary, merely pragmatic, importance. Yet without an answer to the question of meaning, it’s not simply that it is impossible to make sense out of the practical details of our lives or that such details become a burden, as we are left pondering why we should do what we do. Rather, in the absence of an answer to the question of meaning, another question looms: why should we do anything at all? Why should we get up and, despite the heartache of this world, struggle through another day? To those for whom life is meaningless, existence is reduced to a single question: why live at all?

The search for meaning is the search for a reason to live. It is the single most important question we will address, the one that will most determine the quality of our lives and the one that has most haunted human beings since we possessed the power of introspection. Yet meaning is the one question for which our psychology provides no understanding, our biology no adaptive response, our instincts no insight, our emotions no motive power, and our institutions no program of formal instruction.

Apart from genetically determined psychopathology, the failure to find a satisfactory answer to the question of meaning is perhaps the single greatest determinant of psychopathology. Those whose lives are without meaning find it difficult to live in and enjoy the present. Instead, they are drawn emotionally either to the past, becoming mired in regret, or to the future, where they are consumed with anxiety. The meaningless life isn’t merely empty emotionally; it is emotionally tormenting. Such individuals find it difficult to face their emotions, to live with the realization of what is lacking in their lives. They tend, therefore, to engage in distracting pursuits, fill their lives with trivial detail, or subdue their distress through various forms of self-indulgence or addiction.

Secular education, as it is currently taught in most settings, trains us to think critically about what we do and to do what we desire skillfully, but it does not see its purpose as cultivating the insight to understand which desires are wholesome and likely to lead to a life that is meaningful, or fostering the understanding of what it is about meaning that makes it meaningful and therefore attainable. Secular education provides a road map to the productive life but not necessarily the meaningful one.

Ethical instruction, when it is emphasized, is rooted either in the pragmatism of the population or in the harmonious well-being of the individual without exploring or explaining the harmony or well-being to which these pursuits are intended to be the end. Such instruction is tactical but does not discuss how or whether such states contribute to a sense of meaning.

Evolutionary biology may inform us as to the adaptive advantages of certain mind-sets over others or certain ethics over others, but I would doubt that those who practice such strategies would describe them as intrinsically meaningful. Such a physiological orientation (as we will explore in some detail) cannot answer what is fundamentally a spiritual question.

Religious education teaches us about who God is and how we are to properly relate to Him, often without instructing us as to why and in what manner that relationship is meaningful. Frequently, such education is proscriptive and imperative, focusing exclusively on the debt and therefore the spiritual and behavioral obligation we incur by being what we are, without illuminating the debt God incurred in creating us and the love these debts are meant to reciprocally express. Too often, religious education reasons from man to God, whereas if God is relevant to the question of meaning, the answer will be found in the nature of the relationship of God to man. If God is germane to the question of meaning, then the answer will be found less in the fact of His existence than in the character of His person and the nature of His relationship to His creatures.

Meaning is one of those words whose meaning is itself maddeningly difficult to define. Traditional definitions resort to the use of nouns such as significance, value, quality, or implication—which, far from illuminating the underlying concept, beg further definition. The proper direction of inquiry and the nature of the answer become clearer when we appreciate that the more accurate question isn’t What is the meaning of life? but "What is it that makes life meaningful? What yields a life full of meaning? The distinction is between noun and adjective. Meaning isn’t something that can be possessed (a thing" that can be touched, held, taken, or given away, which is also why it cannot be found in the externals of material pursuit or accomplishment) so much as it is an emotion experienced or an attribute acquired when life is lived in the appropriate or proper fashion. One then wants to understand what it is about this emotion that makes it meaningful. What is the essence of that emotional experience? What does it communicate to the psyche? Too often meaning has been discussed as a means to an end or the consequence of a way of life without actually clarifying what meaning means. If the essential nature of meaning remains unclear so, too, will be the means by which it is to be experienced. We will explore these issues in detail.

If meaning is something we experience as a result of living life in the appropriate or proper fashion, then the next question is obvious, even if the answer is not. What sorts of actions or pursuits will lead one to feel that life is meaningful? Action implies a direction, at the end of which lies a destination, so the question can be asked more precisely still. Toward what end should life be lived so the journey will be experienced as meaningful?¹ That end, I would suggest, is our hope, and the means to that end (the principles that direct our actions to achieve that destination and as a result find that life will be experienced as meaningful) can be considered our purpose.

The answer to the question of meaning can be seen, therefore, to depend on the answer to two others. First, what is the nature of hope, and does a meaningful life admit to multiple destinations, multiple hopes, or only one? Next, what is the nature of purpose, and can the correct hope be achieved by multiple codes of conduct, multiple value systems, or only one? Whatever else meaning may be, I have come to believe it is the experience of the journey to our hope, which we achieve by means of our purpose. If one is to understand the nature of meaning, therefore, one must first understand the nature both of hope and purpose.

Like many young men, I looked for meaning in all the wrong places: the ego, the emotions, and the senses. The emptiness of hedonism, however, forced me to consider why pleasure doesn’t bring contentment. This conclusion, in turn, led to a consideration of the important differences between happiness and meaning. Both philosophy and theology often fail to make a distinction between the two. This failure leads, on one hand, to less-than-articulate discussions of the difference between a true and false happiness, which aren’t as instructive and helpful as they might be. On the other, it leads to apparently self-contradictory musings on the extent to which happiness is independent of circumstance, yet is, in some fashion, contingent upon it. Such discussions, because they attempt to reconcile irreconcilable positions, wind up giving no clear direction as to how one may find true happiness, which, because it is true, cannot be assailed by circumstances. By drawing a clear distinction between happiness and meaning, we will resolve this apparent paradox and in the process explain why happiness is contingent upon circumstance while meaning is not.

In religious circles, happiness is often devalued in favor of meaning, although as I came to understand the distinctions between the two, I realized that both play an essential, albeit complementary, role in the healthy life. One fact, however, became abundantly clear: no amount of happiness will make life meaningful, and the person who fails to understand the differences between the two and pursues the former as a means to obtain the latter will experience no end of frustration and misery, not to mention discontent.

We are born with the skills to be happy. Happiness is an emotion built into our biology for specific adaptive purposes we will discuss. Meaning, however, is an acquired skill, the mean or perfect balance between the extremes of self-exaltation and self-contempt. This balance requires considerable self-awareness and a specific mind-set predicated on an appropriate degree of self-denial. This mind-set goes very much against our natural grain, and learning the selflessness on which meaning depends led me on an altogether different sort of journey.

This book begins from the perspective of one man who was, at first, less interested in finding God than in discovering the meaningful life. It begins with a consideration of the difference between happiness and meaning, the dependence of meaning on hope, and the role that purpose plays in achieving one’s hope. It ends with the realization that faith has a lot to say that is pertinent to hope, meaning, and especially purpose.

Everyone has a purpose in life, whether he or she is conscious of it or not.

The absence of purpose is not the chief existential dilemma in life, and the creation of an arbitrary sense of purpose will not resolve it. The question isn’t whether our lives are purposeful but whether that purpose leads to a hope that is proper to our nature as human beings, for only then, I would assert, will life be meaningful. We will examine how the two views that dominate this world—humanism and faith— answer this question and discuss why only the latter can be correct. This assessment is neither antithetical to the premise of biology nor hostile to the findings of science. Indeed, it is rooted in both, for it is only when the relationship between the spirit and the mind, cognition and emotion, and psychology and physiology is properly understood that the origins of, differences between, and functions of happiness and meaning can be correctly understood. Only then does it become clear why a hedonistic lifestyle can never be meaningful and why the ascetic denial of happiness isn’t necessary to secure meaning and is most likely antithetical to it. We will explore the physiological basis of happiness and the spiritual origins of meaning, and we will examine the relationship between purpose, meaning, and hope as well as the facets of faith that realize each.

Although God was the last prerequisite I thought would be necessary for the meaningful life, my journey brought me 360 degrees around to the conclusion that without God there can be no such thing as the meaningful life. This was a result of the realization that without God the sort of hope on which meaning depends could not exist and that all other formulations of hope are nothing but a mirage predicated on a misunderstanding or distortion of the truth.

Furthermore, I realized that not simply any deity would do. The only God in whom a legitimate hope can be found is One who is singular in His presence (though not necessarily in His being) and could, therefore, relate personally to His creatures. Hope is both personal and relational, but a personal God is not enough to provide a legitimate hope. He must also be transcendent, eternal, true, holy, just, trustworthy, and unchanging. That left me with only one possibility from all the world religions: the God of Israel.

The necessity for God, however, doesn’t prove His existence. At first I was indifferent to God. Then I needed Him to exist. There is no fulfillment to be found in living a lie, however, and it was at this point that I became sensitive to the conventional proofs for God.² The intellectual portion of my journey taught me who God had to be for my life to have meaning. My heart then needed proof that He was real before I could confidently commit myself into His keeping. I discuss those proofs that meant the most to me in the prologue. Others may be moved by different proofs.

This book, however, doesn’t end there.

Coming to faith is perhaps the easiest part of the journey. The more difficult question then ensues: what am I to do with this faith? There are many implications of faith, and many books have been written on this topic alone, but perhaps the most basic consideration, the one that precedes contemplation of all the others, is this: what is the character of the heart God has made new, and how does this transformation change one’s self-perception and values as well as one’s consideration of, and conduct toward, others. This book begins and ends with the search for meaning but delves deeply into the latter topics.

Belief in God changes everything.

To say that one has come to faith is to say that God has become one’s source and definition of truth. One set of premises is exchanged for another, one world view for another, and there is no quarter in one’s life where the shock wave isn’t felt. It is difficult to overstate the far-reaching consequences effected by this shift in world view, for when the law of love replaces the law of self, when humility seeks to replace pride, and when gratitude replaces envy, one must rethink everything one values.

My journey has changed the way I think about many of the experiences on which meaning is held to depend or is believed to be antithetical to it. In this journey, I have had occasion to consider such things as the following:

• The role of hardship in the birth of faith

• The role solitude plays in spiritual growth

• The role reconciliation, loss, remembrance, and forgiveness play in love

• The nuances and challenges that present themselves as one seeks to love as God does,

• The importance prayer and supplication play in deepening one’s relationship with God

• The ways trials and reprieves promote spiritual validation and growth

• The relationship between love, happiness, meaning, and marriage

• The insights that the triune nature of marriage may provide into the triune character of God and into marital roles

• The relationship between the mind and the body, holiness and sin, and spiritual and behavioral transformation

• The means by which we should understand God’s will and the essence of it

• The burden earthly fathers bear as they represent our heavenly Father

• Above all, the nature of the longing within our souls, which is meant to lead us to God and in Him discover a life that is purposeful because it is hopeful, and meaningful because it is purposeful

In contemplating such topics, I have learned that meaning is fundamentally a spiritual question; as such, it must be spiritually discerned. We are born seeking meaning within ourselves, and it is only when circumstances drive us to despair in the ability of our spirits to create a life that is abundant and fulfilling that we become open to the possibility that these are to be found elsewhere.³ Abundant life is a gift of God’s Spirit,⁴ and until one reckons with the necessity for, and implications of, faith, true fulfillment will never be experienced. We may be born into this world, but our hearts long for another. Our earthly days may be numbered, but our souls instinctively know that eternity exists and that we are eternal beings. We may suppress that awareness in a nihilist pessimism, which leads to despair; or we may grapple with the meaning of our mortality and discover the genuine hope of faith.

I have found that the philosophies of this world evade or cannot provide positive responses to the most important questions in life, whereas faith meaningfully answers them. By what principles should I live? To what end should I do so? In what or in whom should I place my trust? Is there a source in which I may have absolute confidence? Answer these questions, and nearly everything else in life falls into place, as the distinction between wants and needs becomes clear. My journey has taught me that there is only one person discerning enough, loving enough, and trustworthy enough to answer these questions. I have learned that it is only in spiritual fidelity to God that one finds purpose, meaning, and hope.

There is still more to this book.

The journey to faith may begin in the mind, but it ends in the heart. Life may be analyzed conceptually, but it is experienced lyrically. The intellect may direct it, but the passions power it. This book is meditative, but it is also lyrical. The rational arguments it presents for how the heart, once God renewed, now considers itself and others is accompanied by poetic interpretations of those arguments. Life’s most profound moments are deeply emotional, and these poems are meant to bridge this gulf by evoking the personal—dare I say, numinous—in a fashion I hope is musical and incantatory, contemplative and thought provoking. By engaging the mind and the emotions, they are meant to reunite the head with the heart.

The journey to faith is the most marvelous and sobering of all journeys, for the transformation of one’s heart transforms the questions one asks, the values one holds, the world one perceives, and the life one lives. This journey is christened in pain, sustained in longing, refined in trial, and concluded in love. Yet it is not a journey we make alone. Humility is our guide, forgiveness is our porter, and contrition and gratitude are our traveling companions. The sinful heart is hard, which is why God must so often break it before He can remake it. Yet I believe God mends hearts so He might fashion them into radiant jewels, for those with His love in their hearts heal the world around them.

In our journey, those who have already made this pilgrimage meet, guide, and inspire us. Such individuals provide a glimpse into the heart of God, and in so doing, they transform the theological into the intensely personal. Indeed, it is through the godly heart of another that we first meet God and are inspired to know Him. God makes Himself known to those who don’t yet know Him by the love contained in the hearts of those who do. In these mediations you will meet one woman (my beloved H) and her father (G), who have made God’s care manifest and tangible. And by illustrating a love that is as irresistible as it is indescribable, they have led my mind and heart to God, as I’ve sought to articulate that love and understand its author.

In sin we are born with one conception of love. When we are reborn, God gives us a new definition, and this definition is the first principle from which all others follow. For life to be hopeful, we must be reconciled to God. For it to be meaningful, we must understand the love that makes this hope possible: agape. We will explore this love conceptually and poetically.

I am not a biblical scholar. I’m simply one man in love with God who has sought to drink deeply from the well that is His Word. I cannot speak to the theological mysteries of God, but I can speak to the mysterious fashion in which He mends and renews broken hearts and, in so doing, transforms lives. This book is a meditative and lyrical account of one man’s grateful journey into the arms of his God. It is my sincere hope that as you read these reflections, you will experience at least a measure of the challenge of the questions asked, the joy that arises from receiving and expressing devoted caring and affection, and the gratitude I feel at being given a love I do not deserve.

I have known such despair that hope seemed like a fool’s errand. I have known days when I wished tomorrow would never come. Come, reason with me, engage your mind and your heart, and let me introduce you to the God who made you, who loves you, and who wants to give you everything, including the only things, you will ever truly need: purpose, meaning, and hope.

James Michael Castleton, MD

Mammoth Lakes, California

February 14, 2015

¹ If the meaningful life is the consequence of certain actions, a specific direction, and a given destination, there follows the sobering realization that other actions, directions, and destinations won’t make life meaningful but will result in one that is meaningless. The stakes are high, and the consequences of misdirection are costly.

² For example, why there is something rather than nothing, the beginning of the universe, the fine-tuning of the universe for life, the existence of objective morals, the morality of suffering, and so forth.

³ When you are in distress and all these things have come upon you, in the latter days you will return to the Lord your God and listen to His voice. For the Lord your God is a compassionate God; He will not fail you nor destroy you (Deut. 4:30–31)

⁴ Jesus says, These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full (John 15:11 ESV).

Chapter 1

Why God Matters

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All my life I’ve searched for a principle that, until recently, I couldn’t clearly articulate. Yet it was one whose absence I felt acutely.

For most of my life I could express only the consequence of its lack: the lack of connection, which was the result of broken family relationships; the lack of inspiration due to the want of a mentoring father; the lack of a deep and abiding emotional connection to another; and the lack of fulfillment I felt despite the stimulating but ultimately transient and ephemeral nature of accomplishment. Like many young men, I had looked for this principle in all the wrong places: the ego, the emotions, and the senses. I found that I could be stimulated without being pleased, pleased without being happy, happy without being satisfied, and satisfied without being fulfilled.

I recognize now that I had grown up seeking happiness when meaning was what my heart truly desired.

I did not understand that happiness and meaning occupy different planes of existence and that the prerequisites for the one don’t satisfy the other. As I considered the source of my discontentment I began to grasp that each addresses a fundamentally different aspect of life, both of which are nonetheless essential to one that would be whole. I came to conclude that happiness is the sense that my life is good, whereas meaning is the sense that it matters. If this distinction were correct, it suggested several others. The good life speaks to being well. The significant life speaks to well-being. The former reflects the health of the body. The latter reflects the health of the spirit. The happy life is the one that is lived well. The meaningful life is the one that is well lived.

I began to see that happiness is fundamentally a physiological question, whereas meaning is a metaphysical one. Those who do not recognize this distinction and pursue sensual answers to spiritual questions––who pursue happiness as a substitute for meaning––are doomed to despair or to the emptiness of an addictive pattern of behavior. Pleasure satisfies, but like all sensations, it fades and habituates so that increasing indulgence is necessary to bring a happiness that is increasingly fleeting and consequently frustrating. Seeking contentment in this manner only exacerbates desire. Pleasure will never satisfy the thirst for significance. Hedonism obeys a law of diminishing