Resilience In Adversity

By Ke-Di-Bone Mokwena

The title of the book "Resilience in Adversity" describes the most essential points of the book. From the beginning of her story, the author discusses hardship as bravery and offers her viewpoint on resilience from different perspectives. The author relates hardships as a number of challenges in her life, including pursuing her high school education through a night school, widowhood at a young age, raising two children as well as experiencing an ordeal from assailants in the safety of her own home. She suffers from depression as a result, which she sees as a motivator to keep going and accomplish her life goals. She began her teaching career as a primary school teacher without a Senior Certificate and kept on studying under harrowing circumstances until she obtained her PhD in 2018. She is currently a lecturer at the University of South Africa's Department of Adult Education and Youth Development. The book seeks to inspire and motivate those who are facing adversity to be resilient in the face of adversity. It's incredible to see a meaningful application of the 1956 South African women's demonstration in the author's life as a tool for resilience. Educators, psychologists, agriculturists, historians as well as individuals in formal or informal and non-formal learning settings will find the book beneficial. The take-home message is summed up by the flow of a river. If you act like the river, you will eventually flow past all the rocks along the way.  As a result, if obstacles occur, alter your strategies to reach your goal. Please don't change your mind about going somewhere else.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ke-Di-Bone Mokwena
• Release date: Sep 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201400149

Book preview

Contents

Foreword.................................................................. iii

Author’s Note ............................................................. iv

Dedication

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Chapter 1

THE CRADLE OF MY LIFE STORY

Chapter 2

A VIEW OF RESILIENCE AS A LIGHT IN THE TUNNEL

Chapter 3

ADVERSITY IS COURAGE

Chapter 4

RESILIENCE CERTAINTY IN COVID-19 UNCERTAIN TIMES

Chapter 5

MY RESILIENCE TOOLBOX

Chapter 6

ENCOUNTERING OBSTACLES ALONG LIFE’S JOURNEY

Chapter 7

EXPERIENCING WIDOWHOOD

Chapter 8

RESILIENTLY RAISING TWO CHILDREN AS A SINGLE PARENT

Chapter 9

GRANDMA’S MENTORING ROLES

Chapter 10

ONE FATAL NIGHT AND VIOLENCE OCCURRED

Chapter 11

DEPRESSION: A FUEL OF MY LIFE JOURNEY

Chapter 12

CHANGING LANES TO BECOME AN ADULT EDUCATOR

Chapter 13

ACADEMICALLY RESILIENT

Chapter 14

THE FINAL RESULTS AND PhD GRADUATION CELEBRATION

Chapter 15

I STOOD ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS

Chapter 16

VOLUNTEERISM AND ACTIVISM FOR COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT

Chapter 17

BLOOM - A BEAUTIFUL PROCESS OF BECOMING

Chapter 18

MY RESILIENT FAITH

Chapter 19

FEEL GOOD AND LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

FEEL GOOD

CONCLUSION

Acknowledgements

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Foreword

Resilience in Adversity by Dr Gladys Ke-di-bone Mokwena is a brilliant piece of auto-ethnographic work that is more inclined to keep one interested in reading the work from the first to the last page. It is as exhilarating as it brings joyous and sad moments, in which one finds comfort in seeing the fruit of being a single woman who is resilient and courageous. I applaud Dr Mokwena for taking time to write the book. She poured out her spirit and heart in the book for all women to learn to take life as it comes.  Her message is simple: when obstacles come, one should use them as stepping stones to ultimately become overcomers.

As I read through the book, I was reminded of the day I met Dr Mokwena at H. L Setlalentoa High School, in Ga-Rankuwa Zone 5. She was petite, neat, hardworking and her laughter was full of life even though she was a widow by then. From early 1990’s to date, we started calling each other Wesho, meaning someone from the same clan. She was teaching Biblical Studies and Setswana and the learners loved her work books. All her books were neatly covered and no learner would take a chance with her. I met her two beautiful children, Thabiso and Theodore, who attended the Morekolodi Primary and Tsogo High schools respectively. Her children were loving, always neat and full of joy. As Dr Mokwena unpacks the narrative of her journey, it is quite impeccable that she is a woman of valour and goal-directed. She was able to transcend from being a high school teacher as she gave an account in the book, to being an academic of note who was able to complete her doctoral degree, published articles and book chapters within a short space of time. The storms of life did not stop the zeal in her and the passion to be what God intended her to be ultimately.

The plan of God about Dr Mokwena was accomplished as she impacted lives in every sphere where she lived. I worked with Dr Mokwena in a community engagement project of teaching juvenile offender learners and she taught one lesson of a river which is flowing meandering but ultimately reaching its destination. The metaphor was so meaningful to learners at a correctional school and the lesson brought transformation in the lives of those juvenile offender learners. They loved and called her Mamzo, our mother, Dr Mokwena.

The book outlines also the awards that she received at school level as a teacher and also in Higher Education as an academic by Unisa Women’s Forum in the category Courage in Adversity. That to me was a touching moment because the award symbolises the path that Dr Mokwena traversed throughout her life and Unisa honoured her.

I am thrilled that her courage in the face of adversity is profoundly reflected throughout the entire collection of Resilience in Adversity.

I therefore encourage men, women, young people from all walks of life, to imbibe and apply the contents of this book in their daily engagements. I congratulate Dr Gladys Ke-di-bone Mokwena Wesho for this excellent piece of work.

-  Prof Meahabo Dinah Magano Wesho

Author’s Note

My personal life experiences spurred the urge to have my life narrative published as a book to be passed on from one generation to my children and their children. Indeed, the way I perceive adversity as a birth pang for resilience has boosted my strength. I was able to identify myself in the renowned Jabez prayer using honest accounts of my life's experiences:

Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!"

(1Chronicles 4:10 shorter version)

We are all born with special abilities. If you want to make a difference in your small community, you'll need this talent. My earnest desire is that my life narrative will light a small fire in you, reminding you that you have the potential to change the world. I trust that everyone who reads the book will eventually have the courage and confidence to face all of life's hardships. May Resilience in Adversity inspire you to choose to move forward, to find resilience in the face of adversity, and to be your best self. In fact, it might serve as a daily reminder that you can do everything you set your mind to with focus and determination.

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to all women who nurtured me directly and indirectly to be the woman I am.

Specifically, I dedicate it to my mum, Mma Ntheiwa.

Mma, o mosadi mooka, meaning ‘mum, you are the Mimosa tree’. You yielded gum to nurture your children and grandchildren in very difficult circumstances. Thank you for assuring me that hard work and perseverance pay off. What you have taught me has shaped so much of who I am.

You have left a beautiful legacy

Chapter 1

THE CRADLE OF MY LIFE STORY

The writing of my life journey is positioned as two-pronged; Resilience and Adversity.  I share personal experiences of obstacles I encountered over a period of six decades of my life. What is amazing with all the adverse experiences is that I have come out courageous and emerged resilient, whatever the cost. In this book, I give an account of my experiences of adversity for purposes of adding my voice to the various bodies of literature on women’s determination to resiliently overcome adversity. I chose to use my own personal life journey as a way of telling my story. I believe it has the potential to invite personal connection with others in similar or worse situations. I provide my insights by sharing the experiences of adversity. I do so in multiple roles as a young girl, a teacher, widow, single mother, lifelong and distant learner, and finally grandmother. In using the different contexts, the book allows me to draw upon my personal experiences, thereby extending our sociological understanding of resilience in adversity.

A few of the episodes of adversity that I experienced as a young girl in a black township of Ga-Rankuwa include going to school barefooted, and being ridiculed by a primary school teacher because I did not wear a black gym dress which was the prescribed uniform.

One winter on a very cold day, Mma had gone to work and I decided to join one of my relatives to get some warmth from the paraffin primus stove. The family took some time before they could let me in, having finally been persuaded to do so by a tenant who rented a room in the yard. It was shortly after they let me in that a pot of boiling water that was on the stove landed on my lower limbs. I had to be rushed to the hospital with major burns. The surgeons used skin grafts to remove skin from one area of my body and transplanting it to the affected area. The disfigurement led to my emotional distress because I looked different from my peers.

In the event of encountering anything bad, I would seek comfort and advice from my mother. She was always there for me, to help me work through a problem or gain insight. My mother always maintained a positive attitude, and she taught me to appreciate the good things in life as well as how to persevere in the face of adversity. I was unaware of the challenges, struggles, and defeats she had faced at the time.

During the apartheid period, my mother raised her six children on her own. She lost one of her sisters, a twin, during infancy, having suffered from a chronic illness. Mma supported her children by working as a technical executive serving tea in a maternity hospital. In this respect, as an adult and a black woman, she used resilience to endure and survive in the face of severe adversity.

In my opinion, my mother epitomised strength of character. She was a kind, upbeat person with a strong faith. No one ever went hungry or without feeling a little better when they left our one-roomed house on Grandma's estate. As a result, my auto-ethnography will focus on how I learned resilience from my mother indirectly and how it helped me persevere throughout my life.

When I was a child, Mma Sannie Ntheiwa Kobe, affectionately known as SK, would reassure me, "go tla loka ngwanaka, which meant It will be fine, my daughter." This was initially frustrating to me. What I was dealing with seemed to be the most critical and complicated situation I'd ever faced! How will things ever be normal again? What should be done to make things better? I realised she was indirectly preparing me for the life ahead as years passed and this made me very happy. As life went on, we each had the option of moving forward or backward. One thing was certain about her; she still chose to step forward. Through learning from my mother indirectly, it helped me persevere throughout my life. I believe experiential learning will be of use for me as I consider children who grew up poor, in abusive families or with serious disabilities, and children in happier circumstances.

In retrospect, the struggles I faced as a child growing up with a single mother, and ultimately losing her, has been a source of power for me. Mma Ntheiwa was incredibly important to me and has influenced every aspect of my life, mainly from the belief that I can do anything I want professionally to how we raise our children.

Mma was my go-to person when I needed to speak to her about something, no matter what had happened, what mistakes I had made or how happy I was. I remember on receiving my first pay cheque of R83.50, I conveyed the good news to her. As I was about to show her the cheque, she interjected:

Let me close the curtains and the doors to ensure that no one sees your treasure, she had said. From that day, I learnt to be appreciative and not be boastful of what I have. She'd be silent and listen with her heart, mind and soul.

I was a widow at the age of 26, just a year before Mma passed on. During this very year, she had retired from work due to ill-health. What was memorable about this year was that I had organised electricians to do wiring at our four-roomed house in Zone one, Ga-Rankuwa. Unfortunately, she did not live to see her children switch the plugs on and off the kettle to conveniently boil water for a quick cup of tea. My imaginations that we would bond in our usual space in the garden were shattered when she passed. Her absence was more difficult and frustrating than I had expected. Sitting under the pomegranate tree had taken on a new meaning for me.

For years, I considered Mother's Day as though it were a pinch of salt. When I needed advice or wanted to share something special, she was never far away. It was a profound sense of grief and loss, something you can't understand until you've encountered it. My mother's words, go tla loka ngwanaka", gave me the strength to keep going and live life day by day and moment by moment. Indeed, what I did throughout my grief, as well as what many others who have lost loved ones have done, helps us heal our wounded hearts. Furthermore, I believe that it was my tenacity that encouraged me to keep moving forward.

However, in light of Mma's assurance, go tla loka ngwanaka" did not suggest that the challenge, feelings, or situation will suddenly disappear. Rather, it meant that it can lead to a very reflective thinking process that helps you find inner strength to face the task at hand, or simply to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

So dear reader, as you face difficulties and challenges, as we all do, I hope my mother's counsel will help you in making the decision to step forward, find answers, and make the most out of what life has to offer. Getting sense of life’s personal experience is hard. When it isn’t hard, one fears self-serving simplifications, even when those narratives cast us in an unflattering light. Traumatic experiences in our lives operate below the surface, like the riptide that drags you away from the path you’re sure you are navigating. You can position a rudder, that is, the flat blade at the back of a boat or aircraft that is moved from side to side in order to control the direction of travel, at an angle to run true to your intentions.

In trying to see how life-events unfolds on you, some form of self-examination is needed. The outcome of such self-examination may be unpleasant within certain cultural contexts, because some people are raised in a buttoned-up African culture that is layered with conventional ideas of masculinity. However, like the rudder, self-examination is not a guaranteed solution - it needs ongoing monitoring and work. Hence in many contexts, people engage the services of a therapist as psychoanalytic work seeks to strip back those self-serving narratives and enable us to see the tides that are pulling us back, often times to the rocks on which we find our lives crashing.

In retrospect, I see resilience as the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity. Mma indirectly taught me that you don't surrender to the challenges around you, but rather bounce back from them. My mother, in my view, exemplifies character resilience. She was a happy, upbeat person with a deep faith.

When family or neighbours left our one-roomed house on Grandma's land, no one went hungry or without feeling a little better. As a result, the focus of my personal life story would be on how the idea of resilience offered a new way of understanding the well-established relationship between extreme conditions and development problems.

Chapter 2

A VIEW OF RESILIENCE AS A LIGHT IN THE TUNNEL

One morning during the different levels of the National Lockdown due to the Coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic, I saw myself peeping through the window with an imaginary thought of myself wandering in a very dark forest. I was uncertain of who or what I would encounter along the way. The fear brought back episodes of adversity that I experienced as a young girl in a black township of Ga-Rankuwa. Uppermost in the rejections, I remembered a male primary school teacher who humiliated me in front of learners who were one level ahead of me, as well as the struggles of becoming a widow at an early age of my life and changing career lanes as an educator, and other related challenges. I reflected on changing career path to become an adult educator.

In essence, the pandemic reminded me of the obstacles I experienced in the development of my educational path. Beginning in a night school and obtaining the Senior Certificate at the age of 26, I eventually fulfilled my career goals in my 62nd year of life and have emerged triumphant in my academic journey. That is, becoming a Doctor of Philosophy in