Before the Sun Sets and They Are Forgotten

By Paul Samuels

Before The Sun Sets and They Are Forgotten is a non-fictional book where each chapter chronicles the life of an elder things they accomplished and were proud of, mistakes they made and lessons they learned. The stories will entertain you, touch you and teach you. The people interviewed ranged in age from sixty-nine to ninety-six years old, from high school dropouts to those with doctorates, and from stay-at-home mothers to university professors. Some stories had heartbreaking elements and inspirational outcomes. The lessons in every story will get you to reflect on your life and reassess values and beliefs you hold dear.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504344081

Paul Samuels

Paul Samuels was born in Montreal, Canada in 1951. He received his bachelor’s degree in business and received the designation of Chartered Professional Accountant before immigrating to the United States for graduate school. He received his master’s degree in business with a concentration in organizational behavior and spent the next twenty years either taking additional college courses, or as the senior financial officer in various retail and direct marketing companies. He has been with an investment advisory firm since 2000 and wrote Before The Sun Sets And They Are Forgotten in his spare time between 2013 and 2015. He resides in Charlton, Massachusetts with Loralee Dubeau, an author, a spiritual advisor and his beloved wife. For further information, you can contact Paul at [e-mail]

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Copyright © 2016 Paul Samuels.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4407-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4408-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015918572

Balboa Press rev. date: 1/13/2016

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For Loralee,

The love of my life.

Thank you for loving me and always being there for me.

Contents

How This Book Came To Be

Alloday G. – age 83 in July 2014

Ann P. – age 78 in January 2014

Art L. - Age 91 in August 2014

Barbara B. – Age 77 in February 2015

Baukje M. – Age 70 in July 2014

(with her inner sun painted by her best friend)

Bob N. – age 91 in August 2014

Craig Standing Bear – age 69 in June 2015

Dottie H. – age 91 in August 2014

Ed P. – age 86 in December 2013

Edward Brokenfeather – age 72 in September 2014 (Portrait of Edward by Bruce Hanke)

Glenda E. – age 70 in January 2015

Grandfather Sings-Alone, Roshi – age 79 in April 2014

Gretchen P. – age 81 in July 2014

Jack B. – age 85 in July 2014

Jack and Paula B. – ages 84 and 83 in May 2014

Jane F. – age 75 in June 2014

Joan B. – age 81 in August 2014

Joan L. – age 71 in June 2014

Joe K. – age 96 in December 2013

Kind Warrior - age 71 in July 2014

Loretta C. - age 77 in August 2014

Mae M. - age 90 in July 2014

Mary D. - age 78 in September 2013

Nancy M. – age 80 in January 2015

Nancy R. – age 72 in August 2014

Paul O. – age 92 in August 2014

Ralph J. – age 88 in September 2014

Rhea C. – age 85 in December 2014

Rita S. – age 93 in December 2013

Rob K. – age 71 in June 2015

Rosemarie R. – age 70 in August 2014

Ruth C. – age 93 in August 2014

Sue S. – age 71 in July 2014

Susan J. – age 77 in June 2014

Terry and Ray D. – ages 72 and 77 in September 2014

Wanda T. – age 72 in August 2014

Zena L. – age 89 in December 2013

The Author’s Reflections

Acknowledgements and Gratitudes

About The Author

How This Book Came To Be

I started to get the inkling to write sometime in 2010 or 2011. I’m not sure what I mean by inkling because it didn’t feel like an urge and it sure didn’t feel like a calling. Whenever I asked myself what it was that I wanted to write about, I came up empty. The spirits made it very clear to me during my 2012 vision quest that I was to write. It’s possible they were not very specific about what I should write and it was up to me to figure it out. It’s also possible that they were quite clear and I just wasn’t getting the message. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time when I was unaware of and oblivious to what was going on within and around me.

Little by little, things came to me in quiet moments and I started to piece them together with the help of my wife, Loralee. The first thing that came to me was that perhaps it wasn’t about what I had to say, but rather about what others had to say. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who was interested in other people’s experiences and stories. I’ve also always thought of myself as a good listener and someone who made others comfortable enough to share their stories and circumstances with me.

As I continued to reflect, I noticed that the people I most enjoyed listening to were ones with considerable life experience who could simultaneously tell a story, share the lessons learned and add a little humor to the mix. Some of my favorite moments were spent listening to elders just telling their stories and reflecting on their lives. I often told myself to just shut up, let them talk and enjoy the ride. It reminded me of the times when Johnny Carson would have Robin Williams as his guest on the Tonight Show. Johnny would just ask him something innocuous like how are you doing, and Robin would totally entertain him for the rest of the segment. The message for me was "just get out of the way and let the elder talk." I’m also reminded of wise words from my college friend Bob, who said when you listen, you run the risk of learning something.

So the notion of interviewing others was coming into focus. Also entering my consciousness was the fact that the number of senior citizens in this country is growing dramatically. In the last few years I realized my self-image had shifted from the young, fit guy who hadn’t slowed down a lick to a sixty-four year old man with plenty of aches and pains, deteriorating eyesight, hearing and memory, and four grandchildren. Don’t hear this realization as a complaint or a request for pity – just an acknowledgement of reality, filled with ever increasing gratitude for my life, the people in it, my health, what I can still do and the abundance I have been blessed with.

As the average age of the population increases, it follows that sooner or later, we are going to be losing a lot of our senior citizens. It hit me that it would be a real shame if their lives weren’t memorialized and we lost out on the benefit of their stories, wisdom and lessons learned. When the idea of merging my love of portrait photography with chronicling the stories and wisdom of the elderly came, the vision for Before The Sun Sets and They Are Forgotten was set in motion. Again, I certainly don’t take all the credit for gaining clarity of direction. My spirit guides and darling wife Loralee were pivotal in helping me assemble the pieces.

The people I interviewed were all at least sixty-nine years old at the time we chatted and all consented to being included in this book. A few of the elders I interviewed were friends or family, but the majority consisted of people referred to me. Some lived completely on their own while others lived in assisted living facilities. Meetings were held at each elder’s home on either weeknights or weekends since I work on a full-time basis. The meetings typically lasted between one and two hours, during which time they provided a brief biography and talked about their accomplishments, things they were proud of, lessons they learned, mistakes they made, regrets they had and messages they thought would be useful to younger generations. Their biographies were written in the third person but the thoughts and feelings they shared were written in the first person and italicized.

This book has a chapter for each elder I interviewed. Chapters are in alphabetic order of the elder’s first name, so don’t ascribe any other meaning to the chapter sequence. Last names were not used to provide each elder with a modicum of privacy. Each elder consented to the use of their story and photo. My reflections are in the last chapter.

Not every interview was uniform and exactly alike in nature or structure – in part because of what people were willing to share, but mostly due to my inconsistency throughout the process. Sometimes I just developed better rapport or asked better questions or elicited fuller responses than others – but for me, all the interviews merited inclusion. While some people’s stories and lives seemed more interesting to me than others, all were valuable. As I transcribed each interview, I realized that every elder mentioned at least one thing (and oftentimes several things) that made me stop and reflect on what they said. Every elder I spoke with had unique qualities that were their gifts to this world. Every elder I spoke with was important to their families and the people they touched. Every elder I spoke with appreciated the opportunity to talk about their life. Every elder I spoke with enjoyed being listened to.

I was somewhat surprised by how difficult it was to find elders who wanted to speak with me – and that included some family members. I approached a number of senior community centers and assisted living facilities, but couldn’t convince them that the project was important, worthy of their support and not fraught with potential liability. So I can’t in any way over-emphasize how grateful I am to people like Carolyn, Baukje and Del who referred a number of elders to me. And of course, I must express my deepest gratitude to all the elders who spoke with me and shared what was in their hearts. I just hope that the elders who participated came away with a strong sense that their lives mattered.

So turn this page and start enjoying what these elders have shared. See how their thoughts and experiences resonate with you. If you are a parent or grandparent, think about what you may need to share or heal with your children and grandchildren. If your parents are alive, think about questions you have for them and issues between you that may need healing.

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Alloday G. – age 83 in July 2014

Alloday was born in Duluth, Minnesota in 1930 to a Swedish-Lutheran family. When her father died, she, her mother, and brother went to live on her grandparents’ dairy farm. They moved back to Duluth when her grandfather grew too old to take care of the farm. Alloday loved the farm and was disappointed about the move back to Duluth, but overall, she described her childhood as wonderful.

She graduated from high school and went on to receive her nursing degree. She started her nursing career in Denver where she met her first husband. Together, they had five children. She worked as a registered nurse for twenty-five years on and off. Since he was in the Air Force, they were forced to relocate frequently. Alloday always considered herself to be a very shy person and didn’t appreciate it when her husband pushed her to take a Dale Carnegie course in How to Win Friends and Influence People. This marriage ended in divorce.

She took a class taught by a large man named Eli, who was of Cherokee and Scottish descent. She noted that taking his class was the best thing she ever did because it woke her up. She got to see how things really were. She got to see how Lutheran teachings were often at odds with Lutheran practices. Eli’s teachings on Good Medicine were consistent to Alloday and resonated with her. They ended up getting married and had a daughter together.

Eli had been in the Army for twenty-seven years and was retired before he and Alloday met. After they were married, Eli and Alloday moved to Arkansas and bought a small piece of land. Eli had always taught the concepts of Good Medicine to small groups around him, wherever he lived.

He bought an unlimited three-month bus pass and established a route through several northern cities, bringing his teachings from town to town. Students were invited back to their Arkansas home to continue their studies with Eli and Alloday. They camped out in their vans or in teepees and tents, and tended the gardens on the land. Eli and Alloday kept on teaching. In fact, Alloday is still teaching.

Alloday didn’t really like to travel. So Eli bought a school bus, painted it blue, and essentially turned the school bus into a mobile home. For Alloday, it was as if she was taking home with her. They traveled north in the summer and south in the winter, always teaching. It was not uncommon for some students to follow them around. It was also not uncommon for students to form their own groups to spread the Good Medicine teachings.

Alloday and Eli organized musical and dance gatherings on their land. Eli played fiddle, guitar, banjo, harmonica, accordion and could call a square dance. Music and dance were two of the five arts of harmony in Good Medicine teachings. The other three were natural agriculture, natural medicine and astrology, all of which were taught to the students. All who attended the gatherings had a good time.

Eli died in 1983. Alloday continues to live on the land in Arkansas and provide Good Medicine teachings to people across the country. She has been teaching Good Medicine for the last forty-five years. She was very modest when I asked her about things she considered accomplishments and sources of pride, but here are some additional thoughts and feelings she shared.

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Some of Eli’s students and I worked for years after Eli’s death to transcribe his largely