The Last Virgin Alive

By Stephanie Crosby

Hi. My name is Symphony and Im still a virgin, sadly. I mean, Ive had crushes, Ive had ex-boyfriends and others, but they didnt do anything. Hell, I even befriended a slut in high school, but the guys that she brought were disgusting. I dont know how she even dealt with them, but then again, she didnt have any morals herself. I mean, why would she be a slut if she had sense? Sluts dont have sense; I mean, thats unheard of! Then again, I was looking for lovebecause all I ever wanted was love, almost the type of love my dad gives me but without the whole hes related to me thing. Yeah, my dad is related to me, so he has to be nice to me. My dad is paying my bills while Im in school. For that I am grateful for him. I love him to death even though he watches soap operas, General Hospital to be exact. Does he know that I watch soap opera clips on YouTube? No, he doesnt need to know.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 20, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524655792

Book preview

01.01.1

H i. My name is Symphony and I’m still a virgin, sadly. I mean I’ve had crushes. I’ve had ex boyfriends and others but they didn’t do anything. Hell, I was even befriended a slut in high school but the guys that she brought were disgusting. I don’t know how she even dealt with them but then again she didn’t have any morals herself. I mean why would she be a slut if she had sense? Sluts don’t have sense; I mean that’s unheard of! Then again, I was looking for love, because that was all I ever wanted was love. Almost the type of love my dad gives me but without the whole he’s related to me thing. Yeah my dad is related to me so he has to be nice to me. My dad is paying my bills while I’m in school. For that I am grateful for him. I love him to death even though he watches soap operas, General Hospital to be exact. Does he know that I watch soap opera clips on YouTube? No, he doesn’t need to know.

It’s nice seeing people in love, even though love is just a fairy tale. Oh yeah so how many times has my dad told me that he loved me you ask? Well I can count on both hands I guess. I guess you can say that I don’t exactly know what love is. Well nobody has loved me! Well of course no one would! Who is going to love a good for nothing loser like me? Hell I’m this stupid, good for nothing, worthless human being. I mean who would? My family wants me dead! Well my dad told me this while we were arguing. Life for him would have been better if I stopped breathing. So yeah if my dad can tell me this, I guess it’s safe to say that nobody will.

Yeah I’m so stupid I can’t even kill myself right! Hell I’m still alive. I also have a sister, a little sister. She wants everyone to care for her because her mother passed away. Like my mom didn’t? She’s not the smartest person in the world; I wish that she would hurry up and die with all the drugs that she’s taking. I mean she’s an alcoholic crack head who pops pills like they’re candy for gods’ sake. Somehow people want to remind me that she’s my sister. Yeah, thanks for reminding me that I have a drug-addicted and mentally ill sister. Yes my sister is sick but people want to ignore that! They want to believe that mom would have wanted us together. Really? Oh apparently the family loves me more according to her! Dad carters to me more, my uncle co-signs a student loan for me and she’s upset about that! Like really? No one told you to take drugs Michelle! No one told you to be mad at me because I wanted to make something out of myself! I mean what the hell?

I go to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. This is just something that I do. I grew up looking at the mirror all of the time. The mirror in my bathroom is big; it goes from wall to wall. On the left side it has pictures of my friends, I’ll introduce you to them in a second. On the right side there’s pictures of them with their partners and what not. My slot is empty, of course. No one wants to date me; I’m black! I always wish I could have fairer though. I have a brown complexion so I’m not necessarily dark skinned.

According to my lovely bullies that I grew up with, I’m disgusting. I’m disgusting because my breasts are uneven. My eyes are little and they’re far apart. I mean I feel like my eyes should be on my temples instead. My cheeks are full, very full. They make my head look like a round, brown M&M. I’ve always hated them, I feel that I’m ugly when I look at them. I mean what do I look like? It’s not Beyoncé that’s for sure. Oh no see I’m teased because my lips aren’t big enough. The guys at school (well high school) would tease me. They would say that I have a tiny butt for a black girl. I always wished that I had somebody to love me; I know I’m not the prettiest girl in the world. There’s not a lot of make-up in the world that could make me pretty.

I mean there’s a reason why I can’t get a boyfriend, right? I envy girls who appear on TV proudly saying that they’re virgins and they’re waiting for marriage. Yeah I wish I could relate to them. I would love to say that I’m a virgin because I’m waiting for marriage. That’s not the reason though; I’m a virgin because I’m ugly. I mean I don’t have the fairest skin or the prettiest eyes. I’m reminded of that everyday. I mean I’m black so I’m ugly. Well that’s the impression that I get all of the time, from the guys (and sometimes girls) at school. The white kids would ignore me, the black kids would tease me and shun me from their little crowd because I act like a white girl. How do they act I’m not sure but apparently I act like them.

I always want people to love me! That’s it; I just want someone to love me! I mean I know I have all of these flaws I know that I’m not perfect. I just want somebody to love me and not my breasts. If I can find that, that would be great! Oh whom am I kidding; ugly people don’t deserve love. Oh no they just get ridiculed, over and over again. I should know I’m one of them. I get reminded of that every time I look in the mirror. I really should stop looking in the mirror; I’m kind of punishing myself here.

I guess I need to remind myself that I’m a monster. Monsters are ugly so I’m a monster. No one loves monsters no matter what Disney tells you. I volunteer to read stories at The Boys & Girls club of the Southside of Chicago. I also volunteer at Harold Brown, which is a firm, that carters to gay and lesbian run away teens and through my church that also feeds the homeless youth as well as well as the ASPCA and the homeless shelter down the street from me. Like I said all I ever wanted was love, so I guess that’s why I volunteer for so many firms in Chicago. I feel loved somehow but that wasn’t enough.

I wanted love from a guy; I mean that’s legal! I wanted love from a guy, hopefully a single guy this time around. One of my ex boyfriends’ swore up and down that he loved me but he had a girlfriend. It just felt so good hearing that somebody actually loved me but that relationship didn’t last long; he had a girlfriend already for God’s sake!

So I decided to give myself a time line. I mean I’m seventeen years old now! So, when this semester ends and I’m still a virgin, I’m going to Vegas, damn it! Oh I forgot to tell you my birthday is on New Years Day. So pretty much when I’m 18, which that’s 365 days away and I’m still a virgin with no boyfriend; that’s it I’ve had it!

Actually I hope I’m not a virgin on my birthday but I’m used to disappointment. I have tried and tried again and for what? I have nothing to show for it but a bunch of memories of boyfriends that I have had in my imagination. That’s it! Oh don’t act like you didn’t pretend that some famous male celebrity (like a pro wrestler, a recording artist or an athlete you name it I had a crush on them!) was your boyfriend; that’s how I got through my lackluster dating life in high school! I mean what the hell do I have to do to get some love here? I mean what’s wrong with me? All I want is a boyfriend to love me! Actually I want someone, anyone to love me!

01.02.10

I love my friends. They make sense, sometimes. There’s Lisa. If you remember Lisa Turtle from Saved By The Bell , that’s how this Lisa is! I swear she and Gigi are neck and neck with fashion but the only difference is, besides that Lisa is white and black and Gigi is Asian, Lisa likes girls. No really she is a lesbian, the lipstick kind though. Well maybe, I’m not sure that she knows either.

There’s Nikki, she’s the momma of this group. As the only grad student in our bunch, she kind of took over the role as the ‘den mother’. We have Kristina, the cheerleader type stuck in a fat woman’s body. She’s very chipper. I mean VERY. Kristina is one of those people who literally has caffeine in her blood. She kind of reminds me of a Chihuahua, let me stop I love her dearly but she is a very hyper Mexican.

All of us have a best friend within the group, mine is Gigi. I meet up with them for lunch every Saturday. Oh, the fun that we have flirting with the waiter. Hey you got to do what you got to do for free drinks and food right? That and the waiters are quite wonderful on the eyes though. Ah yes I mean a 6-foot medium build with some very nicely cut arms and wonderful, bright green eyes. You know how waiters are; they’ll flirt with you so they can get bigger tips.

Somehow my love life, actually a lack of a love life, is always the topic of conversation during lunch. I guess they don’t believe me when I say that no one would date me. I guess no one likes black girls in Chicago. That’s what I got when I tried Match.com. Oh my god, you can imagine my pain being on that site! I’m standing there with a picture of myself. I have big breasts so of course they are going to stick out. I’ve gotten so many hit on lines and so many guys that only wanted to sleep with me on there it was insane. I should sue Match.com for false advertising. I just don’t feel like finding a lawyer.

So once again my friends are suggesting that I should try speed dating. Guys I already tried that let’s move on. Then they suggested that I should try someone from class. I tried, that didn’t work out. So Gigi pops in and she mentions that she’ll try to hook me up with a blind date. Oh God no, not one of those. I remember the last blind date I was on with some guy named Mike. I was at some hole in the wall club with these just sorry excuses of rappers. Let me explain, these rappers aren’t signed! This is some open mic thing that he took me to. One of the rappers that he manages was performing. The guy I went on this lovely little date managed one of the rappers. He, the rapper, was a nice guy but somehow he could never keep himself out of jail. I mean that whole date was pretty much hearing a bunch of guys talking about how they can get whatever and how much sex they can get. The female rappers talked about their baby daddies and how they’re no good.

Meanwhile my date, who was white, had his arm around me. Pretty much I was a show and tell project. He was too busy showing me off to the crowd and the guys in the crowd were too busy trying to convince me that I should leave